i told him i would try
to close the lids
that cover my eyes
and just shut down
the system in my
head.

i missed a step in the
schedule.
my mind can't seem to
stop or break or slow
on this roadshow

of crooked thoughts,
the ones girls like me
are supposed to be wary of,
not writing them
in a book no one asked for.
it exists because my head
was too big for my body.

he told me to go to bed.
i tried.
five times.
the pictures flash by too
quickly to ignore and
what do i find?

the words,
they spill from my brain
too rapidly for me to attempt
to stop them.

just close your eyes,
it can't be hard.
i tried
and tried.
im not lying to him,
im omitting certain truths.

just close your eyes.
you write like you need it to
survive,
like your running out of
time,

what if im running out of time?

-ea