Listen to the song above while reading this for a better experience ;)

A month later:

The polished ebony surface reflected the chandelier that hung above it in the dimly lit room.

Soft tunes embraced, silence soon being devoured by the keys that sang a beautiful language.

My fingers moved around the keys, gently. As I closed my eyes, applying pressure on the keys. My mind diverting to soft sanctuaries.

Euphoria igniting the mood in the room where notes floated around and I seemed to dance along with them. It was all in my head but everything felt so much more.

It was euphoric how conspicuously the notes sang.

The intimate affiliation between an instrument and the one playing it, always grasped the audience more than the player.

And I felt it as the room fell silent, save for the music that hung low.

The music started as soft before the mood seemingly changed and I paused before my fingers ran around the piano keyboard. The tune faster now and before I knew it the oscillation of the tunes carried the environment. I smiled as the soft tunes seemed to guide themselves, my fingers only being their mere coordinator.

I opened my eyes matching eyes with mama who looked just as serene as I did, if not then more. I turned my head, watching my very self at how the tunes played themselves. My fingers just being their instructor. They danced and sang all by themselves.

I pressed longer on a key, a dramatic sound booming the room before I smiled and dragged my hand along the white blank spaces that were so much more than they looked to be. They had so much more to offer. Papa leaned back in his seat. My smile widened.

My hands switched between the black and white rectangles, switching the rhythm in the room and a pout of awe adorned my face when I hit a perfect beat.

My mind felt like a soft bubble that would pop with the slightest touch.

I played the last tune, my fingers gliding over the keys as I then lifted my finger back up. The keys sitting quiet, having done enough of their work.

Turning to the people who had wide smiles on their faces, I mirrored their reaction and silence once again reigned.

Soon a chorus of claps bursted out and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"And she does it again!" Uncle levi hollered.

"She did, didn't she?" Papa kissed my forehead when I walked to join them where they sat. I leaned against mama who hugged me tight.

"I hadn't felt this peaceful ever since you left."

I smiled at mama and she pinched my nose.

My heart skipped a beat as a nostalgic feeling hit me but I couldn't pin point what it actually was.

"I guess it really did help you, mostly us, when you learned piano lessons." Papa suggested.

"I remember how I begged you... Once for it, and the next day we had the movers shifting the biggest piano set I have ever seen, in to our house."

Mama laughed at my words and papa looked smug.

"Then the next day we had Miss Sarah coming in to teach Hernine -"

"And how you got a big fat crush on her.... A forty year old woman."

"That's not old!" Uncle Santino gasped at mama as if really offended.

"It is, " I narrowed my eyes, "when you're a thirty year old!"

Papa broke out into laughter and Uncle Santino looked anything but embarrassed.

"Your parents have more than a ten year old gap. I don't think they mind." I smiled as papa kissed mama's forehead in favor of what uncle Santino just spoke out.

"Ew. Love." And they chuckled while I rolled my eyes.

"Now now, little dove, don't embarass poor Santino. We don't want him to also remember how he proposed to her with a rose Zemen brought for Aera."

Mama smiled, shaking her head probably wondering what crimes she committed to have been stuck with such people.

"Why the fuck isn't anyone considering how we couldn't even get male tutors for Hernine because Hernine didn't like any men and had a habit of threatening them with a gun she stole from me all the time!"

Papa eyed me with pride and I smirked.

"Yah! Zemen that's not fair!"

"You're such a kid, Ino" mama giggled and Uncle Santino pouted.

Such kids I swear.

Laughter and banters carried and I jumped frequently in between to roast uncle Santino because if there's anyone who's mischievous in this house hold, it's uncle Santino.

And I wouldn't miss a day to annoy my favorite uncle.

Cue Levi's gasp.

Oops.

•••••••••••••

"Hernine." My feet came to a stop from climbing up the stairs and to my room.

"My study, please." I sighed following mama to her study.

Entering in a clash of silver and yellow......Bright yellow walls, I eyed mama and she exasperated.

"Oh be quiet. Hernando and you have something against my study."

"Probably because it's a little too bright for our liking, mama?"

"So what? We all need colors in our lives sometimes and not have shades filled in our wardrobes."

I gasped dramatically, placing a hand on my chest. "Black is not a shade."

"I'm not bantering this over you again, Hernine. I'm too old for that."

"Your skin says otherwise." And mama blushed. I chuckled.

She had no business looking this young when she was just in her early forties.

Korean skincare is no joke.

She cleared her throat, sitting on the couch and I took a seat beside her. She lifted one eyebrow and I immediately bursted into a smile before she made way and I laid down on her lap. Her hand instantly coming to stroke my hair. A sigh of relief fell out of my lips.

"You know why Zemen painted these walls yellow for me?" I hummed.

"He made this study room for me after I gave birth to both of you. I fell in a love-hate relationship and got diagnosed with post-partum depression. Your father was there and as soon as he heard that I needed a change of environment, he built this. Painting the walls with this yellow that I instantly fell in love with."

A part of me envied what they had, but then I told myself that I was better without this pain in my life. Love has some serious collateral damage to offer that I'm not open for.

"Our life is very dark. We kill for a living, we don't dream. We have nightmares, and we get used to it.... So," she chirped. "Once in our life we need to invest in the colors of our lives."

"What's your color of life?"

"Your father.... But don't tell him I said that. That man has ego for years."

I smiled, my eyes zoning out somewhere as I could get what she was going to ask.

"Who's your color in life, dove?"

Called it.

"Myself."

She hummed.

"And who's your darkness in life?"

I smiled up at her from her lap. "Myself" she lightly slapped my face and I laughed.

"Stop lying to me." My laughter died down and a stung developed, "you have lost your color of life, haven't you?"

I laid quiet.

"What do you plan to do to get it back?"

At that was it. I got off her lap, sitting beside her. "Nothing. I hate liars and cheaters, mama. I'm not doing whatever it is you're suggesting."

She watched me with hawk like eyes and I knew she saw right through me. She always did. What no one else could, she saw it.

"What is it that you're afraid of?"

I was taken aback, "I.... I'm not afraid of-" a look in her eye shut me up.

A beat passed by and I swallowed. "This... Whatever you and papa have."

"Why?"

"Because, it's too good to be true. Uncle Santino never had a wife, things never worked out for him. Uncle Levi cries whenever Aunty Jade gets hurt. You stay waiting for papa. I see you mama, the worry in your eyes. I don't want that. I don't want to wait for someone. Care for someone, anyone, besides you guys. I don't.... "

"You're afraid of love, dove. But I must tell you not everyone ends up with the same fate. Santino is very happy with his two sons, so what if he was horny and knocked up two women without marriage first, that was dumb on his part, but he's happy."

"Mama!" I laughed and she shrugged.

I'm definitely telling Juan and Judo this.

"Levi loves Jade more than anything in this world. And Jade loves him back. They don't live with us anymore or you would have seen a lot more. They have been happy with each other for more than a decade and sure fights broke out, but what keeps a marriage alive is them talking it out.... As for me." I looked away. "I care for your father more than life itself. Zemen and I made some pretty big sacrifices for each other and that only brought us together. You always need someone to rely on. A shoulder to cry on. A person. Your person. You can disagree, but it's true. Humans need each other to survive and I don't think I need to tell you how possessive you get over your family. You already rely on people, what's with having one more person?"

I shook my head. "Amadio and I... " I inhaled a sharp breath as I finally took his name after a very long time. He was always there in my mind but I never voiced him out until now.

"We have something that's beyond fixable. He... Lied, mama?" She nodded. She understood where I was coming from but she was tired of watching me zone out during happy hours of our families hoping there was someone else beside me.

I had started envying my very own parents, for fuck's sake.

"If we don't have disagreements, we don't have love. Hernine, love... It's something bigger than happy moments, laughter, teasings and sparks. It has it's bad moments, you fight, you cry, you misunderstand, you deny, you distance yourself. It has it's moments, because nothing in this life is made without an advantage and a disadvantage. Even happiness has it's disadvantage, sadness. Because without sadness we would never learn to appreciate our happiness, the people around us, the gratitude we have for them. We would never understand what happiness is, if sadness wasn't there.... Same is love."

She clasped our hands together. "Love is fearful, it's damaging.... It's weak....But you know what makes it's strong? It's own intensity. The intense it is, the stronger it is."

I could feel the cogs in my head, turn with every word of hers.

"But of course, love for everyone is different. Nothing is same. No one has it easy. No one just simply lives and feels happy, we need to have the worst possible moments to realize how much we adore each other. How much we can't live without each other."

A pit of flames ignited within me and a strange epiphany arose.

"Why did you do it? You could have found any... Any other fucking way to d-do this. Why did you... Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why?!"

Fall in love?!

My eyes widened and a familiar stung hit my eyes.

"I think....... I think I was in love with Amadio."

"Was?" I gulped and nodded. My hands shaking.

What are you doing, Hernine?

Don't accept it.

Don't succumb to it.

Don't fall weak.

Don't.

"I lost my feelings when he lied-"

"Then why did you let him go? Why didn't you shoot him?"

I looked at mama with wide eyes and she had moisture in her very own eyes and the pit in my stomach grew.

"I didn't see it, merely heard it..... Would you have shot him, Hernine?"

My eyes faltered and I licked my parched lips.

Would I have?

"I can't-can't live without you, I can't decipher life without you."

"If I die, I want it to be from your hands. No one deserves my life, only you."

"I wouldn't."

I had seen him when people would threaten him. He abhorred disrespect. And I couldn't even imagine anyone raising their gun at him and him letting them go.... Except for me.

I closed my eyes, swallowing my tears. They only fell once... In front of him. Nada ever since then.

"I wouldn't." I spoke out again, this time more courageously and turned to look at the woman beside me who smiled at me.

"No one is in charge of their destiny, except themselves. You can dream of all the fantasies and romances in the world but nothing will come true until you take charge of it. Your fantasy, your dreams, your destiny. It's all about yourself. Always."

Always.

That word rang in my hand more than it should and I knew that mama had brought me to a realization I would have never come across myself.

I was in charge of my destiny. No one, but me....

Only me.