CHAPTER 13
FLOOD

IF Kylo Ren wanted to describe the thought of love, he would use the word flood, as in to express the flooding of irresponsible and irrational emotions one feels over the thought of the person they care for. Thus, when the commander imagined Raena Nhagy, he felt this flood, clogging up his mind of her image that no one had the ability to see in private. She caused a flood within him, one that no wall, barrier, or Force could stop, no matter how hard they tried.

One evening that she had seen him, he almost broke down, trying to make himself turn her away at the door. What happened to wanting to follow his grand father's footsteps? What was stopping him? Her. He needed the numbness back, but like every other time he saw her shining face, he was reminded how good it felt to have feelings. This still didn't stop his false screams for her to go away, which she knew enough for them to be fake, only convincing him further of how in love with her he really was. He didn't rebuttal, only apologizing for his irrational behavior.

It scared him; almost terrified him to the core.

He never knew that he, the Commander of the Knights of Ren, could be scared by the mere beauty of a female. The fact that he could be tied down so easily by something so lovely said something about his new morals. Though when her long digits grazed across his face, those terrible thoughts went away, replaced by the reality of Raena Nhagy in front of him. He was always smiling. The assassin gave him the ability to smile again.

Here was the difference between them: he believed he was ugly on the inside and outside. But her? She was villainous for the fact that she was ugly inside, while being outrageously beautiful on the outside.

He remembered telling her one day, "You embody everything I find exquisite, and for that, I hate you."

She had smirked, replying, "Good."

•••

Raena began punching the large bag in front of her when the memories returned again, reverting her consciousness like a plague.

It was early in the morning, so early that the gym was currently empty and not even Gerardo wanted to be up to train with her. She found her muscle and stamina increasing each passing day, which she vowed herself to keep going.

She was soon distracted by the past as she continuously punched the bag floating by a chain to the ceiling. It was almost as if she was transported back to her first training session with her uncle, the fist she was currently trying to ram into the bag came to look like his padded chest. She then remembered her first punch on a real target, suddenly engulfed by the memory of her sending their victim to the grass below. She saw the smirk on her uncle's face as he handed his niece their blaster, watching as she clutched it firmly and without a second thought, lit their victim to smithereens. That was the first moment she hadn't cared, knowing this from the moment the man's blood splattered her hands and she hadn't thought to wipe it off.

As the image of her red-stained hands haunted her memory, Raena felt as if she could just feel the sticky substance on her fingers once again. She couldn't escape bloodshed no matter how hard she tried. Killing ran through her family, so she was cursed to breathe it until the day she died.

Raena's memory distracted her, causing her hands to stop punching. Before she knew it, the heavy bag in front of her crashed into her gut, allowing her to fall to the ground. She winced as her head hit the matted ground and she rubbed the back of it. The key was to always get back up, and that's exactly what she did.

Wiping the sweat off her brow, she tightened the wraps on her knuckles and soon continued to punch the bag, not hearing the sound of the gym doors open. The figure of General Hux was then next to her, waiting for the assassin to notice his presence impatiently.

When she finally looked to her side and saw him, Raena gasped, allowing the bag to send her to the mat below once again. Shaking her head slightly, Hux gave his hand to help her stand up, which she gladly obliged to. "Sorry," she mumbled, "I didn't hear you come in."

"I didn't expect to come in either, but I somehow managed to hear you in here," he paused as she continued to pant from lack of breath, "and we have something important to discuss."

She raised a brow. "Can it wait until –?"

"No," he snapped.

"Okay," she sighed, taking a seat on the bench to her right while the stoic general continued to stand. "What is it?"

"I acquire the knowledge of your change in attitude, Nhagy." His bright eyes soon narrowed in her direction. "There's something ... off about you. I just haven't figured it out yet."

She rolled her eyes. "Keep figuring, because I'm perfectly content."

General Hux wasn't stupid. He could spot a lie from a mile away, and right now, he was being fed a bowl full of them, but he didn't know how to prove that yet.

"The second mission on Corellia speaks for itself," he added. "Every trooper has explained to me the same thing: your hesitation. You have never hesitated before fulfilling your duty, and the moment was so long that one of the troopers considered doing the job themselves."

"I was just ... thinking." She shrugged, looking away from the general's knowing eyes. She would never dare tell him the real reason, because that would cause her to delve deeper into her issues, which is somewhere Hux would never be able to go.

The general stared at her for a long second, and then replied, "Are you sure there isn't something you're not telling me?"

She nodded, the lie even evident in her eyes. "Pretty sure."

"You would tell me if there was ever any change inside of you, correct?"

Raena grinned widely in her superior's direction. "Always, General."

He sent her a curt nod before exiting the gym, catching a glimpse of her continuing to struggle-punch the bag again. As he greeted a mix of troopers heading in the opposite direction, Hux questioned if his notions were true. There was something off, and though it was only a slight suspicion, he was going to get to the bottom of it, once and for all.

Soon enough, General Hux would figure out Raena's greatest secret to date.

•••

When Raena had began working for the First Order, she had nightmares every night. Whether it be about her parents, uncle, or even Maz, she always had nightmares about their deaths at the hands of her. Recently, the nightmares had stopped, and she had never been more grateful. She could finally sleep without the fear of finding her loved one's blood on her hands. The strangest part was of these nightmares was that she was never in their places. There was always a set theme, until tonight.

The assassin was tossing and turning in her sleep as she dreamed, her dreaded thoughts unable to be seen to the outside world. In her dream, Raena found tears staining her cheeks, the wetness feeling sticky against her skin. As she leaned in, she realized herself to be in the warm embrace of Kylo, molding her mouth to his own while he rubbed the tears away from her face. When she opened her eyes, she noticed she was shrouded in darkness, except for the glowing face of Supreme Leader Snoke hanging in back of them.

She gasped then, if not from the image of Snoke smiling, but of the new piercing pain that erupted within her chest. Blood began pouring out from the wound she had no idea how she had gotten, and she slowly looked up to Kylo's face with a shocked expression.

He was smiling. His hands were covered in her blood. He continued to smile.

Before she could let out an ear-shattering shriek, Raena woke up.