I just couldn't stop myself from doing the much-awaited Batfam reaction to the Talon And Bone Series. If you haven't read it yet please don't spoil it for yourself and read the series first because only then you will be able to understand the references much better and the jokes would make sense.

I won't keep you guys waiting any longer so let's begin.

~•~

Bruce was not expecting to walk in on all the Batkids sitting together in the living room and neither of them was at the other's throats. Even Tim and Damian were not fighting and were seated at a safe distance from one another. 

It was quite a rare occurrence indeed and it seemed as if they were all waiting for him to come home.

"Ah Bruce, just the man we've been waiting for," Jason cheerfully exclaimed but the glint in his eyes was enough to make him think that there was something mischievous going on.

"What are you all up to?"

"Family bonding," Tim replied, with the same mischievous smile on his face that made Bruce think that something was definitely wrong.

All of them couldn't possibly gather like that for family bonding but they could definitely put on an act to pull a prank on him so he mentally prepared himself to be ready for anything.

"Freshen up and join us please?" Tim asked, pulling the innocent-eyed look that he couldn't say no to, "family bonding is incomplete without you."

He analyzed the surroundings but did not find anything out of place. The sheer normalcy of everything aside from the Batfam sitting together peacefully without causing any havoc was rather hard to digest for him.

"I will ground you all if this is some prank," he warned.

Richard shook his head, "not at all. We just have to read something for you. No damage involved."

Damian raised an eyebrow at him as if questioning the credibility of that statement, "none whatsoever?"

Richard thought for a while, "well, emotional damage doesn't count."

Bruce paused, feeling even more suspicious about their motives.

But as time was ticking and Jason couldn't wait any longer, he pushed Bruce to his room, asking him repeatedly to come out as soon as possible.

A few minutes later, he had joined his family, bracing himself for whatever shocking prank they had prepared for him.

"You know what, I was actually going to make a Powerpoint, explaining all the good stuff in detail but Timmy here didn't let me," Jason complained and by then, Bruce was curious to see what they were about to read, "he wanted to do an intro himself and I don't know why I agreed to let him do it."

"Thank you for giving me some of your spotlight, Jay," Tim remarked teasingly but then switched on the LED screen in the living room that they were currently using as a projector. And before Bruce could ask him what it was all about, he launched into a rapid refresher course of his discovery of an otherworldly reading site on which fanfics were written on them.

He also told him about how they had accidentally figured out how to contact the author even though she lived in a separate world altogether. 

Bruce listened to it all closely but then asked, "are you sure this is safe? You said it was a faulty IP address and you shouldn't be using that."

But Tim shrugged, "well, we are no longer using the IP address because we got the manuscript from the writer herself."

"Wait, how?"

His smile widened, "easy. I made a deal with her to tell her how we reacted to her stories so that she could write funny chapters based on our actual responses. And as payment, I asked her to send me the finished drafts of the Talon And Bone Series. Win, win for us in both states. Even if we can't access the site anymore, we'll be keeping this manuscript with us for entertainment purposes. Such as this one family bonding time we're holding tonight."

"Would you get on with it or do we have to listen to an hour of you rambling on how much infatuated you are with her writing?" Steph asked and that question made Tim chuckle lightly.

Bruce was still very confused, unable to decide what exactly was going on.

"You know what, Steph, you're lucky I fell in love with you first," Tim replied, ignoring the threatening glares Damian was sending his way, "or else I would have spent my entire life pining over a person who doesn't even exist in our world."

"Oh shut up!"

Jason knew their banter would never end otherwise so he butted in, pulling up the manuscript on the screen. "So in shorter words, we will be reading through an alternate universe series this writer has come up with based on one major change to our lives. What would have happened if Bruce Wayne did not lose his parents?"

He had stiffened in his seat but before he could say something, Richard added, "fair warning, things are a lot different and it would be better if you just think of it as a fictional story, nothing more."

"But the disses are on point," Jay added.

"And my character development was fabulous," Tim teasingly remarked, getting hit by a cushion in the head by Barbara.

"And apparently, I did not exist," Damian mumbled, "though, considering the chaos of the world this story is set in, I'm glad I didn't exist. Saved me all the trouble the rest of you went through."

"And I happen to be the main character of the story," Richard sheepishly remarked and Bruce had turned his attention towards him, feeling like there was more to the statement.

"Just a main character?" Jason teased.

"Nope, more than that obviously. Dickie is Batman!" Tim announced excitedly and that got quite a shocked reaction out of Bruce.

"Wait what?"

Damian clicked his tongue in slight irritation, "yes Father, that was exactly my reaction too. The universe got twisted on a whole other level just because one event was changed. You didn't become Batman, you didn't adopt any of the robins and Grayson got taxed with being the city savior instead. Tt."

"And that is why I love this story," Jason's eyes sparked in mischief, letting them all know that things had just begun and they were in for a lot, "so without further ado, let's dive into it."

"Who else is in the story?"

Barbara hadn't read it yet so she shrugged, Steph had heard Tim's detailed character monologues but wasn't in the mood to recount it. And Damian was pretending like he didn't exist right there as well.

So Tim and Jason took the lead in describing the rest of the characters one by one as they were the most enthusiastic of the group to tell Bruce everything.

Jason had even set up a camera to record his reactions but he hadn't told it yet to the rest of the Batfam.

"Well obviously, you are in the story," Jay began, "but you're the Mayor's son and heading Wayne Tech without the whole playboy at day and vigilante at night paradox. It's more of a businessman at day and playboy at night sort of thing."

"And Richard is the protagonist of the story who is very much smitten with one Barbara Gordon because even in an alternate universe, Barbara and him are endgame," Tim remarked, "oh and get ready for one of the big shocks. His day job or mainstream job if you can call it is that of a stripper."

Damian clicked his tongue to express his disappointment again while Richard was feeling somewhat embarrassed because Barbara was laughing at that revelation instead of being shocked.

"I can totally see you working as a stripper though," she remarked and Jay took that opportunity to embarrass Richard further.

"Yo Dick, did you ever tell Barb about the time we sent you as an undercover str..."

"Shut up!" Richard had stifled the rest of the words before Barbara could hear and had pounced over Jay.

Bruce had to pull the two apart, "focus on the story."

"Oooh someone's excited," Tim chuckled, resuming with the character intros, "then we have Jason who was adopted by Dickie because apparently not losing your parents stripped you of your empathy, Bruce."

Silence spread throughout the room until Jason spoke up, "though you're not some villain in the story, chill. And by the way, this Batman did not leave me to die either so I live in the story. No resurrection drama."

But obviously, Tim couldn't let him have his shining moment as he interrupted him, "yeah but this Batman also left you in jail so..."

"Hey that was not intentional," Richard spoke up, trying to defend the fictional version of himself.

Before things could get out of hand, Jay decided to divert the attention toward other characters.

"Another character is Helena who is this Dick's best friend and the two had met when he was sent to the juvenile hall because he too wasn't adopted by you."

"Oh..." Bruce realized that any reaction he would give would be taken against him so he decided to stick to his emotionless act for the time being.

"Then I am in the story and my role is very very important," Tim spoke up but was cut short by Damian who had been waiting for that moment.

"He commits suicide in chapter 35. The end."

"Hey gremlin, don't tell me you read the story too?"

"You even remembered the chapter number? Is that how badly you want me to die?!?!!"

He shrugged nonchalantly, not in the mood to answer the question. While Tim was furious at how Damian had spoiled everything.

"And no, that's not the end! That suicide shaped Dickie's character and helped him stand up to the Court of Owls and..."

"Wait a bit here," Bruce had to interrupt, "the Court of Owls?"

Jay and Tim exchanged a glance, realizing that they had left out a major theme of the story.

"Well, because you never adopted Richard, the Court is after him in this story," Jay concluded, "so this series is a whole new interpretation of Batman vs Court of Owls." But he couldn't resist adding as an afterthought, "minus Bruce Wayne."

"Ouch," Steph mumbled, failing to hold back her laughter.

"And what about Alfred?" Barbara asked, "is he not in the story?"

"Of course, he is," Jason remarked, "no story is complete without Alfred. But because the main focus is the Court and Dickiebird so we see very little of Alfred. Usually in chapters where the Wayne family is in focus, then we see Alfred. Though I think he plays a more significant role in the third book because that one is covering the entire timeline."

"Right..."

"Oh and guess who you fall in love with?" Jay remarked, turning to Bruce, "according to one reader's comment, you got in bed with the Court without even realizing it."

That remark instilled laughter from Jason and Tim until a cushion hit them in the face each sent by Damian. "I hate that Vanaver woman. She's in this story too."

"But I was not talking about Vanaver... Oh, wait... She was also linked to your love interest. In fact, you got dumped because of her."

Jason looked very smug about the entire ordeal and Tim too was trying to hold in his laughter.

"And the woman you do fall for is a complete paradox, I literally can't wait to see your reaction to it."

Bruce could see by then that the author had twisted up the entire universe but it would be different to see what could have happened if that one event was changed so he didn't leave just yet.

He already had a lot of questions regarding the changing dynamics of that universe and he wanted to see whether the writer had tackled it all well or not.

"So now the choice is in your hands," Tim remarked, "do you want us to read it out chapter wise or should we give a summary of the two books that are complete?"

"I vote for summary," Jason added, "there are a lot of chapters and it would take us more than just one night to finish the series then."

Tim huffed, "I didn't ask you, I asked our special guest."

Bruce knew that in both cases he was in for a lot of dissing as was evident from the excited gleam in Jay's eyes. The summaries would just get wrapped up quicker than all the chapters read one by one.

"Summaries," he stated.

"Alright then, we'll start with the first book in this ultimate diss fic series; Espera!"

***

I have broken this chapter into parts because there's a lot to cover. The next part will be posted soon as I finish writing it.

Hope you guys had as much fun reading it as I had while writing it out. Let me know if you need to read more of these reactions and which one I should do next.

~•~