CHAPTER 10
FEELING

"WE'RE headed to Ahch-To in two hours, so get dressed."

Raena stared at Hux blankly as he turned to speak to someone else. Once she regained her reality back, she rushed after him, spinning him back around. "What are you talking about? Is this a new mission?"

Hux rolled his eyes. "Of course, it is," he scoffed. "You'll be accompanied by the storm troopers, Captain Phasma, and Commander Ren."

She exhaled heavily through her nostrils at the mention of the commander. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since the night he arrived at her chambers and spat out strange words that she didn't want to hear, but that was a solid week ago and she knew she needed to get over it. The moment was odd, that was all.

"Walk with me," the general ordered as Raena followed him down the hall covered in workers commanding the boards in front of them. "We recently just translated an interception from the Resistance headquarters and apparently, the location of Luke Skywalker may be on the planet, Ahch-To. The translation could not be correct, but we're taking a chance. I need you ready for the mission in two hours, is that understood?"

She nodded sternly, already making her way towards her chambers. Heading in the direction of the destined corridor, she passed by him. For a split second, both their heads turned to each other, but they whipped back to the hall before them just as quickly. What she didn't know was that he was still staring through the mask as she passed.

•••

Dressed in her normal black cloak and boots, Raena stood by the entrance to the ship besides her fellow leaders. She held her large blaster firmly in her gloved hands, exiting the ship beside the commander and captain while hearing Hux's wishes of good luck behind her. They each stepped on the particularly barren planet with their army of storm troopers, looking around for any signs of life.

"I see nothing, Commander," Captain Phasma stated from just a glance at the planet.

Kylo huffed out an agitated sigh. "Well, we obviously have to take a look around. He isn't going to come out and greet us."

Raena pulled down her red scarf that was used to cover her mouth, coughing as her breath hit the air. Spotting a large stone sanctuary in the distance, right above the hill to their right, she said, "We should investigate that temple over there."

Following to where she pointed, Commander Ren's eyes bore into the familiar territory that she had seen. He begged his feet to move, but he was too caught up in the sight of the temple that he couldn't bear the thought of returning to it. He would never let his accompanied party know that though.

His masked-head moved to look at the assassin. "Lead the way then, Officer Nhagy."

She nodded, the feeling of his stare causing her whole body to tense up. Walking ahead of the group, she led them up the stone path laid out in front of them. She kept her eyes trained on the area around her, letting them fall back behind her every so often. After a few hours of climbing, the army arrived at the top of the hill and stared at the temple before them.

"Go on," she heard the commander mutter behind her.

Accompanied by Captain Phasma, the two females covered the commander as they neared the temple. As soon as her foot hit the concrete steps to the entrance, the surface below her crumbled, causing Raena's foot to move backwards. Confused, Captain Phasma did the same, retracting her covered foot because of the same reaction. "Sir," the captain turned to Ren's direction, "I'm not sure about this location. I have a premonition that it's heavily guarded."

"I see no guards, do you?" He scoffed.

Raena glanced at the captain before turning back to the commander. "She's right. It could be trapped, especially if this is the specific location of Luke Skywalker."

Kylo decided not to listen to the females, urging them to continue on with a wave of his hand. They moved through the crumbling stairs quickly with Raena in the lead, her blaster ready for aiming at a moment's notice. The opening entrance was a sight to see: full of destroyed walls and demented columns, dirt from the planet scattered everywhere. Kylo continuously kept a hand on the hilt of his light saber.

Raena had been trekking through the vast hallways with the group before she noticed Kylo wasn't behind her. She turned back, seeing him lodged in place and staring above, as if he was so entranced by the temple that he couldn't think straight. "Commander," she called, gaining his attention, "are you alright?"

He nodded, allowing her to continue their roaming. They had crossed almost every corridor that was still left – at least not those which were already too crumbled to see – and Raena was starting to grow tired. The translation must've been wrong, or the Resistance knew that the First Order had intercepted their radios and sent them false information. Either way, she found it to be highly unlikely that Luke Skywalker was on the barren planet.

"He's not here," she sighed, stopping the march as Captain Phasma nodded in agreement. "We've walked through this entire temple and all we've come up with is dirt in our boots."

"You're wrong," the commander shook his head. "I can feel something here. We're in the right place; we're just missing something."

He took a single step forward, but time seemed to stop as his foot pushed down on a small tile below him.

His step caused an alert to go off, allowing the group to look around curiously at the scene before them. Raena stepped back, eyes widening at the sudden weapon coming their way. A huge ball of triggered fire was thrown from an unknown area, hitting the commander directly in the stomach and forcing him to fall backwards into the group of storm troopers. Another was aimed at Phasma, but she moved just in time and caused it to hit the already injured commander on the floor. As another was heading their way, Kylo brought his weakened hand up, using the Force to send the ball in another direction.

"We're under attack!" Raena exclaimed as the roof above them started crumbling.

Captain Phasma turned to their army, shouting, "RETREAT!"

Two storm troopers gathered their wounded commander by his arms and legs as the captain and assassin rushed them all away from the temple. Each step they took set off another trap, causing even the floor below to disintegrate. Raena heard the cries of a few lost storm troopers who were crushed by the heavy blocks of concrete falling from above, but they continued on, sprinting down the path from the temple at the speed of light. They reached the middle of the stone path as the temple stopped collapsing, as if their presence away from it halted the alert. When they finally arrived back at the ship, they immediately sent the ship off the deserted planet as the commander was taken to the medical wing, along with a couple of injured storm troopers.

Just as General Hux had approached her for her findings, Raena had fallen into his arms, her tiredness getting the best of her body.

•••

When she recovered from her small fainting session, Raena reported to Hux what had happened to the group. She had admitted that at first, she doubted if the location was correct, but since the temple's alert went off, she could almost guarantee that the interception wasn't wrong. They had been at the location of the last Jedi, but the planet was so heavily guarded to keep them away that she doubted if it was possible for them to return. Their biggest question why Luke Skywalker had scared them away with traps instead of facing them himself. What was he trying to hide?

Hux had nodded at her words, replying, "Good to know. You may go." She nodded, but looked back when he grabbed her arm. "Get some rest, Nhagy. You need it."

She wanted to follow his orders, but Raena soon found herself heading to the hospital wing of the ship, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes. Striding down the halls, she looked through each of the medical rooms - spotting the few storm troopers that had been hurt - until she found the one he was given to recover alone. She noticed the commander was already sitting up and awake in the sterile bed as she neared the entrance, captivated by his abilities to heal so quickly, or maybe it was the way he wasn't wearing his helmet as of that moment.

Kylo sensed her presence as soon as she reached his room, but paid her no mind and massaged his temples. "Greetings and salutations," she smiled, walking into the room at the same time his eyes found hers. She sat on the bed he was seated on.

He was silent.

"You took a pretty hard hit back there. I'm surprised you're not almost dead."

He shrugged.

"What did I do?" She asked, a hint of annoyance in her tone. "Why aren't you speaking to me?"

His dark eyes narrowed in her direction. "I thought we were icing each other out."

She looked away, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry."

"Remind me never to be honest with you again," he seethed through clenched teeth. "I don't know what's going on with me and I came to you because I knew you wanted to help me before. I wanted to apologize for my wrongs, but you avoided the conversation all together. But I know why: you're scared. You're even more terrified than I am, and that takes a lot."

Her gaze moved to her hands, playing with them as he spoke.

"You don't think that this isn't tearing me up inside? Because it is," he continued. "I feel something inside me growing that isn't supposed to be there. My feelings – whatever they are at the moment – they're supposed to be numb. That's what made me a good leader, but now? I'm a shit leader. I can't do anything but feel guilt for things that are unchangeable, and that's your fucking fault."

Chocolate met honey as her eyes locked with his own. "What are you talking about? I didn't –"

"You're causing me to feel again!"

His outburst caused a shiver to run through her, and she cautiously moved backwards.

"And that's not even the only reason why I'm angry," he shook his head as he swallowed down his pride. He couldn't believe he was admitting this, even to her. "What makes me angrier is that I could care less about what makes me a good leader now. I don't care that you did this to me; I enjoy the feeling of being grounded."

She nodded, her only signal that she understood. She had been feeling the same, but she had too much respect for him to admit it otherwise. She was just the assassin; she didn't feel it was fair to care for someone in such a high ranking. But what she didn't realize is that he felt the same: he didn't have the right to have feelings for someone as special as Raena Nhagy.

"The worst part of it all is that I know I'm no good for you," he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear. "My heart isn't normal; it wasn't built for two."

She shrugged. "I've never been one to do what's right."

"I could snap at any moment. I know I'm not going to care forever." His teeth grit as he forced himself not to ram his fist into her skull, just out of pure hatred for his care. "I could kill you anytime."

"But you won't," she countered with a raise of her brows. "You wouldn't kill the last Nhagy."

He watched her look down at her hands again, but as he lifted her chin to stare into her deep hazel eyes, he felt a pang of uncomfortableness. He had never been in this situation before; a place where he became so open with the feelings he was supposed to suppress. He knew he needed to do this though, or else he wouldn't feel the same. The thought of becoming Ben Solo again caused a shaking to occur throughout his system, but as his digits brushed against her flushed cheek, he couldn't care less.

He leaned in close, just enough for their noses to touch, before pressing his lips against her own, igniting a spark to fill the pit of Raena's stomach. Their mouths moved in sync with each other as his thumb continued to move in circles on the back of her neck, leaving her wanting so much more than she had gotten when the commander had moved away.

She blinked for a moment, her hand moving over her heart to feel it beating erratically. "Why did you do that?" She breathed out.

"Because you let me."