[as seen in joseph's eyes]

It's been a year since we broke up-no since he blocked me  off of his life. I've lied, broke and ruined his life. What was I thinking when I did these things to him? I've done nothing but tease, show off and make [Alexander] upset.

I've fed him pretty lies, stupid excuses and doing everything to make him hate me but it only made him more determined to show me how he really felt. The goal that I had was to make him hate me thinking he was just messing with me but that wasn't the case. The truth was, he was so in love with me and I was blinded by my own ignorance.

I broke his unbreakable smile; his chance to be genuinely happy and loved by someone who adores him. I called him names that he never deserved, ruined the chances that I was suppose to take and ignored his love for me.

I've used his feelings for me as an excuse so he could talk to me, told him that I was dating someone else so he would feel jealous and after all those things, he managed to keep giving me chances that I was suppose to take and I end up fucking things up. The last time I had a conversation with him, he barely can talk or keep his emotions together. He didn't deserve this, but from the looks on his face, it seems like Alexander gets the impression that no one wants him.

I wanted to make him happy, he believed in me after all, I wanted to tell him that I'll always be here for him but it's too late for me to do those things considering he's this close to losing his sanity.

Everything I did to him wasn't out of pity, I really wanted to be with him. I couldn't care less about anyone else's thoughts about me, I wanted to lit his world with joy, I wanted to do everything with him but I was too caught up with things that I should've ignored.

I couldn't imagine how much pain he must be going through, being already completely numb before I came into his life and the fact that the things I did were the things that his ex-boyfriend had previously done to him makes me so upset about myself.

But I decided to just end everything from my petty attempts at gaining his trust back and most likely my life. My only chance at being happy is that Alexander finally forgive me for everything I've done to him.

I'm so sorry, Alex.