╰─▸ ❝ smooth remarks

The Ushiwaka
You want to learn more about Mika?

Kōtarō
erm- yeah
i've been spending more time with her
but she seemed uncomfortable or overcome with idk a sense of grief

The Ushiwaka
So you're asking me.
Because you don't want to ask her?

Kōtarō bit the side of his mouth, unsure if Ushijima would tell him anything.

The Ushiwaka
Mika lost her high school sweetheart during their first year of college.
It hurt her a lot. She's never really recovered from it. Based on what I can tell, it still seems to haunt her.

Kōtarō
oh

That was all he could think of to respond with.

Kōtarō wasn't sure how to take that. On one hand, it made a few things make more sense, on the other hand, he felt awful not knowing about it.

Kōtarō
don't tell me anymore
if i learn anything more, i want to hear it from mika

The Ushiwaka
Smart choice.

Kōtarō closed the messages, going back to his studies when he realized Mika had disappeared.

'You looked really into what you were doing, I have to go though- but I'll see you later :)
- mika ♡'

Kōtarō had found a letter Mika had written on a napkin, and left it on the table.

He smiled softly, looking at her handwriting. It was Mika.

Her characters were small and separate, but Mika's personality shone through a couple of characters that were connected. He laughed a little, seeing the punctuation, it was her.

While thinking about it, he decided if he wanted to spend more time with her (and go on more "official" dates with her), one thing was clear.

He would have to ask Mika about her past himself

♪─☆彡─♪

"Are you doing okay?" Satori asked as he and Mika talked over the phone.

Satori was in Paris, starting his training.

"Yeah," Mika said, then letting out an exasperated sigh. "No, I'm not okay."

"I knew it," Satori said with a chuckle. "Come on, let it all out, Mika Mika."

"Well I don't know if Wakatoshi told you, but uh-"

"She/xey pronouns got it," Satori said, causing Mika to roll xir eyes.

"Yes, but I'm also in the midst of a conflict right now," she said. "You know Kōtarō-kun. Well, I'm starting to think I might have a small- I mean small crush on him."

"Aww that's cute," Satori said. "Let me guess though; you're hesitating because of Eita?"

Mika's hesitation answered his question.

"We made a promise about moving on- but it's just really hard," Mika said. "I'm not sure what to do, Satori. The weight of Eita's death hasn't left and the guilt I have about it makes everything worse."

"What?" Satori asked softly. He wasn't sure he had heard Mika correctly. "Guilt?"

Mika cringed, realizing xey had never told Satori everything. So, Mika just laid it all out then and there.

"Oh, plus two years is coming up too," he said once she finished explaining. "I'm so sorry Mika, I didn't know that's how you felt. I know what I or Wakatoshi says isn't going to convince you.

"But we still love you just as much. We don't blame you for anything. I'm being serious. Understandably, you wanted to see him and spend time with him. That's okay Mika. Just please don't blame it on yourself."

"I-" Mika said. Xe was not expecting that answer. "Satori- how can you?"

"Accepting and getting over someone's death is hard, Mika. Especially if it's someone you're close to. I know, I felt the same pain that you did when he passed," Satori said. "Even if we weren't as close in the way you two were, Eita was my teammate.

"I know we haven't shown it, but every time Wakatoshi and I go back to Shiratorizawa, Eita is always there at the back of our minds. I know that it took us both a while to fully accept and come to terms with his death.

"It's okay if you take longer, Mika. No one will say it's wrong for you to miss someone you loved with all of your heart."

Mika took a shaky breath, realizing she was on the brink of crying.

"Moving on, finding someone that makes me just as happy as when I was with him," Mika said. "That was the promise we made. I think I should live up to that."

Neither of them said anything for a while.

"I don't know if I can do it, Satori," Mika said, slightly panicking. "What's Kōtarō going to think of me? He's so pure, so kind and- he'd probably push me away after I explain it."

"He's not," Wakatoshi's voice said out of nowhere.

Mika glanced around, seeing Wakatoshi standing there with two drinks.

"Is 'Toshi there?" Satori whispered.

"Yeah," Mika said, handing Wakatoshi one of xir Airpods, as he handed her a drink. "Also, how do you know he wouldn't push me away?"

"Bokuto-kun," Wakatoshi said simply. "He's very understanding. I think he likes you a lot from what you've said and the way he looked at you when you two came to my game."

"You guys went to a volleyball game together?" Satori asked, sounding excited. "That's so cute, Mika."

Mika hid xir face in xir hands.

"Mika's embarrassed now, Satori," Wakatoshi pointed out.

"Thanks, Wakatoshi," she said sarcastically.

"I think he just wants to get closer to you, Mika," Wakatoshi carried on.

Mika frowned, looking up at him, his facial expression showed no emotion; he was being genuine.

"How do I just casually tell him my ex-boyfriend died, also that it's my fault," Mika said bluntly.

"I think if you just lay everything out there, letting him know that what you're telling him is heavy stuff, then he'll understand," Satori said.

"He's right, Mika," Wakatoshi said. "Just figure out when to talk to him, prefacing it with how it's really important to you. Did you want a hug?"

Mika nodded.

Wakatoshi pulled Mika closer, wrapping his arms around xem.

He was warm, a distinct difference from the cold air they were sitting in.

Mika usually didn't like being hugged, but getting a hug from Wakatoshi (who usually didn't offer hugs) gave her a sense of comfort.

"I'm so glad I'm not there to witness this hug," Satori said, causing Mika to laugh.

♪─☆彡─♪

Yeah, I understand," Kōtarō smiled. "Finals are next week, plus you're taking some really hard classes. I don't want you to fail college because of me."

"Thanks, Kōtarō," Mika said, feeling guilty, not wanting to push him away more. "You probably should study too, or else your fangirls won't be able to see you anymore. That would be tragic for the whole campus."

"That is true, but there's only one girl I'm interested in seeing," he replied, a shameless smile on his face as he turned to leave. "Bye, Mika."

Mika stood there for a good minute, trying to comprehend what he had just said.

But when xey did, xe could feel her face heat up.

"Bokuto Kōtarō, what a guy," she sighed, shaking it off, going back to xir dorm.

"Someone is in love~" Shun said in a sing-song voice. "Who is it, Mika?"

Mika's face was still red when xey walked into the dorm. Her roommate noticed almost immediately.

"Shun, we already know who it is," Hoshiko said, rolling her eyes.

"No, we don't," Ayame sighed. "We just saw some pictures of you and Ushijima-kun. There are also some rumors about you and Kō-kun."

Mika was lost, xey weren't sure who 'Kō-kun' was. Although, if she was going to shut all of the rumors down, she needed to know.

"Wakatoshi is gay, you knew that," Mika said. "And who is 'Kō-kun'?"

Ayame, Hoshiko, and Shun all looked at her dumbfounded.

"Bokuto Kōtarō," Hoshiko said. "The one you've been studying with for the last two weeks."

"Oh, Kōtarō-" Mika said, then taking a double-take. "Wait, what? How would you know that?"

"Rumors- or I guess not rumors now," Shun said, pulling up something on her phone. "And pictures.

Mika looked at the pictures. They were of her and Kōtarō walking out of the library together, along with them chatting a bit on the streets.

"That last picture was taken like five minutes ago," Mika said, raising an eyebrow. "How?"

"The forum is really fast," Hoshiko shrugged. "It was posted about three minutes ago, just before you walked in."

"So tell us," Shun said, sitting Mika down. "Have you been leaving this dorm a lot, to not only go to class but to also spend time with everyone's idol?"

Mika smiled awkwardly.

"In my defense, he's the one inciting me to study with him," Mika said. "We've only been on two 'official' dates. I'd consider the other ones just the two of us hanging out, as friends, or me helping him study."

"What did he say to you in this picture?" Ayame asked, now interrogating Mika. "Because he walked away right after. It only takes a minute to get back from where you were back to the dorm.

"So! It must've either been flirtatious or some random fact- I've heard he's been known to know a lot of random facts."

"I can attest to that," Shun said. "I've talked to him a total of once and he told me a random fact about owls."

"He does know a lot of random facts," Mika sighed under xir breath. "But no, I'm not going to tell you three what he said to me."

"It was flirtatious!" Hoshiko exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. "Ahh! Mika, you can't just leave us on a cliffhanger like that. We'll figure out what he said.

"How?" Mika asked, deadpan.

"We'll ask him directly," Shun grinned.

Mika sighed, knowing if they asked him, it would be much more dramatized and embarrassing if Kōtarō explained it. Plus, xey knew that Shun, Hoshiko, and Ayame wouldn't tell anyone.

"Fine."

They all looked at Mika excitedly.

"He was telling me how he didn't want to be the reason why I fail my exams and 'fail' college," xey explained, playing with the sleeves of xir sweater. "So I was like, oh well you can't fail your exams or else your fangirls will be sad since they won't see you anymore."

"That is a great point," Shun said nodding.

"Thank you for telling him that," Ayama agreed.

"Yeah," Mika said. "He then said something around the lines of 'true, but I'm only interested in one girl' and then left."

Her roommates freaked out.

"He's definitely in love with you," Hoshiko said, looking overjoyed. "I give you my blessing to date."

"Mika," Shun said in a serious tone. "Do you like Kō-kun back?"

Mika stared at Shun.

"First off, I don't know if he's interested in me," Mika said. "It may seem that way, but I don't know, I can't jump to conclusions. Second, I don't know if I want to be in a relationship right now. Yeah, he's fun to be around, but I just don't know if I like him, or if I'm ready for a relationship."

"That's okay," Ayame smiled.

"His popularity as an idol has been going down a little- not a lot- but some girls moved onto the basketball players," Hoshiko sighed. "But just know we are willing to fight off any girls for you."

"Thanks, Hiko," Mika smiled. "I appreciate it."

♪─☆彡─♪

"I'm just texting him," Mika said to xirself, taking a deep breath. "I can do that."

Exams had just finished, Mika and Kōtarō hadn't seen much of each other since Mika told xir roommates about the conversation the two of them had.

But Mika finally felt confident enough to tell Kōtarō, just wanting to go for it. She knew if she didn't, it would be a while before she would get the courage to do it.

"Hey I just wanted to talk to you about something- no that won't work."

Xey deleted the text message.

"Hey, Kōtarō, I know this is out of the blue, but I think we need to talk- that sounds like I'm breaking up with him."

The text box was empty once again.

"Hey, I just wanted to see if we could meet up to talk about something. It's something I've been putting off for a while, but I think it's important for you to know about."

Mika sighed, deleting the message, putting her phone down.

"Puppy Princess" by Hot Freaks started playing, as Mika sat there in defeat.

Xey finally went for it, deciding that if she wasn't going to just admit defeat.

Mika
hey :)
when's the next time you're free for a while?
i have something I need to tell you- but it'll take a bit to explain

Mika
about an hour or so

Mika quickly put her phone down, now wanting to see Kōtarō's response. Xe was regretting everything.

But when xir phone vibrated, xey immediately picked it up to see what Kōtarō had said.

Kōtarō
yeah 🙃
i'm free tomorrow around 12ish

Mika
sounds good :)
i'll see you in the library- the usual place

bee's corner !!

i'm convinced wakatoshi is actually an enderman teleporting with drinks everywhere.