AZARIAH SERENE:

I touched the soft book page feeling it under my finger tips as I flipped back to the previous page not understanding what it said, as I was too busy staring into nothingness.

"You had a miscarriage, Mrs. Acétta, rest from now on and just know it was no one's fault.... Please take care of yourself, I'll inform Mr. Acétta."

I closed the book, bending down and laying my head on it as I sat on my bed. I hated how I started hearing voices all over again feeling like I had done something wrong.

I am glad Zemen wasn't here to see me like this.

I had sent him to his office very forcefully, needing some space.

I know I was depending on him even after all that happened, but his presence..... actually comforted me.

Sometimes I'd catch myself staring at him dumbfoundedly as I thought about the man who screamed at me and looked so disheveled just days ago, now feeding and bathing me, showing off his smile.

Whenever I'd look at him, either I'd remember his screams or his sweet words from before.

I touched my stomach. My baby.

I didn't even get to meet my little bundle of joy. They weren't even in my arms, hadn't even seen this cruel yet beautiful world and were already taken away from me.

How was it possible to miss someone you had never met before?

No answer.

I had no answer. I was again, left starked.

I looked outside the window to find little water droplets of rain, forming and running down the window just imitating the tears on my cheeks.... As if mocking me.

Weeks had passed by since all of that but the void in my heart is still there, present and growing bigger each second.

I felt helpless.... So, so helpless.

It was as if I was that little pathetic Azariah once again who only knew to cry and run away when problems chased after her.

••••••••••••••••••

I felt sweat dripping down my arm as I felt pins and needles feeling sitting on the chair.

"It's been a while Azariah."

I nodded and gulped looking at Levi, smiling at me.

"Levi I don't feel good living here. I just wanna leave... I-"

"Azzy. Stop panicking. Look. Why don't you talk to your therapist about this?"

I immediately shook my head. "I don't want to go back to her. I just got better a month ago. Please don't make me, Levi."

"I am not Azzy, but it'd be better if you let it out and get help. Think about it. I'd appreciate it."

"So, Azariah. Tell me what we are here for?"

It's starting.

"I had a miscarriage" I didn't feel anything saying it. It had been going around my mind as I had been practicing for what she could ask me.

I heard her flipping pages and I closed my eyes, reopening them.

"Tell me more. How it happened and how you feel."

"...... I feel like I failed as a mother. My baby was a blessing to me but it got taken away so quickly. I never held my baby in my arms. Never got to see my baby's face. And never will."

"Okay. How about this? You actually tell me the full problem because I can see you hiding something from me."

I looked at Levi through the glass door and he smiled at me before turning away.

"My husband didn't want this. We went away for our trip and I told him. He told me he wasn't ready to be a dad and said how this life isn't meant for our baby."

She nodded and crossed her legs, keeping her board away.

"Do you blame him for this?"

I didn't know what to say to this. I didn't practice for this.

"Azariah... Did you hear me?"

"I did... "

Do I say the truth? Or is it wrong for me to do so?

"Azariah. Do you blame him?"

I nodded.

"I want to blame someone for this and I can only think of him.... But I know my baby was already in danger because the doctor told me my body wasn't that healthy enough, but I could possibly carry the baby with a fifty chance to miscarry."

"Here" she passed me a bottle of water and I looked at her, baffled.

"Your hands are shaking."

I looked down and saw my hands having a mind of their own as they shook and I felt a headache.

I grabbed the water bottle and kept it aside me, not drinking it. "I am fine."

I heard her sigh and she continued with me answering her questions briefly or detailed as I felt like it.

"Do you possibly ever think why your husband didn't want the baby?"

"Yeah... He wasn't ready to have a problem added to his life as he already had to protect me and felt a burden."

She smiled at me and pushed her chair to her drawer and took something out.

"Or maybe he does feel scared, maybe by experience. By the way you tell me about his reaction, it seems so that way."

This got me spacing out.

I didn't want to talk any further and thankfully the timer went off and I immediately stood up.

"Azariah?"

I turned back.

"Talk to him. It was his baby too. Support each other, I am sure he'll help you through this, miscarriages are never easy for the father or the mother and it's important that they support each other. Communication is the sore key in a relationship and if not done properly, problems and misunderstandings are caused. Given your marriage is very new, you should talk to him to prevent misunderstandings. I have seen families get destroyed due to this, and I don't want you to suffer anymore. You deserve to be happy. Talk to him."

"You deserve to be happy."

I nodded and she got up handing me something.

"I want you to write everything into this diary from now on. With proper dates and events. Before going to bed every night, make sure to fill this diary up with your daily life talks. Hmm?"

I gave her a small smile and she hugged me before another patient entered in and she waved my goodbye.

I deserve to be happy.

~◌~✤✤~◌~

LEVI ACÉTTA:

"Are you fuckers really ignoring me?" His voice boomed in the living room as we continued acting dumb.

"Do y'all hear something?"

"No. Do you Santino?"

"Nope" he shrugged as Jade and I did the same.

"I know I fucked up. Okay? But can anyone help me fix this?!"

"All I hear is buZzzzzzZzzz" I sang and in joined Jade.

"Motherfuckers" he muttered and sighed.

"Ella me perdonó. Le cepillé el pelo, hasta comió de mi mano y-" (She forgave me. I brushed her hair, she even ate from my hand and-)

"Just because she needs you doesn't mean she forgives you." I spoke rolling my eyes.

He huffed and sat down but not before glaring at all of us.

•••••••••••••••••••••

He pinched his nose bridge while I ate chips.

The door to his office opened and I smirked. "Boss we have problems with the shipment-"

"Fuck off"

"Sí"

I chuckled loudly removing my feet from his desk, to which he hasn't scolded me at yet.

"I didn't know Azzy had this much power"

He threw his pen at me and groaned.

"And then what?"

He turned his chair away from me, facing the window.

"It felt like I was back in time with my mother telling me we were about to have Bernice.....I felt my hands sweating and ears ringing as I thought about having to protect one more life from my father..... Everyone, including her knows how I wished for Bernice to die even before she was born, I didn't want an innocent human, to be manipulated by him the same way I was once.."

It was the first time I had heard boss talk so much beside giving orders.

He seemed to be deep in thoughts as he played with the pen in his fingers continuously talking to me.

"When she told me she was going to have my baby, God..... " he sighed as if he got chills remembering it. "I felt the same ringing, sweating and chills. It was terrifying to think about it. I know I am not going to be a good father to them so why bother?"

I hummed and put the chips aside getting serious.

"And what did you decide about the baby?"

He threw his head back and turned around to face me.

"Nothing.... Nothing could go in my mind, but one thing was clear. I didn't wish what I had wished for Bernice..... I-... God I fucking hate this with you!"

"Continue or I won't help you."

He glared at me.

He'll kill me. Oh lawd.

"Well you didn't tell me much and I want to know, so-" I motioned my hands. "-Go on"

He rolled his eyes.

Hehe.

"I didn't think for abortion, that's for sure. I just wanted to deal with it but I could do nothing other than scream at her.... She was so scared and told me not to yell at her, but I just scared her more, shaking her..... She hates me. Fuck, yes she does."

He leaned his elbows on the desk, thinking deeply.

"She told me she'd take care of the baby alone, without my help. It's like she didn't need to think twice..... Did she get over me so quickly?"

This bitch-

"She didn't get 'over' you, it's called motherly love which you'll probably don't know about... Well not like you know anything about father's love too." I laughed out loud when I heard his gun click.

"Jeez sorry! But it was good tho? Eh?"

"Get. Out."

All I hear is blah blah.

I kissed his cheek and ran out of there not before rubbing my lips off with bleach.

"What I have to do to maintain my image in front of him. Chit!.... But it's not like he's not hot-"

"Uh- I am gonna act as if I didn't hear you saying that." Jade went past me but I grabbed her by her waist.

"Not as hot as you tho." She grabbed me and kissed me deeply.

Azzy can wait.

•••••••••••••••

After one heck of a make out session, I am here in front of Azzy's room.

I knocked before entering and smiled at her, closing the door behind me.

She looked at me with her baggy eyes and messed up hair, and slightly red irritated under eyes..... She cried just now.

"Did Zemen send you?"

"Nah... I am here on my own... Can I be?"

She nodded and I smiled wide.

I always loved Azzy's laughter but it had died down with the atmosphere of the mansion as the only thing keeping us happy and cheery was Azzy.

"Did you eat?"

"I did.... But I ended up vomiting.... Again."

She laid back. "Say it."

"What?"

"The reason why you came here."

I inhaled a breath, laid flat on the bed's edge as I looked up at the ceiling.

"Boss probably won't tell you this but I want to."

I glanced at her to see her looking at me with no emotion, no excitement.

"As you know boss hasn't had the best life. And we all know the reason. The sore reason boss acted the way he did was not because he didn't want a family with you, it was because of his fear."

"Fear?" I caught on her whispering some of my words, repeating them as if what I said was a riddle.

I turned to her, leaning on my elbow.

"He's afraid he won't be a great dad to lil Azzy and Zemen...... Don't tell him I took his name please."

No smile and I got serious.

"Boss never liked making friends and from the very start dealt with it on his own, minding his own business, making sure to interact lesser to lesser with others. Never liked Bernice growing up and maintained a distance with her in order to strictly forbid her for making the same mistakes as him..... That day, I am sure this all went through his mind."

"S-so he's afraid of being a bad father because of his childhood?"

I nodded and smiled at her.

"Besides that. Boss is afraid to make it all real with you. He still has that phenomena in his head that he'll hurt you one day, and looking at days back, he is still blaming himself for it. I never thought that boss would ever get married but given that he has a wife now... He's overcoming his fears for you. Just this one is going to take a bit of time."

"Well-"

"But in no way am I saying you should forgive him. Don't forgive him. He's a bitch. Make him sweat it, Azzy. Make sure he knows to treat you like a queen and queens don't get yelled at. Hmm?"

She nodded a small tug on her lips.

Yay!! A smile!..... Well- almost...

As I ruffled her hair, standing up to leave, she stopped me.

"C-can... Can I hug you?"

I smiled and pulled her into me.

"Of course silly! I am here for you. Okay?"

I felt her nod against me and she touched my hair pulling away.

"When are you going to change your hair from purple?"

I removed her hands from my hair, gasping and holding her hand midst air. "Don't think about me changing my precious babies, I will never ever change them even if I get held as hostage."

I laughed as she hit my shoulder pushing me away from her. "Stupid, babo."

~◌~✤✤~◌~

ZEMEN ACÉTTA:

I came out from my office with Levi teasing me, saying how Aera hugged him. Fucker.

"She told me to dye my hair, should I?" He smirked as I stopped and looked at him.

"She did?" He nodded. "I'll chop your hair off, piece by piece, without a scissor." He gulped.

"I was just joking-" his pout faltered as his eyes widened.

"Boss." I heard Santino and looked at him standing by the door.

"Santin-" I walked towards him but stopped once I saw a small boy behind him, clutching onto his leg tightly.

"Boss-"

"Qué carajo Santino?! Te dije que no estaba permitido aquí!" (What the fuck Santino?! I told you he wasn't allowed here!)

"Jefe, mis padres se fueron de la ciudad y él-" (Boss my parents went out of town and he-)

"No me. Me importa. Una mierda. Ya sabes cómo es Azariah, y si ve esto. Cómo crees que se sentirá?" (I don't. Give. A fuck. You know how Azariah is, and if she sees this. How do you think she will feel?)

All the shouting caused the little kid to whimper and hide behind Santino and I pinched my nose bridge, looking away.

Aera would definitely not like the presence of a kid here right now, specially in her current condition.

Why the fuck is everyone so annoying today?

"What's going on here and who's this?"

All of our heads turned to her sweet voice and my eyes widened.

"Daddy!"

I looked at Juan to see him out from behind Santino.

He gasped and muttered out a soft, "Hola!"

Santino chuckled and crouched down to his height, whispering, "She doesn't understand español champ, speak English maybe?"

He nodded and my attention went towards Aera who was looking at the scene intently.

"Hi!" He chirped out and a full blown smile made it's way onto Aera's face.

I was shocked to see her smiling wide, when all we have wanted was to make her smile these past days and now Santino brings in his four year old, and she smiles.

To say I smiled just looking at her, would be an understatement.

It was like I was finally looking at my Aera. The one who was always cheery and alive, shining like a bright star on a cold dark night.