| 19 |

~ Banks Woods ~

I've always hated when Caleb pulled random pranks on me. I'm too tired for that shit and give him some good ass-kicking whenever he pulls one. But right now I'm desperately hoping he's pranking me again. I'm hoping it's just a dream or my ears are playing a sick prank on my mind.

Lance drives as fast as he can on my request. He asks me what's wrong but I'm not able to answer with my heart pumping in my throat. He must've seen the distraught on my face because he dropped asking after a while and only focused on getting me home.

Once we reach, I don't even let him stop the car before I throw open the door and make a run toward the elevator. I jam my finger on the button, clicking it frantically as if that'll magically get me to my floor.

The door opens and I dash outside. My finger moves towards the doorbell but then I realize that the door is cracked open. Dread fills my stomach as I place a shaky hand on the wood and push it open.

The sight that I never want to see greets me like a horrible dream.

Caleb's standing in the corner of the living room, looking pale and anxious with his arms tight against his sides. On the couch sits our aunt and the one man who forever broke my heart.

"What the fuck are you both doing here?" My voice bursts out, violent and furious even though I'm panicked as hell.

Their eyes snap towards me. Caleb's features melt with relief and I don't hesitate to walk across the room and stand in front of him, shielding him from the two people on the couch.

Aunt's eyes track down my body with narrowed judgemental eyes and Ben does the same too. It's then I realize that they're staring at the dress. Self-consciousness washes over me. I resist the urge to cross my arms across my chest.

The bitch hasn't changed one bit. She still has those horrid dark eyes and grey hair with that punchable face.

"Are you gonna give me a fucking answer?" I demand.

"Watch your tongue." She glares at me.

I glare back. "You're under my roof. I don't have to watch anything."

"Where were you?" Ben tilts his head.

"Why are you here?" I question back.

"What? I can't even see the two kids whom I've taken care of for years?" Aunt replies instead of Ben.

"I thought you'd be dead by now with the joy of finally getting rid of us."

She gives me a look of displeasure. "Where were you? Why are you dressed like that?"

"None of your business."

As if to make things worse, Lance barges through the door, a look of concern on his face as he frantically looks around.

"Banks! Are you...okay...?"

His words trail off when he notices Aunt and Ben on the couch, and the way I'm standing in front of Caleb.

The two people, whom I despise the most, have startled looks on their faces when they see Lance. I know exactly what they're seeing when they take him in. The posh style of his hair. His expensive elegant cut suit. The way his shoes are polished off to perfection. Everything about this man screams money and wealth.

It used to appear that way to me before. I didn't even realize when my view about him changed. Now I only see a man who's so stupidly caring and passionate about everything and everyone. He's sweet, fierce, kind and definitely someone who doesn't belong in this current situation.

"Who are you?" Aunt frowns at him.

"He's one of them I told you about," Ben mutters to her.

I narrow my eyes.

Lance glances from them to me, looking back and forth between us. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. I'll see you tomorrow." My expression remains tight as I grit out.

Lance hesitates, glancing back towards Ben and Aunt. His shoulders expand as if he's ready to drag them out of here if I tell him to.

This is why I don't want him here right now. He's good. Too good. Too pure to witness this mess.

"So this what you've reduced to?" My aunt speaks in a haughty tone, obviously not caring that there's someone new present in the room. "Prancing around with multiple men while leaving your brother alone at home."

Multiple men? I glare at Ben. After getting threatened by Xander, of course, he went to the only person alive who he knew made my blood boil.

"That's none of your concern."

"It's an embarrassment to our family image." She scoffs.

"We. Are not. Family."

"I told you she has an attitude." Ben scowls. "She got so much worse after leaving your house."

"I can see that." Aunt says.

Behind me, Caleb shuffles closer to me. I can feel the worry rolling off of him in waves. That just makes me angrier at the unwanted presence here.

"Both of you. Out. I want you gone from here right this second." I demand.

"You can't push us out." Aunt holds up her chin. "I came here to see how things are going for you and guess what? I see exactly what I expected. Still running after men for attention." Her eyes do another observation of the dress I'm wearing. She flicks her eyes towards Lance. "How much are you paying her?"

My eyes widen while Lance's eyebrows furrow into a deep frown.

"Excuse me?" His voice sounds chillingly calm.

"Don't make me use vulgar words. I know exactly what's going on between you two. I can't believe my own niece would reduce herself this much just for a wad of cash."

My mouth drops open as fire rushes through my veins.

"Are you calling me a whore?" I demand, outraged.

The bitch has the audacity to act embarrassed as she widens her eyes at me. "I told you I didn't want to use vulgar words."

"That's clearly not a problem for her." Ben leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees with his hands under his chin. "Is it, Banks? Where did all your shyness go? 

"The day you shoved your fucking dick up Brenna's hole."

His face reddens with anger.

My Aunt gasps, horrified. "Watch your mouth!"

"Fuck you," I say, to spite her more.

"You disobedient, failure of a child!" She points her finger at me. "I just know your parents are so disappointed in you. They tried so hard to make you better but you never appreciated them. I tried so hard to nurture you but you always were one reckless and insolent kid."

The mention of my parents tightens my stomach but I ignore the feeling.

"Let me search the fucks I have to give for your opinions." I make a show to search my dress before showing them my empty hands. "Damn, I don't even have pockets to store them in."

Maybe I'm getting too carried away with the use of vulgar words. Whatever. I couldn't cuss at her when we were under her roof. She would've thrown us out and I couldn't put Caleb into that sort of situation. Now though? Fuck everyone. I'm not holding back.

"Want me to teach her a lesson?" Ben stands up from the couch, squaring his shoulders.

My back straightens immediately. 

Fuck. I didn't think he'd make a move to hit me right in front of my aunt. Of course, I should've expected this. The bitch would enjoy watching me get plummeted by the asshole no matter how much of a straight face I keep to not let Caleb see my pain. 

He already beat me up once in front of Caleb and my brother got so panicked, he threw up.

Now it's going to happen again and this time the humiliation along with it will kill whatever's left inside of me.

He moves in my direction and my fists clench as if I can actually fight off his six-foot-muscled body. Caleb tenses behind me, a sound of terror escaping his mouth.

"Don't you dare come near me!" I snarl.

He narrows his eyes, cracking his knuckles. He's almost near me, forcing me to take a step back when a strong hand lands on his shoulder.

Lance tears him away, forcing him to turn around and before any of us can even blink, he drives his fist into Ben's face.

My aunt gasps, jerking up the couch with a hand to her mouth.

Ben's head rears back with the force of the blow. Blood sprays from his nose, gushing down his mouth and dripping from his chin within seconds.

"What the fuck?" He howls in pain, clutching his nose. He looks at all the blood before glaring up at Lance. "Are you fucking kidding me? You'll find other, much better girls who'd settle for lower cash than this bitch. They'd probably behave much nicer to—"

Lance slams another fist across his jaw. He doesn't stop there. He grabs his collar, delivering another punch to Ben's mouth.

"You think I'll just let you fucking touch my girl while I'm standing right here?"

My heart stills at how menacing he sounds. Like he's about to break all hell loose. I don't even recognize his voice. It sounds completely different from the one I'm used to.

Caleb clutches my arm from behind and I glance at him. His eyes are wide and his mouth parted open as he peers at the scene with fear.

Lance punches Ben across the mouth again, sending another gush of blood down his throat.

"Stop him!" My aunt yells.

"How dare you talk to her like that and have the fucking nerve to think you could just touch her?" Lance shoves him to the wall before swinging his fist so hard. I wince when I hear a crunch at the impact of his hand and Ben's jaw.

A whimper escapes Caleb and I realize he's not used to these types of scenes. I always try to keep him sheltered from violence like this and because of that, any fight in real life tends to make him panicky.

That's the only reason why I move forward, and grab onto Lance's arm before he punches Ben again. I'd love for him to keep going but sadly we don't always get the things we love.

"I think he's had enough," I tell Lance.

His arm is tense and taut as if he's going to snatch it away from my hold and continue punching him. But this is Lance we're talking about so as expected, his shoulders reluctantly loosen and he turns his head to look at me.

His eyes are livid and dark with rage—something that I've never seen on him. They're so intense right now as if he can burn holes through my body only by a glare. It doesn't affect me at all though. As soon as his gaze meets mine, his eyes soften.

"Are you people insane?" Aunt shrieks, rushing around us to get to Ben who collapsed to the ground, clutching his face between his hands. "Look at what you've done to him!"

"I warned you to get out." I narrow my eyes. "Too bad you didn't fucking listen."

She glares up at me, before ushering Ben to get off the floor. He stands up, hiding his face beneath his hands as my aunt guides him towards the door.

Right before she leaves, she turns around once again, her face flushed with anger. "I'm glad your parents died before they got to witness this day! I'm glad they'll never know what their daughter is doing with her life."

Saying that, she marches out, letting the door swing shut on her way.

My body tightens as different emotions attack me from everywhere. An onslaught of words ambushes my mind, nearly consuming me whole.

My parents. Disappointment. Failure. Whore. Embarrassment.     

I shove all those feelings aside, whipping around to face Caleb. I walk in his direction, gripping his shoulders.

"Are you alright?"

He nods, looking shaken and pale.

"Don't you ever fucking open the door again without making sure who it is. You're not a kid anymore."

"I'm sorry." He whispers slowly, "I-I didn't want to let them in. Ben pushed me aside when I tried shutting the door and said he wouldn't leave until they met you."

My lips tighten into a flat line. Sometimes I want to yell at him for not being brave enough. Sometimes I want to punch him myself so he can grow a fucking backbone. But I know it's because of me that he's like this. I've never allowed him to fight his own battles.

Releasing a huge breath through my mouth, I let go of his shoulders. "Forget this ever happened. I'll make sure they never step foot in here again. Go to sleep now. It's pretty late."

He nods, mechanically. Without another glance, he walks straight inside his room and shuts the door.

The moment he's inside, I slam my hands over my mouth to muffle the scream that climbs up my throat. Tears barge into my eyes and I desperately try to choke it all back down.

Hands slide over my shoulders and I jump.

Shit. I completely forgot Lance was right behind me.

Swiping at my eyes, I step away from him, clearing my throat.

"Banks..." His voice is filled with concern. "Are you alright?"

I nod, even though I want to burst into sobs and dig myself a grave.

"Who were they?"

"No one," I respond, fisting my hands. "I don't wanna talk about them."

He opens his mouth but hesitates. "Do you really not wanna talk about them?"

I shake my head. "I'd rather you forget this ever happened."

The embarrassment and humiliation I'm feeling right now make me want to shove myself away from his sight and hide forever. I can't believe he had to witness all of that. It's like no matter how much I try to keep my future away from my past, they always somehow manage to mingle together.

Lance opens his mouth again but I cut him off.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I cross my arms against my chest. "I really want to be alone right now."

He raises his hand towards my face, as if to tuck my hair behind my ear, but then lowers it when I tilt my head away.

He purses his lips before nodding, "Alright then. Tomorrow."

I nod back.

Giving me one last long look, he heads towards the door and walks out, shutting it behind him.

"Lock the door!" His voice calls out from the other side.

My feet remain rooted to the ground, not able to bring myself to move. For a long moment, I stare at the wall. The moment keeps replaying in my head. Another scream builds in my throat but my mouth is unable to open, forcing it to remain trapped.

When I finally move, my body feels heavy and tight. My fingers feel numb when I turn the lock to the door.

I turn around to walk away but pause when I hear footsteps on the other side. Looking into the peephole, a breath escapes my lips when I see Lance walking towards the elevator.

He stood this long out my door until he made sure I locked it.

I really don't deserve him.

And he doesn't deserve a mess.

●・○・●・○・●

I couldn't sleep the whole night. No matter how hard I tried, I only ended up tossing around and gripping my blanket so tight, my nails hurt.

The whole night, I went over every single thing, slowly and carefully, as if I was watching the slowest movie of my life.

My heart clenches every time the faces of Ben, Aunt, Mia, Brenna, my parents and every other person who hated me, appear in my mind.

I almost got beaten up again just for wanting to get two of them out of my apartment. I thought I left them far behind but they're still here. They're still here to remind me of how I don't deserve happiness.

What's even worse is that Lance witnessed all of it.

He was there while the two worst people of my past sat and shamed me.

I can't believe he lost his cool and punched Ben. The first week we met, he told me he doesn't do violence. He said there are far better ways to get your point across. But then last night, he went against his own words.

Caleb had to see those people again when I promised him that I would keep him safe forever.

This all happened because I jumped ahead and thought everything would be normal. This all happened because I started dreaming of having a good life with someone like Lance beside me. This all happened because I was a fucking fool to think that good things would just come to me eventually.

I can't go on like this.

I can't dream about having normal or simple when Ben and Aunt are still out there. I can't do this when my own mind turns against me on so many occasions. I can't do this when Caleb is still under my wing, barely knowing how to go about the world. I can't do this to Lance who deserves someone so much better that wouldn't be a burden to him.

Lance deserves someone who appreciates his thoughtfulness instead of questioning every one of his motives. He deserves someone who can hold herself together and meet his standards. He deserves someone far more stable and carefree than someone like me who's just a ticking time bomb, ready to burst.

So here I am today...ready to tell him that we can't see each other anymore.

This whole morning, my stomach clenched with queasiness. I really don't want to do this but I see no other choice. It's fucking embarrassing and humiliating to let Lance have a glimpse of the type of life I had in the past.

We haven't opened the cafe yet and Kaylee keeps pestering me to tell her what's wrong.

"Come on. I wanna know what happened at the party. I wanna know all the details!"

I give her a tight look. "We'll talk about this later, Kaylee."

She pouts before a frown appears on her forehead. "Did something happen?"

I release a breath. "Please. I'll tell you later."

She drops it after that. I feel bad for shutting her out but if I start spewing everything inside me, then I'll be an even bigger sputtering mess in front of Lance. I need to keep my cool and remain calm.

My nerves are already quivering as I wipe down a table and then move to the next. They're already clean but anxiousness has me wanting to keep my hands busy. The bell chimes and I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing it's him without even having to turn around.

Holding in a breath, I turn to face him.

He's so handsome, it hurts to look at him sometimes. He's wearing a dark black suit that makes him look sharp and striking. His hair is swept into place and he looks clean and fresh.

Instead of a smile this time, there's a look of concern.

"Hey." He approaches me, slowly. "Are you okay? You didn't reply to any of my texts."

I didn't even open them because I didn't know how to reply.

"We need to talk." I swallow.

His face falls. "That doesn't sound good."

I bite my lip before tilting my head towards the door that leads to the back alley. "Follow me."

He does, tensely.

Once we're outside and away from any ears, I face him. His blue eyes cut through mine and somehow it feels like he's peering past through every one of my walls, searching deep in my soul.

I glance down, rubbing my palms on the sides of my thighs.

"I'm sorry you had to see all that yesterday." I start.

"Don't apologize." He says, gently.

I suck in a deep breath. "The thing is...that's probably just the beginning of what you saw. I thought I got rid of them two years ago but they still came back. They're going to come back again and I don't want you to see them."

"Who are they?"

"People who hate me. My only priority right now is Caleb and I would do anything to keep him safe."

His eyes soften. "I know, Banks. You're the best sister anyone could ever ask for."

"So you understand why I'm making this decision." I bite my lip.

"What decision?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

His lips part. "What?"

I stand my ground, forcing myself to not get swayed by the intensity of his gaze. The shock in them. The hurt in them.

"I just can't be distracted by anything right now as long as I have Caleb to take care of. Last night, I was out and guess what happened? He opened the door for the people whom I've been trying so hard to hide him from. I can't make mistakes like that ever again. I have to be there for him at all times."

"I get you, Banks. I get you." He steps closer towards me and I startle at the shivers that suddenly go down my spine at the proximity between us. "I know how important your brother is for you. But you can't blame last night on yourself. You didn't know they were going to come back. Caleb didn't know who was on the other side. It was all a very bad coincidence that has nothing to do with you."

"I want to avoid those coincidences." I force out. "I don't want to take any chances."

"So you want to break up with me because I'm a distraction?" A different emotion fills his eyes. Something deep, and wounded.

I nod, despite how badly I want us to remain the same. "Yes."

"But Banks—"

"Please." I cut him off. "If you do understand then you'll forget about me from now on. We don't fit anyway. We're from completely different worlds."

"I don't care about that." Determination flares in his eyes.

"I do." I care so much that it nearly suffocates me sometimes. "Some random girl from last night took one look at us and fucking asked when we were breaking up."

"She's a bitch. Her opinions don't matter."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. This is the first time I've heard Lance call someone a bitch.

"Look, Banks." A pleading look comes on his face. "I really, really, do understand you. But I don't see why we need to break up. We can still—"

"No, Lance." I cut him off, abruptly. Tears barge into my eyes and I try to keep them at bay. I'm so fucking frustrated. The one person whom I really want—I can't have him. Because I'm just going to bring him down and get him tired of my shit.

He doesn't. Fucking. Deserve. That.

"It's better if you're not involved in my shit. All that's going to do is waste your time. Let's just...let's just end it before it gets even more complicated." I choke out, then turn around without another word.

I don't even take a step before a hand closes around my wrist, pulling me back. My chest crashes into Lance's hard one and I gasp. Looking up at his eyes, there's a whirl of complexity storming in them.

"You think it's not complicated now? I already told you, Banks. I'm obsessed with you. How do you expect me to forget about you?"

"I don't know. Just do it." Other people had no problem in forgetting me. I yank my wrist back from his hold. "All I know is that I don't want this to go on."

He opens his mouth. A frown appears on his face and he actually looks mad. The sight makes my heart ache, but I remain firm.

"Don't." I shake my head. "Don't say anything. I stayed up all night thinking about this so there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind."

He closes his mouth. His frown melts away to an anguished look. Pleading.

"I just can't." My voice comes out shaky. Pressure builds behind my eyes and I know I'm not too far from bursting into tears. I've been holding them in since last night.

I take one last look at his eyes. I open my mouth to say something but I don't know how to put all my thoughts together in a few sentences, so I purse my lips back together.

Ducking my head, I turn around and leave before I make this situation any more awkward.

The whole walk back into the cafe, I keep telling myself that I made the right decision. I chant it a billion times.

I know my priorities. I know what needs to be done.

Then why is my heart aching as if someone tore right through it?

●・○・●・○・●

Lance stays away.

For a week, I haven't even had a glimpse of him.

Knowing him, I fully expected him to barge in right that afternoon with a whole lot of reasons and convictions as to why we shouldn't break up. Half of me hoped that he would come, while the other half dreaded his arrival.

He makes it so difficult to stick to my decision.

The whole week goes by so dull and dark. I move robotically through the day and lay wide awake during the night. I'm not doing this on purpose but somehow I forget to eat or even take a sip of water for hours.

Sometimes my pulse quickens with thoughts about reaching home and finding Ben and Aunt waiting for me again. This time, there isn't anyone to defend me if Ben decides to beat me up.

I make Caleb come quickly to the cafe right after his school gets over. Sometimes, when he's even a minute late, my brain gets dizzy with worry that something happened to him.

Every time I call him, he talks to me gently as if I'm some fragile patient who's going to lash out. He assures me that he's on his way and that he's alright.

Great. I'm making my younger brother think that he has to walk around eggshells when he's talking to me.

He wasn't happy when he heard Lance and I broke up. He even got mad and yelled at me.

'Why the fuck would you do that?'

I don't understand his frustration, and he doesn't enlighten my bafflement either. The moment he snapped, he simply smoothed his hair back before dropping his head on my shoulder and asking me if I needed anything.

Kaylee isn't too happy either. I told her everything and she understood. She's sad and tried changing my mind but I refused to listen to her.

I keep checking my phone—a bad habit—to see if I have a text from Lance. Every time I see none, my heart sinks even further down my chest until it's locked deep beneath.

Why does everything hurt so fucking much when I'm the one who wanted him gone?

I'm the one who chose Caleb over everything, so why am I feeling so miserable?

I don't regret it though. Not one bit. I'd give my life and everything else that I have to keep my brother safe and make sure he's never in danger as long as I'm alive.

I guess sacrifices need to be made to protect something.

It's also the fact that I'm not good enough for Lance. Fuck self-love and all that bullshit. I've tried doing that for years now but my insecurities still come to bite me in the ass. It's an annoying, persistent thing that I can forget for a while but it'll never forget me.

No matter how hard I try, my insecurities always win so why even try? Why the fuck do I try?

Barely moving about, another week passes with constant fear about Caleb and a deep dull ache of heartbreak.

A new thing started over the week where my head randomly aches and pounds with bursts of pain. I know it's because I'm not eating well or getting proper sleep. I have no motivation to fix my messy schedule though.

The same headache follows me as Caleb and I walk back home. My body feels pretty heated up too. To the point where I'm sweating even though the weather is ice cold.

"Ugh, this headache is back again." I rub two fingers between my eyebrows.

"Did you have breakfast?" Caleb asks.

"No."

"Lunch?"

"A muffin."

"Snacks?"

"No."

He blinks at me.

"Banks. What the fuck? Of course, your head is going to hurt. You need food in your belly."

"I know, smartass. I'm just too tired and busy. I forgot to eat."

He shakes his head, disapprovingly, as if he's my mother.

Once we're inside the apartment, he makes me sit on the couch and takes out a can of flavoured beans from the shelf before handing it to me with a spoon.

"Damn." I raise my eyebrows as I open the can. "Why am I suddenly getting this much affection from you?"

He rolls his eyes, flopping down on the couch beside me with his own can of beans. "I just don't want you to die of starvation when I still haven't beaten you in a snowball fight."

I snort. "You're horrible."

"Look who's talking."

We remain comfortably beside each other, digging into our cans and eating in silence.

When we're done, Caleb surprises me again by taking my can from me and washing our spoons.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I crane my head to look at him.

"Shut up, Banks."

"I'm serious. Do I need to get you checked? You actually washed your own fucking spoon this time. And mine."

He rolls his eyes. "This is why I don't do good things for you. You just never appreciate it."

"Oh, so you pick a can out of the shelf and wash my spoon for one night and I'm supposed to be grateful?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm trying." He mutters under his breath.

A tight expression crosses his face and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Everything alright?"

He nods.

"Fine." I sigh. "I'll say thank you but only on one condition."

"What?"

"Tell me who you keep texting on your phone."

His cheeks tint pink immediately.

"No one."

"Uh uh. No lying. You know I can just take your phone and look, but I'm not doing that."

"Don't look." Panic flares in his eyes. My smile falters.

"What's wrong?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. Just...don't look. I'll tell you when the time is right."

"Is she the shy one or are you?" I question.

"No one." He grumbles.

"Look at you all grown up and keeping secrets from your sister now. Where did the times go when you shamelessly showed me how your right nipple was bigger than your left."

"Banks! We agreed to never talk about that!"

I grin, shrugging. "You broke a lot of our agreements too."

"Don't make me remind you of the time when you farted at the family dinner and blamed it on the cat, Shit." He crosses his arms on his chest.

"Don't make me remind you of the time when you stayed up all night for a pair of breasts to pop out on your chest during your thirteenth birthday."

"Because you lied to me saying all boys grew tits when they're thirteen and they have to squeeze it back in!" He glowers at me.

I burst out laughing, the memories making my insides warm.

"You were such a dumb fucking kid." I laugh again.

"And you were just an asshole and rude." He perches beside me on the couch.

"Not everything was horrible back then." My voice grows silent.

Caleb looks at me, his glare slipping off. "Yeah, they weren't."

Unspoken words exchange between us that we catch perfectly without even glancing at each other.

Because we had each other.  

●・○・●・○・●

When I wake up the next morning I know something is wrong when my eyes refuse to open completely. I rub them furiously before cracking them open. My body feels weird and hot as if someone cracked up the heater way high up.

I sit up and curse when my headache pounds back in with more force. Ignoring it, I stumble out of the bed, heading towards the bathroom.

I'm almost there when the ground slips beneath my feet and the floor comes rushing at me. I quickly grab the doorframe before I fall face-first.

For a moment I stand still, staring at the ground as I let the dizziness wash away.

What the fuck? What's wrong with me?

I lift my head and groan when a dull ache throbs between my eyes. I try to move again but stagger when the room starts spinning.

"Caleb," I call out but it comes out as a whisper. My voice sounds dead.

Shit. Am I sick?

I stagger towards his room with the support of the wall. With wobbly legs, I walk towards his bed and tumble down on the mattress at the foot of the bed.

I slap his leg. "Caleb. Caleb wake up."

He lets out a monstrous groan as if he's a fucking dinosaur, stretching his limbs. His foot nearly goes into my mouth but I turn my head away the last second.

"Caleb," I call out his name again. The simple action seems to take a lot of effort because sweat breaks out on my forehead.

He furrows his eyebrows as he lifts his head to look down at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"My head," I murmur. "My whole body."

He sits up. Bringing a hand to my forehead, he checks my temperature.

He gasps. "Banks! You're literally burning. What the fuck?"

"What?"

"You have a fever. See! I told you to eat and stop skipping meals. Are you even sleeping properly?"

I mumble incoherently, too tired to shake my head.

Silence falls in the room before Caleb shuffles down the bed. "Here. Scoot up."   

He tugs me up until my cheek meets his pillow. I make a disgusted face at the smell.

"How long has it been since you washed it?"

He looks incredulous. "You're supposed to wash them?"

My eyes widen. I open my mouth to give one hell of an earful but a groan comes out instead when my headache reminds its presence.

"Oh shit," Caleb whispers to himself. "Okay. Okay. Let me see what I can do." He puts his blanket on top of me before moving outside.

I want to call after him to stay out of the kitchen but my voice gets lost and so does my consciousness as I fall back to sleep.

●・○・●・○・●

My eyes startle open when a crash shatters my sleep.

Looking around, I spot Caleb crouching over broken pieces of a cup.

"Caleb!" I gasp.

He winces at my voice. "Shit. I'm sorry. The thing was too hot and it slipped from my hands."

"You fucking idiot! Do you know how much a cup costs nowadays?"

"I'm sorry. Sorry. I was just trying to make some tea."

My anger simmers down at that. I sigh before sliding his blanket off me and slipping down the bed. My head whirls but I force myself to stay alert. The lack of food is making my body weak. I have literally no energy left. But if I leave Caleb with this mess then he'll cut himself and I don't want to add that to my worries when I can barely open my eyes.

"Move. I'll clean it up." I fall onto my knees across the pieces.

"Banks. You can barely walk straight. I'll do it."

I shake my head. "Why aren't you at school right now?"

"I can't leave you while your fever is this high."

"It's fine. I just needed a few more minutes of sleep. I'm fine now."

"Bullshit. I already called Kaylee and told her that you won't be coming today."

I groan. "Why would you do that?"

"Because you have a fucking fever, Banks!" He snaps, annoyed. "Jesus. Just drop that. I'm telling you I'll clean it up."

"Don't command me."

"You can't do anything about it in this state."

As if to prove his point, his hands slide under my armpits and before I know it, Caleb is dragging me back towards his bed, lifting me and placing me under the blanket.

"I'm kicking your ass for that," I mumble.

"Sure."

He walks towards the pieces and before I can stop him, my mind goes blank again.

●・○・●・○・●

I wake up with a gasp. "Caleb!"

"I'm right here! Right here!" He comes running into the room from outside.

"Did you cut your fucking hand?"

He furrows his eyebrows. "What? No."

I peer past him to see the shattered pieces are no longer there. He actually cleaned it up. A breath escapes my mouth as my shoulders slump back into the bed.

"Now that you're awake, here. Eat this." He holds out a bowl of steaming noodles in front of me.

"You made this?" I stare up at him in shock.

He nods, proudly. "Yup."

"You actually boiled water and poured it into the instant noodles cup all by yourself?"

"I know, right?" He grins.

I stare at him, dumbfounded. "What's happening to you? First, you break my cup but then clean it up too. Now you're making me instant noodles."

He narrows his eyes. "You have a fever, Banks. I'm not that useless of a brother."

I'm in no mood to eat. Not at all. But still, I work myself into a sitting position, huffing out a breath with the effort it takes me. Leaning against the wall, I take the cup of noodles from him and start eating.

He gets his own cup and sits in front of me cross-legged. Having a fever changes the taste of food. The noodles feel too thick and plastic-y to go down my throat. Still, I force it all down and sigh, handing Caleb back the cup and lying down again.

This feels like a normal fever. By tomorrow morning, I'll be all good and thriving again. I just need to sleep this off.

Yup. That'll do it. Sleep.

●・○・●・○・●

Sleep did nothing at all.

I wake up to the feeling of someone choking me, gripping my neck with its strong fingers, and cutting off my air supply. My stomach churns and I realize all too late what's happening. I quickly sit up.

My throat tears open and bile pours out of my mouth. It flows all over my clothes and Caleb's bed. Tears erupt in my eyes as my stomach heaves. It doesn't stop there. I vomit once again, and then when there's nothing left in my stomach, some sort of greenish fluid makes its way up my throat.

Fire spreads through my chest and it hurts everywhere. I look at the mess on my hands and on Caleb's bed. The smell clogs my nose and I can't help it, I burst into sobs.

"Caleb!" I choke out. "Caleb!"

He doesn't appear.

Hot tears slide down my face as I slowly slide his blanket off me and step out of bed. Whimpers escape my mouth as I stagger towards the door. Outside, Caleb is sleeping soundly on the couch. The clock shows the time as 2:40 AM.

With a throbbing head, I carry myself to the bathroom and strip. My skin feels hot and the air feels congested. I grab a small towel and wipe myself clean. Looking in the mirror, I burst into tears again.

Why do I look so fucking horrible?

My eye bags are more prominent now, making my red eyes look swollen shut as if someone punched me. My face is so pale and yellowish with my cheekbones jutting out as if I'm a skeleton. My lips are cracked and my breath stinks. The urge to quickly fix myself drives through me but what's the fucking point? I can't keep fixing myself only to realize it again about how fucking ugly I am. I can't even look like a proper fucking human being.

My face burns with anger and frustration as I harshly swipe at my chest with the towel.

I'm so disgusting it hurts to fucking look at myself. Why can't my eyes be a little bit bigger? Why can't my face look thin without making it seem as if someone sucked the life out of me? Why can't my lips look pink and healthy? Why is everything about me so fucking wrong?

My face crumbles and a sudden pang of pain bursts through my heart. I cry out, falling to my knees right on the floor, shivering and naked. Tears slide down my chin, onto my thighs, to the floor, but I don't care. I'm so miserable it fucking hurts. Right here, deep in my chest. I want to reach into it and rip it right out.

Shame and embarrassment grip my neck and choke me, so fucking hard. I can't breathe. The room starts spinning and before I know it, my body caves over, gagging and retching. There's nothing left to throw out. My breathing contricts and my throat burns as I dry heave.

When that passes, exhaustion takes over me. I used whatever energy I had left in throwing up and crying. My legs feel too weak to move so I just lie there, resting my cheek against the cool tile of the bathroom floor, and letting my eyes fall shut.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

This chapter hurt my soul...some people might go and think that Banks breaking up with Lance was dramatic, but when you think about her past, it really isn't. Speaking from experience, when it comes to my siblings, I'd literally die and give up everything for them.

Throughout my childhood, I was the third parent to my three siblings. At nine years old, I was fully taking care of my newborn brother while handling my little sisters. Now when I'm eighteen, I realize how horrible that had been on my mental health. I do everything for my siblings but it still feels like I'm failing and doing something horribly wrong.

I respect every person out there who was forced to do their parent's jobs and take the responsibility to nurture their siblings.

DON'T WORRY! Our couple, Banks and Lance, won't be apart for too long! Let's see him in the next chapter!

Words: 6,900

Date of publishing: 26th June 2024