We talked and laughed in the living room until 4 am before the three of us were just tired and went to bed. I snuggled up to Zhan in bed, closed my eyes and fell asleep immediately. And when I woke up again, around noon, Zhan was gone. There was a note on the nightstand saying that he had gone to the public library to do some more research.

At first I wanted to roll over and sleep a little longer. But then I heard something in the kitchen and got up after all. My brother was already up and had just made himself a cup of coffee. I greeted him and asked, "Are you hungry? Should we go to a coffee shop or something?"

"No, it's fine. Your Zhan made me breakfast earlier. It was very delicious." Replied my brother.

"Ah, I see."

"He's really very caring isn't he?"

"Mhm. He is."

"And you love him very much. But you haven't told him yet."

"That's right. And yes, so far I haven't told him."

"Why not?"

"Well, where do I start? I'm a vampire. It's not all that easy."

"Mhhh. Why don't you explain it to me? Maybe then I can understand you better. Because I can see how much you love Zhan and want to be with him. But I don't understand what's stopping you and what's going through your mind."

"When I was human, I didn't think about a lot of things. I didn't have to. And love? Love was like a closed book to me. So far, I've only seen the damage love can do. How love hurts others and is abused. I was never interested in love. When I registered in the gay portal, I was not looking for someone to fall in love with, but just for sex. I just wanted to have my first time sex, that's all."

"Mhhh. Can I ask you a quick question before you continue?"

"Sure."

"What happened with you and Seungyoun? You two always seem to be more than best friends. Moreover, you did many things that best friends don't do."

"Many things?"

"Well, you guys cuddled a lot and often. You held hands. You kissed each other."

"Wait...kissed? He only kissed me once. And that was in Japan."

"Um, never mind for now. Anyway, I thought you guys were a couple." When my brother said that, I felt like he wanted to tell much more than that. Strange.

"We were never a couple."

"Okay. Then keep talking."

"From the moment I became a vampire, though, quite a few things went through my mind. Most of all, how nice it was to be human. It felt like I died inside. I no longer felt my heart racing when I was excited. I felt nothing when I was outside lightly dressed in severe cold. I could no longer eat normal food. The smell of it was so bad for me that I threw up. I tried to take my own life and couldn't die."

"You tried to take your own life?"

"Yes. I was really at a low point when I realized what I was and that I could never be who I was again. Never do my beloved job again. Never again feel warmth or cold. Never again feel my heart racing excitedly. No more walking among many people. Although I was now given an indefinitely long life, I felt limited to the least. Everything that meant something to me was taken away. It took me a while to slowly accept who I am now and find a way to deal with it. But, still, I never wanted and still don't want this indefinitely long life."

"Why not? Don't most people dream of immortality and never aging?"

"That may be. But I never did. I survived. But I didn't live. And then I met Zhan. Somehow that night was so crazy I can hardly believe it myself. I felt really sick because of all the smells from the food in the restaurant. And Zhan just helped me by letting me drink from his blood. I felt his blood running down my throat hot and filling my stomach with warmth. I could feel my heart beating faster and I even felt really warm."

"Thanks to his blood."

"Yes. We spent the night together. I thought it was just this one night and then I would never see him again. But after that night, Zhan immediately told me that he fell in love with me and would follow me anywhere from now on. Whatever. Anyway, shortly after that Zhan became a part of my life, even though I didn't want him to at first. And so very slowly I fell in love with him. Or realized that I did. And when I really and truly realized how I felt about him, that's when I got afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of losing him."

"That's normal."

"No, you don't understand. I am a vampire with an indefinitely long life. He is a werewolf whose lifespan is that of a human. Crazy thing is, vampires and werewolves can mate. So Zhan and I can. Werewolves and vampires stay faithful to their partners forever once they mate. They can't love anyone else except that one mate. And there's the point for me. While Zhan will slowly age and eventually die, I will remain as I am. First they will see us as a couple, then as father and son, then as grandfather and grandson. But that wouldn't even bother me. I shudder to think, what will happen to me when Zhan dies? I will be all alone. I can't love anyone else, even after Zhan dies. I would be alone for the rest of my indefinitely long life. Alone with myself and my grief for my late partner, my wolf."

"Ah. Now I understand. I can understand you Yibo. I really can. And that would weigh on me too, if I were you. But, have you talked about this with Zhan? Shouldn't he know about you, what's stopping you from confessing your feelings?"

"I wanted to talk to Zhan's grandfather about it first. He has lived for a long time and is very experienced. Maybe he has some advice or can help me in some way. Because honestly. Just the thought of losing Zhan almost kills me."

"Yibo..."

"Do you understand? I can't be without Zhan, his love, his warmth and tenderness. And the worst thing is, I don't know how to explain to him why I'm so scared. I know what I feel. But..."

"But the fear is so great that you don't dare say it. Because you feel you'll have no way out if you do?"

"Yes."

"And until you confess it to him, you still feel like you have a way out."

"Exactly."

"But that's also wrong Yibo. You love Zhan very much, just as he loves you. He's waiting for you to confess your feelings to him. Even if he doesn't say anything, I think it will bother him in time. And you will also have to tell Seungyoun how you really feel about Zhan. So that he will finally begin to accept Zhan by your side. During a conversation you told me that he only comes to you when Zhan is not around and he doesn't want to have anything to do with him. That doesn't work in the long run. Because one of the three of you will definitely get hurt then."

"I know. But I can't worry about that too right now. I'll talk to Zhan as soon as I talk to his grandfather. And then, when it's finally settled with Zhan and me, I'll settle it with Youn. I can only do one thing at a time."

"Alright. But mark my words. Don't put this off for too long."

"Okay. Are you done lecturing me now big brother?"

"For now, yes. When do we want to go visit the pack?"

"I think tonight. Zhan said he would call to make sure everyone is there too. I guess we'll know for sure when Zhan gets back."

"I'm looking forward to it. Especially to see Cheng. I'm really curious about him."

"I'm sure you are. And he's looking forward to meeting you, too. He's been calling me every day for the past few days asking me when you're coming here."

"And he was really my fan?"

"Mhm. He told me about it. He looked really shy. Especially when he confessed to me that he even had a crush on you back then."

"Wow. At first I thought you were just trying to lure me here somehow. But now I can't wait to meet Cheng."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"You mean because of what happened to me?"

"Mhm."

"Yes, I'm ready for it. And not just because I have nothing left to lose anyway."

"You know Ge, when that happened to you back then and you left the country, there were still a lot of your fans who stood by you. They stood behind you and fought hard for you. And they accomplished something."

"And what?"

"You're not blacklisted anymore."

"What?"

"Yes. I didn't know that either. Cheng told me. All your fans got together and collected votes. They went everywhere with it and in the end they won for you! You could work as an actor in this country again!"

"No shit?"

"No. I've done my research as well. And it's true. I looked at the petitions from back then. And Cheng's name is at the top of every single one. He and so many of your other fans, fans who still stand behind you today, cleared your name. They gathered information and data that proved that this guy was planning to get famous through you from the very beginning. They proved that most of the text messages could have been normal messages like to a good friend. And as for the pictures, they weren't pictures showing you as a couple, where you were kissing or anything. It was just pictures of the two of you."

"So that means my fans took all that on? And then they managed to get my name taken off the blacklist? Is that really true?"

"Yes, I told you. I checked it out myself. And I'm sure Cheng will tell you too. As I said, I also found out first and didn't want to say anything until I was sure myself. But Ge, if you want, you can come back here and be an actor again."

"That really makes me speechless."

"What makes you speechless?" Asked Zhan, who was just coming home.

I rushed up to Zhan and almost jumped into his arms. "There you are finally ZhanZhan. I've missed you already. I was just telling my brother that he could go back to acting and why."

"Missed you too. Ah that's why he's speechless. Yibo, I have something for you."

"For me?"

"Mhm."

"And what?"

"Look here." Said Zhan and took something out of his backpack. Something tiny that was as big as his hand looked at me with wide eyes.

"A little cat. Oh my god it's cute. Where did you get it?" I asked in a whisper, taking the little cat to me.

"I found it by the dumpsters at the public library. One of the employees there said it had been there for a few days."

"And you picked it up for me?"

"Yes. I also got everything we needed for it. I know I should have asked you first..."

"Thank you ZhanZhan. Thank you very, very much. How about we call this little guy Yizhan?"

"Yizhan? Sounds good."

"I'll give our baby some milk first. You brought some, didn't you?"

"Yes. I have it here in my backpack."

"Give it here. Our baby is thirsty. And what is it eating?"

"Kitten dry food."

"Good." I said. The little cat cuddled up to me and purred softly.

I heated some milk on a small plate. When it saw the milk, it meowed really loudly and then immediately started drinking it purring. I can't believe it. Zhan and I have a cute little baby now!