(Upbeat instrumental music)

parker Kovak:Oh come on,Simon!
The Dee show is a daytime talk show aimed at women
Whose primary interests are makeovers and shopping.
And you want to do a piece-

Simon:-Maimed Lion Tamers
Adapting to post circus life.
Like Antonio here. And he loves shopping in makeovers. Look Italian brogues,aren't they all-Oh!

(Antonio screaming)

Simon:-Oh, I forgot he has no feet.

(Glass shattering)

Simon:Lions can be so cruel.

(Car alarms blaring)

See Parker.

Antonio's story must be told.

(Laughs) I still don't think dee's gonna go for it.

Simon:-(groans)How can I get promoted to a legitimate news show if all I'm working on is fluff?

Parker Kovak:What?The Dee show is not fluff!
We address serious issues facing modern women today.

Dee:-Today on Dee.A serious problem threatening the lives.of women all over the world.
Jeans.

(Audience applauding)
Upbeat music)

-[Announcer] it's the Dee show! Yeah!

Dee:-jeans.Finding the right fit can be painful.well  fear no more,today world renowned jeans expert indigo jones is here to help.

parker Kovak:-Hal,cue the claw.

(Crowd cheering)
(Claw whirring)

Dee:-Hi Indigo.
Indigo:-Hi Dee. It's great to be here.
Dee:-So Indigo,this season is all about the perfect fit,isn't it?

Indigo:-Absolutely.And it's so easy.
First we've got the classic spray on jeans.

(machinery clanking and hissing)

Notice the detailed top stitching.

(audience applauding)

Indigo:Manny women like jeans
Fresh from the dryer.

Dee:-I would too if did my own laundry!

(Audience laughing)

(Laughs) well,these jeans take that concept to a whole new level.
They go on wet and then you jump in the dryer.

(Dryer rumbling)
-[Woman] Ow,ow,ow,ow

(Timer dinging)
Ow.
Dee:-Oh that's so fun!

(audience cheering and applauding)

This season acid wash is also making a comeback.

(Water bubbling and hissing)
(Woman screaming)

(Audience gasping)

Oops. Oh,don't worry it's just a flesh wound.

Who's worried?now,indigo,what's the most important thing to look for in a new pair of jeans?

A good pair always accentuates the buttock.

Flat butt is bad.

Dee for women like you
Who are posterior challenge
That's especially important
(Intense horn music)

Parker Kovak:-This could be trouble,stand for guest eject procedures.

Dee:-What do you mean posterior challenge?

Indigo:-I mean,women with an underdeveloped derrière.

(Buzzer sounding)

Parker Kovak:-Not working!
(Suspenseful music)
Parker Kovak:-Damn,damn damn!
That's it,I'm going in!
(Woman howling)
Dee:-Right,well,thanks so much for coming on the show.

Indigo:-but I have some more-

Dee:-isn't she such an inspiration?

(Glasses clanking)
(Explosion)

Dee:Indigo jones can kiss my ass!

If she can find it.

-I never her booked on this show again!
Whose idea was it to bring her on anyway?

-um... mine.
(Fire cracking)
(Suspenseful music)

But according to the overnights,
We drew huge numbers.

Dee:-Great.So now everyone knows I have an underdeveloped derrière!

Simon:-what about her underdeveloped personality?

Parker Kovak:-Shh!

Dee:- I don't get it.
Is it the clothes
My hair? Is my hair too big?

Parker Kovak:-Dee,trust me,big butts
Are yesterday's news.
Now let's continue the lineup for tomorrow's show.
We're got the female owner of the new restaurant chain pines.

(Dee sobbing)

Um...Scratch that.
Let's see.(chuckles nervously)
We've also got the all girl band,
Tina Tush and the Bubble Butts.

Dee:-(sobbing) I want a new behind!

(Glass shattering)

Opening

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Y/n is stand to left side of his twin brother in the opening

(Upbeat instrumental music)

(Car horns)

Parker Kovak:-I'm sure we did a piece on butt Augmentation last year.

Simon:-I don't know why you cater to her like this.
She is a narcissistic delusional nut job!

Parker Kovak:-Don't play with those!
They're for a segment on body sculpturing hosiery.

Simon:-I'm new product testing okay?.Ow!

Parker Kovak:-Listen Happy Dee,means a good show,and that's all I care about.
My year end and review is tomorrow.

Simon:-Plucky Parker bucking for a promotion.

Parker Kovak:-Full producer credit.
After three years as senior
associate Segment Researcher, I think I deserve more credit.

Simon:-And fewer syllables.

Parker Kovak:-Look this show doesn't produce itself,you know?
Sue. Dee is executive producer but we all know how she spends her time.

Dee:- Okay be honest Phil,do these pants make my ass look big?

Phil:- um... no?

Dee:-Damn it?

Simon:-well,don't count on Y/n Bellamy,like all network cheeses,Y/n cheap

Parker Kovak:-Y/n  gave me his office.

Simon:- it's the janitor closet.

(Water dropping)

Parker Kovak:-The sink is very handy.

Simon:-Oh yeah keep up the ass kissing and you might get what you ask for.

Parker Kovak:-Oh,like you don't have your own ambitions at this network.

Simon:-Yeah,yeah,yeah.
But that's hard news report,
The last bastion of serious television
In this country.

(Tv static buzzing)
(Intense music)

And here as the last flood victim floats by
this tragedy becomes a powerful indictment of our callous disregard for human life.
For hard news report.I'm James Hart.