Mostly edited

You stand in front of your bed, looking into your suitcase. It's packed full of clothes, toiletries, and hair tools for the trip to Korea.

A knock sounds on your door. Mom opens it and walks in. "Ready to go?"

You purse your lips and close your suitcase, unsatisfied. "I've never gone on a trip like this before," you say. "What if I forget something?"

"You packed everything on the checklist, right?"

"Yeah, but I still feel like there's something missing. I'm sure I have everything but... never mind. I've also never flown on a plane alone before."

Mom wraps you in her arms, pulling you into her warmth. You feel small. You feel like a child, and you want so badly to be. Everything seemed so perfect to you when you were young and naive.

Before all the trauma.

"I think you'll be okay," mom says, rubbing your back. "Jimin will be okay, and Namjoon will be waiting for you on the other side."

"I think I'm more nervous about being away from home for so long. I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you so much too," mom says, giving you a warm smile. "But you'll be back before you know it and then your life really begins."

That somehow makes you feel more uneasy.

You don't like thinking about the future. It's a scary concept. One year from now, everything you've ever known could be completely different, and here you are, not knowing about it, unable to prevent or ensure it.

"You've still got a couple of hours left with me before your trip," mom says, releasing you and grabbing your suitcase. She wraps her fingers around the handle and straightens her posture, ready to go. "So let's make the most of our next couple of hours together." Mom leaves the room with you following close behind.

You stop at the door and turn around to face your room. The next time you walk in here, things will be different. The next time you walk in here, Jimin will be with you.

Or not.

Don't think about bad things. Right now you tell yourself, "he will come back," and everything in you would rather choose to believe it.

Besides. He's safe now. In a hospital. Hopefully not in another coma. Nothing worse can happen before you reach him, right?

You glance at the reopened sketchbook on your desk.

The drawing of Jimin from earlier this month.

He's not dead. Your therapist tried to prepare you to let go of him, but he's alive, and that drawing is now only a memory of what you've been like for the past year. Broken and depressed and incomplete.

With every passing second, you feel as if you're shedding your skin. Like you're throwing away everything that happened because Jimin wasn't there, and growing into your new feelings of hope and excitement. You become less afraid as time unfurls.

He will be okay. And so will you.

You turn the lights out and close the door.

•••

The drive to the airport is two hours long, and you started it at around 1AM, so you and mom blasted music to stay awake and hyped up. Songs from artists like Lincoln Park and Avril Lavigne and P!nk.

These are the artists you grew up with. They make the drive feel nostalgic. Dreamlike. Unreal. A drive you'll remember.

When you get to the airport at three, it takes forever to find a parking spot, and then another forever to find one of the entrances to the building.

Mom follows you through customs, the baggage drop, the security station, and finally, all the way to the gate. By the time you arrive, there are fifteen minutes left until boarding time. There are no empty seats anywhere, so you stand awkwardly by a pillar with mom.

As the minutes pass, your anxiety builds up. You're about to go on a plane. Alone. What if you somehow manage to do something wrong? Get in the wrong seat? What if this just happens to be the wrong plane? What if the people are rude to you?

Stop being stupid. You'll be fine.

"Y/n! Y/n!"

You startle at the sound of that voice and turn around.

"Kieth?"

Kieth, all tall and awkward, is racing toward you as fast as he can.

You're rooted to the spot, mouth open, eyes wide, completely taken aback by Kieth's presence. He stops when he reaches you and hunches over, hands on his knees to catch his breath.

How did he get here? Did you tell him what flight you're boarding? You must have, or he wouldn't be here.

"Flight to Incheon, South Korea, boarding right now."

You turn your head toward the line now beginning to form by the front desk. Then at Kieth.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, completely stunned by his presence. Kieth glances up at you and speaks between pants.

"I didn't... want you.. to leave when we're on... on bad... excuse me I need to breathe," he says. He takes a moment, in which you nervously glance at the line that by now is very long and starting to move forward. Kieth stands up straight after that moment and clears his throat.

"I didn't want you to leave when we're on such bad terms," he says. "So I came to tell you I'm sorry. Again. But like, seriously this time."

"You-you drove all the way over here and-and went through customs and- how did you get past security? Did they let you through? You're not even flying anywhere."

Kieth shrugs. "Not important. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry and... I'm rooting for you okay? You and Jimin. I hope it goes well for you."

Your heart softens and you give Kieth a tiny smile. "Thank you," you mumble. Kieth punches your shoulder playfully.

"Go get him. And if, god forbid, something bad happens," he says. He places his hands on your shoulders. "I'm still here waiting for you okay? I'll be here for you."

Your not sure if he means as a friend or more than that. You give him a tight hug anyway.

And when you pull away, you notice that he's blushing.

You have no time to think about that.

"You gotta go," mom says. "The line is getting shorter and shorter."

You hug your mom, then plant a kiss on her cheek. Then you take your suitcase and turn to catch up to the quickly-moving line and take your spot in the back.

It moves faster than you thought it would- guess these airport people are efficient- and your anxiety only grows and grows as you draw nearer to the desk where a lady will check your plane ticket.

You're going on a plane. Alone. And you're going to the other side of the world. Alone.

Kieth makes faces at you to cheer you up and mom gives you an excited, warm smile while non-discreetly blinking away the tears behind her eyes.

When you finally reach the front of the line, you hand the lady behind the desk your ticket so she can see, and she nods for you to go, flashing you a big smile.

You take a few steps forward, past the counter, and stare at the daunting tunnel platform before you. Your heart is racing in your chest, beating like a metronome between excitement and anxiety.

You close your eyes.

Take a deep breath in.

Let it out.

And walk in.

•••

School was not what you thought it would be.

You thought everyone would stare at you and whisper. You thought everyone would want to talk about him. You thought they would point and judge.

You did not expect everything to be the same as it was before you left.

The only people who asked why you were gone for so long were Nathan and Cassandra. They were the only ones who cared. Oh. And Gavin. He left you alone for all of three days before he started harassing you again.

It wasn't until news got out about... what happened... that Gavin decided to spread his knowledge of what was happening.

Within two weeks of your return, everyone found out.

Everyone.

None of them needed picture proof. It was obvious.

After that, things turned out to be exactly what you expected. People judged. They talked. They looked at you with pity. Some even with anger. "How could she keep something like that a secret?" Some mocked. "If it were me, I would have called the police immediately."

And you listened to them. They were right. That was what you should have done when he confessed to you that he was getting abused.

But you didn't. And that made you a horrible person.

Terrible, horrible person.

Even Autumn came by to comfort you at the end of a class, which was the cherry on top.

"I know we haven't talked much lately but... you know I'm here for you right? Just like old times." Autumn rubbed your arm comfortingly. "Call me if you need me."

She let go of your arm and walked to the door to leave, but not before you managed to hiss out a quiet, "You're a liar."

And you weren't quite sure whether she heard it or not, because she walked out the door and left for her next class.

She wasn't there. She ditched you. The old times were laughable.

The only person that you had left to believe in you was gone.

Gone like everybody else.

Like every friend you ever had.

Nathan and Cassandra would soon follow suit, just like all of the others.

Mikey and Namjoon would be next. They'd leave too.

The only person left to care for you after that could only be your mother, who you were on bad terms with, and your sister, who couldn't quite reach you yet.

Everything was wrong.

And it was all because Jimin was gone.

•••

"You ever been on a plane before?"

You glance at the man sitting next to you, leg bouncing up and down nervously, heart pounding in your chest with excitement.

"Once," you answer, looking around. You watch as people shove their suitcases and bags into the upper compartments of the plane and trade seats with their friends and family until they're comfortable. The flight attendants walk around, helping passengers prepare for the flight, flashing smiles at anyone who looks at them.

You're sitting in between a man- the one talking to you- and a woman with a laptop. She's already on it, brightness down, typing away. "I was thirteen," you say. "I was with my family though. This is my first flight alone."

"Really?" The man asks. "Well in that case, here. Do you want the window seat? It's always fun to watch the ground get smaller."

You widen your eyes, looking at the man. "You would do that?"

He nods. "Yeah sure. Hold on lemme just-" he unbuckles his seatbelt and stands up. "Go on," he says. You unbuckle your own seat belt and climb into the next seat.

"Thank you so much!" You exclaim, once the kind stranger is seated where you were before, in the middle seat. "No problem," he says, resting his head in his neck pillow. "I've been on lots and lots of flights. I've seen this many times."

You smile and face the window. Outside, there is a vehicular machine spraying the plane's wings with something.

"What's that?" You ask. The man follows your gaze out the window.

"I'm not sure what that does, but I've been told planes need it to fly well. Sometimes if the plane is supposed to be up in the air for a long time, a small jet will come and respray the wings while we're in the air." (Idk if that's true I just heard it somewhere)

"That's impressive," you murmur, forcefully taking your eyes away from the window. Planes and jets are so cool. How do they even fly? How do they get in the air and then stay in the air for long amounts of time? How do the pilots have all the buttons and levers and stuff in the cockpit memorized? If you became a pilot, you wouldn't remember any of the controls and end up crashing the plane.

Suddenly, the plane's intercom comes on and one of the pilots starts speaking. Flight attendants stand in the aisle, demonstrating all of the safety protocols he explains. Your excitement grows, and now both of your legs are bouncing up and down. You wipe your sweat palms on your jeans.

"Thank you for choosing Rainbow Airlines, and I hope you all enjoy your flight."

Suddenly, the plane roars to life. You turn your head toward the window to watch as the scenery outside slowly moves around the plane, until all you can see is a vast expanse of grass and tons of other runways. The plane takes several long minutes of slow driving to reach where the pilot wants it to go, and then it stops again.

In that brief moment where the plane is stopped, everything seems to come to a halt- even your heartbeat slows and your legs stop bouncing.

This is it. You think. Too late to go back now.

And then, suddenly, the plane begins to move again, building up speed, going faster and faster, the engines roaring louder and louder, the smile on your face growing wider and wider.

The vibrating underneath your feet goes away as the plane lifts off of the ground and begins its ascent, making you feel heavy and light at the same time.

This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to you.

You're finally going to see Jimin again.

You watch out the window as the Earth you were once confined to shrinks and fades until you're above the clouds.

This is it.

You're going to Korea.

Are you excited to see Jimin again?😀

I know I'm excited to write this reunion.

Have a good day/night!<3

-L