CHAPTER 21
TO WIN

THE Resistance guards shoved her out of the main entrance, throwing her blaster and weapons belt as she fell to the damp ground below. She landed on her knees with a thud, glaring back at where the guards should have been, but the doors to the base were already closed.

Raena clipped her belt around her waist and hooked her blaster to the end of it, wiping the sweat and dirt off her forehead in the process. She blew out a sigh, wondering which direction she parked her pod. Assuming it was the next day or even more, Raena kicked the ground at the thought that the First Order definitely knew she failed her most important mission to date.

She started trudging West of the headquarters, her weak leg causing her to limp the whole way back. A walk that had been twenty minutes before turned to an hour, for Raena was too weak to even function.

When she had finally reached the pod – which looked like it had been ransacked by local goons for it's hidden treasures – Raena leaned her back against it. She gripped the edge of the ship with her life, trying her best to keep her legs from collapsing. Her wrists stung with fresh cuts from the rope she tried to break free from, while her head ached.

She couldn't believe it: she had failed.

•••

Raena landed bumpily inside the First Order hanger after she alerted them of her return, even with her mind feeling as clouded as ever. It was probably a bad idea to pilot the pod when she had been feeling nauseous and dizzy – and yes, she did throw up during the ride – but she needed to get back and explain herself.

The pod just about crashed into another as she landed on the fleet, and Raena hastily threw off the helmet on her head. She pushed her legs out of the small ship, spotting Gerardo and a few crew members sprinting towards her. Raena found herself smiling at the sight of the strange cadet, and as she stepped out, she ended up hugging him tightly.

And then she vomited.

Gerardo let out a disgusted scoff as the assassin puked to the side of him, an inch to the right of his shoes. She stood back up, wiping the residue from her mouth before greeting, "Hey, Gerardo."

The crew members worked in back of the two, trying to secure the pod as Gerardo raised a brow. "Are you –?"

"Listen to me," she interrupted, suddenly holding his cheeks firmly as her eyes bugged out in a crazed expression, "I – I fucked up, Gerardo. I fucked up really bad. I failed the mission."

"You what?"

Raena put a finger to the cadet's mouth. "I couldn't kill General Organa."

"Have you gone completely insane?"

From the worried look in her eyes, Gerardo guessed he was right. "Probably," she muttered.

He tried to get out another word – anything to explain how stupid the assassin was to compromise such an important mission that he wouldn't understand – but before he could, Raena's head grew dizzier and she fainted in his hold.

•••

Gerardo had managed to carry Raena to the medical wing before Hux could get a hold of her, but it wasn't like he wasn't already in the know. The general knew from the timing that Raena had arrived that she had completely failed her mission, though he didn't know how. His hands shook at what Supreme Leader Snoke planned on doing, what with this and his new intel on her relationship with Commander Ren.

The cadet got Raena bandaged up in the right places while having the medics retrieve the pills she needed. In a few hours, she had felt well enough to talk. She was tired and needed more sleep than what she got from her fainting spell, but she felt better than she had before.

As Gerardo finished helping her wrap an extra piece of gauze, Raena looked up to see General Hux standing in the door way of the sterile room she was provided. He cleared his throat, an uncomfortable expression engulfing his features. "Officer Nhagy," he called, "Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to speak with you."

Raena gulped.

Hux made his way out of the medical wing with her following close behind. His pace was too quick – quicker than usual – and Raena was struggling to keep up. "Listen, General Hux," she spoke up, "if I can just have a moment to explain to you –"

"You need not to explain to me, Nhagy." He held up his hand as they walked. "I already know: you fucked up. What you need to do is come up with a brilliant bullshit explanation for Snoke, but know that he isn't fooled so easily."

It was then that Raena noticed all the stares she was getting. Each crew member, every storm trooper – they were all turning to her, giving her the same disappointed expression. She began scratching at the burns on her wrists in discomfort. She failed all of them.

He finally turned to her when they reached their destined doorway, his expression softening slightly at the assassin's worry. "Just answer me this: why is Leia Organa still alive?"

"She's his mother," Raena whispered. "You could've given me anyone else, but my mission was to kill Commander Ren's mother. I know how much living without a mother is, and I just ... I couldn't do it. I broke. I'm not that strong." She shook her head, a tear pricking at her left eye. "Give me anyone in that fucking Resistance base and I would've killed them in a split second, but his mother? It was an impossible task."

"Stop crying," Hux commented bitterly, typing the password in for the first set of doors. "Now listen to me: when you go in there, I want you to bullshit your way out. Convince him you're stronger than what went down at the Resistance headquarters; that you're more than your disgusting care for Commander Ren. And when you return from those doors, I want to see you alive. The First Order can't lose your skill – prove this to Snoke."

The general pulled out a vile from inside his black jacket as Raena nodded at his words, her eyes soon resting on the small object that he held out. As she took it in her fingers, she examined the contents: a heavy amount of a turquoise liquid. "What is this?" She asked, furrowing her brow.

"I've kept it on me in case an emergency like this came up. Take it." He explained, ushering her to drink it. "An old friend handed it down to me from his past generations. If something bad were to happen, whatever is in that vile will help you."

Raena felt odd holding the strange vile, but trusted her general enough to tilt her head back and drink it. The sour liquid flowed down her throat, and she gagged at the horrible taste. Hux knew that she was possibly regretting herself for taking it now, but soon the reanimation serum would take effect, and hopefully, no problem would arise when she met with the supreme leader.

"Good luck," he gripped her shoulder firmly.

She nodded her head, limping slowly to next entrance as the doors closed behind her. She sucked in her sob, punching in the code for the other set of doors. Letting out one last breath, she hit enter and the entrance was revealed.

Raena strode quietly along the bridge that led to the supreme leader, spotting Kylo already standing in her spot with his helmet laid at his feet. "She's all we have!" The commander argued with his trainer as Raena approached them. "Supreme Leader, I don't think you understand –"

She now stood behind him and found both their gazes resting on her. She cracked her knuckles as she locked them behind her back.

"Well, look who it is," Snoke sneered. "The woman of the hour."

Kylo stood frozen in his place at the broken state of his lover, or it might've been the news that Snoke had found out his care for her just moments ago.

"I know you are angry with me, Supreme Leader," she stated, "but if you could let me explain –"

"I DO NOT NEED AN EXPLANATION FROM ANY TRAITOR!"

Kylo's brow furrowed at his leader's outburst, confusion racking his brain.

"You had me played a fool." Snoke rubbed his chin, his pixelated form shining in the iridescent light above. "You played all of us by compromising the most important mission we have upheld."

Raena shook her head at his words. "No, that's not the case –"

"YOU WILL NOT SPEAK, OFFICER NHAGY!"

The commander grew furious, and without a second thought, pushed Raena in back of him. He growled at his superior, "You will not speak to her like that!"

Raena looked from Kylo to the supreme leader, fear growing in the very pit of her stomach. This certainly would not end well.

"How beautiful," Snoke soothed in an incredibly false tone. "The commander of the First Order and the assassin, falling in love for everyone to see." He chuckled darkly. "No wonder why you couldn't kill his mother."

Kylo's eyes slowly moved to Raena's figure.

"I can kill anyone," she defended before her eyes locked with Kylo's, "but not his mother. She wanted me to tell him that she forgives him; she let me go. I couldn't do it."

"Ren," the supreme leader called, allowing Kylo to finally pull his stare away from his lover. "The mission failed, but you still have time to prove your destiny; to finally embrace the dark side fully. Do you wish to partake?"

Raena's eyes narrowed as Kylo nodded his head quickly.

"Kill her." Snoke ordered with a devilish smile. "Kill Officer Nhagy and the Light will be forever banished from your system."

"Excuse me?" The assassin looked to her lover for conscious, but soon watched him slowly turn in her direction. "I work for you. I murder people for you."

Kylo's eyes were clouded as they rested on her, the darkness surrounding his pupils almost lost. Raena took a step backwards from the man who she used to feel so comfortable with. His mouth set in a line and his breath came out heavy from his nostrils. Cocking her head to the side, she whispered, "Commander Ren, I –"

Her breath caught in her throat as she was hoisted into the air, her legs dangling just a foot from the floor. Kylo held his hand out, almost as if he could squeeze her throat in thin air. She couldn't breathe; nothing could come out. Her hands held onto her own throat, begging for something – anything – as she waited for air to come back to her system. She didn't have her blaster; they both rendered her powerless.

He pled for her not to spit out his name, fearing that it would weaken his already growing strength. The hatred for her was making him stronger – something he hadn't felt since her – and he never realized how much he needed it until it was finally returned. Her love crippled him more than he thought it should.

"K – Kylo," she huffed, her voice just hoarse enough to be heard.

Her lover gritted his teeth as he struggled with the sight in front of him. Was he going to – no, he couldn't.

He released his hold on her throat, allowing her to fall to the ground with a thud. Raena rubbed at her neck as she took in several breaths, while Kylo knelt down in front of her. Hot tears flowed from his darken lids, and he soon started growling at his own idiocy for caring in the first place.

The commander stood near Raena, sliding his digits across her cheeks, but recoiled away at the terrified look in her eyes.

"She's made you weak."

Kylo spun at Snoke's words, his panic rising as he boomed, "I am not –"

"You're practically her prisoner –"

"I AM NOT HER PRISONER!" He spat. "IF ANYTHING, SHE IS MY PRISONER!"

Kylo then fell to the floor when a punch hit the back of his skull. He looked up at Raena cracking her knuckles before him, a grim look on her usually perfect face. He saw the truth behind it now – behind all the scars and the eye bags. She wasn't going down, and if she was, he was indeed going down with her.

He couldn't deny it anymore: she was never his prisoner. It had always been him.

"We both started this together," she said with gritted teeth, "and now we'll end it the same way."

He got up from his feet, lifting up his hand to use his Force-sensibility on her once again, but couldn't concentrate as her fingers locked around his throat. He gagged on air that wasn't returning to him, horrified at her wicked expression.

He became confused as she removed her hands quickly, snarling at herself and ramming her fist into his nose. She was frustrated with herself, for even she couldn't hurt him without feeling terrible.

Blood gushed from his nose as she wiped the sweat from her brow, Snoke's current scream echoing throughout the large room: "KILL HER!"

"I CAN'T!" Kylo screeched back, holding his wounded nose.

"DO IT!" The leader commanded. "KILL HER!"

A tear ran down the commander's long face as he limped over to Raena, who soon found herself sobbing as well. She sucked in her cries and rubbed at her nose as she looked at him: Kylo Ren, the commander of the First Order, her lover. He held her face in his calloused hands, sadness becoming him.

"I'm s – sorry, I couldn't ... I couldn't kill her." Raena's words came out in heavy breaths while the commander's loving eyes grew darker as the seconds ticked on. "K – Kylo. Kylo. Kylo –"

Raena sucked in a hot breath of air, fanning her lover's red cheeks. "I don't know you anymore. Kylo, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you are going down a path I can't follow." She shook her head as his finger twitched, itching to lock around her jugular. "All I want is your love."

"Love won't save you, Raena."

She was losing time, so she decided on her last option before he could grip her throat once again.

"Ben," she whispered against his lips, running her fingers down his cheekbones. "Ben Solo, this isn't you. I've met you before, even without knowing it. You loved me."

He nodded slowly, "I love you." His breathing calmed, matching her own.

"Yes," she smiled genuinely, sweat falling down her blood-stained face. "You're here. You're here now, Ben."

Their mouths pressed against each others as one of the commander's hands slid down to her side, while his thumb caressed her cheek. As she kissed him, Raena knew she had done it. She finally broke through, and now all they had to worry about was defying against Snoke. They were the darkest duo of the century and they would rebel against their supreme leader if it meant saving both their lives.

Commander Ren leaned away, relishing in the sweet look of pained innocence on his lover's features. His dark eyes watched her lids as he thought out loud, "You didn't complete the mission." Without knowing, his hand fell on the hilt of his saber.

Gold met the color of coal as she opened her eyes to his stare. "I ... I couldn't," she stuttered out, her brow furrowing. "I love you. I couldn't kill your mother."

She sucked in a hot breath of air.

"I win."

And then she felt it.

It was such an excruciating pain that she had never felt before. Raena swore she could feel her whole soul being ripped out of her as Kylo plunged his light saber into the middle of her chest, twisting and turning it every which way. A scream lodged itself in her throat, but Raena was in too much shock that she couldn't get it out. She could only rest her hands on the wound he was making, bringing them out to her eye level to see them coated in her own blood, allowing it to drip on the floor in the process.

He ripped the saber out, his hand shaking at the mess he had caused.

Raena couldn't think or speak. All she could do was reach her hand up, slide her blood-stained fingers across his cheek to leave a mark, and finally, fall into the pool of her blood on the floor.

This was it. This was his time. This was the moment that Kylo Ren fulfilled his duty to his grandfather.