-- C H A P T E R
E I G H T E E N --

"What do you mean by 'little girl'?" I ask. I wasn't exactly sure by what he meant.

Freddie shakes his head with a light laugh. "What I mean is, to put it simply, I want you to be my submissive."

"Why?" I inquire.

The man before me looks at me again, then puffs out his cheeks as he thinks of something to say.

"I want you to be my submissive because you have all the qualities I would look for in that category," he begins. "the reason why I fired you is because I wanted more from you. I wanted to know you on a more deeper level, and if I kept kissing you as me secretary, well... It would be deemed inappropriate -- as you've already informed me."

He scratches his chin, then continues. "Amanda, I'm attracted to you. Ever since you'd stepped into my office, I wanted to touch you. I wanted you then, and I want you now. Which is also why you'd seen Aubrey leave the other day. I did something stupid... Something no man should ever do during sex."

I knitted my eyebrows, perplexed. "What did you do?"

He looks at me, ashamed. "...I said yer name mid-climax," he replied. "and then she said her ex-husband's name as she was finished, which is why I called her a slag and twat."

"I don't understand you, Mr. Highmore," I finally state after hearing this. "you want me because you're attracted to me?"

Freddie nods. "To put it simply, yes." He stands, then looks out the window, then down at his shoes, then back up at me. "I do." He walks over to where I'm sitting, towering over me.

"I want you, Ms. Helgard." he states.

The magnetic pull was enough for me to stand, to ride to my feet and wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his. However, I didn't move, or speak. I was frozen; speechless to the core. After all this time I thought this man wanted nothing to do with me, and now that I'm coming to grips with it, he does. However, what I couldn't wrap my head around was the type of relationship he was wanting to pursue.

"Can you..." I gulp, feeling my heartbeat accelerate. "e-explain to me the gist of the relationship?" I scan at his tall frame, drinking in every ounce of his perfect face and figure.

"Of course," Freddie whispers. "but I need to do something first."

"And what's that, Mr. Highmore?" I nearly gasp, becoming more flustered at the sound of his English accent.

"This."

He lifts up my chin, then brings his lips on mine; capturing my mouth in a bittersweet serenade of bliss and anticipation.

And as I melt, I feel more secure. Because this man, who I've had mixed feelings for, has gotten me intoxicated by his words, his touch, him.

He was my drug. And I was determined to get high.

°°

My eyes widen at the sudden feeling of his lips on mine, but I drink from it; closing my eyes and reciprocating. I oblige my mouth open and allow his tongue to seep in, tasting mint and cigarettes and Freddie. It was all so alluring; romantic and thrilling. I place my hand on his shoulder as he kisses me slowly, and just like that, he pulls back.

Panting, he rises. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "I just couldn't resist." He looks me over as he stands in front of his desk, his swivel chair resting behind him. "You're just so sexy."

Apparently, cardigans are the new lingerie...

"I'm wearing a cardigan, Mr. Highmore," I reply, blushing. "how is that even remotely sexy?"

The older man smirks. "I can think of a few ways it could be," he replies. "like blindfolding you." His eyes grow lustful, and as the image courses through my mind, I start to feel a shiver of desire pour down below. It was a bit strange, seeing it as I'd never made it my mission to have a time of 'self-discovery'.

"Then why don't you do it then?" I ask him, wanting more.

Freddie bites his lip, then sits down. "Because, Ms. Helgard," he starts. "I wouldn't be a proper gentleman if I took what I wanted," he says. "Hell, I've been scolded for disrespecting ye the other day -- I'd rather not take my chances." he chuckles.

"I've already forgiven you for that, sir." I reply, chuckling. "Come on, show me what you got."

He narrows his eyes on me. "Have you had sex before, Ms. Helgard?"

My heart drops, and it is then that realize that I'm all talk and no walk. I have had no experience when it came to sex; I was a mere virgin. Untouched by the human hand.

I gulp. "No," I reply slowly. "I'm not."

"Then I can't do that to you, Ms. Helgard." he replies. "If you are wanting this as much as I do, I want to make it right. I want to get to know you -- even on a physical level."

Freddie then looks down at his hands, opening his mouth to speak. He looks up, his lips in a straight line. Now he was serious again. "To answer your question on this type of relationship, I want to take care of you. I not only want to touch you, make you feel good, I also want to make sure you are willing to let me satisfy you in ways no one else has; to take care of you better than your parents could."

I look down at my hands, tears brimming as the remembrance of my parents' death surfaces.

I can feel Freddie's eyes on me.

"Are you okay, Ms. Helgard?" he asks me.

I slowly nod, then bring my head upward. "Yeah," I reply. "...my parents died in a car crash when I was a kid," I reply truthfully. I wasn't sure why I was comfortable telling him this, but I did. He seemed nice enough, and he had already shared with me his backstory. What was wrong with me sharing mine?

Freddie nods. "Come here, Amanda." he lowly orders.

I slowly stand to my feet and walk over around the desk, meeting him as he is sitting down in his office chair.

"Yes, Mr. Highmore?" I ask, a tear slowly sliding down my face.

He carefully wipes away my tear. "Sit on my lap." he says.

I reluctantly obey. Freddie wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay," he mutters. "I want you to know that I'm here, and I'm here to hold you if ye need."

I nod slowly, and lean my head against him.

And for the first time in my life, since the day of my parents' funeral, I began to cry.

°°°