| 06 |

~ Banks Woods ~

Almost immediately, we're flooded.

Every female within our vicinity gathers around our booth, snapping pictures, calling out to their friends, cheering and squealing.

Because Lance and Theo still have their shirts off but now it's a competition to see which girl can smear the most amount of caramel on their muscles and abs.

When I suggested the idea, I wasn't sure they'd agree since it would be a lot of random strangers touching and fangirling over them, but the boys were more than alright.

"Come on, girls! Cover me!" Theo winks at them causing them to giggle.

There's a whole line of them, waiting for their turn to get their hands on them.

Xander told me to fuck off when I asked him, and Castle politely declined. They're inside the booth, collecting orders, and taking in the money.

Kaylee looks like she's in a dream while making drinks. "This is seriously the best day of my fucking life."

I can't believe this actually worked. Being a girl means you know how to attract other girls.

Even though our caramel supply is getting over, we're still attracting a lot of females. Even old wives and moms.

I'm placing drinks in the cup holders, handing them out to the girls when the scene in front of me has me halting in my tracks.

One of the girls with Lance brings her head closer to his chest and licks the caramel straight off his defined pecs. My eyes double in size.

That...that wasn't supposed to happen.

They're just supposed to smear them with caramel. Not lick it off them. I turn towards Kaylee to tell her this, but before I open my mouth she yells, "Get it, girl!"

She grins, shooting Kaylee a wink before giggling up at Lance. I stare at his face but he shows no signs of objection. He smiles back at her.

Something uneasy clenches in my stomach. Why is he smiling back at her? Suddenly, I wish I hadn't voiced my idea. Why did I have this stupid fucking idea?

Wait. No.

No. No. No.

Am I getting jealous?

Am I seriously getting jealous over a guy I rejected?

What's wrong with me? Get your head straight!

I look back at Lance and curse myself when the same uneasy feeling rolls in my stomach—

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I can't get jealous over him. I can't. I need to focus on other things than being jealous.

Over the squeals and chattering of the girls, comes another louder, deeper voice.

"This is ridiculous!"

We all turn our heads to look at Fred, waving his chubby fist at us in rage.  

"You can join in." Theo winks at him. "We're entertaining all men, gays and girls."

"This is absolutely ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!" Fred yells.

"I know, right?" Lance nods. "That's what I keep saying when Theo keeps winning. It's not my fault that these girls can't resist licking my chest instead of focusing on covering it."

All of them laugh.

"This is unpleasantly, disgustingly unhygienic!"

"Hygiene doesn't matter in the presence of hotness!" Kaylee yells.

Everyone within a ten-mile radius cheers in agreement.

I snicker.

Fred's face turns completely red when people start boo-ing him. They tell him to get lost and mind his own business. He looks offended and finally staggers away when more insults and boos come his way.

Another two groups of four girls surround Lance and Theo, holding caramel jars. They dip their fingers into the thick liquid before smearing it over their hard, toned bodies. Giggles and appreciation fall from their lips as they coat the men.

Theo's enjoying this because he likes the attention and the praise. Lance is doing this simply to help.

One of the girls raises her finger to Lance's face and smears caramel on it.

"Oops, you got something there." She smiles, seductively.

"I wonder what it is." He raises his eyebrows, but a flash of hesitance covers his eyes.

"Let me get it for you." Then she's rising on her toes, reaching towards his nose with her tongue.

My mouth parts open in disbelief. What the fuck? Did she seriously just do that? What the fuck?

"Ooo, it's getting even hotter in here, don't ya think?" Kaylee fans herself with the neckline of her t-shirt. "Banks? Banks? Hello?"

I snap out of my thoughts, flicking my gaze to her and away from the scene in front of me.

"What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." I shake my head.

She stares at my face. "Tell me."

"Nothing." I try putting on an innocent look.

"Girl, you've been with me for three years. I know damn well when you lie. Out with it."

My lips fall shut. I glance at Lance with the girls and a rise of anger envelopes me when I see the same one flirting with him. Kaylee catches my glance.

She immediately catches on with an 'Ohhh'.  

"There's nothing!" I immediately say when she looks back at me.

Her mouth falls shut, and she raises an eyebrow giving me an 'are you sure?' look.

I nod. "There's absolutely nothing."

"Mhmm."

"Yes." I nod.

"Then you wouldn't mind giving that girl another jar of caramel, would you?"

My hands twitch.

"Yup." I keep my face neutral. "No problem."

"Here you go then. Hand that in." She pushes me out with a knowing glint in her eyes.

I walk towards Lance with the caramel jar. Wariness creeps over me the further I walk into the guys's spotlight, between all those girls.

Lance's upper body is covered with Caramel in almost every spot available. The sunlight is doing wonders to enhance his muscles by giving them a gleam that makes it look like he's polished and oiled especially for a beach modelling show.

Spotting me, his face breaks out into a huge grin. "Banks. Hey."

"Hey." I thrust the jar towards the girl, fighting to keep the displeased frown from my face. "In case you need more of it." Because you keep licking it off and wasting more than necessary.   

"Thank you!" She smiles widely. Her blonde hair is tied in a high ponytail with wide baby blue eyes staring directly into my soul. Damn, she looks perfect.

I mumble a yeah before turning around to leave.

"Girl, you should totally join us."

I pause, looking up at the girl. I glance at Lance and all his gleaming muscles. His eyes widen in anticipation and excitement when he meets my gaze. I immediately shake my head.

"Uh, no thanks."

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"I'm not interested." I gesture towards Lance and the caramel. 

"Oh, I didn't mean you put caramel on them. I meant you should totally be one of the models to put caramel on."

What?

My eyebrows shoot up in shock.

"I'd totally cover every inch of you with caramel, then lick it right off." She gives me a playful smile.

My eyes widen. "Uh..."

"Don't you think we should?" She asks the rest of her friends who agree with nods. "Your female friend in there could join too. I'd totally do you." She winks at me. I catch the double meaning behind her words.

My cheeks flame.

"Uh...that's really...I don't know what to say." I stammer.

I glance at Lance to see his reaction and pause when I see the furrow between his eyebrows instead of an encouraging smile like I expected.

He's staring intently at the girl as if he wants to punch her.

Well, no one said every girl is perfectly straight. I'm not sure why he looks mad though. Is he against Bi? It doesn't make sense for him to be when he let the gay males coat him with caramel.

"Join!"

"Uh, no thanks. I have to get back to work." I flash her an uncertain smile.

"Awww." Her face falls. "If you need to find me again, here's my number." She holds out a slip of paper to me. She has papers with her number written on them ready?

Before I make any movement, Lance's hand cuts through between us, taking the paper from her.

"I'll hold onto this for her." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

The girl looks at him before looking back at me. She looks at him again, then back at me. A smirk spreads across her face. "Ohhh. I get it. Sorry, I didn't know."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Didn't know what?"

She opens her mouth to reply but Lance cuts in between again. "I think I hear Kaylee calling your name."

"Oh." I blink. "I'll get going then."

I nod at them before walking back to the booth.

"So did you threaten to cut her tongue off?" Kaylee smirks at me.

"She asked if she could do us both."

Her smirk slips, replaced by a shocked look. "What?" 

"Yup."

"Did you get her number?"

"Lance said he'd hold onto it for me." I shrug. "Don't know what that was all about, but okay, I guess. Who cares? Not me. He can do her for all he likes."

Kaylee frowns at me. "What. The fuck. Is wrong with you?"

"What?" I stare back in confusion. 

She shakes her head, placing a palm on her forehead. "Go make those drinks." She shoos me away.

What? What happened?

Shrugging, I head towards the coffee machines.

●・○・●・○・●

After a rather surprising success at the carnival and pissing off a red-faced Fred and getting revenge, everyone decides to go celebrate.  

I have to go home and tend to Caleb, who wasn't interested in coming to the carnival. He's gonna be so sorry he missed it.

I'm not really the celebrating type so I use Caleb as an excuse to get out of it. It backfires on me though when Theo and Kaylee kidnap Caleb off the couch and drag him over.

To a club.

"You're gonna take a kid to the fucking club!" I yell, outraged.

Caleb's grinning, looking very excited to be going to the "big people" place.

"Don't insult him, Banks." Theo slings an arm around his shoulder. "This is a big man right here who's gonna make some panties drop. A true heartbreaker."

Caleb grins at me.

"He's sixteen!" I glare.

"All the more reasons to get him experienced. Get in here." He holds up a big coat for Caleb to put on before strapping a fake beard on his face.

"Where the hell did you get that from?" Castle frowns.

"An old Halloween costume."

After perfectly disguising Caleb as a short skinny old man, Theo stands proud, observing his work.

"I can't believe this is happening." I put my face in my hands.

"Chill, Banks. We used to sneak into clubs too at this age." He waves me off.

"Doesn't make it right to make other kids sneak in." I glower.

"Come on. I thought you were the cooler oldest sibling." Caleb says.

"I am the damn coolest and you know it." I point my finger at him. "And shut your mouth. I'm your guardian and I decide what's best for you."

"Where are your parents?" Lance asks.

My glower slips. A beat of silence passes before I open my mouth to reply but Caleb beats me to it. "They're dead."

"Oh."

Everyone falls silent, not sure what to say.

"It's fine. They were shitty." I mutter.

Theo nods before clapping his hands once, trying to change the subject. "Time to head inside!"

Kaylee and Caleb cheer.

I'm gonna kill him once we get home.

We head inside the club and surprisingly the security looks past Caleb's get-up and passes us in. The loud music immediately jars my heart. There's the smell of alcohol, sweat, perfumes and other different things that makes me light-headed for a second.

Castle and Xander immediately find a booth to sit and Caleb and I go along with them. Meanwhile, Kaylee, Theo and Lance waste no second in grabbing drinks and getting on the dance floor.

"How do they still have energy after all that we did today?" I grumble, folding my arms across my chest, feeling a little claustrophobic at the sight of so many people within a single dark room.

Castle gives a single-shoulder shrug. "That's them, I guess." He pulls out a book from his bag and flips it open to a page, resting back in his seat and starting to read.

"Are you seriously reading at a club?" Caleb tilts his head.

Castle's gaze flicks up to him. "I came here to help Xander drag their drunk asses back home when they're done. I would've gone home right after the carnival otherwise."

"But still. How can you focus with all this going on?" Caleb motions at the dancing people and the music.

He shrugs. "I just tune them out."

"What about you? Why are you glaring at everyone?" Caleb asks Xander.

Xander—who's still glaring at everyone, replies, "They're annoying."

Caleb looks at me. "Can I try alcohol?"

"No."

"But—"

I widen my eyes in a glare.

"Fine." He deflates.

I look around the place again. The sight making me queasy for some reason. It's not like I've never been to parties before. I've been to high school ones where I did engage in alcohol and dancing. But growing up, my interest in these things vanished when certain responsibilities came over me. Now the atmosphere makes me uncomfortable and leaves me uneasy.

A barely-covered couple starts making out a few feet away from us. They grope and lap at each other with their tongues. I immediately slap my hand over Caleb's eyes, glaring at them.

"I'm sixteen!" He whines.

"Shut up."

When they finally decide to move somewhere else, I take my hand off Caleb's face. Four light-coloured shapes of fingers print on his face.

I go back to looking around as Caleb starts dancing to the music in his seat. The fact that he's not begging me to go out there and explore gives me a sense of relief. I wonder why he's just sitting beside me and looking around instead of trying to escape from me like I expected.

My eyes catch on Lance, Theo and Kaylee who are still dancing together. They're attracting a lot of eyes towards themselves with the way Kaylee moves her hips and Lance and Theo surround her, making it look sensual.

Lance's movements are smooth and easy with the way he glides his hands over his body or the way his huge chest moves along with the subtle hip movement. He's dressed in a casual white t-shirt and jeans, making him look so hot compared to the suits he wears all the time. Heat creeps up my neck the more I watch him.

Another man sweeps in to take Kaylee away, and she happily leaves, leaving Theo and Lance. They both glance at each other before breaking into jumps while yelling out the lyrics. A couple of people join them and soon they're all jumping and moving together, pumping their fists in the air.

If only I had that kind of stamina anymore.

A small smile lifts my lips as I watch them having fun. Sometimes just watching others being happy in their lives makes you unexplainably happy too.

My smile is quick to drop though when a girl gets close to Lance, running her hands up his torso and over his chest, sliding them around his neck. He grabs her hands and pulls them away gently, but doesn't tell her to get lost. The girl tries again and a hint of irritation takes over me.

He clearly doesn't want her hands on him. Why is she still trying then?

The moment the thought crosses my mind, I pause.

What the heck? Why am I getting irritated over this? I shouldn't care what girl flirts with him. I'm not irritated because of that. Yeah, I'm not. I'm irritated because she's one of those people who can never take a hint. Yup. That's all. It has nothing to do with Lance.

To distract myself, I turn back towards Castle and Xander.

"So you have a fiancee?" I ask Castle.

His head snaps up from his book, a surprised look on his face as if I startled him. "Uh, yeah. I do."

"Where is she?"

"She would've been here if she wasn't busy." He shrugs. "She has dance classes right now. She teaches."

"So she's a dance teacher?"

"She's a devil." Xander mumbles.

A corner of Castle's lip quirks up. "She's a model. Dance teacher. Cheerleader."

My eyebrows rise up. Seriously?

I take another proper look at Castle. He looks a little nerdy with his glasses and warm clothes. He's literally reading a book in the club. And he's dating someone...completely opposite his character. Not that I find anything wrong with it. It's just surprising that Castle has a fiancée who sounds like a total extrovert compared to him.

"Is she someone famous?" Caleb asks.

Castle rolls his eyes. "A fuck lot. Holly Versace. Her name's everywhere."

The name does sound familiar. While I'm busy trying to remember, Caleb is gawking beside me, clearly knowing who she is.

"Dude." He gasps. "You're engaged to a supermodel!"

"She's not a super supermodel yet. She only does some seasonal shoots for now."

He shakes his head vigorously. "I've seen her name pop up on billboards! She's famous!"

"I still don't know who we're talking about." I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

"That's because you live under a rock."

I swat Caleb's head.

Castle and I get into an easy conversation after that. I realize we have so many things in common. Coffee-haters. Dog-lovers. We're both equally clueless about the new trends or shows of the world. I like this guy. It's nice talking to him.

While the distraction was doing its best to keep me occupied in a conversation, my eyes still strayed to the dance floor where Lance downs shot after shot, dancing like a total party animal with Theo and a hell lot of people.

He's irritably hard to ignore and I hate it. I hate myself for making it seem as if I have an interest in him.

I aggressively shove fries in my mouth and glare at the girls who come near our table to flirt with Xander. They're half-naked so I have to slap my hand over Caleb's face every few minutes.

Xander shrugs them off each time, telling them to fuck off, not so politely. It's clearly irritating him further and ruining his already sour mood.

Another girl comes sauntering along.

My hand slaps onto Caleb's eyes as if it's a daily routine now.

She flirts with Xander and this time he points his chin at me, looking me dead in the eye. "I have a girlfriend. Piss off."

A mouthful of fries nearly spews past my lips. My eyes widen as I stare at Xander and the girl.

He gives me a discreet firm glare. Understood.

Swallowing down the fries, a glower slides on my face as I face the girl. "Do you need something?" I put on my best 'the fuck you want?' look.

Her smile drops and she shakes her head, slowly slinking back into the crowd to disappear.

Xander blinks after her, before meeting my eyes. "You're coming with me from now on to every club."

Despite the rude command of his tone, I can't help but smile.

"Mind taking your hand off my face now? I'm seriously gonna go fucking blind."

"Language." I scold, taking my hand off Caleb's face.

Almost two hours later, we decide it's time to go.

Xander and Castle drag themselves up and fight through a sea of people, pulling out a swaying Lance and a hyper Theo. They make their way towards our booth.

Castle has to hold Lance up with a hand around his waist. The latter is talking and mumbling something in Castle's ear while he simply nods, trying to get him to the booth.

Lance's face is flushed and glistening as if he ran a marathon. There are lipstick marks on his face that make me grimace. At least there are none on his lips. Wait, why am I glad about that? Why am I thinking about his lips?

His movements are sluggish and clumsy. He's completely drunk. His eyes are on Castle with a wide smile as he talks into his ear. When they near our booth, his eyes fall on me and he completely stops, making Castle trip over his shoes.

"Come on, we're almost there." Castle tries to tug him, but Lance doesn't move.

He's staring at me with wide eyes and a parted mouth as if he's dreaming with his eyes open. I'm not sure where to look with him deadass staring into my soul.

"Castle," Lance says, without looking away from me.

"Yeah?"

He lifts a finger, pointing it in my direction. "She's so pretty."

Castle is busy trying to tug him forward. He's nearly sweating with the effort. "Who?" He looks up and his mouth forms an 'Oh'. "Uh, yeah. Come on now. Just one more step." He encourages but Lance seems deaf to his words.

Meanwhile, my face is all warm and heated again. God, when will I stop reacting like this?

"Did he just call you pretty?" Caleb asks me.

Lance finally moves ahead, stumbling as he makes his way towards me.

Behind him, Xander is pulling a hyper and staggering Theo, who's grinning and shouting at everyone around him. He's missing his shirt, attracting a lot of eyes towards his muscled torso. Xander looks pissed.

"You're so beautiful, Banks." Lance's words get my attention. Not that he lost it anyway. There's always a sense of awareness surrounding me whenever he's in the room. 

"Beautiful?" Theo yells in his loud and open voice. "Banks is absolutely gorgeous! Kawaii!"

Kawa—what?

"She has such dark hair." Lance peers closely at my face with his half-lidded eyes. "Reminds me of Xander's soul."

"Ditto." Theo leans in closer too.

At once, every insecurity about my face hits me. From the new pimple that popped on my temple this morning to the facial hair that I keep forgetting to shave off. Having thick hair is all cool until you realize that it grows everywhere.

Feeling flustered and mad, I snap. "Get away from my face."

"Dude, maybe I'm drunk. but this face should belong in the heavens." Theo cups my cheek to which I swat his hand away.

"Hey, no touching." Lance scowls at him, giving him a sloppy shove.

"So sorryyyy. I couldn't help it." He slurs his words. His hand rises to my face again, and his mouth drops in shock. "See! It's lifting on its own! Help! I'm possessed!"

I pinch the skin between his thumb and his index finger.

"Ouch!" He yelps, snatching his hand back. "Xander, she pinched me!" He points an accusing finger at me.

"Pinch her back!" Caleb yells from behind, placing both his hands on the table to lift himself up for a better view.

"Of course!" Theo reaches for me again.

"What the fuck?" I slap his hand.

He yelps, offended. "Xander, she slapped me!"

"Stop bothering her, you fuckers." Castle groans, placing a hand on his face. "I hate handling drunk people. First, it was just Holly, and now you two."

"I don't even know why I find you this beautiful," Lance mumbles, still peering at me.

"Maybe she's a goddess in disguise." Theo snaps his fingers. "Are you, Banks? Please grant me extra good looks! Everyone says Xander is the hotter one!"

"But I'm the hotter one." Lance blinks, pointing a finger at his face.

"Dude, I think you've been lied to," Theo says, seriously.

A look of hurt comes on his face. "What?"

Theo nods. "I think people lied to you."

"But...but...but then they'd be liars!"

"This world is a lying fucking place."

To my utter bewilderment, tears appear in Lance's eyes. Fucking tears. What the hell?

"Goddess, give me sexiness!" Theo demands from me.

Caleb bursts out laughing.

"Are you really a Goddess?" Lance asks.

"Of course she is, you dimwit! I'd literally get on my knees for her." Then Theo tumbles down on one knee, bowing his head while he fights to keep his body balanced. "Goddess, step on me."

"Hey! I want Banks to step on me too."

Horrification has my mouth open so wide. There's no way two grown-ass men are on their knees calling me and Goddess and begging me to step on them. What the fuck?

If I thought that was horrible enough, I was dead wrong.

Theo's and Lance's drunk behaviour attracts the attention of many other drunk people. They come closer, listening to the two idiots call me Goddess and begging me for sexiness.

One by one, a few other drunks fall to their knees, joining along.

"We have a deity among us!" One of them yells, downing a drink before slamming the glass down near my feet.

Caleb is laughing so hard, he can barely breathe. Castle is pinching the bridge of his nose and Xander is merely gazing with a blank look.

"Long live the Goddess! Long live the Goddess!" Nearly everyone starts chanting, remaining on their knees. Some are wobbling, others give up on balance and fall face-first to the floor. 

My eyes are wide in horror as nearly forty people fall to their knees in front of me. All yelling and chanting for something or the other.

My gaze zeroes back on Theo and Lance. They're mumbling under their breaths now, looking close to passing out. Maybe the day's effort is finally catching up to them.

Whatever it is, I'm going to fucking kill these two.

●・○・●・○・●

The next morning, I wake up to Caleb vigorously shaking my shoulder and yelling my name right in my fucking ear.

"Banks! Banks! You have to see this! Banks!"

I groan, turning to the other side and tugging the blanket over my head.

"Banks!" Caleb snatches it away. "Seriously, you've got to see this!"

"What?" I grumble, cracking open my eyes and squinting at his dishevelled figure. I look at the time and widen my eyes when I see it's four in the fucking morning. "Caleb, I swear to God, if you tell me you've been awake all night and scrolling through your phone—"

I don't get to finish when he shoves a screen at my face.

My bleary eyes turn clear by the second, and it takes me a moment to grasp what I'm seeing.

My shoulders turn rigid.

I snatch the phone from Caleb's hand, inspecting every inch of the News page that's open. With every word, my mouth parts open, wider and wider.

You know how I mentioned that I was going to kill Theo and Lance?

Yup. That's happening.

●・○・●・○・●

A lady shrieks when I almost hit her as I throw open the doors to the restaurant. She yells at me but I'm not even listening to her. My eyes are intent on finding my victims.

I spot Xander at the counter near the register and march towards him. A glare on my face. "Where's your loud, problematic, annoying brother?"

He raises an eyebrow in question.

"Ohayō!" A voice cheers behind me.

I whirl around and there he is. Theo smiles at me, happily, looking fresh in a light blue t-shirt that stretches across his chest.

"You called for me, and here I am!" He opens his arms wide, grinning.

"Great." I narrow my eyes into a glare that makes him drop his grin. "Now call the other one."

●・○・●・○・●

Lance and Theo sit quietly on the chairs while I stand before them with my arms crossed.

Lance has his breakfast clutched between his fingers but he doesn't take a bite. He's staring at me cautiously as if I'm going to bite his head off. It's seven in the morning and I know it's their personal free time before opening the restaurant but fuck them. I haven't slept since Caleb showed me his phone three hours ago.

"I'm trending on every social media app and even on the fucking news!" I yell, making them flinch. They look like little children being scolded and yes, I'm fucking scolding them. "All because of you two!"

"At least you're famous." Theo offers a hopeful smile.

"They're calling me Goddess of the Drunk!" I snap.

His smile drops and he looks down, trying to avoid my glare.

"We were drunk. We didn't know what we were doing." Lance mumbles.

"I don't care. You both caused this. Now fix it. I don't want my face popping up on everyone's phones labelled as a Goddess and especially of the drunk. Got it?" I demand.

They nod vigorously.

Behind me, Castle is full-on grinning while leaning on his broom. Even Xander left his work to watch the show, looking amused.

"I can't believe I'm on every social media app." I rake a hand through my hair. "There are pictures of me everywhere with nearly half the club bowing down to me!"  

"Our drunk selves found you very goddess-like. It's not our fault. It's the alcohol." Theo defends.

"Shut your mouth." I glower. "You." I point towards Lance. "You are not allowed to call me pretty or beautiful ever again."

Confusion envelops his face. "But—"

"No buts! I don't want to hear those words from your mouth. Got it?" I demand.

He seals his mouth, nodding.

"Good."

Finally, I take a deep breath, calming myself down.

It's not just because I don't like my face on public posts. When I saw the news and the posts, my first reaction was utter and absolute horror, but I could've ignored that and simply scolded the boys instead of marching here early in the morning and yelling at them.

What made it worse were the comments and reactions.

'She's not even that pretty.'

'I don't get what's so goddess about her? She seems pretty mid.'

'Goddess? More like Troll of the Drunk.'

'I really don't understand what the guys saw. She might've looked a tad bit pretty irl but in the picture, she just looks like an average girl.'

'LMFAO. If everyone found her pretty the rest of us still have a lot of chance! Let's goooo ya'll!'

'Is everyone calling her pretty because she's skinny? She might look beautiful but I bet she's dumb as fuck. Goddess of the Drunk??? what the hell?'

Those comments made me want to dissolve into my couch. To hide myself and never show my face to the world ever again.

Caleb kept patting my shoulder, telling me it was all alright.

But it's not.

Not to me.

Not every comment was criticizing my looks. Some of the users defended me, saying to not judge a person by looks, and that I actually do look pretty.

But even if someone says something positive about you, the negative remarks always stick. No matter what.

Since birth, my parents have criticized my looks to the point of exhaustion. Growing up I was a chubby girl with dark skin and always the person who got picked on.

My own dad said that I would've been the most beautiful girl he ever had if my skin wasn't dark. It wasn't that dark though. I just wasn't "white" enough for them.

My mom always commented on my weight and told me no one was going to like me if I grew up fat.

Every week when I was eight, she used to scrub my skin with lemon, honey and sugar until it bled. All just to make my skin lighter and "pretty". She used to purposefully buy me little clothes, telling me to prove to her that I could fit in those within a month.

My whole life up until their death, they made me believe that I was the ugliest person ever born. 

Ben, my ex, used to comfort me during high school. He's a toxic piece of shit, but at least during that time, he saw me as someone beautiful. By the time I met him, I was already pretty skinny with the strict diets and restrictions my parents forced on me.

While my parents were happy that they were changing my looks, I cried every night at the pieces of me that died every single fucking day.

I became addicted to Ben's compliments. I needed them to survive and not lose myself in self-hatred and loathing. And him being the manipulative shit he is, knew every single thing he was doing.

He knew the more he comforted me, the more I would be drawn to him. The more I would seek him out. The more I would worship him just to get a scrap in return to make myself feel like a person.

Those days are behind me now. The self-destructing, loathing and hatred are all behind me. And I want to fucking keep it that way. 

Theo mumbles something to Lance but I still catch it. How can I fucking not? I'm standing right in front of them.

"I can't believe we got yelled at. She almost seemed like Okasa when she's angry."

Lance nods.

Idiots.

"I'll leave now." I run a hand through my hair, pushing those thick strands behind my ears.

"You're done scolding them already?" Xander asks. If I knew him any better, I'd say he sounds disappointed.

"Isn't there anything else that you're mad at them about? Something that you might've forgotten?" Castle raises his eyebrows, hopefully.

Lance and Theo glare at them.

I tilt my head as I think. 

"Oh right!" I snap my fingers, turning towards them again.

Lance and Theo glare even harder at Castle who's clutching his mouth to stop himself from making a sound. Their eyes turn back to me, wary.

"Don't you dare bring my brother to a fucking club! He's a kid! Even if he says he wants to 'live the life' don't you dare bring him to stuff until you ask my permission. Got it?"

They nod, swiftly.

"You know how many times I had to cover his eyes because those people wouldn't stop shoving their tongues down each other's throats? Who brings a kid to a fucking club!"

"Sorry." They mumble under their breaths.

The scoldings continue for nearly thirty minutes. I guess I just need someone to yell at to calm down from today's negativity. At some point, I feel bad for yelling at them, but then I realize they're the fucking cause of it, so I suck it up.

When I'm finally done, Theo and Lance look like two small puppies who've been kicked in the gut. Castle is laughing so hard he can barely cover up the sound anymore. And Xander has taken a seat right across from us with a bowl of nachos on his lap.

I do feel much better though.

"Now I'll leave." I declare.

Theo and Lance let out collective sighs of relief.

●・○・●・○・●

It's lunchtime when the cafe doors open and Lance walks in. I'm cleaning down a table after a customer when he walks up towards me. I keep my face cool and fierce as he stops in front of me, fiddling with the end of his dark blue tie.

"Hey." He smiles, which looks forced.

I raise an eyebrow.

He nods. "Everything will be taken down within twenty-four hours. There will be no more pictures of you online."

"How do you know that?" I question.

"I work at Tech. A friend of mine from there will take care of it." He assures.

Releasing a small breath, I nod. "Good."

His face softens. "I really am sorry, Banks. I didn't mean to upset you at all."

I was more than upset. I was fucking hurt. But not by him.

"It's okay." I nod.

"I wanna make it up to you."

"I'm not going on a date with you," I say, sharply.

"Aw man." He groans in disappointment.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to."

"Did I mess up my chances because of the social media thing? I promise it's all going to disappear."

I shake my head. "It's not that."

It's not that at all. Maybe if things were different, I would've agreed to him. Maybe if things were different, I would've let myself fall for his kindness. Maybe if things were different I would've risked my heart to see where this could go.

But I can't. I'm scared. I'm scared of spiralling again.

"Is there any chance at all?" Lance asks. "Like at all?"

I sigh. The next words nearly make me cry for some reason.

It might be because I'm actually going to lose a good guy who won't manipulate me like Ben did. I'm going to lose a guy who gets along with Caleb and doesn't scare him. I'm going to lose him, and that's terrible but necessary.

"Let me be honest with you. There's no chance for this—" I gesture between us. "—to happen. Maybe if you wore a Barnie costume and sang One Direction with your own personal boy band and showered me with a million rose petals, then I may consider it." I use sarcasm to hide the hurt lacing into my voice. "But seriously. Just give up. You'll be wasting your time on me."

It's better if I crush all his hopes right now before I let him crush me first.

Anyone can tell Lance's life is perfect. He has everything planned out ahead of him. Becoming a CEO and all that. I don't know why he would want to involve me in his life when all I'm gonna do is tire him out and make him regret his choices.

His face falls when my words hit him. For the first time, I see resignation in his eyes and my heart squeezes.

No. It's better to see resignation on his face now than in future.

"Alright." He nods, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his pants. His face turns blank and detached. "I'll leave you alone then."

My grip tightens on the rag I'm holding while I try my best to keep a cool face. I nod back. "Bye, then."

"Bye." He gives me one last look, blank but contemplating, before turning around and walking away.

When his back disappears out the door, that's when I loosen my grip on the rag, letting my chin drop.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Do you really think Lance is going to give up...?

Some of the things Banks mentioned about her childhood - I've had the exact same things happen to me. So if you could be kind to her, considering that you're potentially speaking to a person who actually went through all this, I'd appreciate it.

Trauma comes in many different ways. My parents weren't abusive but the damage they left is still too great. I'm an adult now and I can realize that I've actually been abused in a completely different way.

Anyone have any similar stories to share? Let's bond in the comments <3

Words: 6,200

Date of publishing: 24th March 2024