Xander's POV:

I took the long way back, not quite ready yet to go back to my room.

To Doe.

Layla and her new pet had parted ways with me on the first floor, and here I was slowly taking the stairs. All 22 flights of them.

Just to get my thoughts together... and figure out what the hell my body was trying to tell me right now.

The savage parts of us sometimes like to have opinions that differed from our domesticated sides.

And since that side of us is the more powerful one, it never fails in making itself known whenever it gets the chance.

Some vampires never learn how to differentiate the two, and thus often act rashly.

Nico and I were lucky enough to have a mother who taught us at a very young age what the difference was.

Usually, the message came as subtle changes within our bodies.

One that usually gave our brains a slight clue on what the problem is.

A chill, an ache, random soreness, goosebumps even.

This one just felt heavy.

Like a brick had been dropped and was now just sitting in my ribcage.

It was exhausting.

God, I was so tired... not even in a physical sense.

Or maybe it was physical, but that's not what my body was trying to get across.

I closed my eyes to try to concentrate on it, only being met with the words that started this whole thing through the deep, loud rumbling within my ears.

'Get your brother to attend that ball and give me what I'm owed and I will be more than happy to be considered yours that night.'

Usually, such a phrase would have caused that jealousy I was oh so familiar with to spark to life.

Which it did... it definitely did.

I could distinguish that part of it at least, but that's only because I had experienced it so many times before.

This time it just brought so much more with it.

I fought to keep my claws contained at my wave of frustration.

I didn't even receive any sort of... elation or joy from the possibility of her going with me.

I didn't have time to before everything else showed up and left me fighting to keep a smile for her until she left.

Getting Nico to go wasn't the problem, I'm sure that I could manage that. In one way or another.

I'll have to ask him soon though... later today.

Maybe solidifying my date with her will make some of this onslaught within my body

The stupid feral vampirism in me must have found that thought amusing since the weight got so much heavier after it passed.

Enough so to cause my steps to stagger, grasping the railing for support.

My other hand clutched the fabric over where it ached, a sharp groan tearing from my throat.

This whole thing was getting irritating.

A feeling that was honestly not very well known to me, and thus the reason my claws sprung free and I could feel that my pupils were no longer rounded.

But I couldn't even deny it, I was irritated. Irritated, tired, and desperate for this to be over.

I didn't even know sure sure 'this' even was.

All I wanted was just to finally get what I've worked so hard and so long for.

To not have this all be for nothing.

But first, I needed to get this under control.

I paused on the step I was on, taking control of my breathing and forcing it to slow.

Wild vampirism or not, I was the one in control.

I'd figure all of this out eventually... one step at a time.

Even that thought was beginning to seem repetitive.

But it was the only one that kept me going, and well, it hasn't failed me yet.

I stared down at my claws, relaxing my fingers and shaking my hand in a vain attempt in getting them to go away.

I didn't want to come back to Doe looking like this.

~~~

Doe's POV:

My head leaned against the glass of the open window, my legs slowly kicking the outside air as the first snow of the season began to fall.

I loved the cold.

Actually, scratch that. I loved a very specific type of cold, under very specific circumstances.

The dry, natural sort of cold that came at the beginning of winter, before the snow had piled and added that humidity that made the chill stick to your skin.

And the kind of cold that I could enjoy with a warm blanket close by to jump into and warm myself up whenever I wanted to.

Meaning, the down feather comforter Xander put on his bed at the beginning of winter.

I loved wrapping myself in that thing, especially after purposefully getting myself cold, just to warm back up again.

And with that miracle of a blanket could do it so easily.

It was a warmth that was close to the one I got whenever just sitting under hot water.

It was... comforting in a sense.

It trapped my body heat under it, creating something that my body felt like it longed for.

So on days like these, I embraced it.

I slapped on a short-sleeved shirt, opened the window, sat so that my legs dangled on the outside, and let the cool air brush all over me.

Watching the serenity of the snow falling made me realize something.

This was the first time I've felt relaxed... truly relaxed in a very long time.

The sensation was strange. It almost didn't even feel right.

In fact, it took me a few minutes to pinpoint what it was at all.

But with my 'demise', for now at least, I wasn't worried about that psycho bitch showing up and making my death real.

Though, Xander has been with her all day.

My next breath blew out through my mouth in a sigh.

I just hoped that he'd kept his head together... That she didn't manage to drag him back to her.

I knew for a fact that he was asking her to the ball, but I couldn't do anything about that.

He didn't seem that excited about it, especially since he was just as eager as me to avoid the topic when I accidentally asked.

It made me think that he might have finally gotten a grip on something, but I killed those hopes before they got any chance to grow.

Not yet.

I could see that he was slipping, even if just a little bit.

Or maybe that was just my naive wishes acting out again.

If he truly does ask her to the ball, and she says yes, that night alone might be enough to put him under her control again.

A shiver shook its way through me, snapping me back with the sudden realization that I was freezing.

Pushing my thought aside, I bounded off the window sill, slammed the window shut, and bolted to the bed.

With my running start, I lumped onto the bed, grabbing the edge of the comforter and rolling it with me until I had made myself a very warm cocoon at the middle of the bed.

Yeah... moments like these never got old.

I let myself bask in the blanket surrounding me, slowly feeling the warmth envelop me.

Only to start flailing once I heard a familiar knock on the door.

Although I don't think Xander would care, I didn't need him seeing me looking like a burrito on his bed.

He had specified a knock before he came in a while ago... so I would know that it wasn't her.

And I had just enough time to fix the blanket and situate myself so that I was sitting under it like a normal person before he opened the door.

I put on a nice I-totally-wasn't-doing-anything-weird smile, looking over his face to try to get a read on how things went.

Though once I did, my non-convincing smile fell, immediately being replaced with surprise.

He looked completely drained, his eyes dark and staring at the ground, and the way he stood, back hunched and tight...

It made it look like he just wanted to shrivel up and disappear.

He didn't say anything as he closed the door, and only barely looked at me before walking over to the foot of the bed, and falling face-first onto it.

I bounced against the mattress as it compensated for this new weight, watching him basically just deflate a few feet in front of me

Well... this was new.

Actually, this was just what he gets reduced to after interacting with her, just a lot more concentrated this time it would seem.

I guess it didn't go well? Or maybe it did? You can never really tell anymore.

Any positivity with her usually comes with its drawbacks, and negativity comes with even more.

I gave him a full minute to do something before I did.

And then two.

Then three had passed and he hadn't even budged.

It couldn't be easy to breathe through such a thick comforter.

Was he even breathing?

I stared at his back, looking for any sign of a rise and fall.

Vampires didn't show their breathing as much as humans did, but even so, I still couldn't catch any movement

So, scooching myself closer, I poked a finger into his hair, just barely feeling him react to it.

"You alive?"

The only response I got was a long very drawn out and very muffled groan.

Good enough.

"How'd it go?"

He didn't move his head to give me a verbal answer, instead just shifted his arm to give me a thumbs up.

Ah. Terribly then.

I blinked at him half-lidded trying to figure out what could have happened to lead to him practically collapsing.

Setting my elbow on my knee after bending it, I rested my cheek against my fist.

"You're a terrible liar, y'know."

Finally, he moved, placing his hands beside his chest against the bed and pushing himself up.

"I'm actually a great liar," He started quietly, eventually shifting so that he was sitting in a position that mirrored mine. Though instead of his fist holding up his head, it just dangled from where his elbow sat against his knee, "Have been for a while now,"

He was trying to crack a joke with his self deprication, but the tone and waver of his voice wasn't selling it.

Neither was his posture. Just how he was when he stood he just looked... uncomfortable.

Physically, that is.

I searched his face again now that I could see it.

Well, most of it.

His eyes were mostly hidden behind his chaotic hair, but even so, I could find some torment behind them.

What the hell happened?

"You've never been good at it with me," I added, figuring I could play along for now.

To at least try to get him in a good mood again.

He let out a single, almost melancholic laugh.

"That's because I don't lie to you," he responded matter-of-factly.

I glared right into his eyes through the blonde curtain he put in front of them

"You literally just did," I deadpanned.

Another chuckle, and it nearly sounded like this one was for real.

"Never in a way where my goal is to truly fool you," He corrected.

Yeah okay, I guess I could go with that.

With all that he's done recently, he's kept his word with what he said about keeping Layla away.

But what's with the sudden sentimentalism?

I wasn't used to this.

"Then, how did it really go?" I pushed.

We were both trying to avoid the topic of her in general, but regardless of whether or not she was involved, I wanted to know.

Just to try to gauge where we all stood on the matter.

To see if he'd crawled back, or to check if I need to start getting worried again.

Just to check if the thought of getting rid of my completely had crossed his mind yet.

From the looks of it right now, it didn't look like any of those were a major issue.

He sighed, shoulders sagging in the process.

But he finally got that dumb hair out of the way

"I don't know. I didn't have any expectations but," his brows pinched in thought, almost twitching, "Sorry, give me a sec I can't think straight right now."

His pupils thinned for just barely a second, yet was still enough to make me flinch out of instinct.

Even so, it gave me a hint as to what was going on.

Why was his feral side acting up?

He had drunken blood this morning, so it couldn't be that.

I didn't know much about what set that part of them off that wasn't blood-related, so my reasonings ran out embarrassingly fast.

So instead I just waited and watched him steadily relax again.

He looked like he was going to continue answering where he had left off, but I didn't want that happening again.

So, I'll start again with a yes or no question

"Did you ask her?" I questioned genuinely.

I didn't want to be a bitch about it when I didn't need to be.

That was the last thing he needed right now.

Still, he looked like he didn't want to answer.

"I did" His answer was nearly silent.

"And?"

His lips pressed together tightly, head turning to the side.

"I...I need to go to Nico's, and I'm gonna have to explain it there too. If you want to come with me."

He didn't want to explain it twice.

Or at all if the thinning of his pupils told me anything.

Maybe if this happened at Nico's, he'd know what was going on more than I would.

I nodded, moving to hop off of the bed.

"Let's go."