"So, you're saying," Charlie said, sitting cross-legged opposite me on my bed, "you just... fell for this girl? Just like that?"

"Yeah," I said frankly. "But it sounds like I was pretty crazy about her when we were in pre-school, too."

"It's like you're living one of the movies I love and you hate!"

"I know, right? Okay, but this is the kicker." Charlie leaned forward in intrigue. "I may or may not have agreed to TP one of Phil's teacher's houses tonight."

"WHY?!" Charlie asked, with a crack of bewilderment in his voice. "That is very lummox-y behaviour for you, Jack."

"I know it is." I hung my head in shame. "But Rae said she wanted to go and I just, I just, ugh, I thought—"

"I'm not saying it was wrong," he interrupted. "I totally get it, and I'm just glad you told me, 'cause now I can coach you through it."

"I'm pretty sure I can handle it," I said, smug.

"No, you can't," Charlie said, and he was right. "Let's think of a few questions you could ask, with the alternative motive of finding out if she's into girls as well."

"Two meatballs, one fork," I said. "But I thought we agreed that sexuality in the 21st century is fluid?"

"Yeah, totally, and that was an enlightening conversation, by the by, but we might as well find out if this is endgame or all for nought."

"Okay, now I'm nervous," I said. I shoved an entire Twix into my mouth and immediately regretted it.

"No, no, no, I just mean I want to get this right. I haven't seen you like this since we watched Rent and you fell head over Keens for Taye Diggs," he said, I laughed and nodded my head. "You might want to write this down." I grabbed a pen. "Well, first, the usual stuff: 'how are you,' 'how was unpacking' — those kind of questions. Then get in to the good stuff. 'Have you seen any movies lately' might be a good one."

"I'm not sure," I said. "Her parents are pretty strict with that."

"Then maybe books or music — whatever." Charlie made hard eye-contact with me. "Now let's get serious. Ask her if she likes Kristen Stewart and/or Cara Delevingne, if she watched the latest Ellen, if she's ever been in a parade, maybe if she has a crush on someone, or ask if she's ever kissed anybody. Ask what her favourite store in the mall is, see if she fallows sports, if she's read Lumberjanes, or if she listens to Marcus Island remixes. Also you could take into account what she's wearing or her reaction to—"

"Okay, okay, I can't fit this all on my arm, but I think I got the gist. And, Charlie... thanks."

"It's fine, Jack," he said. "It's fun, actually. They didn't call me The King Of Romance for nothing."

"They didn't — they called you gigolo and then put you in the garbage."

"And then I dropped out one year into high school, so who's laughing now?"

"It's 'whom's.'"

"You know it's not," he said, as I laughed. An foreboding creeeak echoed through the walls, and I rolled my eyes in advance.

"Jacky!" Phil shouted from outside the door, accompanied by three loud knocks. At least he didn't just burgle his way in like another close relative.

"What?" I asked, as he opened the door. "What do you want?"

"I was wondering if I could barrow one of your ties?"

"Why don't you use yours? You know, from cousin Alice's third wedding."

"I need that tie as a belt!"

"Why don't— forget it. Take it, I don't care." Phil rifled through my scarfs, which hung unorganized on my clothes rack. He picked a grey tie adorned with a sloth in a suite at the bottom.

"But," I said, "I do have a right to know what your gonna do with it. What are you gonna do with it?"

"I wanna look good tonight for the TPing, or at least better than Logan, Reg and Simon," Phil said. "I'm gonna ask Rae out, she's a lot cooler and prettier than I remember. Wish me luck!"

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

"Don't you dare!" I blurted out. 

"Why?" Phil asked. He glanced suspiciously back and forth between at Charlie and me like he was missing out on an inside joke.

Charlie leaped up. "Because I'm going to ask her out," he said.

"Really?" Phil asked. "Have you even met her?"

"Yeah, man, I've met her," Charlie said, scoffing. "And I'd really appreciate if you would just step off my kool aid, bro." I watched intensely as Charlie, the only male I had ever respected, went full douche.

"Sorry, man, but I can't," Phil said, and I had to resist the urge to kick his ass. "This one is special, I can feel it. But if she says no, which I can't imagine happening now that I have this dope-ass tie, then go for it. No hard ones."

"What?"

"No hard feelings," Phil clarified. "I'm gonna bounce. See you later, Jacky." He spanked the doorframe and disappeared from sight.

Charlie turned back to me, looking almost as horrified as entertained. "Oh, my gad, Jack, I'm so sorry, but this is every teen movie I can't relate to and this is amazing and terrible and what are you going to do?" Charlie fell to his knees.

"No, no, wait, I should be thanking you," I said. "You kinda took a bullet for me, in an awry and metaphorical way. I just feel like I can tell him about, you know, yet. He's just..."

"An asshole," Charlie said. I poked my nose. "And he wouldn't even give up if you told him that, probably. And I get it. I've had one or two conversations with him over the years, and I can fully attest that he's not the sort of person us politically correct folk would hang out with intentionally. Jack, I'm thinking this isn't the best situation to slow play."

"Well, what? Do I just ask her out as soon as I see her tonight?" Imitating myself, I said, "'Oh, hey, Rae, I fell in love with you earlier today, even though I don't know you and haven't seen you in ten years, so I was just wondering if you would go out on a date with me, a girl, and you, a girl, oh, and did I mention how beautiful I think you are and how me and my best friend Charlie have been creepily talking about you for, like, hours. So is that a...yes?'"

"Essentially," Charlie said. I face-desked. "Whoa, whoa, don't loose hope now, maybe she'll say no to Phil?"

"Why would she do that?" I said. "She hasn't known him long enough to know that he's a dud. Just except it. He's gonna ask her out and she's gonna say yes."

Charlie looked at my forlorn face and brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face. "Well—" he began to say, but was interrupted by a shout from downstairs.

"Jacky! Phil! Rae is here!"

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Hello hello earthlings! Thanks for being here in chapter 4 of Preternatural! I hope to see you again for chapter 5, where Jack will have to grow a spine and get her ass downstairs! 

Signing off, it's Alice, and Alice, and just Alice! There's nobody else here! *i'm so lonely*

BUT HAPPY!