"Dad..."

If seeing Logan was a shock, then seeing Rae's father was Hurricane Gary. He walked up to us hesitantly.

"Dad," Rae said again, staring at the man she hadn't seen face to face for years.

"Raegan," Gary said. He still towered over us. For a second, it was like nothing had changed. "Rae... I'm so sorry."

And Rae leapt into his arms. I flinched. I still wasn't sure if this guy was for real. Rae and her dad released from their long overdue embrace.

Gary wiped away a tear. "I, uh, I wanna say I'm sorry to you. And you, too, Jacquel — Jack."

I raised my brow. "I accept that, I guess." I had been fantasizing about murdering him for eight years straight.

Another man with pretty eyes and a piano key tie came up and stood next to Gary.

"Hi, I'm Mikel," Mikel said, holding out his hand. Rae shook it, and then I did.

"Hi. Rae," Rae said, noticing me staring at Mikel's symmetrical face. "That's Jack. Um, sorry, but have we met before?"

Mikel looked disappointed. "You didn't tell her? Never?" he said to Gary.

"Uh, yeah, no," Gary said, beads of sweat forming on his receding hairline. "So, um, Rae, this is Mikel... but you already knew that... We've been dating for five years now."

Rae slapped her father across the face.

Mikel and I watched on, wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry, but that wasn't uncalled for," Rae said, standing strong but hurt. She didn't like that her father kept his relationship a secret from her. It was ironic, and not the kind of ironic that she found funny.

"I agree," Mikel said.

Gary nodded and massaged his face.

"Guys," Willa said, smiling wide, as always. "Love this little reunion, but let's get this train on track and chugging away, am I right? Yeah? Okay, let's go." She ushered us to our various posts.

Gary and Mikel sat down in two of the many obscure chairs stationed in the living room and outside. There were so many people I didn't know I almost wished I had worn something fancier. Almost. Not really.

Willa positioned Rae and I facing each other before the fire place. All of the folding chairs were pointed towards us; I felt extremely self conscious. But — I know it sounds dumb — the second I looked at Rae the feeling melted away.

I looked into the crowd, and, among the random oldies, I could see people that I actually knew, which comforted me as well. I saw my mom and Rae's mom standing by the stairs, still probably talking about mom things, like kale. I saw Phil, who I wasn't exceptionally jubilant with, but right beside him was Ariel, Simon and Willa, and I was happy to see them all in one place. (Phil and Simon were getting sort of cozy. Hmm.) In an isle to the back, Mikel and Gary sat together, and they looked content. The feeling of seeing them, all gay and in love, was even better than murdering Gary in my daydreams. Charlie and Dominique were sitting in the front row, and it was the first time I'd seen her smile. She didn't seem so demented when she had a toothy grin on her face. In the row across from Charlie and Dominique was a middle-aged man with an eyepatch. He was looking at Dominique funny, and I wondered where Rae's mom found friends like this.

Our officiant — lets just call her Cely — walked up behind us and positioned herself at the top of the usual trifecta of officiant, bride and bride.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, and to cherish the words which shall unite Rae and Jack in marriage," Cely said. "Marriage is a promise between two people who love each other and blah blah blah honour, spend lives together blah blah... This ceremony will not blah blah blah it's a symbol blah individuals and partners blaaah blah challenges, face them, success, wee, blah blah blah... Oh, all right, here! The brides have—"

Suddenly Dominique jumped up out of her chair. "Mikhail, ich habe dir gesagt, dass du dich aus meinem persönlichen Leben heraushalten sollst! Was zur Hölle ist das!?"

The strange middle aged man with the eyepatch I noticed in the crowd earlier stood up. "Dominique, ich habe dich gefunden, als du nichts als ein Baby warst, ich habe dich richtig großgezogen, aber jetzt willst du raus? Wie konntest du diese Bombe buchstäblich und metaphorisch auf mich fallen lassen?" Mikhail said, hopping up and pointing an accusatory finger at Dominique.

Now Charlie jumped to his feet. "Das war nicht Dominique, es war ihre Zwillingsschwester Veronique, die eine Perücke trug! Mikhail, wir haben zugestimmt, das Gras für dich zu liefern, solange wir es zu unseren eigenen Bedingungen tun können," he said.

Mikhail was livid. "Vos propres termes, vous mènent à un mariage entre deux femmes! Je refuse d'accepter vos attentions errantes sur mes affaires. Si j'étais ton vrai père, me traiterais-tu de cette façon?"

Domonique spoke. "Wir werden Mikhail nie kennenlernen, denn ich habe eine Pistole in meinem Hintern und ich habe keine Angst, mir eine Schlampe zu schneiden!"

Charlie gasped. "Ich dachte, du hättest deine Arschpistole in Moskau gelassen!"

"Sei nicht dumm."

Mikhail laughed heartily. "Eh bien, vous n'êtes pas le seul avec une arme à feu logée dans votre cavité anale!"

"Wage es nicht, Mann!" She chased Mikhail out of the house, and left everyone else in awe of the strange interaction they had just witnessed and didn't understand. Rae and I exchanged confused looks.

"...Uh, getting back to it," Cely said as everyone turned their attention back to the wedding. "The brides have have a few words to share."

Rae and I exchanged even more confused looks.

"Uhhhhhh, do we?" I said. I hadn't prepared anything. I was about to panic when I had a romantic revelation.

"You..." I felt embarrassed and cheesy already. "Lift my heart up when the rest of me is down. You, you enchant me, even when you're not around. If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down. I'm latching on, babe. Now I know what I have found."

Everyone turned their attention to Rae. She hadn't prepared anything, either.

"I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch. Feel so enamoured, hold me tight within your clutch. How do you do it, you got me losing every breath. What did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest?" She said it with her beautiful English accent. We smiled at one another. It hadn't hit us yet that we were going to be married. At least it hadn't hit me. A world in which I'm married to Raegan Watters seemed too amazing to be true. But it's happening.

"Cool, cool, cool, okay, now you may kiss the bride," Cely said. "Like, which ever one of you... you know what I mean."

As you can probably tell from all 34,445 words of this book that previously you probably have read, I am not the sort of person to kiss someone else in public. Though I couldn't see any nuns who might throw scalding hot pig's blood on me, I still wasn't sure what to do.

Rae took my face in her hands and guided my lips to hers. The audience clapped and cheered and busted out the non-alcoholic champers... Or they awkwardly wondered if they should watch us kiss. Whatever they did, I couldn't be bothered to notice it. 

That day, and still to this one, every time we kiss, it feels like the first. 

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O-KAY this is the end now! I won't be writing anything more about these characters, so here's what happens to them in a nutshell: 

1. Jack and Rae adopt a baby, they name him Winston. 

2. Phil and Simon end up together but Phil never quits working at Subway.

3. Charlie and Dominique 'disappear' for six years but when they come back they go straight to Jack and Rae's house.

4. Gary and Mikel adopt Winston's twin sister -- Bean -- and make the family tree that much more confusing.

5. Ariel gets married five times and her friends go to all of them as if they were the first.

6. Willa stays happily single and buys a cat (the first of many). She is also the god-parent of everybody who has a child in this book. So if everyone dies in one big freak accident, she's gonna have her work cut out for her.

7. Jack's mom and Rae's mom keep talking about mom stuff until they die and are buried in the same cemetery.

8. Jack becomes a accomplished ghost writer and has more than enough opportunities to walk around with a sheet over her head whispering 'oooOOoOoooo00oooOO00oo' to scare the kids.

9. Dorene -- Rae's druggy-study-buddy, as Jack would put it -- gets busted for possession (by Charlie and Dominique) and is still in rehab to this day.

10. They all live happily ever after.

So, from me, thank you for reading this book and have a great day!