CHAPTER 38
PLAYING WITH FIRE

RAENA had never felt more guilty.

She wondered why she was feeling this way, seeing as she hadn't been the one to kiss Kylo Ren – he had kissed her, after all. Well, maybe she did have the right to be guilty since she kissed him back – she just didn't want to think about that part. Raena tried to sleep early that night, and after taking her shower, she thought it would be easy. But the guilt she felt clung to her more than a blanket. She had done the unthinkable; the exact thing she never wanted to do again, but she did it anyways. She guessed maybe this was meant to happen. When you have a connection with someone, even your anger of them killing you can fade away. Raena thought she was stronger than that. She was wrong.

Raena ran a hand through her hair as she fast-walked to another corridor that housed sergeants. She wore only sweats and a black tank, and though her arms were lined with goosebumps, she didn't care. Those were the least of her worries. Raena counted down the number of rooms once she got to her desired hallway. When she finally reached the end of the corridor, she found room number eighteen. She pounded her fist of the door, causing her slightly-damp hair to hang in front of her face.

After a minute, she got no answer. Raena scoffed and knocked again, harder this time. Still nothing. "OPEN UP!" She yelled, disregarding all the other sergeants in their rooms around her. Before she could demand again, the door slid open, revealing a disheveled Gerardo in nothing but sweats and dirty socks.

"What do you want?!" He whispered loudly, covering the door more than he should've.

Raena narrowed her gaze. "Why weren't you answering?!" She looked over his shoulder a bit. "Are you hiding something from me?"

"No!"

With an angry frown, Raena shoved him out of the way, turning on the bright overhead light to see Pacey underneath Gerardo's dark blue covers. The lieutenant waved his hand nervously, greeting, "Hey, Officer Nhagy ..."

Raena raised a brow, turning to Gerardo with a blank expression. "Really? You were trying to hide you almost having sex with your boyfriend? Please, I've seen worse."

Gerardo put his hands on his hips. "Well, you kinda barged in at the wrong time."

"With good reason!"

"Can I just ..." Pacey raised his hand again, causing Gerardo and Raena to look at him. "Can I get my pants on first so we can continue?"

After a long sigh, Raena turned around so the two partners could gather themselves again. She felt bad for walking in on him, but desperate times called for desperate measures. When Gerardo cleared his throat, Raena spun back around to see them both sitting on Gerardo's bed, waiting patiently for whatever news she would give them. Well, Pacey usually had that expression; Gerardo just seemed pissed that she interrupted his alone time. He'd get over it.

"Something bad has happened," she prefaced.

Gerardo frowned deeply. "You didn't do what I think you've done, right?"

Raena's mouth dropped. "I didn't do anything!" She exclaimed, and then began to briefly described the events that had occurred prior. She tried to keep it as brief as she could, but you could only do so much with as much information that she had. Raena found herself catching her breath multiple times during the story, due to her talking fast, but she continued until the end. She went in depth about what really happened after she woke up on Takodana, from realizing Kylo Ren had attempted murdering her to finding a home with the Resistance. Pacey's mouth had dropped at new allegiance, not believing his own ears. She talked about her plan to kill Kylo Ren, but that plan was now in question after recent events.

Gerardo flickered his stare to Pacey for a minute. "You're ... working for the Resistance now?"

"It's more complicated than that," Raena sighed. She sat in the chair besides Gerardo's desk. "They gave me a place to stay while I was figuring out what to do. General Organa took me in after all the terrible things I'd done to her army; after almost killing her too. I wouldn't say I'm allied with them, but they helped me and I'm grateful for it." She swallowed hard. "If anything, they got me back on my feet to extract my plan on Commander Ren."

Gerardo blew out a heavy exhale. "Well, this is news. Can't say I'm surprised. I read reports from when you were a bounty hunter with your uncle that you guys worked on both sides."

"A kill is a kill and money is money," Raena added. "My uncle used to say that."

The sergeant put out his hand. "Now onto your ... plan. How do you even plan to do it? Do you think the commander will trust you so easily and won't see it coming?" Raena blinked her eyes at his statement, leaving Gerardo to think he asked a dumb question.

"I have a plan," she stated. "At least, I hope I do. But I'm suddenly questioning my decisions because of ..." Raena's voice trailed off as she shrugged. She rubbed at her eyes, thinking over her words so they sounded right. With a heavy breath, Raena went into detailing the event that occurred days prior in Kylo Ren's quarters, making sure it was clear that this all was a big mistake on her part. The guilt of even telling the situation left her feeling numb. When she finished, Raena bit the edge of her thumbnail, waiting for an answer. Gerardo and Pacey sat in silence for a few moments.

"So ..." Pacey shrugged. "You both kissed. I don't know what's the big deal? I thought you and Ren were together before –"

Gerardo turned to his boyfriend sharply. "He fucking killed her, Pace!"

Pacey put up a finger. "Good point."

Raena held her head in her hands. "I don't know what to do," she muttered. "I feel like I fucked everything up. My plan seems farther to reach than ever now, and I'm not doing this again with the commander. I won't be the stable thing he clings too. I just can't do it anymore."

"I mean ..." Gerardo sighed, stretching out his arms. He paused before asking his true question. "I guess the biggest question is ... did you – I don't know – like it?"

Raena viewed up, dragging the bags down from her eyes to represent her stress. She didn't answer. Her stare said enough to both Gerardo and Pacey. Raena released a groan, shaking her head as she rubbed her closed eyes. Eventually, she felt a hand on her shoulder, giving her gentle pats. "There, there," Gerardo said with false sympathy. "There, there."

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, clearly seeing through her friend's untruthful demeanor. "I'm clearly in distress here, Gerardo." She replied bluntly. "This is a big deal. I'm getting roped back into something I can't do, while also flip-flopping between if I want to go through with the right thing to do or extract a plan that will satisfy me and – most likely – help the galaxy in the process. This isn't some boy problem."

"I'm acting this way because you're completely denying your own truth. You've fallen for not only the man who stole you from your home two years ago, but also the same guy who killed you in cold blood. Even with those facts, you can't deny the connection. It's real and it's there. You can't suppress your feelings anymore, and you need to make a decision on who to ally yourself with." Gerardo knelt in front of his superior, keeping his hand on her shoulder. "You're playing with fire, Nhagy."

Raena glanced to Pacey nodding his head from his place on the bed, and then she looked back to Gerardo. His expression was genuine, and that was all she could ask from him. Raena never would've thought she'd be in this situation with him when she thought back to their first meeting a year ago. She was surprised at how well she felt after telling him and Pacey everything. Raena smiled faintly at her friend, muttering, "Then let's hope I don't get burnt."

•••

Raena had kept to herself for days. She refused to attend any meetings. She took food from the mess hall and ate it in her room. She did everything she could to avoid crossing paths with Kylo. The only time she could be seen out of her room was when she was training new officers. After that, Raena would be sprinting off, away from watchful eyes and the presence of the commander. She wasn't going to be wrapped up in his game anymore.

And yet, his game was something she yearned for. It was the loneliness inside of her, and this was the exact reason why she cared for him in the first place. Raena didn't have a lot of people left, and she was simply lonely. Loneliness could make a person do some regretful things. Raena was no different, and from just a surprise kiss, here she was, twisting herself back into Kylo's life. Avoiding him was the only way to keep herself on track for her plan, but everything suddenly felt so difficult.

Raena had just ended her training session with the top three qualifying officers in her group. She read them over the guidelines to allying themselves with the First Order and what would be expected of them as an officer. She almost felt weird explaining the rules, seeing as she was secretly allied with two sides at once. A Nhagy never chooses sides, her uncle had once told her. The memory of his words had come like a cool breath of air, sending a shiver down her spine. She suppressed memories of him most of the time, just so she wouldn't have to remember the heartbreak of his death, but his words always stood out in the back of her mind.

After her training, she walked out of the conference room quickly, sprinting past all her cadets. If she walked fast enough, she'd make it to her room in under two minutes. Her feet felt like they were dragging across the floor, though she was moving as fast as she could. Raena swallowed hard, ready to cross another hall. She was so close to her room and –

Alarms began to blare throughout the ship.

Raena was caught off guard. Her feet slid messily to a stop as she looked around. Everyone stared at each other, wondering why the alarms were loudly going off. "RESISTANCE POD IN THE HANGAR! EVACUATE HANGAR IMMEDIATELY!" A voice over the speaker exclaimed, repeating the phrase three more times.

People were running towards the hangar to see what would unfold, completely ignoring the warning message. Crowds of trainees ran past Raena on both sides, and she looked around at the chaos engulfing her. She found it difficult to catch her breath. "Resistance pod?" She questioned, lowering her voice to a whisper. "What are they doing here?"

Suddenly deciding to ignore the warning message too, Raena fast walked in the direction of the hangar. She swallowed hard, wondering what idiot they sent for a distraction like this. Just as Raena neared the hangar, she viewed to her right, catching a few familiar faces wandering the outskirts of the control area of the Supremacy. Raena did a double-take, eyes widening when she recognized Finn and an unknown technician.

She ran for them, quickly shoving them back into a wall. Her eyes were crazed as she pushed Finn back to the cold, metal walls. They were all dressed in steamed leutinent garb. The technician put up her hands, shrieking, "We're new! We're in training –"

"Shut up!" Raena interrupted the technician before turning back to Finn. "What are you guys doing here?!" She then turned to the side, seeing an odd, dirty-looking man with a toothpick in his mouth, standing behind the familiar technician. Her brow furrowed. "Who the fuck are you?"

"He's the Codebreaker," Finn replied, heaving out a few breaths. "Now, can you please removed your arm from my chest so I can breathe?"

Raena shook her head, cautiously removing the arm that was holding Finn against the wall. "Sorry," she muttered, wrinkling her nose. "Okay – Codebreaker. Why do you need a Codebreaker?" Raena then eyed the technician. "I've seen you working on ships. Aren't you a sister of a pilot?"

The other girl smiled warmly and held out her hand. "Rose Tico, at your service –"

The Codebreaker suddenly pushed Rose back, sending Raena a sleazy smirk. "A-and I'm DJ," he stuttered out, though his flirtatious personality never wavered. Raena held an uncomfortable expression.

"Alright, Codebreaker, why are you here?" She looked to Finn and Rose with worry. "Who sent you both out on this ... suicide mission?"

"Suicide mission? You're one to talk," Finn scoffed, causing Rose to send him a calming look. "We're here to take out this ship's hyperspace tracker. After the attack on the Raddus, General Organa was almost killed, causing her colleague, Vice Admiral Holdo, to take her place. She has only pushed our army further to extinction."

Raena frowned, but found her heart hurting at the mention of Leia's near-death experience. She hoped the general was okay. "Let me guess," she said, placing a finger to her chin, "this was Poe Dameron's idea. Only he would suggest somehow getting you guys through the First Order's shields. I wonder how pissed Indira was to hear about this."

"Actually, it was Maz Kanata's idea."

Her lip quivered at Finn's response, and Raena almost wanted to cry – almost. Maz had been intermingled with illegal activity, though the small creature always had a heart of gold. Maz was reckless, and had the same yearn for adventure as Raena did. Unluckily for Raena, her adventure didn't go as she wanted, and instead she was thrust into a life of murdering the innocent. Although, she was good at it, but that wasn't the point.

Raena was ready to fire back a response – something along the lines of, I should've expected that, but she was cut off by her name being called. "Officer Nhagy!" The voice came from behind.

She turned quickly, a bewildered expression crossing her features at the sight of the two stormtroopers nearing her. Raena looked over her shoulder, but saw that Finn, Rose, and the Codebreaker were nowhere in sight. She swallowed hard and allowed her usual demeanor to resurface. Raena viewed back at the stormtroopers, who now stood right in front of her, and asked, "What do you need?"

"Supreme Leader Snoke sent us to retrieve you," one of the troopers replied. "He wants to speak with you. Said you both have ... business to attend to."

Raena's breath caught in her throat. Business could mean so much.