chapter seven ;; read out loud
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

As I shout, a long beep goes with it.

There's no more warmth on my hand but rather coldness. The salty stream which falls down my face is the only heat that shows on my numb body while I'm thrown back, further and further into the dark.

----

The carpet of my bedroom comes quick into my blurry view as I slam my body down onto the ground. My black hair sticks to my forehead from sweat while I pant. The booming in my chest is so loud and it reminds me that I'm still alive for some cruel reason, and my index finger slowly runs across the tan fibers, wanting to be engulfed by them in this very moment.

It hurts, laying on the ground like this. Each rough carpet fiber that's twisted with more carpet fibers to make a spindle of carpet fibers which creates the large carpet itself is felt across my bare skin. The feeling is itchy and unbearable, turning my milky white skin red with irritation. The brown orbs that I claim as my eyes look around the room in complete silence other than the birds chirping in an unwanted and untuned song, sounding like they're having a fight instead of actually beautifully communicating.

The stars were gone and I was stripped from my hoodie and sweatpants, assuming that I had yanked them off while sleeping. Instead of a sky filled with orbs of plasma as hot as our own star, the sun, pinks and purples roam through the classroom that is our atmosphere, slowly growing up into shades of blue.

Our sky was something of reality. The early morning hours of youth sway and wisp in individuals hues of technicolor. But quickly, so quickly, those colors are stripped an instead show that of a singular blue. A blank slate hammered into our brains to nothing but the same, singular carbon copies of the ones next to us.

It's crestfallen, but that's what pessimists do...we think in shadows.

----

"Jeongguk," Jimin says from across the lunch table as I stare intently towards the brown haired boy with green highlights in his bangs that rest just at his eyebrows. His mouth was currently turned into a rectangle as his eyes turned into crescents; he was smiling so widely. I trail my bored eyes over to whomever is making Taehyung so smiley this morning, and a beautiful girl- that one cheerleader -sits across from him, "Jeongguk!" The shout makes me jump, and while my body jolts, Taehyung's eyes lock with mine for a short-lived moment.

"Yeah?" Though my tone rings clarity, my mind remains bugged out by the sudden interruption.

"What up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" It's distantly spoken, my mind still occupied with Taehyung. Eyes shyly returned towards the elder's direction, we meet one another half way.

Jimin lets out a sigh, running his fingers against the fiber of his orange hair that falls in layers, "See, you're doing it again." A voice pulls me out of my thoughts once more.

"What do you mean?" I ask again, perplexed by what he's observing.

"You're not acting right." Jimin's voice sadly speaks as I continue to observe Taehyung in a secretive manner, but he's constantly staring back. What does this boy want, a staring contest?, "What are you even staring at?" Jimin's voice booms in disbelief, abruptly turning around to follow my gaze. Taehyung's view returns to the girl once Jimin spins in his chair towards the tanner's area.

"I'm staring at nothing."

"Don't lie to me. You were staring at something." He retorts, turning back around to face me.

"How do you know that?" I test him, continuing to glare down at the food on my tray.

"Because you looked so...upset? No, upset's not the word I'm looking for..." Jimin pauses for a moment in deep thought, biting down onto his large lower lip while doing so, "Jealous," My eyes meet his in an instant, "you were looking extremely jealous." A chuckle easily makes way past his teeth, as I silently gulp while staring widely at him, "What are you so jealous about?"

I lick my lips, afraid on how I've been put on the spot like this to answer his question, "I'm jealous that..." My eyes jump around the room, desperately trying to find something. Jimin just blankly stares at me, confused at my odd behavior, "that those girls over there get the easy life." I finally speak, mentally face palming myself for coming up with something so stupid self-pitying for an answer. Jimin only laughs, stuffing his face with a bite of burger, "What?" I sound worrisome, "Why are you laughing?"

Jimin looks at me through his eyelashes while chewing, "That's just extremely like you." He softly says with a smile on his face, shaking his head.

"Oh." I match up with Jimin's laugh after a few silent moments, giggles making small shoulders bounce to the motion and showing way into cackles when Taehyung catches my attention again, how he stares so brazenly across the way towards Jimin and I. Eyes gleam that of a challenge, to which a protective nature swarms my senses back down into silence. Dark honey headlights and softly seething undertones bring goosebumps to the surface. Whatever the sensation may have been, there was something tantalizingly beautiful about it.

----

"I'm glad to say that a few students were in fact successful with their rough draft. Some were big surprises, others..." Mrs. Ka glances over at me with a sly smile, "weren't very surprising." She takes in a deep breath, staring at the very small stack of papers in her hands, "I'm proud to say that the best one came from none other than our Jeon Jeongguk."

Everyone looks over at me with different emotions, all of them making me want to fold into myself. Stop staring at me, I mentally beg, trying not to tear up. They all stare and I hate it. No one's supposed to stare at me. I'm not supposed to be stared at. I admire others, others don't admire me. That's how it is and that's how it's supposed to be. I just want all of the clapping to stop, so I slowly close my eyes, deeply breathing in and out.

I know that people are still looking at me, probably confused as to why the small boy currently being praised is freaking out in silence. My knuckles turn white as I ball my tiny hands into tight fists underneath the table top, wanting to slam them down. What felt like lasted minutes probably only lasted a few seconds.

Eyes leave in a large group. I can feel it. Thin eyelids that once covered my dark brown eyes flutter open, and Mrs. Ka continues to speak as I send mental messages over to one specific person, hoping that he can somehow hear them through connection.

It's easily to tell Taehyung was originally only meaning to send a short glance, but there's a double take instead, his eyes softening immensely that it alarms me, and he drops his pencil, creating a light clack while the plastic of the mechanical pencil bounces on the desk. He tilts his head slightly, and out of pure reaction I tilt my head in the same direction, watching his movements.

"-I would like our best writer in the class to read his story out loud." Mrs. Ka's voice reaches my ears that have been pierced in multiple places.

My eyes dilate, sitting up from my slouched position.

Talking in front of the whole class? God, please no.

The lips placed onto my distressed face open to protest, but no words come out. It's like a valve has been shut in my throat, blocking all sounds emitting from my vocal chords. Taehyung licks his lips and worriedly stares at me with knowing eyes before back at Mrs. Ka.

Mrs. Ka's gently placing my packet of typed words onto my desk in a matter of seconds. These words were meant to be hidden from the eyes of others. Only Mrs. Ka was allowed to read upon this small packet, these words the spilled out of my mind like blood falling out of fingertips onto a blank surface. It hurt me, internally, knowing that others will hear.

None of these people that swarm and surround me like flies will understand the true meaning of this. In the beginning, I was happy that my true thoughts were hidden by a cliche story and a singular unknowing teacher, but now it's everything except.

The thin fingers attached to my now clammy hands shakily grab the paper. Assuming that I must stand for others to hear my shushed voice, my legs slowly unbend in a wobbly fashion. Eyes are back on me like the people are owls and I'm a mouse in an open field, silently awaiting my death that's bound to come any moment.

And so I read every intricate word. My eyes quickly scan the paper, hesitantly looking up from time to time while my mouth continues to move, creating almost memorized words imprinted onto my already packed brain, only to see Taehyung boring holes into his table like it's a book of mastery. My thumbs run down the page with my eyes, slowly holding onto less and less of each page until it's time to flip to the next. The last words impacted me the most, sending a spike of pain through my already battered frame.

"Let time heal the wounds that have been served with salt."

Everyone claps once I finish my last sentence out of hundreds, slowly placing the packet down with flushed cheeks and sitting as well.

"I can tell that this experience is close to you." Mrs. Ka says once the claps end. I slowly nod to her words, biting down onto my lip as my eyes slowly tear up, "I can also tell that it happened not too long ago." I slowly nod again even though it's not true. The experience still feels fresh, always making me question how much salt my wounds were served with but it was in no way new, "Someone close to you, yes?" I blink rapidly, slightly sniffling and looking down at my hands. Now she's simply going too far, almost coaxing the tears brimming my ducts to slide downwards with gravity, "I thought that your words-"

"Mrs. Ka," I cut her off, frantically looking downwards while I intertwine my hands together in my lap, "c-c-" Foolish, is how I felt, cursing at myself for stuttering but then getting even more angered with myself once I feel the first tear fall, "can I go to the bathroom? I really need to go." I shyly say, trying to hide the shakiness of my voice with all I have.

"Of course you can."

Hurriedly, I pick up the things stacked onto my desk before speed walking out of the classroom. This time everyone's eyes no longer praise me but rather question me, and I don't know which one I dislike more.

I never went back to the classroom that day.

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weird and rushed update ladeeda don't miNd mee.

sorry that this one's a bit weird. i had to hurriedly write it because school has been a bitchh ++ i've been sick lately and of coURsE the one day that i'm out, i miss an English assessment and a new topic in math pLus a new topic in science. gotta love triangles and the human body amiright¿ :)))

ok i'm just complaining now ty for so many votes nd reads lately xx byee

(i'm so excited for the next chapter ahh)