Chapter Sixty Eight
Primadonna

SYDNEY STARTED TO remember why she never allowed herself to get close to people. She stared to remember why she always closed herself off from others and why she built up her walls. She lived in a lonely world inside the walls of an empty house. Since she was a kid, all she knew was being alone.  Over time she tried to convince herself that she was fine with always being alone if it meant nobody was able to hurt her.  That mindset caused her to grow up mean.  She grew up ugly.  She grew up a girl who envied those who stayed kind as she turned sour.  She was cold and sharp like the edge of a knife.  Rotten girlhood.

But of course,  she encountered the one thing that always seemed to bind the broken girl together again in the movies;  a boy.  A skinny boy with braces who would never hurt a fly.  Sydney knew from the first time she saw him walking up to her in the cafeteria that there was something about him she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about.  This caused her to give him the cold shoulder like she did everybody else.  If she acted like she didn't care,  that she didn't care about him,  then he would leave her alone,  right?  That's usually how it goes.

She was wrong apparently because Miguel Diaz saw through her tough girl act.  On the outside,  she was this beautiful,  articulate,  primadonna who did everything in her power to act like the biggest bitch in the world so that people would fear her,  but on the side,  she was different;  Miguel knew that.  He didn't see what everyone else saw.  He saw more.  He was able to see through her walls and break them down to reveal a girl who really wanted to be loved.  He softened her touch and warmed her heart.  He loved her and she loved him.

But now,  she knew that wasn't enough.

Sydney collapsed on the wooden floors with a large exhale.  Her skin was covered and sweat and she shook terribly.  She channeled all of her feelings into her dancing.  She did it her whole life.  Everything she wanted to say,  she said it through dance.  She brought her arms up and covered her face from the bright lights.

"That was. . . great,  Sydney,"  Rosemary voiced from where she was sitting in the back of the room.  "It was really powerful."

Sydney slowly sat up from the floor.  "Thank you,"  she breathed out and wiped the sweat from her face.

"Why don't you get a drink of water and we'll run it again?"

She nodded her head and got up from the floor.  She walked sluggishly out of the dance room to where all of their bags were.  A few of the girls were on break and sitting on the bench with their water bottles in hand.  Sydney sat in the corner of the room on the bench and brought her knees up to her chest.

"You good,  Brit?"  Sailor's loud voice asked when she came over to sit on the bench.  She sat across from her and took out her water bottle.

"Course I am,"  the girl responded simply.  She took a large gulp of her water.  "How's your dance going?"  She asked to change the subject.

"Oh,  it's great!"  Sailor smiled.  "It's called 'Lights,  Camera,  Action'.  I'm supposed to be a supermodel."  She explained the dance.

"That's fitting."  Sydney said with a teasing smile.

She playfully flipped her hair.  "Why,  thank you."

The British girl leaned her head against the wall behind her.  She let out another audible sigh.  She had been at the dance studio since seven this morning.  She woke up,  had breakfast with her mom and dad,  and immediately left for class.  She wanted to keep herself busy.  She didn't want to dwell on the events of the All Valley.  She wanted to move on with her life.

Sailor could see that there was something bothering her. "Hey, are you okay? You seem a little. . . off?" She asked when she noticed the distant look in her eyes. Since she met the girl, Sailor always knew her to be present and focused when it came to dance. Today, she just seemed out of it.

Sydney let out a chuckle. "Im fine, Sailor. My dance is just hard. But I like it. It keeps me busy." She answered with a fake smile.

"Are you sure? I heard about the All Valley tournament. I'm sorry you didn't win." She said with a slight frown.

She only shrugged. "You win some, you lose some." She recited and took another drink of water. "All though I will admit, I still want to kick that bitches ass." She said through her tooth.

"You know, if you want to let out some steam, you can always come to the gym with me," Sailor suggested. "They have a boxing area. It's great for getting some anger out."

Sydney sat up in interest. "You think so?"

"Totally. I'm going later tomorrow if you want to come. I'll come pick you up."

The Brit thought about it for a minute before nodding. "Okay. Yeah, that sounds like fun." She said with a smile.

"Good, maybe I'll get the chance to see you do some karate." Sailor teased and took another drink from her bottle.

Sydney didn't respond. She knew the consequences of her losing the All Valley. They had a deal with Cobra Kai. She couldn't help but blame herself for what happened. She thought she was prepared. But after what happened with Miguel it was like everything in her mind vanished. She couldn't think clearly. She damn near had a panic attack on the mat. Failure was something she did not take lightly and when it happened, she took it out on herself.

All eyes fell on Sydney when she walked into the Larusso's backyard. Since finding out about the situation with Miguel, their break up, and her losing the final fight, they were all worried about her, especially Sam. Sydney was her best friend since they were little girls. She knew everything about her and the way she processed things. She always bottled her problems up and kept them hidden inside her until one day, she breaks. That's what Sam was afraid of, that she was going to break.

"There's our girl!" Demetri shouted out with a happy smile.

She managed to give a small one back.  "Hey guys,"  she greeted them all as they greeted her.  She walked up to Eli and put her hand on his shoulder.  "I didn't get a chance to tell you congratulations.  I'm proud of you."  She told him quietly and squeezed his shoulder.

He smiled at her.  "Thanks,  Syd.  I'm proud of you,  too.  Even though things didn't exactly work out."

She didn't respond to that. She moved past him and walked up to Sam, who was standing with Charlie. "Is there a reason your dad called us all here? I'm not even Miyagi-Do." She questioned.

She only shrugged. "Probably just to give us a pep talk about what happened at the tournament. You are apart of the karate family, though." She replied. "But hey. . ." She started again and leaned closer to her. "Are you okay after. . . Y'know?" She asked hesitantly.

Sydney looked between her and Charlie and titled her head, giving the girl a confused smile. "Why wouldn't I be?" She asked casually.

Sam and Charlie looked at each other. It was like she was there but she wasn't really there. "It's just, y'know, with the whole Miguel thing we didn't know if you were. . ." Charlie started and took a pause. "We didn't know how you were feeling."

"Guys, I'm fine," Sydney said again with another fake smile. "I lost. It happens. I can't beat myself up for it."

But that's exactly what she was doing. Only, she was doing it on the inside.

Daniel came walking into the backyard and saw all of the kids standing around. "Everyone gather around," he announced and all of the teens gathered together and faced him. "It's great to see you all back here again. You know, we had one goal going into the All Valley. Beat Cobra Kai. We walked away with a first place trophy thanks to Eli," he declared and motioned to the boy.

They clapped for him and proud smile grew on his face. Sydney and Demetri patted him on the back.

"As far as the rest of the tournament. . ." Daniel trailer. His face stilled for a second and his eyes found Sydney's. "Well, it just didn't go our way."

The girl stood with her hands behind her back and her shoulders straight. She didn't show any sign of regret or disappointment. But she felt embarrassed creep inside her bones at the man's statement.

"We said we'd close our dojo if we lost. And. . ." Daniel paused. It was hard for him to get the words out. "That's exactly what we're going to do,"

The group of kids immediately looked at each other.

"As of today, I am shutting down Miyagi-Do karate."

"What?"

"Wait. Mr. Larusso—"

"I know that's not what you were hoping to hear, but with everything going on at Cobra Kai, continuing to operate Miyagi-Do only leaves a target on your back," Daniel explained to them. "Guys, I have to keep you safe."

A dreadful feeling dawned over Sydney in that moment. Her friends around her objected his statement and she cousins help but feel guilty. If she had won, they wouldn't have to shut down. If she had won, none of them would have to worry about the karate feud anymore. They were counting on her and she let them down. She let herself down. Her eyes trailed down to her shoes.

When they were dismissed, Sydney began to leave without saying goodbye to anyone. She needed to get away. As she walked out of the backyard, Sam quickly chased after her. "Sydney. Syd, wait!" She called out. When the girl stopped, she stood in front of her. "I know you're probably feeling really bad about what happened, but it's not your fault." Sam told her.

Sydney put on her best act. "Everything is okay, Sammy. It just sucks we can't compete anymore," she stated somberly.

The Larusso girl looked her up and down and scanned her face. "Have you, um," she started to say. "Have you talked to Miguel?"

She nonchalantly tightened one of her hands into a fist. "Why would I? We broke up, remember?" She reminded her.

Sam shook her head. "I-I know, but, he just left without saying anything to anybody. I can't imagine how you're feeling," she said sadly.

The truth was,  Sydney had no idea what to say to Miguel.  He was in Mexico by himself searching for his dad.  He was alone.  She desperately wanted to call him and make sure he was okay but she couldn't do that anymore.  They weren't together.  She was sure he didn't even want to speak to her.  All she could do was worry herself to death and that was something she didn't want to do.  She didn't want to think about him at all.  She flashed Sam a forced smile.  "Sam,  you know me.  When there's something bothering me,  I'll come to you.  But I'm fine,  so just stop worrying.  It's summer!"  She expressed with artificial enthusiasm.  "I've gotta get doing,  I have a solo to practice.  Love you."  She quickly said and left the backyard before the girl could say anything else.

Sam watched her leave with worried eyes.  Charlie came and stood beside her.  "I'm worried about her,  Charlie."  She uttered and she felt her stomach twist in knots.

Charlie put one of his hands on her back.  "Hey,  this is Sydney we're talking about.  She's strong.  Whatever she's thinking about,  she can get though it."  He reassured her.

She only grinned at him but she wasn't convinced.  Nobody knew Sydney like she did.  She was hiding her feelings and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out and someone got hurt.

Sydney walked into her house and saw her mom sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy. Hearing her come in, the British woman turned her head and smiled. "Hey honey, how was your day?" Caroline asked brightly.

"It was alright, mom," she responded and took her shoes off. She looked at the TV. "What episode are you on?"

"Oh, the episode where the man shut himself with a bazooka. What a moron," she responded and shook her head. "I'd kill Alexander myself if that happened."

Sydney cracked a smile. "I'm going to head upstairs. Rosemary wants me to go over the steps for my dance."

"Why don't you go do it outside? It's a beautiful day."

"I'd rather do it in my room," she denied.

Caroline nodded. "Oh, okay. . . Have you heard anything from Miguel?"

After what happened with the letter situation, Sydney came clean to her parents about the break up. Then she told them about Miguel's decision to go to Mexico. It sent her parents into a panic but it was like all the feeling inside of her went numb. She hand them able to get it back. She shook her head. "Nope." She replied shortly and went up the stairs.

When she got into her room, Sydney dropped her bag on the bed and sat down. She felt overwhelmed to the point where she didn't want to leave her house. She had that feeling before. She spent the first part of her childhood with that feeling. She thought she had overcame that feeling of negligence and isolation but now, it was all coming back to her at one time. She turned her head slightly and saw the letter Miguel left her on the night stand. She didn't know what to do with it.

She reached over and grabbed it. Reading the words over and over again was painful. She could hear his voice in her head speaking them, almost like he was speaking to her. He told her that he loved her just after breaking her heart. He told her that there was things he couldn't say even though he promised to tell her everything. It was like their whole relationship was a lie. Tears filled her dark eyes and she ripped the letter in two with a painful grunt. She continued to rip it apart until it was morning but shards of paper. She threw them all to the ground and let out another grunt. She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She wouldn't allow herself to cry.

so if any of you remember, at the beginning of the story it goes into detail about how sydney was left alone a lot of the time and she taught herself to never cry and to always be strong. she slowly allowed herself to become more vulnerable throughout the book. He now, she's slowly falling back into her old habits :(((

miguel, my man, you really fucked up