Have you ever cascaded down a slide of soft ice cream? Or bounced on trampolines of Fruit Roll Ups? Or eaten a rainbow with a spoon?

Quadruple that.

Now you know how I felt, standing in my room, kissing the only person I wanted to kiss.

Then I hear a familiar, foreboding creeeak echo through the walls and the accompanying foot steps of two adults.

My stomach choked itself and I instinctively pushed Rae away and pretended to look at a bird outside of my window. She didn't have time to say anything before my mom burst in, with Rae's dad by her side.

"Oh, look, there's that finch I was talking about. Oh! Mom, hi, I didn't see you there," I said, leaning awkwardly on the windowsill.

"Hi, dad," Rae said, tucking her hair behind her ear and trembling.

"Hi, princess," her dad said, exchanging villainous looks at me and inquisitive looks at his daughter. "Come, your mother is setting up Clue at home. Don't wanna keep her waiting." He extended his hand. Rae took it and turned to look at me before she disappeared out the doorway. My mom gestured to me to follow them. We walked down the stairs behind Rae and her father.

"We'll see you soon, Gary," my mom said, opening the door. "Take care."

"We will, Celeste," Rae's father said, with his hand on Rae's back, guiding her out. We watched them leave.

"I told you not to go to her room." I heard him say.

"What's the difference?" she asked. Her father sighed and gave her a passive-aggressive push towards the back seat of the car. As she opened the door, she looked back at us, and waved robotically with a bittersweet grin on her face. She crouched into the car and, once again, her father sped away without making sure the door was even closed.

"Hmm-hmm, I feel bad for that girl," my mom said, shaking her head and closing the front door.

"Why's that?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"In my opinion, Gary's not the sort of guy I'd want as my child's father," she said, patting me on the shoulder.

"Why's that?"

"He was always explosive in college," my mom said. "Always running amuck, not in the good way. I was always worried about Celeste, and later Raegan, but... well, things happen and things change." She gave me an empathetic smile and retreated to the kitchen.

I wasn't sure if I should've be happy or sad. I guess somewhere in the middle would suffice. But I hate saying 'but.' I wish I could tell Charlie about my first kiss with Rae without saying 'but her father might hurt her again because he knows there's something between us.' And I hate that there's a good chance of that happening, but (there it is again) I can't do a thing about it. I feel responsible, I guess. If I had just kept my crush on her secret, maybe she wouldn't have come out. I could be the reason for all of this.

I ran up the stairs and woke up my phone at the same time. I tapped on the screen of my phone furiously.

Me: CHARLIE GET HERE NOW

Charlie: Chocolate..?

Me: NO JUST GET HERE

Charlie: Code?

Me: CODE FUCKING RED MAN GET HERE

Charlie: HOLY FUCK IM ON MY WAY

Phil opened his door and got my attention as I scrambled down the hall.

"Psssssssssssssst," he whispered.

"What?" I asked, impatient. He pumped his eyebrows twice. "Ugh, go the hell away!" He smirked, and my annoyed scowl slowly mutated itself into an elated toothy smile. "Whatever!" I turned around and fought the huge grin infesting my face.

"Git it, gurrrl," Phil said, closing his door. I rolled my eyes, not just in irritation. As stupid and terrible as Phil was, he was being a pretty okay older brother in that moment.

As I sat on my bed, waiting for Charlie to arrive, all I could hear was the sound of a clock ticking every second that went by — though I didn't have one of those clocks. How could I feel so conflicted about a situation? I exhaled wearily and allowed myself to be in the twilight zone for a minute.

Even though the noise between my ears was too noisy to translate, I shrieked giddily, smothering my face in a pillow to dampen the sound. I kicked my legs around and squealed, nervous wreck and hopeless romantic as I was.

I heard the same ominous creeeak echo through the walls and footsteps run up the stairs frantically. Charlie burst in the door and slammed it shut immediately, leaning back on the door dumbfounded. He discarded his bag and dropped onto his knees.

"Oh, my gad...," he wheezed, crawling towards me. "Code red?"

I nodded my head erratically. "Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YESSSS!!"

We joined hands in the middle and jumped up and down, screaming bloody murder.

After a few minutes of that, we flopped onto the floor, worn out, and lay on our stomachs with fisted hands holding up our heads under our chins.

"I want details, Kiki!" Charlie exclaimed, smiling broadly — like my first kiss was his own personal achievement.

"Um." I didn't know quite what to say. There was so much to tell and I couldn't remember any of it. "I can't remember! Oh, Jesus! So much stuff happened!"

"Relax, you don't have to tell me everything," Charlie said. "Just tell what happened up 'till the point of contact."

"Okay..," I said, searching my brain. "Well, we got back here and Phil was eating yogurt. So, yeah — gross. And she said 'you like yogurt' and he said 'you like girls.'" Charlie's mouth dropped open. "I know! But she was fine. Like, a little surprised, obviously, but no asses were kicked... Actually, I would have liked to see that. I'm getting off topic. But then she just continued up the stairs and said that we're going to my room."

"Did... did you say you were going to your room before that?"

"No."

"So that means it was premeditated!" Charlie exclaimed. "She was planning it! The sexually frustrated Brit that moves to Canada with her basic-ass parents, falls in love with a psychopath, and, out of need to rebel and also simply wanting it, kisses her face! WE, THE JURY, FIND RAEGAN WATTERS-BURDOCK GUILTY WITH INTENT TO SMOOCH! That's my favourite kind of indie flick."

"I have so much to say about everything you just said. I don't even know where to start."

"Don't worry about it," he said, with a flick of the wrist. "In conclusion, my sexy-idiot-best-friend, the subject in question was, in fact, DTK!"

"Oh, my god, Charlie, what the f—"

"No, no, down to kiss! It's the Charlie-ization of DTF."

"Yeah, I figured that one out," I said, launching back into my story. "Okay, so then she asks about Tina and Sonny and I tell her about them and she notices my Suicide Squad poster and I'm embarrassed and then I say that I'm sorry about Phil because — between you and me, I wanted to get back on that subject — and she says it's okay and then she says my name and asks a half-question and I say uh and then she kisses me."

Charlie is silent for a second. "AHHG!" he screeches. "This is so amazing — Jack, do you even know how amazing this is?!"

"Yes," I said, solemnly, "but I can't be excited about it... fully. Another part of the story is that my mom and her dad almost caught us. I guess the creak in the wall kinda saved us." Charlie squeals again like I'm reading him fanfiction. "When Rae showed up this morning, she had a huge bruise on her face. I think her dad did it. After she, you know, came out."

"Fuck," Charlie said, his imperishable perky spirit perishing. "What happens now?"

"I don't know. But, Charlie... I feel bad. It's my fault."

"Why the hell would you say that?" Charlie asked. "Now I have to monologue to convince you that you aren't to blame! You know that this was obviously happening before she got here and met you, right?"

"Yeah, but maybe she would have discovered her sexuality in collage like everyone else if I hadn't gone and fallen in love and changed my computer password to her name in French... the most romantic language."

"Isn't that still just 'Rae'?"

"NOT THE POINT. But there's just, like, nothing I can do. If I was smart then I could set up a sting and catch him in the act, and then the police or the coastguard or something would come and take him away. Or if I was a badass I could go and scare him so bad he runs off back to England. And If I was cool I would go to her house in the middle of the night and propose marriage. Thanks, Obama."

"Aw, gumdrop, it's more complicated than that," Charlie said, tilting his head. "My advice is to not blame yourself. That never accomplishes anything."

"Yeah," I said. "She did say she was gonna talk to her mom. But I don't know."

"Just trust her. She seems level-headed."

He stared at me until I shifted my gaze to meet his eyes. The last time he smiled so big Man Machine Poem had just come out on vinyl.

"Jack." He giggled, sticking his bottom lip out. "You're not a kirgin anymore."

"Oh, my god, Charlie, what the f—"

"No," Charlie said hectically. "A 'kirgin' is a kiss-virgin. It's another Charlie-ization."

Charlie looked proud of himself. This boy needs to be protected at all costs.

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Hello fellow human beings!

I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T POST YESTERDAY. I couldn't because Wattpad was doing an upgrade and they weren't going to finish until I was already unable to get to my computer to post it. When I got back it was already 8:00pm and I figured it was too late. Again, my sincerest apologies for leaving you with that cliffhanger, but I hope how long and how Charlie-ish this chapter is makes up for it!

Anyway, see you tomorrow!