"I can't believe you went to fell asleep during the movie." I pointed at Simon, seated in a chair by his bed, dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, eating ice cream out of the quart, "It was so good."

"It was boring!" Simon sat up in his bed, "I was yawning the first two minutes."

"The beginning's are always boring- that's when you're getting introduced to all the characters." I point at him with my plastic spoon, "When you get more into the movie, that's when it gets more interesting."

"Alright, to bring this conversation to more serious matters," Simon began, "Do you really like the bed better than the canoe?"

I stare at him for a moment, sarcasm dripping from my tone, "No- I much prefer waking up with my hair smelling like algae."

"See? I knew that." Simon smiles at me, making me laugh, "I love that smell."

"Oh yeah?" I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"Yeah." Simon nodded, picking me up and setting me onto the bed, "It reminds me of the time that Luke took us out on the lake and you fell in."

I looked at him disbelief, "Fell in?"

"You were so mad!" Simon bursted out laughing, making me hit his arm lightly.

I set my ice cream down, "I was mad because you stood up and tipped us over!"

"Nah, that doesn't sound like me." Simon pretended to be clueless, "I don't remember that."

"Sure-" I playfully roll my eyes, my phone buzzing on the side as I grabbed it, noticing the text message on my screen, my heart jumping when I read the name, "It's an update on Azazel from Jace."

My heart jumping at the sight of his name made me feel guilty again.

With Simon, it felt like we never moved on from being best friends.

We were still best friends, that occasionally kissed sometimes and had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend.

With Jace, it was different.

I couldn't feel anything for anyone but Jace.

That made me upset, but enough that I could shove it deep down and ignore it.

"Tell your brother you're busy!" Simon broke me away from my thoughts, wrapping his arm around me.

"Uh-" I swallow, inhaling sharply due to not telling him yet, "Yeah- I'll say that."

There was a knocking, making Simon jump instantly, looking around.

"Wow- calm down." I looked at him with wide eyes, "It's just the kayaks."

"Yeah, I know, I just-" Stammered Simon, looking away, chuckling nervously, "I always forget."

-

"Azazel's attacks go as far south as the meat-packing district." Alec told Jace, Clary and I as we stood around the monitor, "And then the trail goes cold."

"It's no use just tracking the dead bodies." Jace inhales sharply, "With his ability to dematerialize, he could be anywhere."

"Maybe we can help." Isabelle walked over with a fairly handsome man, coming to my side.

"Izzy!" I hugged her, "We've been so worried about you."

Clary was next to hug her, "Where have you been?"

Isabelle clears her throat when she pulls away, "Looking for Azazel."

"This is Sebastian Verlac, from the London Institute." Isabelle introduces the attractive blond man next to her, "When the demon came after me, Sebastian saved my life."

"Oh, I simply lent a hand." His British accent was thick, making him even more attractive.

Isabelle nods, "Sebastian's an expert on all things Azazel."

Sebastian places his hands behind his back, "When I studied abroad at the Paris Institute, I specialized in greater demons."

"Thanks for saving my sister." Alec held his hand out, "I'm Alec."

"Yeah, thank you." Jace held his out for Sebastian to shake after he shook Alec's, "I'm Jace."

"The great warrior in the flesh." Sebastian shook his hands, "Your reputation precedes you."

"As does yours." Sebastian looked between Clary and I, "Valentine's daughters."

"Unfortunately." I inhale sharply, holding my hand out, "I'm Zee."

"Zee." Sebastian softly smiled at me and shook my hand with a soft grip, lingering to the touch, "It's a pleasure."

I shot him a wary smile, before pulling my hand away and looking at Jace, noticing the hard look on his face.

Clary shook Sebastian's hand, "Don't hold it against me."

"Well, we don't choose our parents." Sebastian shook her hand, smiling at her, before they pull away.

Jace clears his throat, "So, tell us about Azazel. How do we take him down?"

"The only way to banish him is to puncture his demonic core." Sebastian began to explain, "In corporeal form, it's between the T8 and T9 vertebrae, but it's not that simple. The core is about the size of a pea."

Jace nods lightly, "Oh, so the entry point's right below his sternum?"

When Sebastian hums in response, Jace crosses his arms, "If I can get close enough, I can kill him."

"You wouldn't have enough velocity, and even if you did, the defeat's only temporary." Sebastian went in depth, "The nasty buggers always find a way to break out of their realm and come back."

"Thank you for the intel." Alec dismisses, "We'll take it from here."

Sebastian spoke up, "If I can, I'd like to help."

"We appreciate that, but you don't have clearance to go on mission." Alec shook his head, lNot this Institute."

Isabelle stares at him, "Alec, you can't be serious."

"Hey, Alec." Jace turned and faced him, "Look- he clearly knows more than us about Azazel, we could use all the help we could get."

Due to Alec's silence, Sebastian began to speak again, "Now, as far as tracking is concerned, we should really think about-"

"We have a very capable warlock for that." Alec cuts him off, looking between us all, "You do what you want, I'm gonna work with Magnus."

Then, he walks away, Isabelle chasing after her older brother.

-

"You wanted to see us?" Jace questions when him and I walked into the office where Inquisitor Herondale sat.

"Yes." She nods and looks up at us, "I told you I would decide what was next for you once Azazel was vanquished, so here we are."

Jace inhales sharply, "You can do whatever you want with me, but leave Zee out of this."

"Well, that's not possible." She said, "The Clave wants to have you both tested to get a greater understanding of your unique angel-blood abilities."

Jace was already shaking his head, "No, we'll pass on being lab rats."

"Wait, Jace." I looked at him, "I- think I want to do this."

"What?" Jace looked at me, "Why?"

"I haven't been able to use my runes since we summoned Azazel." My eyes connected with his, "I- I wanna understand why."

"Thank you, Ms. Morgenstern." What she called me made me wince, "Your willingness to put your own comfort aside for the greater good is to be commended."

She looked at Jace, "You would do well to follow her example."

Jace shot her a look, "I'm not a follower."

"If you don't want to-" I looked at her, "I'll do the testing on my own- when do we start?"

"Zee, you don't know the Clave like I do." Jace grabbed my arm and forced me to look at him, "First, they'll just want you doing circus tricks. The next thing you know, you'll be monitored 24-7."

"I don't care." I honestly told him, "Listen, it's alright if you don't want to do this but- I need to find out why my runes stopped working. I don't know- I just, when I drew those runes- I felt like I was meant to be a Shadowhunter. I- I want that feeling back. I need to get them back."

Jace stares at me for a moment, then looks at the Inquisitor, "I guess it's your lucky day."

-

I ran a hand through my messy hair as I held my seraph blade, my eyes on Jace.

I had taken off my sweater, and was now in just a black tank tops to go with my black jeans, Jace in a gray tank top to go with his jeans.

He held his seraph blade, giving me a smirk before we both swung, our swords clanging together over and over.

I pulled my sword away the minute my arm got sore, backing away from him, as he followed my steps, only walking closer, "You think if she ever smiled, her face would crack?"

"Jace!" I held back a laugh, "Don't be so hard on her- it's probably not easy being a Herondale."

"Oh, yeah." Jace's sword hit against mine as we fought, "I know it must be tough to be like Shadowhunter royalty."

"All that power." He blocked my swing, "Prestige."

I grunt, as he held my sword under his, both of us bent, "From what Luke said, she was a very warm person before her son died. Death can change people."

"Oh, I have no doubt." Jace kicked my sword so many feet away from us.

I stood up straight, looking back at it, "Come on- really?"

Jace swung his sword from my head, stopping it right at my neck when he notices me watching him and not making a move to dodge.

Jace shot me a look, "Dead."

"Not if you don't go through with it." I wink, using my foot to knock him off his feet.

Jace groaned lightly, as I walked towards my seraph blade, picking it up.

I held a good grip on it, turning, Jace landing in directly in front of me, almost falling into me, catching me off guard, making me let out a shaky breath.

I notice how close we were, my entire body screaming for me to get closer, our faces barely inches apart.

I stared into his eyes, pursing my lips to hold back a smile, shaking my head at him lightly.

Jace stared at me, then winks, backing up, as I watched him, biting down on my bottom lip without realizing.

Jace back flips over the Inquisitor who was walking towards me, staring at me as the Inquisitor stood in front of me, handing me my stele, "Sun rune, try again."

I obeyed, tossing Jace my seraph blade as he easily caught it, as I broke eye contact with him and taking the stele, drawing the rune onto my hand, as it slowly faded into nothingness as if I never drew it.

Inquisitor Herondale stares at me, "So- you've created new runes in the past, and now suddenly, they don't work anymore."

Jace spoke from behind her, "What are you saying, she's lying?"

She stared at me, "She is Valentine's daughter."

"We're done for today." Jace turns, and walks out of the room.

"You're right, ya know?" I stepped closer to her, "I am Valentine's daughter, but I am not my father."

"Listen- I know your son died while serving the Circle." I inhale sharply, something flashing in her eyes, "Valentine also took the person I loved more than anything. My mom."

"Your friend's right." Inquisitor Herondale backed away, "We're done for today."

-

"Come on-" I inhale sharply, hitting my palm, drawing the sun rune on my hand again, seated in the Greenhouse alone.

"Damn it-" I huff when the rune disappeared from my palm for what felt like the one hundredth time.

"Your rune ability still causing you trouble?"
Sebastian's voice filled my ears, causing me to look up, "I don't think hitting your hand is going to make it work any better."

"Sebastian." I stared at him, "You know."

"Yeah, it's, um- it's kind of the hot topic around here." He spoke in his thick British accent, a small smile forming on my lips.

"You know all this stuff about Azazel." I sat up, "My abilities stopped when I tried to use them against him. Is it possible he somehow took them?"

"Stealing angelic power is something that even a greater demon can't do." Sebastian took a few steps closer, his arms crossed.

"That- didn't help." I inhale sharply, looking down st my hands, "So much for simple answers."

"Look, it, um- It might be simpler than you think." Sebastian sat next to me, "We are trained so fiercely to believe that emotions cloud our judgment

"But, I believe that emotions give us power." He went in depth, "And when we suppress them, we are all the weaker for it. Perhaps that's the problem."

"My mother just died, but I- I feel the pain of that every day." I played with my thumbs, "I couldn't shut that out if I tried."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Sebastian apologizes, then mentions, "And I heard Jace just found out that he's not Valentine's son."

I looked at him in confusion, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, think about it." Sebastian said, "Your father's never really been your father. Your sister is only your half sister- you've just lost your mother, and the brother that you thought you had isn't your brother."

"It could be that, I mean- right before my runes stopped working, that's when he told me." I looked away, "I don't know- I just feel like it's something else."

"Well- It is about Jace." Sebastian's eyes scan my features, "Maybe- what you feel for him?"

"What?-" I quickly looked at him, going silent for a moment, "Is it that obvious?"

Sebastian gently shrugged, "I could tell by the way you were looking at him, and the look on Jace's face when we met."

"God- what am I saying?" I sigh, looking away, "I have a boyfriend- just, I need to focus on Simon."

"That's what you're blocking out." Sebastian figured out, "The pain of feeling for someone else when you're already with someone."

My eyes shift toward him, "Sebastian."

"You need to let that in, Zee." Sebastian exhales deeply, his eyes pouring deep within mine.

I sigh, "Believe me, I have."

Sebastian looks deeper, "Really?"

-

Turns out, Magnus and Valentine has switched bodies due to a something Azazel had done.

Now, Valentine had Magnus in his apartment, and Alec, Sebastian and I were heading down the hall, right for it.

"I don't know why you felt the need to bring him here." Alec mutters as we rushed down the hall.

I looked at him, "We need all the help we can get."

"Couldn't you have just gotten Clary?" Alec questions, rolling his eyes at me.

"I would've if I knew where she was!" I shot back, about to open Magnus' front door.

Alec grabs my arm and pulls me back, "Whoa-"

Sebastian held his arm out to stop me also, "Wards are up."

"You said Valentine wouldn't have this kind of warlock power." I looked at him, noticing the wards.

"Yeah, well- as always, he defies expectations." He then looked at me, "Look, we're gonna need you."

I pulled out my stele, drawing a rune onto the wards, the entire rune fading away as I drew it.

"Try again." Alec pressed, watching me.

I huff, trying once again, the same reaction happening, "I can't make it work-"

"Yes, you can." Sebastian urges, making me try once more, yet the entire thing disappeared again.

I stepped back, "We're going to need to find another way inside- I can't do it."

Sebastian grabs my arms, staring into my eyes, "Tell me what it feels like to love someone else when you're with someone you thought you loved. Tell me how it feels- when your entire family is ripped away from you."

My eyes widen, "What?"

Alec stops Sebastian, "That's enough."

"Trust me on this, okay?" Sebastian was determined, "Trust me."

"Look, your mother?" Sebastian brought up, "She's never coming back. Jace is not your brother- Clary isn't even your full sister, your father will never love you- he only wanted you to use you for his own needs and now you feel like you're all alone in this world, don't you?"

Tears burned in my eyes, "Stop-"

"Sebastian, stop- this isn't working." Alec cuts in again when he notices the tears in my eyes.

"No! Feel it, Zee." Sebastian pressed, "In the deepest part of you, you're pleased that Jace isn't your brother, but you can't be with him because you fear that you will hurt the one that already loves you- and that guilt, is absolutely tearing you apart-"

I fought in his grip, tears falling, "Sebastian, I said stop it!"

"I can't stop it, Zee." He points to where my heart is, "That empty feeling that eats away at your soul and makes you feel like you want to die, day after day after day, it never stops."

He takes my stele from my hands and holds it in front of me, "Now- take that pain and use it."

I took the stele and pulled away from him, facing the doors. I channeled all the pain I felt and drew the rune on the wards, this time it sticking, destroying them.

I shove my stele in my pocket, bursting the doors open, Magnus and Valentine trying to get up, a portal opened.

As Valentine got up, I ran, pushing him in, thinking of the cell he was always meant to be in, landing on the ground with him, as he was grabbed and locked up again.

"You're taking the wrong side, Zee." Valentine stared at me as I forced myself up, "One day you'll understand."

-

I walked toward the entrance, slipping on my leather jacket, deciding that I would tell Simon how I really felt.

"Zee- hey." Sebastian's voice stopped me, as he came up behind me.

I spun around and faced him, fixing my jacket, "Hey, Sebastian."

"Um, look, I-" He stutters, "I'm sorry if I was too hard on you tonight. I- I hope you know I never wanted to do anything- to purposefully hurt you-"

"You helped me with my runes." I cut him off, "Actually, I don't know how to thank you."

Sebastian's eyes scan my face, "Well, how would you feel about dinner?"

I go silent, not knowing what to reply to him, giving him a gentle smile.

"Oh God, I was too forward, wasn't I?" Sebastian's eyes squint in suspicion, "I was."

"No- you weren't." I softly laughed, "I just- boyfriend, remember?"

"Of course- yeah." Sebastian recalled, "How could I forget? I mean- how could you not?"

"Thank you, again- for everything." I smiled at him, "Because of you- I've decided to face my problems instead of ignoring them- no matter how much it hurts."

-

"Hey-" Simon opened the door, letting me in, "I was just trying to call you."

I face him, inhaling sharply, "It's been a long day."

Simon nods, looking down for a moment, silence forming between us.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Simon broke the silence and looked up at him, "I found out Jace isn't your brother."

I exhale slowly, "Simon-"

"I was thinking maybe, um, maybe the reason you didn't tell me is 'cause you guys used to have a thing- and you still have feelings for him-" Simon softly said, "So- now that he's not your brother-"

The look on his face made me lie instantly, looking down at my feet, "No- I don't feel anything for him in that way anymore."

Simon stares at me, "Do you really think that I'm that gullible?"

The backfire sent chills down my spine, "What?"

"I see the way you look at him." Simon shook his head, "Ever since you found out, there's been this- light in your eyes."

"Simon." The look on his face made me feel even guiltier, tears beginning to pool in my eyes, "Listen-"

"Do you love me the way you love him?" Simon cuts me off, and I could tell he was beginning to get upset, but was trying to stay calm.

I stayed silent, staring at him.

"Zee." Simon asked again, repeating himself, "Do you love me the way you love him?"

I stare at him, inhaling shakily, tearing up even more, not wanting to admit it.

"Do you love me the way you love him?" Simon asked for the time, his voice now beginning to raise in frustration, "Just- be honest- if you don't-"

"I don't." I blurt out under pressure, a tear slipping my eye, "I'm sorry, Simon."

There were tears in Simon's eyes, as he stares at me, "I was stupid to ever think we could ever be together."

"Simon- don't say that." I took a step closer and reached for his face to comfort him, "I- just-"

"Don't-" Simon stepped back, his voice low, "Don't make this harder than it already is just because you don't want to hurt my feelings."

My voice shook lightly, "Simon- that's not what I'm trying to do-"

"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't have any feelings for Jace?" Simon questioned, the tears in his eyes falling.

I look into his eyes. I wanted to say it. I wanted to say it so he felt better, and the pain I felt from hurting my best friend went away.

But, I couldn't deny it.

He knew me better than anyone.

He knew when I lied.

"You promised." My voice was quiet, "You said that no matter what happens- nothing will change."

Another tear fell, "Do you have any idea how I feel right now?"

"Tell me." I stepped closer, grabbing his hands, "Tell me how you feel."

"You wouldn't understand." Simon shook his head, "You won't understand until you're watching Jace fall in love with another woman, as you stand and watch him slip away."

My heart broke at his words. I hurt him so badly.

I admittedly spoke in a whisper, "Okay- fine, maybe- there could be something between Jace and I- but that's- ancient history, right now-"

"That's enough for me to know." Simon squeezes my hands, before pushing me away, letting go of them, "That- trying to be more than friends, was a mistake."

authors note:

are you guys satisfied, i made simon sad and broke them up :(

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