╰─▸ ❝ how does it feel to live my dream

"I'm going to say sorry a lot- so sorry about that," Mika said, pausing for a second, realizing what xey had just said.

"But uh, this is a personal subject to me- which is why I've been sort of avoiding you at some points- I hope you can hear me out."

Mika and Kōtarō were in the little secluded corner of the library where they would always study. Mika had sticky notes in front of xem, wanting to make sure she didn't miss anything."

"Of course," Kōtarō said. "I wouldn't want you to have to deal with it yourself. If you feel like you can tell me about it, I won't take it for granted. I want to know you, Mika."

Mika smiled, she was glad she was finally telling him.

"Well, first off, I would love it if you could use she/xey pronouns," xey said. "I didn't know when to tell you- but I guess I am now."

Kōtarō nodded, writing it down.

Mika concealed her smile when xey saw it, carrying on.

"And I guess if I'm opening up about everything," she sighed. "I think I'm asexual- sorry again. I dunno if that causes you to not like me as much- I understand."

Kōtarō laughed softly.

"Mika your sexual orientation doesn't affect how I feel about you. You're the same Mika I met not too long ago; you've just figured out more about yourself," he said. "Besides, I haven't really told anyone myself, but I'm omnisexual."

Mika nodded, glad they could finally be more transparent with each other. 

"The whole thing about me transferring to this school because of my ex-boyfriend is partially correct too," he carried on. "I don't know if you know him, but Akaashi Keiji- my setter in high school- we dated for a couple of months in high school, then a couple more in college.

"I didn't transfer because we broke up, we actually broke up a couple of months before I was offered a position here. I took the position which is why I transferred. But we're still good friends. I'm going off topic- I don't care what you identify as Mika. I'll always be interested in you."

Mika smiled, it was cheesy, but something she would expect from Kōtarō.

"I'm glad you feel comfortable telling me, I appreciate it," Mika smiled. "But do you remember when I asked you if you knew Semi Eita?"

Kōtarō nodded.

"Well, he was my boyfriend from our first year in high school- up until he died," she said quietly. Mika had made it that far, she wasn't going to look back. "His death was my fault, to be honest.

"It was June, about a month after we started college. I missed him, we had gone from seeing each other every day, to about once every two weeks, we went to different schools, so it was hard.

"One day I texted him, begging him to come and see me since I missed him so much. We were supposed to see each other that night, but I just was selfish and wanted to see him then. But since he came earlier that day, Eita still had homework to do, so he left- and then-"

Mika wiped a tear-off of her face, as more started streaming down.

"I got a call saying that he had gotten into a fatal crash, a drunk driver had hit him straight on. He passed away. That was almost two years ago, in about two weeks. If it wasn't for me," Mika said, "he would've still been alive. If I didn't insist on wanting to see him-"

Kōtarō walked over to xem, handing her a tissue.

"You can hug me if you want," she said through tears.

Xey hadn't opened up about everything that had happened, explaining everything from the very beginning.

Despite the pain, Mika felt free, not having to keep all of her feelings locked away.

Kōtarō opened his arm, Mika stood up awkwardly, as he wrapped his arms around xem.

He was warm, the soft fabric of his shirt on her face. His grip on xem was just enough that it made her feel secure being in his arms.

It was weird to Mika, but it was comforting.

"It's not your fault, Mika," he said softly, rubbing xir back. "I know you blame it on yourself, but it's not your fault. You always wanted the best for him. Semi-san passing away because of someone else's poor decision isn't your fault, Mika.

"I know you've been grieving for a long time now," he said. "I'm not saying you have to do this, but please Mika, please don't blame it on yourself when it wasn't your fault."

Mika nodded into his chest.

"Thank you for letting me open up to you," xey said after crying a little longer. "And cry on you- I'll buy you a new shirt- I promise."

Kōtarō laughed, now tracing shapes onto her back.

"Don't worry about it, Mika," he said. "I will be framing this shirt to commemorate this occasion. There'll be a plaque 'The first time Mika let me hug xem' it will be amazing."

Mika looked up at him, frowning, causing him to laugh more.

"I won't, I won't," he said, moving some of xir hair out of the way, so he could see her face. "You know, you look really good, even when you're crying."

Mika took a step back, away from him.

"I hate that I let you see me cry," xey teased, "Never again-"

Kōtarō wrapped xem into another hug.

"Don't say that," he said, leaning in, as Mika leaned further back. "I won't kiss you, but look at me, Mika."

Mika avoided eye contact with him, leaning further back until Kōtarō wouldn't let her sink any further.

Xey slowly looked up at Kōtarō.

"Did you want to go on a date with me, Oyama?" he asked, a mischievous smile on his face as he brought her up again.

"I think I'll be sick that day," Mika teased.

"Hmm, I guess I'll just have to sing to your dorm then," Kōtarō sighed.

"No, you don't have to do that," Mika said quickly. "When and where?"

"Tonight, I'll come and pick you up," he said.

Mika nodded, sitting down. "Well, I need to study, so before our date, I'll be here."

Kōtarō sat across from xem, pulling his laptop out.

"I came prepared," he said, winking.

Mika laughed, offering him an Airpod.

"So, is 'I / Me / Myself' your gender crisis song?" the latter said as the song started playing.

Mika nodded, feeling as if it was pretty self-explanatory.

The two of them studied for a while, Mika mainly wrote, not sure what Kōtarō was doing, as exams had finished already, but xey didn't mind the company.

By the time it was three, the two parted ways, as Mika still had to get ready for their date, Kōtarō telling her that he had to get some things ready for the two of them. He also told xem that he would be picking her up around five.

"MIKA!" Ayame exclaimed as Mika walked into the dorm.

"Hi," Mika said, taking her shoes off.

"We know you went and saw Kō-kun, tell us about it," Shun said, sitting down, patting a spot for Mika.

Mika awkwardly sat down.

"Uh, well, Kōtarō and I talked," Mika said simply. "I ended up crying, he hugged me-"

"Woah, woah, woah," Hoshiko said, stopping Mika. "You what? What did he say?"

"Mika, you're really something else," Ayame sighed. "Most people don't mention that they cried."

"You asked, so I told," Mika shrugged. "Anyways, it wasn't his fault I cried. I opened up to him about some of the deeper stuff I've told you guys about- about Eita. So I got emotional, cried, he hugged me, and then asked me on a date- which is in about two hours."

"How does it feel to live my dream?" Ayame sighed, falling back onto her bed.

Mika stood up, going to grab xir eye mask.

"I dunno," Mika sighed, causing her roommates to groan. "I guess I am living the dream in a sense."

"You are the dream," Hoshiko reassured.

"Well, you can help make the dream," Mika said. "I feel a lot more pressure about this date than other dates I've been on, and you guys know a lot more than I do... But not right now... I need about five minutes to comprehend what just happened."

"Of course," Ayame smiled. "Anything for you."

"Ooh, can we text Kō-kun for you?" Shun asked, putting her hands out, as Mika laid down, putting xir eye mask on.

Xey rolled xir eyes, yet handing Shun her phone.

"Be responsible. This is your precious Kōtarō we're talking about," Mika sighed.

Mika
i'm in love with you
please kiss me next time you see me

Kōtarō
mika?
did you get kidnaped??

"He knows you too well, Mika," Shun sighed, still typing. "This isn't as fun."

Mika
no, of course not
i just realized i never told you earlier...
kō do you not believe me?

Kōtarō
who are you and what did you do with mika 😭
xey have never called me kō

"You're also doing a horrible job, Shun," Hoshiko said, raising an eyebrow.

"Your conversations scare me," Shun said, ignoring what Hoshiko had said, scrolling a bit through Kōtarō and Mika's conversations. "You look very 'Shrexy' today. Why?"

Mika snorted in laughter, forgetting that xey had sent that to Kōtarō after they had parted ways.

Mika
i give up
this is mika's roommates
xey let us have her phone

Kōtarō
oh- well i have to thank you three
you're the reason why i talked to mika more

"Aww, that's cute, Mika," Hoshiko smiled.

"I don't even know what you're talking about," Mika said, taking her mask off. "Please explain."

"We're the reason why he talk to you more," Ayame grinned.

Mika thought about it and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I wouldn't have asked him anything if I didn't recognize him," xey shrugged. "But I would like my phone back now."

They all sighed as Shun gave Mika back the phone.

"Let us help you get ready now!" Ayame grinned.

"Mhm, let's start with the hair," Hoshiko nodded.

♪─☆彡─♪

"Wow."

That was all Kōtarō could say when he saw Mika.

Her long hair wasn't tied back like it usually was, it was longer than he thought, but it looked amazing.

Xey looked amazing.

Jaw-dropping in his opinion.

"I have the best looking date," he beamed.

Mika played with the sleeves of her shirt, not sure how to react.

"Mine is better looking," xey ended up blurting out.

Kōtarō laughed.

"Thank you," he said, winking. "I love what you did with your hair, it fits you."

"Thanks," Mika smiled. "But I don't know if I like the length. I hate washing it. I haven't cut it for about... two years- I mean I've gotten it trimmed, but other than that..."

"I think you would look good with any hairstyle."

The two of them walked over to where Kōtarō had planned, when they were halfway there, Kōtarō asked if he could hold Mika's hand, xey said yes.

"Your hands are cold," he said after a bit.

"Your hands are warm," Mika shot back.

"Perfect," the former grinned.

Mika looked away, her face heating up.

"We're here," Kōtarō said, stopping in front of a picnic blanket, a picnic basket on top.

A smile found its way onto Mika's face.

"It looks really good," xey smiled, sitting down on the blanket, Kōtarō following suit. "Did you make all of this?"

"Yes and no," Kōtarō said, rubbing the back of his neck. "There's onigiri in there that Miya Osamu made. Last time he was over here, he brought me some."

"And how long ago was that?" Mika asked, a teasing smile on xir face.

"Two days ago," he grinned. "They're labeled, so pick which one you want. The other stuff is from the store. But I guess I did make something."

"Show me, show me, show me," Mika teased, trying to get the basket from him.

Kōtarō's face was red as he pulled a small cake out.

It had light brown frosting, darker brown little rounds piped onto the cake along with some dark brown letters piped in the middle.

"What does it say?" Mika asked, trying to see.

However, Kōtarō clicked his tongue, flicking xir forehead softly.

"It's for the end," he said. "It's a surprise."

"Fine, fine," Mika said. "I can wait."

The two of them laughed while eating, just having a good time.

Mika knew xe was falling hard for Kōtarō but still wasn't sure how to fully come to terms with it.

Xey felt free when she was with him, time flew by when they were together, Mika didn't have to worry about anything. It was just the two of them.

When the two were just about finished eating, Kōtarō seemed to feel like it was the right time to show Mika the cake, pulling it out.

He put a hand around it, to make it so Mika wouldn't be able to see the words written on it.

"I don't think you're ready," Kōtarō said.

"Mmm, I think I am," Mika replied.

Kōtarō nodded, it was a nod of 'you chose your fate.'

He uncovered the words, causing Mika's eyes to widen.

"Will you date me, Mika?" he asked the same words on the cake.

Mika was stunned, not sure how to react.

"Well- I," xey said.

"I knew I should've gone with 'be my partner'," he sighed.

"No, no, no," Mika said quickly. "I'm not saying no. I just- today has been a lot. Would it be okay if I got back to you later after I think about it?"

Kōtarō nodded, looking relieved.

"I thought you were joining to reject me," he said. "Anyways, even if you don't have an answer, we are still eating this cake. It's my current pride and joy."

Mika snorted in laughter as Kōtarō sliced the cake, handing xem a slice.

"Wow, this is amazing," Mika said, eating the cake. "Where'd you get the recipe?"

"Tendō-kun," Kōtarō said, eating the cake. "He sent me a recipe out of nowhere. I still don't know why. But here we are, I have used it- I should probably thank him."

"Well, it tastes just as good as Satori's cakes," Mika smiled.

"Thank you, thank you, anything for my favorite person."