Chapter's song: Photograph by Ed Sheeran

҉ A PrinceSSly CoNNectioN ҉

ChaPtEr TWENTY-OnE _________________________

Reality

The drive to the airport could be described in two words: awkward and tense.

I couldn't tell who was more stressed, my aunt, Jason or me. The air felt thick and the silent was heavy. Neither spoke. We were all deep in thought as Aunt Patty parked. Her brown eyes searched mine through the rear view mirror. Her lips were set in a grim line as I swallowed hard trying to keep the tears at bay.

An older man on a grey suit was already expecting us. He and Jason took care of the luggage as my aunt grabbed my hand and we followed them around the airport.

"You'll come back to visit, right?" her voice was soft and sad. Her eyes glint with hope as she asked.

I don't know...

Averting my eyes, I nodded. Things would never be the same, would they? He wouldn't be here...

Memories of the last days flashed through my mind. The way his grey eyes darkened as he leaned closer until our lips met or the time we tried stand-up paddling...the electric tingles his rough hands left trailing on my thighs or the way my heart bumped as we swayed our way through the dance floor...the intense look in his eyes or the sweet and passionate kissing session down the beach...

Fuck, no.

I couldn't come back.

Looking ahead of us, my heart ached knowing that he was so near and so far at the same time.

They say that time heals everything. Would I be able to let Jason's memories go? Because that was all that I'd have...and I could let him go, but I would never, ever forget the momenst we spend together.

Aunt Patty's hand squeezed my hand. She was probably thinking the same thing...

"I'm sorry," I whispered sadly as my eyes were trained on the floor.

"I know, honey, I know..." she passed an arm across my shoulders as we arrived at a private gate.

It was a small room with a couple of blue sofas and a small desk on the corner. Behind it, a middle-age woman dressed in the airport's colors was going through some papers with a blond man. As we arrived, both looked at us and the man paced to us. "Your majesty," he bowed his head. He introduced himself as a representative of the English Embassy and directed me to take a seat as the customs agent, the woman behind him, arranged everything.

With a sinking heart, I did as told. My aunt followed behind me. She sighed before furrowing her brows, "are you not trying to keep in touch back in England?" she asked in a light tone so I could be the only one to hear her.

It would be pointless, wouldn't it? We were both from different worlds...and I couldn't imagine Jason dealing with all the complications that came from being with me. That is, if he was free to.

At that moment, a door to our right creaked and out came Jason all dressed up in his navy uniform. As if that was the answer, my aunt shook her head and squeezed my hand again. My eyes were trained on him. He walked to the blond man and shook hands. They exchanged words for a moment and I still couldn't stop looking at him. It was a combination of awe, ache and longing at the same time.

I swallowed hard as our eyes locked for a moment. My heart throbbed for him. My eyes brimmed with tears as I averted my eyes. Taking a deep breath, my heart skipped a beat as I heard his dark voice.

"Patricia, thank you for everything."

My aunt stood up and hugged him. "No need to thank me, Jason. It was a pleasure to have you both for the summer. I hope that everything goes well back in England."

I couldn't look at them. I was about to burst into tears and all I could do was look anywhere but him.

"It's time to go, Your Highness."

My heart plummeted to the floor. His voice was indifferent. Plus, we were back to the formal terms. Nodding, I stood up biting my tongue. I'd always been good in keeping my emotions at bay. Especially among crowds. This time, though...everything took me by surprise and I was an emotional wreck.

Ignoring his burning stare, a shaky smile played in my lips as I glanced at my aunt. Which was the worst mistake ever. Her own eyes were teary. She wiped a tear off her cheek as I felt this incredible pressure down my throat.

"Have a safe journey home, Marianne." Her voice broke and I had to struggle with my own tears as she held me tight by the shoulders. One tear rolled down my face as we pulled apart. Her lips tried to make a sad smile but a despaired gesture came out instead.

My mouth opened trying to voice out a thank you, but I couldn't say a word. She knew exactly what I was going through so she just nodded and kissed me on the cheek.

The flight back home was unbearable.

As soon as the plane lift, Jason pulled out ear plugs and changed his seat position so he could lie down. Completely distraught, I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

My heart and soul were a complete mess.

I didn't understand what was going through his mind. He was acting too formally and too serious. As if he'd built an invisible wall between us.

Did it have to do with his girlfriend? Probably...or maybe the fact that I was a princess...or maybe...my stomach clenched...maybe he just didn't care about me. Maybe I was just a summer fling. The worst part was that I knew that. I always knew...

I never imagined heartbreak would hurt like this.

My eyes teared up as the plane lifted from the ground. The blue turquoise sea stirred a longing feeling within me. I knew that my life would never be the same. And it would take a long time to see it once again. The stewardess was giving out her usual speech but her words got lost as I stared outside.

Swallowing hard, I pulled off the seatbelt and went to the restroom. As soon as I closed the door, the tears started to roll down in waves and I had to place a palm on my mouth trying to muffle a sob.

Two hazel eyes looked at me. Blotchy, teary...but mostly sad...so really sad...

Get a hold of yourself, Marianne. Sighing, I closed my eyes for a moment before splashing cold water on my face. Have some dignity and conceal how you feel.

I didn't leave the restroom until I looked calm. After washing my face, I applied concealer and pink blush. My eyes still looked sad and if I let my mind drift off to Jason, they teared up, but after taking deep breaths several times, I managed to walk out of the restroom looking a bit more presentable.

The nine hours flight seemed like an eternity. The crew offered me food and beverages but I wasn't feeling thirsty nor hungry.

My thoughts drifted off from Jason to my family. Who knew what kind of drama would be waiting for me back home?

How was Grandma Isobel? I hoped it wasn't really serious, like Mom had said. She never texted or called back and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. It could be that she was far worse than she described or that it was indeed, something not to worry.

At some point, my eyes closed on it's own and I felt someone put a nice warm blanket on me. Flashes of grey eyes, deep blue sea and sand played on my mind.

The red-haired stewardess awoke me gently announcing that we were arriving at London. Groggy, I rubbed my eyes with the back of my palm. Instinctively, they travelled to Jason's seat. Grey eyes met mine for a moment and a flash of something passed through them before he turned away. My heart rate was already spiking up and I had to force myself to look away.

From the small windows, I could see a welcome committee already waiting for our arrival. My stomach churned uneasily. On their own, my eyes drifted once again to Jason. It was as if they wanted to keep looking at him knowing that they might not see him again.

A pang of pain played on my chest at that thought.

I could fully understand when people told you that life was about moments. I didn't regret being with Jason back in Mexico...those moments felt like a precious treasure right now. I would hold on to them.

The plane landed.

My eyes locked on with Jason's. His lips parted as he stared at me intensely for a moment before the stewardess stood in front of me completely blocking Jason away. I wanted to push her away and tell him that I was madly in love with him but when she moved, he had stepped out of the plane already.

What could that do, anyway?

Would he run to my arms leaving his life behind? Not a chance...

I closed my eyes for a second, whilst taking a calming breath and followed the red-haired stewardess outside. Both my parents were waiting for me. Along with a rather large group of bodyguards and people I didn't really know.

Mom's warm arms encased me and feeling like a little girl with a broken heart, I held on to her and couldn't hold it anymore. I sobbed on her shoulders. Her voice came out soothing as she rubbed my back like she used to do when I was little.

They led me to the car. As I pulled away from Mom, I searched for Jason all over the place but it was too crowded and there were other officials with the same uniform. I didn't know where he was. I couldn't find him.

I couldn't even say goodbye.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as Dad said something while someone opened the car's door for me. I swallowed hard as my eyes kept trying to look out for him but then the car started to move and I literally wanted to bump my head on the window.

How could this be it?

"Honey, I had no idea you were this preoccupied with the Queen's health. Lady Isobel's stroke was indeed minor and there are no complications other than she has to rest for a long time." Mom's green eyes looked sad, "I'm sorry I didn't text or anything...I really had no idea how preoccupied you could be..."

I felt worse.

I never cried over my great grandmother. I was so selfish...

I started crying again. Mom shoot a panicked look at Dad who passed an arm around me and pulled me to him. "Shhh...she just needs to rest, that's all. You will see her in the morning, ok?"

With averted eyes, I nodded. There was no point telling them the truth. Especially since we weren't alone and I couldn't imagine my father's reaction when I told them the true reason why I was crying.

It was late in the afternoon and the jet-lag and tiredness of the whole flight and stress wore me out. We reached home in awkward silence. As I took the stairs to my room, Mom told me that she would bring me tea in a minute. Which was not needed nor wanted but couldn't tell her so.

The room that had always been my sacred place looked dull. It was missing a fan on the ceiling and a window overlooking the sea. I dropped to bed without changing clothes or anything. Once again, flashes of Jason's eyes or the way his hand had trailed on my stomach played on my mind. It seemed ages ago and it had only happened a few hours ago. My eyes teared up.

With an aching heart, I closed my eyes and silently wished him the best in life.

Mom burst in my room with a small tray in her hands. Rubbing away the tears, I sat up pulling my knees to my chest. She smiled sadly at me and placed the tray on my bed stand. She'd made me tea and a ham sandwich. "You shouldn't have bothered, Mom. Thank you." For her sake, I nipped a corner of the bread and brought it to my mouth.

"Ashley wanted to come in to say hello but I told her you were tired. She should be here first thing in the morning, though." She shook her head smiling. Her green eyes concentrated on me, "is there anything else that you're not telling me?"

I looked away considering if I should tell her but there was no point denying it, either. "I'm a horrible person, Mom." I sighed and raised my palm to stop her from saying anything else, "I'm not really crying over Grandma Isobel." My voice broke and my eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at me apprehensively. "I slept with Jason..."

Mom blinked at me, "with lieutenant Lee?"

Nodding, I looked down embarrassed, "I fell in love with him."

"Did you sleep with him once or-"I gave her a flat stare as she raised her palm. "Ok, just asking...did you use protection?"

"Mom!" Wide eyed I shook my head. I was not having this conversation with her again.

"Sorry! I'm your mother, I'm entitled to make embarrassing questions, ok?" she raised an eyebrow with a small smile on her lips. Her eyes softened as she played with the hem of her sweater, "I don't see what the big deal is, then. You can go out together, your father and I have no say in the matter."

I sighed and looked away ashamed of myself. "No, Mom. Things are not that easy." I leaned my head on my knees, "you see, he has...someone here..."

Mom told us about the ex that cheated on her and how hurt she'd felt. Loyalty was a big thing in our house. Admitting this to Mom was not easy. I could see her completely disappointed in me.

"Oh." My eyes brimmed with tears again.

Shame washed over me as I mumbled a sorry to her. "I'm a horrible, horrible person..."

Her hand landed softly on my knee. "You're not a horrible person, dear. I'm sure he knew exactly what he was doing, so don't dwell on it. Although starting out a relationship with someone who can't be faithful is not the best way to start, don't you think?"

Looking up, I stared at her for a moment. "Apparently the wench told him not to be exclusive or something like that."

"So, technically you weren't cheating." Mom stated confidently.

"Does it matter? He could be with her right now..." Bitterness laced my words.

"Then he isn't worth it, Marianne. You're young and you will find someone worthy of you."

"Worthy of me?" I asked discouraged before standing up and pacing on my room. "I knew we were technically cheating and I couldn't care less about it. My great grandmother is in the hospital and I have to admit that I should be more preoccupied than what I really am..." I shook my head, "do I have any right to make him leave his life so he can enter mine? With all the rules, protocols and the press on his heels?" I found myself in front of the paneled window staring at the distance, "I'm not worthy, Mom. Not worthy at all."

"I disagree." She paced towards me. "You are human, after all. You are entitled to make mistakes, to be selfish. God knows that Lady Isobel can be harsh and is not your favorite person. It's understandable that you're not fond of her. Love is earned and I'm afraid that she hasn't been the nicest person." She stayed quiet for a moment, "and I'm sorry you feel like your life is filled with protocols and rules..."

A pang of guilt played in my chest. "Mom, I'm not saying that you and Dad have been wonderful parents. You have." Her green eyes softened as I reached out for her, "but our lives are filled with rules, Mom. Outside this doors, we have to be careful with what we say or whom we say it to. Look at Ashley, she's not sure if her boyfriend is with her because he actually likes her or because it helps him out in his career." I squeezed her hand as she nodded understandingly. "The thing is that for the last three weeks I got to taste freedom. And I loved it...I made friends without much effort and for the first time in well, forever, I could be me..."

Mom sighed, "Are you sure that Lee saw you as a normal girl, honey?"

"He saw the real me. And things...happened. It wasn't planned. It just happened."

Mom's green eyes sparkled with glee. "Well, I suppose that's how it usually goes, honey."

"And I always knew that things would be different in England. It was just that it felt good, Mom. It felt perfect and it was starting when it suddenly had to end."

Mom's brows furrowed. "I'm really sorry to hear that." Me too. "But you know what they say, life is unpredictable and you may meet again."

Her words played in repeat in my mind even after she'd left with an almost empty tray.

One thing was true...

Life was unpredictable.

So who knew what the future could hold for me. Or us.

_______________________________________________________________________

Hey there!

So...I don't know what's going on with me...writing hasn't been easy. I think I need to make time to read, too. It feels like I'm wiritng because I owe it to you and not for me...and well...I sort of need to reconnect with books. It may not make sense to you, though. Sorry about that.

That doesn't mean that I won't update soon. Don't worry about it. But if you do know of an awesome love story, please share it with me!

How do you feel about everyhing going on? As I said before, this is not the end, people. They are back in England and there are a few more things that need to happen :)

Thank you for being there for me. For your awesome votes, follows and comments.

Gabs