-- C H A P T E R
F O R T Y --

I turn around to face him, then. Freddie's hazel eyes are darkened with lust. He could literally do whatever he wants to me, and I'd be okay with it. After all, I did show a peak of interest to his lifestyle. His eyes are piercing through me, and I am growing weak in the knees.

"This is where..." I gulp, feeling my heart beat a mile a minute. "... where everything will happen?"

"Yes," he says hoarsely. "this is where I'll train you to submit to me, this is where I'll show you how much you mean to me. This is where I feel most at peace."

  "Then do it," I say a little too quickly. "take what you want. I'm yours."

Freddie steps back, then makes his way to the door. "As much as I'd love to," he begins. "I told you that I'm not a monster, and I am also a man of my word." he waits for me to come up to him and the opened door.  "The minute you sign the contract, things will be different. I'm going to still treat you like the princess that you are, however, the dynamics of sexuality will shift once you give yourself completely to me."

I walk over to him, feeling a bit relieved that he wasn't going to hang me on the wooden board and whip me. Though the thought sent a strange, unfamiliar feeling down the pit of my stomach, I quickly dismissed it. I knew I was becoming aroused, but I had to remain focused on Freddie and I, and not on my potential sexual appetite.

"Onto the next room?" I ask once I'm at the door. Freddie closes his so-called playroom and locks it. He places the keys in his pocket and then stands in the middle of the hallway; hesitant on opening the next room.

"You don't want to see the next room," he replies. "I haven't exactly cleaned it out."

  "Oh, come on!" I plead. "Please?"

With that, Freddie sighed. "You're going to be death of me." He walks up to the final room and opens the door.

   Resting inside of it, was a full bed with pink bedsheets and a white comforter. The walls were painted white, and it looked untouched. When my eyes returned their gaze to the bed, I noticed it remained unmade. It was as if someone had stayed here before.

But who?

"Who stayed here before?" I asked. "Your sister?"

"I don't have a sister," Freddie replied. "I have a younger brother, and the last person who stayed in this room was my previous submissive." 

It made me uncomfortable knowing that there was another woman in this room. I felt like I had to leave, like I didn't belong. I looked at Freddie, then, and his eyes remain to the bed; almost as if he were regretting something.

He slowly walks to the unmade bed and sits at the edge of it. His hands are on his lap, and his eyes are fixated on the floor. "I'm sure you have some questions," he states, almost as if he's guilty. "this room belonged to my previous submissive. This was the long-term submissive. I had created this room to set boundaries. For example, whenever we were in the playroom, we would do the activities we agreed upon. Whenever we weren't in that room, she'd reside here, and I would be in my room.

"This is what I call a princess room." He continues on. "A room solely for my submissive to sleep and make herself comfortable."

He looks at the pillow on the bed, then at the wall. "Before our contract was over, I had discovered she was making arrangements with another dominant, all without communicating to me who he was, and asking me if it would be okay to share her with another dominant. This dominant, in particular, seemed to satisfy her more than I could. However, what I know about him, is that he breaks boundaries.

  "She didn't feel guilty, or ashamed. She simply just told me that the man she was seeking was her match, and because it was close to the end of the contract, I decided to simply let the date come, and afterwards I informed her that it was terminated, and I haven't seen or spoken to her since."

"Why do you look like you did something stupid when you talk about her?" I ask, looking at the beautiful man before me. "It was her fault. She should have agreed to the terms."

Freddie gave out a sigh. "Amanda," he begins. "I do feel stupid. Not because of my previous submissive, but it's that kind of ignorance that makes me feel as if I'm not good enough. In truth, I am afraid to even pursue this relationship with you, in fear that you'll be unfulfilled."

   "I don't think that's true," I state. "even though you haven't seen me naked, or touched me in that way, I think what you're doing now is very satisfying." I find myself wanting to sit on his lap, so I do. "I'm sorry that whoever put you through this type of thinking hurt you, but I want you to know you're good enough."

Freddie holds my waist with his hands. "Thank you." he rubs small circles on my right hip. "Does this room make you uncomfortable?" He asks me.

I nod. "It does," I state. "not just because she was once here, but because she also hurt you." I look into Freddie's eyes and let myself melt internally. 

Freddie nods. "I understand." He taps me on the small of my back. "If you want," he continues on. "I can remodel this entire room and make it your own. It'll be your own princess room."

I shake my head. "I don't think so, Freddie," I reply. "I'm still unsure about the contract."

"As I've told you before," Freddie stands as I'm already standing. "I'll wait endlessly for you. If this is what you truly want, then it will be. I just want you to be around my life. You make me better somehow."

He presses his lips to my forehead. "How about I take you home?" He asks me. "You can come by tomorrow. We can look at the contract a little more thoroughly; no distractions."

I give out a shy smile. "I'd like that."

°°

     Once Freddie personally dropped me off at my apartment, I couldn't get the story he told me out of my head. Who was this girl, and why did I care so much that she hurt him? Freddie clearly was infatuated with me. I place the contract on my dresser once again, and then proceed to lay in bed. Maybe the reason why I cared about Freddie's past hurt was because I care about him, and because he was hurt once, I didn't want him to hurt like that again.

   I stared up at the ceiling. Freddie told me once that the reason for the contract was because it was easy for him not to get hurt. However, with what he told me tonight, didn't the fact that there was a binding contract between them be the reason why Freddie got hurt? Wasn't it the simple fact she neglected to communicate to Freddie about seeing someone else be the sole purpose that Freddie felt a tinge of regret?

I didn't understand him. I didn't understand why he needed paperwork to signify someone's love. I loved him, and I know he feels the same. So, what was holding him back from my reach?

I had so many questions going on in my mind. As I drifted off to sleep, I had one more lingering question on my mind:

If I ended up signing the contract on my dresser, would I be making a mistake?

°°°

Author's Note -

So, unlike 50 Shades of Grey, Freddie's backstory with his previous submissive wasn't done because he hurt her, or because he had another binding contract with another woman. In the BDSM world, it's a matter of respect and communication - which entails trust. In this case, I wanted to imply that it's not always the dominant's fault boundaries get crossed. Sometimes boundaries are crossed because there are immature submissives, who don't really educate themselves about the lifestyle. I do apologize if that was blunt, but it's true.

Anyhow, if you liked this chapter, please let me know your thoughts. I really am enjoying the fact that this book is getting a lot of attention, even if the book, itself, doesn't have sex. Do you think I'm doing a good job with it?

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~ Valerie Matthews