CHAPTER 25
UNBALANCED

AS Kylo Ren made his way to his Supreme Leader's throne room, he felt his hands clench. He has been in this room many times before, whether it be for trainings or conferences, but this time was different. After hearing of General Hux's failure to repel the bombers from their dreadnought, Kylo predicted this meeting would be nothing but cold feelings. He had done nothing wrong, but knowing Snoke, his anger over the attack would be reflected onto him. Kylo could not blame him, seeing as he picked up the habit too.

He walked into the throne room as Hux was leaving. A satisfied grin was spread on his features, causing Kylo to wince underneath his mask. His scar, though it was fully healed, hurt at the action. Every month he would go back to the medical wing for a check through, but he could never ignore the surge of pain that would shred through him at the memory of the scavenger's lightsaber tearing through his skin.

Snoke chuckled softly upon Kylo's entrance. "It's been tossed around by our medics that you haven't been ... well." He said darkly, cracking his knuckles. "Of course, your wound is healed, but something else is not. The General has told me the medics said you haven't been breathing correctly. 'A heart problem,' they murmur. Is this true, Ren? A heart condition?"

Kylo paused, cursing himself for being seen in the medical wing far too many times in the past months. The Supreme Leader's words were indeed true. During training, he hadn't been breathing correctly, and he regretted that his heart may be two beats too slow. He visited the medics, who didn't have a clue to the reason why his body wasn't well. They told him they would conduct more research, and it seems they had, but just didn't reveal their answers.

"It's nothing," Kylo finally replied.

Snoke stood from his throne. "The mighty Kylo Ren," he called, standing a foot over the commander. "When I found you ... oh, I saw what all masters live to see: raw, untamed power. And beyond that, something truly special: the potential of your bloodline anew. A Vader reborn." He paused as his scarred face was just inches from Kylo's mask. His breath was heavy against the younger male. "Now, I fear ... I was mistaken."

Kylo tilted his mask upward. Underneath it, his brow was creasing. "I gave everything I had to you ... to the dark side."

"Take that ridiculous thing off," Snoke ordered.

With shaky hands, Kylo unlocked his mask and slid it off his head. Dark strands of mangled, black hair covered half of his face, his scar still prevalent on his pale skin. He frowned and didn't meet the Supreme Leader's eyes.

"Ah, yes, there it is." Snoke said with anger laced in his calming tone. "You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo."

"I killed Han Solo," Kylo fought back. "When the moment came, I didn't hesitate."

Snoke had been walking back to his throne, but upon hearing his apprentice's response, he immediately turned back. "No, but when the moment came to kill your lover, you did hesitate!"

Kylo took his words as a stab to the heart. He was looking at the floor now, lip quivering. He hoped the Supreme Leader didn't see it. "Raena Nhagy means nothing to me."

"At this time, yes, because she's dead." The Supreme Leader agreed, staring at Kylo with pure anger. "But what of the time you hid away Officer Nhagy to rekindle the Light that was left in you? Did you think you could hide this secret from me forever? Did you think, after the war was won, that you could ... run away with your disgusting lover? Shame on you, Ren."

Kylo swallowed hard. "That wasn't what I thought."

"Now, look at you," Snoke bellowed, lifting a hand out to his apprentice. "They've both split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced! Caring for a girl and corrupting your leadership for your own selfishness! You failed!"

Kylo quickly stood from where he had been kneeling, giving his leader a heated stare. Force lightning surged from Snoke's fingers at his apprentice's sudden actions, and he angled them towards Kylo's body, sending him across the throne room. Kylo's back hit the floor with a thud.

"Skywalker lives!" Snoke continued to thunder. "The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a sad lover ... in a mask."

Kylo Ren took his Supreme Leader's words with a grain of salt most of the time, but today, they hit him hard. His words were comparable to the night he got his scar in the snowy field. They felt like the hot saber hitting his skin, burning his muscles beneath. As he rode the elevator down the ship, he felt his teeth grit, just like how they did during his fight with the scavenger girl, whom he hadn't seen in a few years. Surely, she was away training to beat him, but she had another thing coming. Kylo had immersed himself in the dark side; he had done everything for it. He had killed people he loved for it.

His face felt hot as he heard his Supreme Leader's words again. Kylo held his mask in one hand, and he soon was looking at it with anger in his eyes. Just staring at it made him feel weak. His mouth twisted into a snarl, and before he knew what he was doing, he began to crush his mask into the walls of the elevator. It cracked the glass walls to pieces, sending shards to Kylo's feet. His mask practically crumbled in his hands as he released all the fury in him.

As he punched his mask into the glass, he could only think of his past. He thought of Han Solo raising him. He thought of his mother's face the day she sent him to the Jedi Training Academy. He thought of when he woke up one night to Luke Skywalker hovering a light saber over his head. His mind turned dark, and he was then reminiscing of her. He thought of Raena Nhagy's bruised face the first time he saw her. He thought of how intrigued he was the second he laid eyes on her, how he knew her name from somewhere. He thought of how she looked at him with hope, and never with fear. He thought of both Han and Raena, who loved Ben Solo dearly, but Kylo killed both of them.

When the elevator doors opened, Kylo threw his disfigured mask to the floor. Two officers waited outside for him, causing him to order, "Prepare my ship."

•••

Just as Raena prepared to ready herself for bed, she heard a knock at her door. She groaned, tugging her cargo jacket back on as her braid hung loose and messy across her back. Pressing a button on her console to open the door, Raena was shocked to see C-3PO on the other side. The assassin raised a suspicious brow, leaning against the entrance of her quarters. "Threepio," she greeted, "it's late. What are you doing here?"

"Well, Miss Nhagy, you know I wouldn't be here unless it wasn't the upmost importance." The 3PO unit droid announced, holding up a finger. "You see, General Organa wishes to speak with you, and has asked me to escort you."

Before Raena could release another word, the droid was already walking away. Raena watched him hurriedly stride off without her, and she hastily threw on her boots before locking her door to join him. "Wait!" She called as she caught up to his pace. "Why does the general want to see me?"

"I'm sure she will be able to explain that to you –"

"Am I in trouble?"

Threepio stopped his movements and shifted himself to face Raena. His shiny metal fixture eyes stared at her for a long moment, and he finally replied, "No." He continued walking once again.

Raena's brow furrowed. I'll never understand these droids, she thought to herself. Raena continued to follow Threepio down the halls of the Raddus, her feet heavy as each step towards the general's office felt longer. She feared there was something wrong, though she knew she did nothing to upset her. Sure, Raena might've pushed her buttons earlier today about going out to fight, but she was sure there was no bad blood between them.

Once they were at the office, Raena recognized Indira walking out of it. She waved towards her friend before the droid to her right knocked on the door and opened it. "I have brought Miss Nhagy to your quarters, general," he announced.

"Dismissed," Leia muttered, waving off the droid. Raena cautiously took a step inside before the door was immediately closed behind her. She flinched a bit, hoping the general didn't see it. The forces of hyperspace sped past the windows in the general's room, shaking the mug of tea on her table. "Raena, please. Sit."

Raena moved towards the general slowly, taking a seat to Leia's left at the head of the table. "You're sitting in my usual seat," Leia whispered.

"I can move if you –" Raena was saying before seeing the smirk on her general's face. "You're kidding."

Leia chuckled softly. "I am, indeed."

"So, are you ..." Raena shook her head, clasping her hands in front of her. "Are you angry at me about something? I mean, that's all I can think of to why you summoned me here at this hour."

The general sighed, looking down at the lukewarm tea in front of her. A confused expression crossed her features, but she quickly washed it away. Leia didn't look at Raena as she spoke, and instead, stared at the wall in front of her. "I've been thinking a lot today. The losses we experienced this morning were ... not good. We were victorious in our efforts, but our losses were heavy." She rested her chin in her freshly manicured hand. "And I sat here all day wondering, 'What can I do to stop this from happening again? How can I have insider information to all my enemy's plans?' I began to think in a different way because of what we experienced today."

Raena wrinkled her nose in confusion. "What are you trying to say?" She asked. "I am your insider for info on the First Order. I can tell you everything you need to know."

"I need you to go deeper, my dear," Leia muttered, placing her hands on top of Raena's. "In order to not have our history repeat itself and keep the Resistance in the know, I need you to go back."

The assassin took in Leia's words with great importance. She sat back in her seat, trying to process them. "You told me today that I couldn't even go out and fight," Raena clarified. "Why the change of heart?"

Leia shook her head. "Maybe if I had let you, we wouldn't have suffered so many losses."

"So, let me get this straight," Raena continued, staring at the general inquisitively, "you want me to go back on that god forsaken ship to give you firsthand information on the First Order's plans before they happen."

"And who better to do it than you? A person they trusted?" The general emphasized, patting her hands on Raena's, who still didn't understand the problem. Leia sighed, looking at Raena almost like a daughter. "I've hid you away with us for far too long. Han used to always talk about your family. 'The Nhagys – they're historical. Everything I want to be.'" She choked up for a moment at the memory of her husband, and Raena felt a pang of guilt, due to her helping in killing him to save herself. Leia quickly recovered from this to say, "You've told me before that you're dying to fight them, to kill them. I've taken you – the last Nhagy – for granted. I don't want to do that anymore."

Raena understood the general's need then, and she was right. For all these months, she has yearned to fight the people who so easily casted her away, and to kill the man who tried to murder her. It was the one vendetta she still had, but when an opportunity like this presented itself, Raena was suddenly cowering in her chair. Could she do this? Could she go back there again?

"I'll give you a day to think about it," Leia said after Raena's long pause. "You need sleep anyways."

Raena nodded, standing from her chair slowly. She sent the general a warm smile before striding towards the door. As she placed her hand on the console and stepped through the entrance, she heard Leia call her name again. The assassin turned hesitantly.

"Remember, Raena Nhagy: this is a rebellion," Leia informed, "so rebel with us."