chapter eight ;; hold me tight
taehyung's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

Jeongguk never came back that day, and it wouldn't stop entering my brain at every moment it had. Yes, English was our last period the school day, but it still heavily worried me that he just vanished, almost like the small boy never existed. The only reminder that he was ever at this school was his black locker number engraved onto the strip metal of that shines in a reflection as small as a window in a classroom.

I stood there for a while with my backpack lazily hanging onto my slumped shoulder, awaiting for the petite boy to finally come back from wherever the hell he went. And no, he was not in the bathroom. I awkwardly checked and called out his name only to be scolded by a boy that I've seen a few times around school.

A soft sigh escapes my lips as I finally lean my back against the row of red painted lockers, their paint chipping at the corners. The halls now contained literally no one. There was a football game today, people either rushed to get a good seat on the bleachers or rush to get away from the crowd of people.

Nonetheless, I stand against the row of metal, waiting and waiting and waiting until I can't wait any longer. My eyes scan the hallways once more, lulling my head around ever so slightly before finally deciding that I had waited long enough for the smaller to come back.

I kick myself off of the wall, letting out a soft yawn before shuffling over to the locker room. I hadn't gotten much sleep the last few nights. My mind simply just wouldn't shut down. It was always thinking of impossible things, making up scenarios that left my mind boggled. There was always a person, a boy, who was small, that's all I knew, figure dark and blurry around the edges.

Deep down the entirety of my body knew exactly who the person was, I just couldn't allow myself to accept it. Who ever thought that my own dreams would be made up of a boy? Never have I ever turned to look at a guy in any way other than friendship.

Now I was and it made my hands clammy. I didn't fear others and what they thought. People already wanted to rip my throat out, jealous of successfulness and hard to obtain close circle of friends. I was more afraid with myself and how I'd deal with the whole revelation. Surely, I'd be wigged the fuck out at first, not sure how to go about things, constantly afraid to even look at a boy since it may show too much. If I stare at a girl with one side of my mouth upturned it's known to be blamed on my teenage hormones, but when it comes to sharing that same face with someone of the same sex, there could be so many other things to blame it on.

I vigorously shake my head, attempting to rid it of the perpetuous thoughts that infinitely bounce through my infinite container of a world that I claim as my own mind. The game starts in only ten minutes, I can't begin to think too far into things now. Yesterday I said that I wasn't up to playing the game today, and I know for a fact that I still stand by that, but I can't sit out and rip away from something I find grounding familiarity in.

Everyone would be disappointed in me.

----

I was distracted, unbelievably so. The ball kept fumbling and I kept falling. I was making a complete and utter fool of myself. When I first entered the large field, my hopes were there, if only a sliver, that I'd discover Jeongguk's petite body in the corner of a bleacher, hoodie over his head to hide his pale face that looked extremely young and distressed with knowing too many things. My happiness to see him was completely shattered when peering out towards the heaps of usuals.

It was obvious when my smile slipped from my face, it's not like I tried to hide it. Seokjin sent me an odd stare, folding his arms and standing where our extremely cold bench in the grass is placed.

"Everything alright?" Seokjin whispers once I head over.

"Yeah."

"Taehyung," Namjoon smiles and claps my back, "never thought you'd make it."

I awkwardly simper at his comment, scratching the back of my neck with one hand and holding onto my helmet with the other, "Sorry about that, I got distracted."

Namjoon allows a sly smile to form onto his tanned face, "Was it Seoyun who was distracting you?" Usually, these forms of comments would only make me laugh with a wink because they were true. Seoyun and I were known to fool around a lot, especially in the locker room, but we were never serious nor classified ourselves as anything. Lately, I've become drastically uninterested in the cheerleader with light brown hair highlighted in pink.

"Namjoon," Seokjin screeches and slaps his arm, "Taehyung wasn't doing things with Seoyun. God, you're so bothersome sometimes."

"But you love me." Namjoon coos with a knowing smile, glancing over at the older boy standing next to him.

Seokjin's face turns down at his shoes, "Mhm." Is all he says, still flustered. I roll my eyes with a smile, ever so slightly envying their seemingly perfect relationship. I wanted one like theirs more than anything that very moment.

The ball drops out of my hands once again, loudly cursing at my own self for being so stupid. I'm constantly in another world and if I could control it, I sure as hell would be that seems impossible. The coach blows his whistle, shouting and calling Time Out. My heart sinks at the knowing feeling that's oh so obvious. I'm being called out because of my atrocious playing.

"Taehyung?"

"Yes, coach?" Taking off my helmet to showcase my sweaty hair that clings to my forehead, the words sound sheepish. Beads of sweat fall down my face and I quickly wipe them away with the back of my hand.

Coach lets out a short sigh, looking me up and down, "You're sitting out for the rest of the game." He finally decides, "You don't have to stay any longer if you don't want. We won't be needing you today since you can't seem to concentrate for a second. Get a good night's rest, okay?"

"Y-Yeah." It hurt more than I thought it would, slightly turning my body into itself while walking away. God, it really hurts, being told to leave. It makes me feel shameful, like I want to curl into a ball and disappear. This is the only moment when I notice the disappointed and aggravated glares of others, some hooting over the fact that I'm being taken out. At least Namjoon now finally has a time to shine.

----

All of my collected self pity quickly evaporated once I heard his wavering cries on the other end. Jeongguk and I had texted the night before, although it was only me joking about how I still ended up getting his number. Now was not the time to joke around but a time to act mature for the sake of another, "Jeon...guk?" I whisper, afraid that he didn't mean to call me and would snap any second.

"V-V-" He breaks into another loud sob. I flinch at his use of calling me V but then remember that I rudely told him to the other day, "I- I c-can't sto-p cry-ing." He shouts. You can practically hear Jeongguk's small body shaking through the call, his voice crackling through the speakers.

I let out a loud sigh, making sure to tilt the phone away from my mouth as I do so, not wanting Jeongguk to hear a sound of defeat. I didn't know what to do. I've never dealt with a crying person like this. My actions weren't used to his own ways of doing things. My voice was still getting used to the whole idea of being gentler around him, "Send me your location. I-...I'm coming to your house." I say on impulse, ending the call and awaiting for Jeongguk to send his address.

When he sent me the location after a minute, it made me realize what I was doing. I've never showed such care for a person but right now I didn't care, and I didn't want to think about my decisions. It was already nine thirty-something, and I was running out of my house and to my car with the intentions of helping a pretty boy I'd met only met two weeks ago. The air was cold as I ran through the wind, quickly swinging my car door open before slamming it shut once inside. I hadn't told my parents to where I was going, but a scribbled note lay down on the kitchen's counter.

The inside of the car supplied no heat from the outside world, but I didn't even bother with turning the heat on. I dealt with my chilled face and hands, accepting it with open arms. It's not my top concern this moment. My top concern is for the boy who was sobbing his heart out all alone in his room. It impaired my normal and somewhat happy aura, knowing that Jeongguk was crying so much. I know that he's experienced an exuberance of pain in the past, you can tell by the way he goes about, but I never knew that it still touched him today.

----

His front door wasn't even locked. I carefully opened up the door, afraid that Jeongguk's parents may see me and ask questions, freaking out over finding a potentially gay boy plainly walking into their small, three story townhouse, "Hello?" I call out in a hushed tone, not knowing what to do. It seemed as though the townhouse was empty.

I walk through the small first floor, looking up and down the walls in curiosity. A square and small smile breaks out onto my apprehensive face, realizing how much this place embodies Jeongguk's every being, down to the small white love seat that reminds me so much of him just by the smallness of it. Fairylights drape throughout the area, illuminating it in an extremely pleasing manner. Everything is faint, faded out and subdued. Nothing jumps out and it gives a very calming essence.

"Jeongguk?" My deep voice loudly shouts. It didn't sound right inside the small area but still expecting to hear some sort of response from the black haired boy. As all townhouses are, the bedroom and a bathroom are the only things that take up the third floor, "Jeonggukie, I'm coming!" Afraid to keep the poor boy waiting too long, the sound of feet booming up two flights of stairs is fiercely heard while I grip onto the lined railings.

My large hand flattens out onto the white painted bedroom door, a saying written in Chinese on it in black ink. I push it open through labored breaths, afraid for what I might see.

At the sight of the smaller curled up on his full sized bed, clutching onto the sheets while letting out light sobs, my whole body freezes in place. No sight of the outgoing and playful guy at school shows anymore as I steadily take long strides over to his side. My legs stop moving and I stand at the side of his bed, Jeongguk's back to me.

In this moment I have no idea what to do. In this moment my intellect became dumbfounded, standing next to his bed like an idiot, "Jeongguk..." I tenderly call out and trail off, outstretching my hand to brush against his shoulder. His face was concealed, but there was no lie stressful wrinkles lined the entirety of smooth skin. Jeongguk's body only flinches at the touch, making me quickly draw my hand back in fear of upsetting him.

"V-V p-pl-" He tries to form a sentence but is unable to, making a pool of clemency rise in my chest.

"Shh, don't talk if you can't. I'm right here." My now somewhat breathy voice continues, placing a knee onto Jeongguk's bed, seeing how he reacts. When he does nothing to objectify my actions, I place my other knee onto the bed, sitting back onto my calves and once again dumbfounded. Jeongguk doesn't seem to be moving anytime soon, so I let out a light sigh, making sure to keep my shoes hanging off the bed while awkwardly laying down.

I tentatively reach my arm out, hooking it over Jeongguk's body and pulling him closer to me. He was unbelievably light and easy to move, making it feel like I was pulling nothing. He didn't struggle in any way, if not thankfully taking the gesture. My eyes look down onto his curled form, wanting to see his face so I could observe him better. As of now, I was only met with the back of his head, my breath seeming to be stuck in my chest within this moment of our bodies together.

As if Jeongguk could hear my thoughts that were more like me mentally begging for him to turn towards me, his body rustles, completely twisting around to face me and resting comfortably in my tight arms secured around him. If I felt as though my breath had stilled before, there's absolutely no way I'm breathing now.

His eyes were closed and it was an admittedly gorgeous sight to see, tear stained cheeks accompanied with masked red eyes and small lips. Jeongguk's face held no more faintness, the view was powerful and almost impossible to explain. Carefully moving a piece of his fringe out of his pale and tired face, the air stuck in place finally leaves quiveringly, "Guk," I whisper, "do you want to talk about anything?"

His eyes partially open at my voice, making my breath hitch in the back of my throat at the sight, "N-No." Jeongguk breathes, nuzzling into my warm and inviting chest.

"I think that it was he best if we did-"

"I don't want to." His voice begs, cracking while he wraps my baggy shirt into his small fists for hands.

"O-Okay. I won't force you to." I bite my lip, still looking down at him with fear of making the wrong move, "Do you want to stay in silence like this?" He slowly shakes his head, "Okay then..." My mind's blank, not knowing what to say, "tell me about your day." The suggestion seems innocent enough and maybe talking about simple things will keep his thoughts off of things upsetting him. Jeongguk's hands only tighten around my shirt and I take that as a bad sign, instantly shutting down the idea and licking my lips, "I'm sorry for suggesting it. That was stupid- Uh..." My eyes trail around his room, trying to think of something, "Talk to me about what you find pretty?"

Jeongguk lets out a shaky breath before sniffling, his grip loosening and allowing me to finally breathe again, "I like the light and highlights." He croaks while I begin to run my hands up and down his back for comfort.

A soft purr emits past my lips, "I enjoy the darkness..."

"Why?"

"It's calming in a sense. I like how my mind feels. People always say that you can only be the light in the darkness, but I would never want to destroy it." I continue, still mesmerized by the sight of his bedroom.

Jeongguk lets out a sound of some kind, using his index finger to run patterns over my stomach, "I like the idea of that."

I agree, "We all have ways of relaxing and coping with things."

"And you seem to know exactly what to do with me." Jeongguk breathes out, sending shivers up my spine while a small smile dances across my relaxed face.

"Was it the reading in front of people that made you act this way?" I cautiously question, testing my limits.

Jeongguk doesn't do anything for a moment. Maybe some sort of unspoken line was crossed. My mouth slowly opens, about to tell him to forget about what I asked, "No." My mouth closes, feeling himself nudge even further into my chest. The grip of my arms only tighten around Jeongguk's body, drawing the two of us closer.

"It was more about what you read, wasn't it?" Jeongguk slightly nods against my chest, his legs stretching out so he's no longer in the fetal position, "Your story, it was very emotional. I almost teared up and I never cry, never."

"You'll cry one day." He quietly says, beginning to draw the patterns again.

The corners of my mouth slightly twitch up, "You're right, I will..." My lips pull into a straight line before continuing, "and I hope that you'll be there for me like I'm here for you now."

"...I...will be." At those words, whatever tense atmosphere that once clouded the current situation emancipates. My arms loosen around Jeongguk, and I don't fear dirtying up his sheets anymore. His face rests into the crook of my neck, soft puffs of air, signify that he is in fact creating a steady pace of breathing, run across the exposed skin on my neck. I rest my chin on top of his head, slowly closing my eyes shut, and I can tell that Jeongguk does the same.

We don't speak anymore that night. We don't need to speak anymore. There's no need for sounds or syllables that create words that create sentences that create paragraphs that create a conversation moving back and forth between two beings that occupy a small bed that occupy a room that settles in the third story of a townhouse placed on earth, spinning in a solar system that spins in an infinite amount of others. Jeongguk's breathing soon becomes heavier, telling me that he has fallen asleep.

I had no intentions of leaving tonight, but I intended to wake up with Jeongguk in my arms, safe from the outside world. I'm just glad that I was the one to help him.

----

I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCH LIKE DO U UNDERSTANDD