Doe's Pov:

Xander left the room unnaturally fast, leaving me to catch up before he shut the door.

Well... that was a lot to unpack, and certainly not what I was expecting from this conversation.

I hoped that talking to Nico would have solved or at least helped figure out what was happening to Xander right now, but if anything, I think it made it worse.

Especially that last part.

I'm pretty sure I flinched with him as Nico proclaimed his disappointment.

He hid it well in the moment, but that moment was fleeting fast.

His back was against the door the second it shut, head pressing against it too as a hand came up to cover his mouth.

His heavy, almost consternated breaths he was trying to suppress came out ragged.

I just stared, trying to ascertain what to do, or at least first try to figure out what was going on with him.

This wasn't him right now, not entirely.

Which was why I didn't worry too much about what he said at the beginning.

Not yet at least.

I was only really worried that Layla had slipped him right back under her due to his intense and sudden outward desperation for a few seconds.

But then Nico brought up how she was using him, and then spoke those harsh words I just know shattered him.

Even so... they were words he needed to hear.

Especially from the brother that he cared so deeply for.

His posture suddenly crumbled, head shaking and eyes squeezed shut as if he was in physical pain.

For all I knew, he might be.

I didn't know enough about these types of vampiric situations to make any sort of conclusion.

"Fuck" he breathed out in a whisper, the hand on his mouth now rubbing his eyes, while the other pressed back against the door for support, claws fully extended.

There's no way I could describe how he spoke that word other than absolute defeat.

It was so raw and broken that I felt it too.

No. I didn't like this.

I wanted to be able to actually talk to him, But I couldn't do that until whatever happening inside him gets sorted out.

And I couldn't try to do anything about it until we're out of this hallway.

I felt a small flicker of determination spark in me, and not a second of hesitation passed my mind before I grabbed ahold of his sleeve near his wrist.

Then watched his pupils round as his head snapped to me

And with that, I turned and speed-walked back to our room, feeling him stumble a bit at first.

I knew where to put my thumb to make it quickly read it and click open, and used it to not lose any momentum until the door was shut behind me.

I had stopped and released his shirt, but he kept going.

He scrambled a few feet over to his desk, hastily grabbing the phone with one still-clawed hand, the other one again being used to support him in his pitiful hunched-over position.

I panicked for a moment, thinking that he was rushing to tell Layla the news that she had requested of him before agreeing to go to him with the ball

How typical of her.

My worries didn't last long, however.

The slight trembling in his arms began to be noticeable as he ordered himself more blood than he usually did, specifying that he didn't care what kind it was, just whatever would get here the fastest.

That desperation was still heavy in his voice, yet I knew that this one was different.

An exasperated exhale tore from his mouth as he involuntarily slammed the phone down, his head now hanging low.

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know what I could do.

If this was the savage side of him acting up enough to where he was now shaking to try to fight it off... or manage it... I didn't know.

For a moment, I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk getting near him.

The part of myself that I despised the most, the fear that Layla implanted in me, and controlled my reactions towards these sorts of things seemed to be sprouting again as well.

It managed to let fear take over me for a moment once I heard that growl from him earlier.

And that was enough for one day.

I loathed how much of a grip it had on me. The grip Layla put on me.

When for now... she wasn't an issue.

This was just Xander that we were dealing with.

Still, I wasn't used to this sort of thing, but I stepped forward ready to try.

Just something to try to ground him, to remind him that I was here.

I got close enough to see the scratches in the wood he was causing, that damned hesitation finding me again.

I shook it off, getting myself close enough to where I could reach him, and ever so carefully set my hand on his shoulder.

There was a cautious tension holding my body tight in the fear that my simple touch might cause him to snap, especially if he needed blood.

But much to my surprise, that tremor running through him stilled within a matter of seconds.

Oh wow... I wasn't actually expecting that to work.

Let alone that fast.

The tightness of the muscles under my fingertips loosened, enough for me to feel it even under his shirt.

His claws as well slowly retracted, and only a couple minutes passed until his heavy breaths were that of relief instead of panic.

I guess he just needed to be snapped out of it.

He slowly lifted his head through two of those breaths, just enough to where he could see me over his shoulder.

Round pupils, and relaxed eyebrows.

Well, not quite relaxed, but at least now they were en pinched. Instead now only tilted in worry.

"Hey," I crooned softly with a calm smile.

That pinch returned in a look of guilt, eyes shying away from me.

"I'm sorry," his hushed voice croaked out.

I just shook my head, rubbing my thumb against his shirt with a weird reflex I didn't know I had.

"Don't apologize for something you can't control." I consoled.

Especially after spending half that time trying to hide it.

Vampires we're complex. Enough so that even they didn't understand certain things about themselves.

I had to learn to try to imagine their thought process in times like this instead as viewing their actions the same as humans.

He didn't say anything, just began to straighten himself, lowering and then lifting his head in a quick motion so that his hair fell where it wasn't covering his face.

I nearly missed the way his eyes tracked my hand as I took it back, taking another step back altogether.

I'll give him some space to regain his composure.

"What's going on with you, Xander?" I inquired.

He rubbed his hands over his hair and down his neck.

"I don't know," was his quiet, confounded reply.

I knew vampires could get... warnings or certain signs from their dormant instincts, but I've never heard of or seen something like this.

"Has this happened before?"

He just nodded at first.

"It has, yes. It's just never lasted this long," He rubbed a hand over the center of his chest, "Or hurt this bad."

'This.' Telling me that it still wasn't gone completely.

"Does it at least feel better?"

"It does," He smiled, but it clashed with the detrimental exhaustion in his eyes and voice. "Thank you."

I just nodded awkwardly.

I was way out of my league with this.

He felt better at the moment, so I guess my goal had been reached.

The silence that overcame us was unbearable, but I didn't know what to say.

I didn't want to touch any of the topics he covered with his brother in fear that it would just make it worse.

Luckily, a knock at the door saved me from having to try, and Xander went and retrieved the blood with a thank you to the servant.

I was half expecting him to down the whole thing right then and there, but instead, he just sipped on it.

"What'd they end up giving you?"

The slightest amused lift pulled at the corner of his lips.

"AB positive," he answered before taking another swig.

I intertwined my hands behind me.

"Ah. The good stuff then," I joked, I guess trying in vain to bring back the energy from last night...

Moments I found that I was finally allowing myself to enjoy since Layla was temporarily out of the picture.

I knew he wasn't in the mood but...

"The best there is," He still fired back with a wink.

The wink didn't look right without that shine in his eyes, but I think he was still trying for my sake.

Which for some reason made me feel even worse.

I wasn't the one who needed comforting right now.

Especially after the conversation he just had.

I knew he had to be hurting, I knew Nico's words cut into him deep.

I felt like he should be doing something, but all he was doing was acting like it didn't happen.

He just was standing there smiling and passing back my jokes

Maybe he wasn't bringing it up for the same reason I wasn't.

He too was trying to avoid it.

Which couldn't lead to something good, but I wasn't sure what to do to try to fix it.

I've never found myself in this sort of situation until now and it was frustrating not having an answer.

Enough so that it built a pressure in my chest.

So, I just waited in silence until he had finished it with a satisfied sigh.

"Did it help?" My hands tightened on each other.

"It did," I'm not sure if I believed him, "But I uh... I think I'm gonna lay down."

Reduced to this again.

For the third time in the past couple weeks.

Yet this time, I felt like I should just let him. I knew that right now he really needed it.

Let him rest instead of trying to lighten the mood.

It seemed that it could never last for that long anyway.

"Right." I nodded, "Do you want me to turn off the lights."

"If you want," He already started walking, placing his empty glass on the coffee table, "If not, I'll live."

He dragged himself into his bed without another word curling himself into a ball under that thick blanket with a pillow between his arms.

I released my hold on myself with a silent sigh, walking over to kill the lights.

At the end of the day, the only one who could fix this is him.

All I could do was support but even that was new to me.

But I'll certainly try.

If it helps him finally see the truth that Nico was trying to feed him and shatter that deep part of him that's stuck on her, then I'll try.