chapter twenty ;; awkward duet
jeongguk's perspective
°☆.。.:*・°☆

Awkward would be a way to put it lightly. Ever since the kiss from five days ago, the moment when my lips finally learned how they felt on Taehyung's in sweet bliss, things didn't quiet seem the same. Apparently, Taehyung didn't find it necessary to talk about the situation. He kept quiet and so did I.

Seokjin had come along, asking what happened. My only response was a light smile and a 'nothing really'. If Taehyung wouldn't talk to me about it, I wouldn't discuss it with anyone else because, obviously, he wanted nothing to do with anything romantic relating towards me. I was a single rose petal falling into an abyss.

It hurt, knowing that there was nothing to hope for anymore, and I hated myself for ever beginning to hope in the first place. Even with the closure of now understanding Taehyung can claim immense emotion, the idea of having this new found barrier between us hurt like hell. I trusted. I wanted. I hoped, and I was stripped away of those feelings, the possessor being him. His ability to control me like a puppet was intimidating, swirling and twirling at a flick of his wrists that I used to hold tightly to.

Short glances were shared with tied hands and mouths that were clamped shut. Did Taehyung even think about what had happened? Surely, he did. That's why he'd be avoiding me. It's obvious that he was. There was no longer a beautiful pestering boy next to my locker or with me at lunch. It was vacant, only Jimin once more. Jimin didn't question why Taehyung was no longer around me, but I think that he was glad that he wasn't. Scratch that, I knew that Jimin was happy. There was no longer the boy that'd stay close to me.

Every time Taehyung and I would pass by in the heavily populated hallways, our shoulders would brush, and I'd curse the pink which would return, how my heart feebly picks up even though I say no. Jimin was now the person that I tried to blush from, my attempts not working. It all returned back to the way it was before I'd transferred to the advanced English class.

Some part of me felt like I was overreacting to the whole situation. Friends stop talking on a daily basis, but maybe it was the closure that I wanted more than anything. It's the way that things were left off, and the way I'd said his name in his car on the way to my home. It came out breathy and somewhat helpless, too scared to be heard. And maybe, just maybe, Taehyung would've listened more if I had spoken louder.

An arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me close, earning a soft peck on the cheek. The height difference wasn't the same as it used to be. Subconsciously, my body longed for the feeling of a four inch difference to still be there, but that person did no effort to make it come back. Jimin's lips didn't seem as soft, and his hands couldn't fit around my thighs like Taehyung's could. Things became much closer between Jimin and I, including the proximity shared between the two of us.

"Jeonggukie," Jimin brightly says, and my fake smile shows, a faltered dull glow emitting, "I was wondering if I could come to your house today and play that new video game you were talking about." His tone was a bit too loud since my ears had gotten used to the soft one Taehyung used.

It was a stupid idea for me to mention the video game. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be bound to say yes, "Of course you can, just find me after class dismisses."

Jimin nods and breaks away from the side hug that was held between us both. It wouldn't be a struggle to find me amongst the others, Jimin always did in the end. If only Taehyung would be able to see how Jimin and I were now, he wouldn't exactly favor the sight, and I sadly wished that he'd someday walk along and catch us and break it apart in rage. But I had to remind myself something, that those days were over, and Taehyung would never turn violent.

On the way down Senior hall, watching the older people happily chat and crowd around lockers with friends, I caught glimpse of something that made my stomach contort, reminding myself of what had happened and only pushing me further into the dirt. Even after the defeat, the winner wasn't satisfied enough with the damage already done, deciding to push the loser's face into the ground to make sure that he was down and wouldn't dare to get back up.

A girl and a boy, holding onto each other and smiling without falter. Only days ago had the boy showed signs of possibly finding interest in another, by now he seemed to change his mind like a switch. His arms looked like they belonged around the girl, already used to holding her in such ways from past experiences, experiences that I would never learn. It was the girl I thought he had left, the peppy cheerleader that always seemed to shout Taehyung's name a little louder than others, the one with pink in her hair. Her name was Seoyun and, apparently, her and Taehyung were a thing once more from what is seen with my own eyes.

And then the familiar eyes saw me staring, and the way his face changed, the sorrow and what seemed like a sorry held in the back of my throat made my eyes tear up, and my lip was about to bleed I was biting it so hard. How foolish of me to believe that all would turn out well, even though it never does. Head down and pace quickening with each stride, they were as large as they could get. My mind was a giant trapped inside this container that sometimes felt too small and suffocating for me.

"Jeongguk." the deep voice sounds from behind me, footsteps quickening at an alarming pace. Ignore, "Jeongguk, I know you can hear me." Ignore, "Look at me, dammit." Ignore. A hand latches around my thinning wrist, "Jeongguk, please-"

"Leave me alone!" My voice echoes through the hallways once I whirl around to face the elder.

It startled everyone around, especially Taehyung. I even surprised myself with the viscousness and hostile timbre held behind the words that dripped out of my mouth. They came out as a heavy flow, unable to be stopped before I spoke. The tears continued to threaten to fall, but I held them back with all my might. Now was not the time to show such weakness, even though my body language wasn't doing a very well job of hiding it.

People stared, caught up in the scene unfolding in front of them. I must've looked insane, shouting at Taehyung like that with quivering lips. The regret and guilt was clear in his saddened eyes, unknown of what words to say. Right now, I didn't want to hear words; I didn't want to give effort into understanding sentences and tie them together to create immaculate lines of text. I just wanted to be held and told that everything would be okay, that I would be okay but that couldn't happen, not now.

Taehyung remained silent through the intent and intimate stare down. The gap was staying there and strong, not lessening like the one between us not so long ago did. A late bell rings through the now almost empty hallways, the last few students leaving, but Taehyung and I stay. In all honesty, I didn't want the gap to lessen between us, because it felt safer like no other. In no way did my mind feel intimidated for the need to put up a wall around me, although there was still a barrier between the two of us, no matter how close we'd stand.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispers, filling the void that I was beginning to find comforting.

"I don't care if you're sorry. Sorry's mean nothing to me." I spit, still astounded by my anger that wouldn't bow down with mercy.

"But I am, I'm sorry for ignoring you, for leaving you way I did-"

"You didn't leave me in any way." Taehyung doesn't deserve the compassion of knowing how I felt, that I was affected by what happened, "I'm fine, and I've been fine, actually." Lies fly out my mouth with impossible ease. If only he really knew the way I really thought, mentally pleading for something to form again.

"Then where have you been?" Taehyung begs, frowning.

I hold back a bitter laugh, "Where have I been?" I ask myself out loud, irritated. He was the one who wouldn't come to me. I did nothing to stop him from deciding to, "I've been with Jimin, of course."

His face falls, more so than before. I don't know why I thought that I'd enjoy the feeling of putting down his feelings like he had done to me. Instead of feeling victorious, I felt guilty, watching his face fall even more than it already had. Instantly, my thoughts beg to reverse time and take back the sour words that I knew would affect him like they did. An 'I'm sorry' threatens to make a comeback, but I make it stay in my larynx.

"Oh." Taehyung says, looking down.

"How are you and Seoyun? I didn't know if I interrupted a moment between you two-" I was cut off by the abrupt opening of a classroom door, but Taehyung's face said it all.

"Mr. Kim Taehyung and Mr. Jeon Jeongguk, I don't know why you feel the need to have chat time right now when class is going on." I bite my lip and glance over at Taehyung for a moment, something resurfacing, something that I loathed.

"Sorry, Mrs. Ka." We speak in unison and of the same degree. My tone had returned to its quite state, no longer feeling the need to be aggressive. I never liked to be aggressive, in fact, I shunned the idea that made me quiver. No more glances were shared, but I didn't necessarily want to share any more.

"Can I talk to you after school?" Taehyung asks once Mrs. Ka leaves.

"You can't."

"Why?"

"Because I have plans with Jimin. He coming over to my house."

Eyes subtly meet mine in an abnormally close moment. I didn't even realize that the gap between us did in fact lessen, and now Taehyung craned his neck down as I craned mine up. A small, sad smile breaks out onto a tanned face that was above mine, "I'll keep my phone close, just in case." He was keeping his promise that he made, making my heart leap in a failed attempt to forget things.

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lmao soz for this badd filler byE