Warning: cuss words included

I'm not depressed, but I feel kinda alone in real life. I had a major ton of friends when I was a lot younger. Now, I feel like I only have less than ten.

First, I had friendship issues in the past. Before fifth or sixth grade, I think, I've been best friends with this girl who goes to Sunday school with me for years. After fifth or sixth grade, our friendship bond is broken for no absolute reason. I felt like I've been a terrible friend to her, but it's probably to late to talk to her about this.

Next, I feel like I'm a wheeler in a group of friends. I feel like I don't exist, like no one even knows I'm here. Whenever they talk, they just exclude me out. Most of my friends don't even support my fandoms, and it's really frustrating. I remember when it was my friend's birthday party, and I was grounded, they didn't even dare to FaceTime and ask me how I am. I FaceTime them to get some comfort because I felt lonely. Luckily, they didn't boast about how amazing the party was. Oh, I forgot. What's worse before the part was my my friend got disappointed that I got grounded and kept fucking complaining to me about it all week. I got so fucking annoyed about it.

Third, I feel like everyone is taking an advantage of me. I'm usually a pushover, and now I need to "woman up." Yeah, this one's short.

I really don't understand myself. Is it the fact I'm annoying, I'm tiny, or the fandoms I like? Why do most of my friends exclude me? Why don't they invite me to anything? Why don't they treat me like I actually exist? Am I even a bitch?

*sighs* Matthew, don't worry. You aren't the only one.

This doesn't affect you guys; it only affects most of my real life friends. You're always with me. I love you guys so much. I just feel like ranting this to you guys, because I trust you guys.

Thanks for letting me rant.