"aaaaAAAAAGGHHHa..."

"Whoa, whoa," Charlie said soothingly. He patted me on the back as I lay face-down on my bed, wallowing. "Just tell me what happened last night and then I can help you with the aagh, okay?"

"Fine," I said, sniffling. "Rae is mad at me and I deserve it because I suck balls. I stuck MAJOR balls, Chuckles."

"No," Charlie said, "you don't suck balls, that fact is why this is all happening."

"I'm not in the mood for lesbian jokes right now. Rae thinks I assumed that she wouldn't want to date my brother, and I did, but I was just scared that she would, and I lied, and YOU lied, and SHE lied, and she's just so beautiful and I feel nauseous!"

"How do you know she's mad at you?" Charlie asked.

"She called me an ass," I said, "and I kinda already knew that, I took pride in it, but it's different when she says it."

"Okay, we know you offended her, how can you apologize in a meaningful way that will hopefully, if all goes according to plan, end with you two making out?"

"Ew, Charlie, don't be gross," I said, then paused. "Like...do you have any...ideas?"

Charlie pumped his eyebrows, making me burst out in laughter. "Okay., Kiki, it's time to get serious," he said. "What was the most heartfelt apology you've ever received?"

"Do you remember when I had a rash on my face, like, three years ago?" I asked, Charlie nodded. "There was this woman who we always met at the silent auction at that church near here, and she made a comment about my 'pink moustache.' When we told her it was a rash I'd 'suffered' from for two weeks or whatever she felt pretty embarrassed and apologized profusely. She was nice."

"Well, I think that embarrassment and profuse apologizing is a given, we can apply some rouge for an ashamed blush and practice your sorries, but what makes an apology feel genuine?"

"A flower!" I shrieked in his ear. "What if I bring her a flower as a gesture? Of friendship...for now."

"That's bold, Jack," Charlie said, dire, like we were talking about anything other than a crush. "A flower is a classic romantic gift. Do you think it'll be too on the nose?"

"You're the one who said that it's a bad idea to slow-play it," I said. "She could be meeting any number of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes each day."

"I said that 'cause your brother was gonna ask her out, and now that that threat is utterly destroyed, you might have some time on your hands. Have you even considered that she might not be gay? Or maybe she's in the closeted and doesn't want to come out? Or she hasn't even considered it. She's only fifteen, maybe she doesn't even know what gay is! Maybe let her get to know you for a while and then make your move?"

"Why are you suddenly all thoughtful?" I asked. "We were scheming, as usual, and then suddenly you get all cautious on me."

"Fine, fine — the flower freaked me out." I raised my brow. "I'll explain. I care about you — as you know from our experimental therapy sessions where we just compliment each other for two hours — and if Rae turns out to be anything but super-gay and super-into you, I have a hunch that you may be...annihilated. When you said you'll bring her a flower, I just realized how risky this is. The whole interaction going awry just played out in my head, completely and all at once. And then, the next day, you'll text me code blue, I rush over, you're lying face down on the floor, and I have to cuss her out to make you feel better. I don't want you to be annihilated."

"Charlie, I won't be," I said. "I have a contingency. If she breaks my heart, I'll go into Phil's room and break his X-Box."

Charlie giggled. "While I'd like for that to happen, I don't think it would be as easy as smashing something."

"Well, we'll just have to make her fall for me," I said. I stood tall on my bed. "And we'll find out all necessary information to pique her interest. And we'll craft the perfect apology to convey just how sorry I am. WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT. WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO LIVE ON. WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE. AND SHE'S GOING TO BE MY OTP. TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR—"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, WILL YA?!" Phil screamed, barging into my room. "I CAN'T HEAR THE HOT ONE ON SHARK TANK!"

"Get out of my room, ass!" I command. Phil shot me an evil look and vanished from the doorway.

I dropped back down onto the bed. Charlie and I looked at each other until our blank faces morphed into smiles.

"Let's find a flower!"

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Hi hi persons! Thanks for reading Preternatural chapter 7! 

*sigh* I wish I had a friend like Charlie...

I guess I'd have to get friends first...

BUT WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?!

Anyway, hasta la vista, baby!!!