//Taylor's p.o.v.// HUGE TW! SELF HARM.

                 I woke up feeling nauseous and unaware of where i was, my vision blurry and spinning. I cant remember if i had fainted, or just fallen asleep super quick. Most likely fainted, i've noticed my body can barely handle things now. Running makes me feel like i'm dying, staying awake for more than three hours makes me feel like a zombie. All i ever want to do anymore is sleep. If all I do is sleep, then I cant eat, so if i just sleep until i'm pretty again everything will be okay. But there's no way i can sleep that long, and i know that. it kills me.
          Looking around, i notice that Marc stayed with me through all of this. I feel bad for putting him through being in a relationship with somebody who wont even take care of themselves. He's knocked out, a light snore escaping his body. I take this chance to grab the food he gave me and go empty the food in the trash, keeping the wrappers. He'll wake up and tell me he's proud of me for eating something, and i'll have to smile and nod knowing i'm lying to somebody who means the world to me. 
          I truly hate myself for being like this. I never asked for it. I realize fully that what i'm doing is wrong and unhealthy but i cant seem to stop, no matter what anybody tells me. I just want to be perfect, be skinny and handsome, and popular. Maybe then the bullying will die down and i can finally function like a normal person again. I hope i don't die before i can be normal again.
            In all honesty, the way i wish to die isn't in my sleep or anything like most people. I want to die from suicide. It's not that currently i want to kill myself, its more of... i don't know. I want to be able to control when where and how i die. Its a satisfying thought, having so much control over my own life. I could kill myself right here and now, or i could wait until im 60 and starting to grow old and wrinkly. But i fear i'll die of starvation before that. It doesn't mean i have any intentions of stopping though, im not going to quit until im the perfect pretty boy i want to be. And no one can make me quit. As much as i love Marcus, i won't even let him stop me. Not until i'm perfect. 
          My thoughts got interrupted when I heard Marcus wake up, yawning and telling me hello in a sleepy voice. Seeing him made me regret what I was about to do. I handed over all the food wrappers and he gave me this big goofy smile that made my stomach churn. Why did I do this to such a sweet boy?
          Marc wrapped his arms around my body, and I could feel my bones rubbing together, the feeling make me grit my teeth with disgust. I know that's terrible. But I still don't look skinny enough. Not yet, at least. I'm getting there. I hugged Marc back with weak force because my body couldn't give him the squeeze he was giving me. "You need to go to class Marcus. The days almost over I don't want you to get in trouble for skipping your last hour.." Marcus made a face that showed he was debating on staying with me, but he sighed and nodded ruffling my hair. I noticed a bit of my hair fall out when he did that, desperately hoping he wouldn't notice too. He grabbed his bags, leaving the library and I began to walk out through the other side of the room. I made my way to the front of the school, looking outside. I shouldn't do this. I bit my lip, staring up at the sky and the trees, and I opened the large metal doors, cautiously making my way outside. No teachers were by the front of the school currently so I think I can get away with it.
          And I did. I walked out the doors unnoticed and began my way home, I started to jog slowly picking up the speed as I passed each block, until I reach my home, I sneak in through the back and walk to my room. I open my old box, it's painted like a galaxy. It's filled of dark memories and reasons to die, I dig down deep to grab a container that rattles with every slight movement. I open it slowly and grab my sharpest blade, digging it into my once so clean skin before closing my eyes and ripping it sideways as fast as my thin arms could. I open my eyes again to see blood gushing quickly. I should have planned this out, I think, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around the deep wound. Blood drops onto my floor and it's soaking through the towel, I take the cloth away and notice how quick the blood is flowing. I've hit something. I lay in my bed with my arm off to the side and I let out a long sigh. Maybe now is my time, I guess I'll find out.

// this is shitty but I need to update smh.