CHAPTER 35
CRACKING

RAENA watched the Raddus' detoriation from the large window in the control. General Hux, with the help of his other colleagues was able to track their location yet again, and determined that they were, indeed, headed in the direction of Crait. Raena hated that she had to sit back and watched the Resistance's fleet be destroyed – again. As much as she wanted to tell herself she really was not part of the Resistance and that she was only here for her own plan, she couldn't help but yearn to save the people who gave her a home. She came back to the First Order to relay as much information as she could, but even she didn't expect this attack.

She wondered if General Organa was okay ... She hoped for the safety of Poe, and especially, Indira ... She prayed that Finn stayed safe, even when he was reluctant to trust her. They all were, but they still gave her a home once. Raena was a flawed human; she went back and forth between who she fought for, but she would always remember when someone sheltered her.

The Supremacy sent out pilots to further blast away the rest of the Raddus. Raena watched with a solemn expression, though her stare remained blank. "Officer Nhagy," the general called. Raena turned slowly, becoming stoic. "Would you agree that the Raddus is directing towards Crait? My lieutenant here doesn't agree."

Raena approached the hologram beaming in front of General Hux and his colleague. With a short look back at the Raddus from outside her window, Raena nodded, though she also found her guilt surfacing. "Yes," she agreed, "and I think we've also concluded that this is ... a typical move for them. Crait holds a former Rebellion base that they can use for safety."

The lieutenant scoffed, disregarding her comments. "They're keeping themselves beyond range. Their freight chamber is out of fuel, and its shields are down. Their bombers are near."

"The beginning of their end," Hux muttered. "Destroy it."

Raena swallowed hard. She turned back to the window, biting her nail as she watched a fleet of Resistances bombers implode into space. She hoped – gods, did she hope – the people she cared for were safe.

•••

After witnessing the destroying of Resistance bombers and other fleets, Raena had wanted nothing more than to head to her chambers and send out a message through her com. She just needed to tell them that ... things would be okay, even though she knew it was a lie. She felt like she needed to lie at this moment. Sometimes, lying was a good thing. Although, the last thing Raena expected was for Hux to approach her about Kylo Ren.

"Have you noticed Ren ..." The general waved his hand, trying to think of another word. "... Talking to himself?"

Raena flickered her eyes around awkwardly. "What?"

Hux raised his brow. "Am I seriously the only person who has witnessed Commander Ren talking to a himself?"

"Um –" She paused, feeling her palms begin to sweat. "Yeah, it's been only you."

Hux wrinkled his nose. "It's true. I wouldn't lie about this odd of an occurrence."

Raena began to walk faster. She needed to get to her room. Her lies were rooting themselves deeper, and deeper, and deeper. She needed to sit in her own room and think and not speak to an actual person. Was she going through some ... paranoia episode upon seeing the Resistance fleet attack? With the way the general was looking at her now. That was definitely likely.

"I'm sorry, general," she choked out, "I – um – I have to go."

She immediately took a turn down a hall, realizing that she was taking the long way to her room, but it didn't matter. She needed to get away. Everything seemed so real now. Stormtroopers were staring at her as she passed. Cadets crinkled their eyes. Raena ignored all of them. She needed to get to her room. She needed to talk to the Resistance base. She needed to lie and tell them that it was going to be okay.

Raena fast walked right into her room, closing the door immediately. She slid her back against the solid structure, breathing deeply. She couldn't ever block out what she saw. Raena had seen a lot of things in the last couple of years. She blocked off many emotions in order to not feel bad for the things she's done. She never wanted to feel guilty for the people she's hurt. But after dying ... it was different. She tried to be the same person she was, but a feeling inside her still lingered. The emotions that she tried to suppress were brimming over the edge. She guessed ... she was cracking.

Raena Nhagy's heart was cracking, and this – out of all things – would be a major barrier in her plan to execute Kylo Ren.

•••

Raena had never felt better after sending a hopeful message to the Resistance through her comlink. Although she certainly didn't know if things would get better, even saying the words gave her hope. What she didn't know, was that Poe and Indira were waiting on the other end of the com, hearing her message with soft smiles. Poe had rested his hands on Indira's, whispering to her, "Things are gonna be okay." Indira smiled at his gesture as joyful tears sprang from her eyes. "I guess Nhagy's not so much of a weirdo after all," Poe chuckled along with his partner.

Back on the Supremacy, Raena felt like she was being kept in the dark about something. She listened on all the meetings. She followed all orders. She even had cadets to train now. Raena knew her duties and plans, and yet, she still wasn't sure what was going on half the time. The one instance that was still bothering always traced back to Commander Ren.

As much as Raena appreciated his "new leaf," she was skeptical. Why wouldn't she be? Kylo seemed genuine, but so did everyone before they stabbed you. Nevertheless, Raena couldn't deny the sublte pull she felt again. It was this ship ... these people ... once she was in their environment, it was hard to be sucked out. Once she was near Kylo Ren again – as much as she tried to stick to her plan – she was being dragged in by some unknown force, if not the Force.

Sometimes when Raena looked at Kylo Ren, she thought she could forget about her plans and fall for him again. In the back of her mind, she knew this. Even with a heart as cold and lonely as her own, Raena found warmth in the good memories she had with Kylo. Or had she truly been intimate with Ben Solo? The multiple identities were confusing, but regardless, Raena knew from looking at Kylo Ren's face, she could fall into his arms again so, so easily.

She was stubborn, but Raena Nhagy wasn't stupid. She knew her own desires, and those two grappled with her longing to kill the commander while also wanting to press her lips to his again. Even as he kissed her days after she returned in that dark hall, she hated it – and yet ... she thought about it all the time.

Of course, Raena had other things about him that bothered her, and that was her knowing that he was keeping something from not just her, but everyone. General Hux had noticed Kylo talking to himself too, meaning that it was happening more often. She wouldn't be left out of the dark on this one. If Kylo wanted to be her "trusting friend" so badly, then she had to know. It could be valuable information to pass on.

She found him seated by himself in a conference room, looking over a holographic blue print. Raena had been on her way to speak to her training officers, but this seemed more important at the moment. His head rested in his hand, and Raena found herself lingering by the door for reasons unknown to her. Just the sight of him caused a flashback to appear of his lightsaber being shoved into her chest, but it also made her heart beat fast. What was going on with her? She was cracking, truly, and it was getting worse as days went on.

"Do you need something, Officer Nhagy?"

Raena's eyes blinked. His voice brought her back to reality, and she cleared her throat. When she looked back at him, his dark eyes were on her, and she frowned slightly. "Um – yes," she answered, holding a tablet near her chest. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"That's odd," Kylo replied as she shut the door in back of her. "I'm usually the one who has to start a conversation with you."

"Yeah, well, you don't have to embarrass both of us by eating in the mess hall this time," she quipped, placing her tablet in front of him. "Hux asked me about you the other day. He's seen you ..." She viewed away, scrunching her brow. "... Talking to yourself."

Kylo pressed a button the table, which allowed the holograph in front of him to vanish. "What did the general say?"

"It doesn't matter." Raena snapped with a shake of her head. "If you wanted to be my trusting friend, you would actually explain to me what's going on. Don't make me ask about it again, Ren."

Kylo sighed, agitation evident in his tone. He leaned back in his seat. "It's a connection ... of some sort."

"Through the Force," she added, to which Kylo nodded. Raena placed her hand on the top of a cushioned chair beside her, balancing on the balls of her feet. "With who?"

He pursed his lips before meeting her stare. Just that glance made her even more curious. "The scavenger," he clarified, "Rey."

Raena's eyes went wide. "What?!" She blinked rapidly, almost not believing his answer. But Raena knew when Kylo was truly being sincere, and this news was certainly real. She wondered if the Resistance knew, though she guessed not. Rey had been gone for some time to train with the legendary Luke Skywalker. "Don't you think that's ... a bad idea?" She asked. Raena didn't exactly think that it was a bad idea for him, but she did think it was terrible for Rey's sake.

"No," he said, as if it were obvious. "Rey is nothing, but she has immense power in her. I tried to deny that fact for so long to preserve my own ego, but we all must admit our faults sometimes." Kylo tapped his fingers on the table, while Raena's own hand gripped the chair tightly. "I can use her power to my own advantage if she trusts me. We can create a powerful legacy within the First Order."

Raena's mouth opened slightly, but she said nothing. She noticed her hand holding the chair, and her knuckles were turning white. She quickly let go of it and flexed her hands. Kylo glanced at her then, patiently waiting for a reply, but Raena couldn't think of anything to maintain her cover and also protect Rey's fate. But why did she want to do this? She didn't care about a scavenger's fate, even when she was partly nice to her. Maybe she did care, or maybe she knew that if confronted for another fight, Rey would overpower Kylo, and he would either lose or be killed. She should've had no problem with that, but she did. Raena tried to convince herself that it was because she wanted to kill Kylo Ren herself, but deep inside, she knew there was another meaning behind it.

"I ..." She shook her head. "I think that's a bad idea."

Kylo's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Rey is powerful," Raena admitted, "but also smart. She won't join you easily."

He rolled his eyes, causing Raena's blood to boil. "You're conversing with an enemy, who could very well kill you," she continued, though she knew that she could be that enemy too. "This isn't wise." Kylo didn't look at her. He passed her words off as if they were whispers. "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you listening to me?"

"Because you're wrong," he snapped, turning towards her in his chair.

Raena's eye twitched. She was ready to burst, but she managed to hide it in. She needed to learn self control better, and this was the first step. Raena put up her hands in surrender. "Whatever. I have train new officers." She turned on her heel, opening the door to leave, when she felt an explosion of confidence in her stomach. Raena spun back around, pointing her finger at him. "Just know, you're alone on this one."

Kylo's expression remained blank. "So are you."

•••

A/N: Yeah, okay, maybe those last two lines were a play on "You're not alone." // "Neither are you." Except I cut out the stinky reylo and made it lowkey better