So like. Sorry I've been MIA but I have two and a half chapters written of Precious. Here's one of them :)

Jimin

"Oh my god- Jimin what happened!?"

Namjoon spins Jimin's chair around and grabs his shoulders, looking him in the eyes, but Jimin doesn't see.

All he can see is the pain in Y/n's eyes, the tears on her face, the tremor in her hands.

He smashed the bowl of cereal against the wall as soon as she'd left. He doesn't know why- perhaps his anger got the best of him. His anger at himself. All he could think about was the pain he'd caused her, and how much he deserved to suffer for it.

Namjoon pries Jimin's hand open and yanks a shard of broken ceramic from his palm.

"What the hell- are you trying to hurt yourself!?" Namjoon snaps a finger in front of Jimin's face. "Jimin look at me, snap out of it."

Blood is such a beautiful thing. Such a pretty color. So quickly does it pool around his new cut, filling the lines of his palm like rivers and dripping off the edges of his hand. He watches in awe as his lifeblood slips through his fingers without interruption, without hesitation, as if he was meant to bleed.

Jimin doesn't realize that Namjoon left his side until he returns to press a thick wad of paper towels into his palm. The sharp pain of it returns Jimin to the present, and suddenly he realizes the damage he's done.

"Oh my god." Jimin blinks. "Oh my- oh my god."

"Hey, you're back," Namjoon says. "Come on, let's fix your hand."

Jimin turns around. The ceramic bowl now lays shattered all over the counter and all over the floor, milk and cereal splattered everywhere. A rough outline of Jimin's bloody handprint paints the wall, interrupted by the shape of a spoon- which lays amidst the mess on the counter, abandoned.

The sting of the dry paper towels against the open cuts in Jimin's palm keeps the adrenaline flowing through his veins. He feels guilty.

"I'm so sorry," Jimin splutters, surprised and a little dazed.

"Forget about it," Namjoon says. "Come on. Bathroom. Now."

"I destroyed one of your bowls- I-I'll clean this up, I promise."

"I said forget about it- look, we'll talk about what happened after we've fixed your hand. For now, let's worry about your injury." Namjoon tugs Jimin's arm and urges him out of his seat. "Watch your step."

In the bathroom, Namjoon thrusts Jimin's hand into the sink and turns the faucet on, tossing the bloodied paper towels into a waste bin in the corner of the room. Jimin winces at the stinging pain but doesn't say anything. This was his fault.

After most of the blood smeared on Jimin's hand washes off underneath the cold water, Namjoon takes his hand and examines it.

"I should take you to the hospital," Namjoon says. "These are some serious cuts- you'll need stitches, I think."

"We can't afford another hospital trip."

"This isn't about affordability, Jimin, you're hurt. You need medical attention- professional medical attention."

"Namjoon, I'm fine, it's just a-"

"What, just a cut? No, Jimin. It's bleeding too much. Come on, let's go."

Before Namjoon can turn Jimin out of the bathroom, Jimin shuts the door harshly and shoves Namjoon away.

"This isn't the worst injury I have, Namjoon," Jimin says fiercely. "Or had, anyway. I'm not about to put Y/n into debt over this- although I wouldn't be surprised if she was already in debt because of me. And you're not paying for me anymore either. This is my fault."

Namjoon looks as if he wants to protest, but he must see that Jimin will not change his mind, because he gives in with a heaving sigh and opens his bathroom cabinet.

"I don't have anything to wrap your hand in. I can run to the nearest convenience store, but I don't know if they'll have what you need."

"It's fine. I'm sure they'll have something. I'll wait here and finish cleaning my hand."

"Okay, fine, I'll go get Y/n then and-"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"No."

"I'm gonna go get her-"

"Namjoon- no!"

Jimin blocks the bathroom door. Namjoon clutches his hair in exasperation.

"Jimin, you can't be alone. Do you realize that? We can't leave you alone anymore. We left you alone for one minute and you scratched your face. We left you alone for one second and you managed to fuck up your hand. I'm not leaving you alone again."

Jimin thinks about that. They won't trust him to be alone again. Not without being scared he'll hurt himself. He won't, not right now, but he doubts that a promise will reassure Namjoon.

"Then bring me with you," Jimin says. "I'll just... keep my hand wrapped with paper towels until we find something better."

Namjoon squints at Jimin for a moment, and relents.

And then Jimin realizes he will have to go into the guest room where Y/n is to get his coat and his socks and his hat and stuff. Namjoon won't let him out of the house without the proper winter gear.

So now what? He's afraid to go in there. Y/n is pissed at him. She'll be even more pissed when she finds out about his hand.

"Could you..." Jimin purses his lips and stares at the floor. "Could you grab my coat and things for me? I... I don't want Y/n to see."

Namjoon shakes his head at first, refusing immediately, but then glances at Jimin's hand and sighs.

"Okay," he says. "But only because she's already stressed enough with everything else."

The guilt hits Jimin with another wave. It's all his fault.

Namjoon leaves the bathroom and Jimin leans against the counter, avoiding the mirror, and watches blood seep through the paper towels on his hand while the guilt overtakes him once again.

•••

Hand clad in a giant wrapping of paper towels that are already beginning to spot with blood, Jimin and Namjoon get off the bus near a convenience store and walk through the cold November air to find him bandages.

Jimin realizes with dismay that despite his best efforts, Namjoon will still end up spending money on Jimin's mistakes. The bandage rolls they find don't cost much, but that doesn't alleviate the ever-growing guilt. It hangs over Jimin's head and dampens his mood like rain, and he isn't certain that he'll ever let go of it.

After all, it was all his fault. All of it. Every bit of wasted effort, wasted money, wasted hope, wasted time, and wasted feelings. All his fault.

Since the paper towels were starting to become painfully obvious to anyone else looking their way, Namjoon leads Jimin to the convenience store bathroom in hopes that they can bandage his wound there, but because of the pandemic, the bathrooms are closed. So Namjoon waits impatiently, jittery and anxious as they get on the bus again and ride a full twenty minutes before reaching the apartment again. Jimin watches red spread across the makeshift bandages, admiring how it seems to eat the paper towels and work to reduce them to sad, limp, soggy paper.

When they finally get back, Y/n still hasn't left the guest room. After Jimin's hand is cleaned and bandaged, he tries the door to go check on her, but it's locked.

She doesn't want to see him.

Jimin sighs and presses his forehead to the door, hand slipping off the handle.

How can he fix this?

Can he?

He can apologize all he wants, and assure Y/n that everything will be okay, but he can't get better. He can't just... stop what he's doing. He wants to, for her, but he's already so far into it that he doesn't think he could stop. He can't.

Will Y/n understand that?

Jimin heads to the living room and plops down on the couch. He would text Y/n, to see if she's okay, but he left the phone she gave him in their room. So no luck there.

He wants to sleep. All the adrenaline from earlier has left him weak and exhausted. But he's restless without word from Y/n. So, since she is the only thing that occupies his thoughts, he falls asleep with anxiety prevalent in his mind, and dips into a world of nightmares.

Namjoon wakes Jimin up again a while later, saying something about meeting up with friends. Jimin sits up groggily, rubbing his head with his injured hand, warning a painful reminder of what happened this morning.

"You're leaving?" Jimin murmurs, his eyes closing on their own and his body leaning toward the cushions.

"Correction: we're leaving," Namjoon says. "Come on. We're going to see Hoseok and Jin."

"You go," Jimin sighs, laying back down and curling up. "I'm too tired. And sick."

"You're not sick."

"I feel sick." In the head.

"You're not sick. Come on, get up," Namjoon gently tugs Jimin's arm, urging him to sit up again, and Jimin whines and rolls over, facing the back of the couch cushions.

"Namjoon, my hand is covered in bandages and my face looks like it had a battle with an angry squirrel. I don't want to see them or I'll feel worse."

"You'll feel worse later when you get on that plane and go back to America without spending every last minute with us," Namjoon says. "Trust me, Jimin, I love you. I don't want you to go just yet, but we can't change that."

Jimin stares at the floor, overweighed with guilt again. He doesn't want his closest friends to see what he's done to himself. They'll worry for him or say something that makes him feel guilty all over again.

"Alright," Namjoon says impatiently. "You have two options. Come with me to go meet Hoseok and Jin, and possibly the others, or stay here and I'll go get Y/n."

I'd rather stay with Y/n. Jimin thinks inwardly, but he won't, because she needs her alone time and he has already upset her enough. She won't want to be tasked with babysitting him. He just doesn't want to leave her alone. She doesn't like to be alone.

Namjoon watches Jimin mull things over in his head for a moment, then sighs defeatedly and pulls out his phone.

"You know what? They can just come here," he says. "And since it's close by, Yoongi can come too."

Jimin frowns. "Would that not bother Y/n more?"

"To see your friends? Why should it?"

"What if we're too loud and obnoxious?"

"You're worried about being-" Namjoon shakes his head. "No. Actually I think it's better this way. She won't be alone in the apartment if we're all here, and you don't have to choose between leaving her or missing your friends."

Jimin doesn't reply. He wants to go back to sleep. He wants to go back to Y/n.

"I'm gonna text them to come here instead," Namjoon says, pulling out his phone. "How about you go shower and freshen up."

•••

"Waahh Yoongi hyung, that's impressive!" Hoseok chortles. "They'll definitely recruit you!"

"You've been working on that piece for a while," Jin says, clapping Yoongi on the shoulder. "I bet it felt nice to finally be done with it."

Yoongi shrugs and nods, seeming indifferent about this whole ordeal, though his blushing cheeks betray him. He just got done telling everyone about his audition today at some entartainment company called BigHit. Jimin hadn't heard of them but he figured he'd google it later. Right now he's finding it difficult to stay awake. Every loud noise he hears seems to be one hundred times louder than it should be, and his head pounds in his skull.

"Jimin, I actually had something I wanted to show you," Yoongi says. "Whenever I can get you alone."

Jimin raises his eyebrows in question, his attention returning to the conversation.

"What is it?" He asks.

"You'll see. You already know like, half of it."

Jimin puzzles over this for the next few minutes, trying to figure out what Yoongi is talking about, when there comes a knock on the door. Hoseok springs up and rushes to answer it, and when he opens the door, Taehyung appears with a large smile on his face.

"The cool guy has arrived," he says, throwing a wink at the group and walking into the apartment. Jimin bows his head, as if hiding his face now will change anything. Taehyung shuffles out of his shoes and into the living room to sit down next to him, and Hoseok returns to his other side, where he's been sitting the whole night, arm hooked with Jimin's.

"Jiminah, how are you today? How did last night go?"

Terrible. But he doesn't want to tell Taehyung what happened last night or why.

It's not like he can hide his face though. With blurry eyes, he tilts his head and meets Taehyung's gaze. Taehyung's mouth drops open at the sight of the scratches lining his cheeks.

Taehyung glances at the other boys, who are probably looking back with looks that say, "yes, we know. Be gentle with him."

"What happened?" Taehyung asks, breaking the long, suffocating silence.

Jimin averts his eyes and focuses on the carpet fuzz beneath him. "I happened," he mutters. "I... I did this."

"Why?"

Jimin purses his lips. For a moment, the silence is deafening. Then someone awkwardly clears their throat and changes the subject.

"It's been a rough year," Namjoon says. "Anyway, it's getting late. I suppose we can pull out the drinks now."

"Finally," Yoongi says, just as anxious to move on to another topic, and he gets up and heads into the kitchen. "Been waiting for this."

Everyone gets up, and Jimin follows them to go get a glass of whatever Yoongi's pouring, but Namjoon pulls him back by his shoulder and shakes his head at him. "Not you," he says. "Not after yesterday."

Jimin hangs his head shamefully and plops down on the couch again. Taehyung sits next to him.

"I won't drink either," he says. "Are you excited to go back to America?"

The abrupt change in conversation leaves Jimin struggling to find an answer to the question. He doesn't know. Of course he wants to go back, to see his other friends and Y/n's family, and Mikey, but at the same time, he's nervous. He's scared. He doesn't know what he's going to do.

Besides, he's hardly excited for anything anymore. Not when he feels so guilty all the time.

Jimin nods anyway, because if he says anything else, he'll have to explain himself.

"Hey, you'll make sure to call me, right?" Taehyung asks. "I want to hear about everything when you get there. Especially since this time, you aren't just going for school."

He isn't going for school. What else is he supposed to do? He feels like a leech.

Jimin nods again, because that's the only answer he has.

"Hey," Taehyung murmurs. "Are you okay? You've been so quiet tonight. Where's Y/n? Did something happen?"

Suddenly Jimin feels so pent up, so attacked by all of these questions that he needs a release, but he doesn't have one. Y/n isn't talking to him, although Jimin doesn't think it would help to talk to her because she's more concerned with getting him to eat than asking him why he won't.

And here Taehyung is, his best friend, sitting in front of him, and this is one of the last times he'll ever see him before he flies out on Wednesday. If Jimin is going to spill every last thought in his mind to anyone, Taehyung is his best choice.

He stares at Taehyung, thoughts and feelings flitting about in his mind, until he can't seem to hold them all and his eyes fill with tears, so he looks away.

"Do you wanna go somewhere?" Taehyung asks. Jimin nods. They get up and head to the door to put their shoes on.

"We're gonna get some air," Taehyung says to the others. "We'll be back soon."

Together, Taehyung and Jimin leave the apartment and take the elevator to the top floor, then go up another flight of stairs to the roof. Jimin didn't realize how suffocating it was inside until he breathed in cold, fresh air.

The two walk to the edge of the roof where the balcony is and look down at the city underneath them. For a few minutes, it is quiet, other than the city-sounds below. Jimin revels in it, thankful that his head doesn't hurt as bad up here.

"Jimin," Taehyung says seriously. "I've missed you so much."

Jimin nods. "I know," he murmurs. "Me too."

"Ever since you got back, things have been different. You've got more trauma than I ever knew you had, you almost died, you're in love, you're different, you're going back to America, and I feel like I don't know you anymore."

Jimin stares numbly at the busy streets below.

"And the more I think about it, I wonder if I ever did know you," Taehyung confesses. "Because after hearing your story, about all the stuff that happened before, about all the stuff you didn't tell me then? I feel like you've got two whole sides to your life, and I'm not on the right one."

Jimin leans into the balcony and presses his forehead to the cold stone. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, exactly?" Taehyung asks.

"All of it."

Taehyung contemplates this.

"I'm not asking for an apology," he says, after a moment. "I'm asking if you're okay. I'm worried about you. Everyone is. It's getting frustrating because I think the only person you really trust anymore is Y/n."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Taehyung pauses.

"No. She's good for you. But I envy her a little bit. Me and the other boys are out of the loop. We just want to know what's going on. You're my best friend, Jimin, what happened to that?"

A tear drops from Jimin's face, and the very sight of it pisses him off. His tears won't solve anything. He has cried too much about too little, and moped around for too long, and all he can do is feel sorry for himself. He sniffles and stands up straight again, aggressively rubbing his tears away with his bandaged hand.

Taehyung notices it for the first time now, and when Jimin lowers his hand again, Taehyung grabs it and examines the bandages.

"When did this happen? What did you do?"

"This morning," Jimin answers shortly.

Taehyung looks at him expectantly. He's right. Jimin finds it difficult to open up to his own best friend, now that he's got Y/n.

He feels guilty for it. Taehyung probably feels hurt because of it.

"I..." Jimin bows his head. "Y/n and I had a fight." He doesn't want to think about it. "I... I smashed a bowl."

"Jesus," Taehyung breathes. "Why? What did you fight about- if you don't mind my asking?"

"You already know," Jimin says, his voice hardly above a whisper.

"Do I?"

"I suspect all of you do," Jimin admits. He was never good at hiding it, was he?

Taehyung seems to realize what Jimin is talking about and drops his hand.

"She caught you, didn't she?" He asks.

"No. She didn't have to. She just... figured it out. And I guess she couldn't take it anymore."

"So what exactly made you argue?"

Jimin sighs. "I didn't want her to worry about it. I refused to eat again and she lost it."

"Well to be honest I think I would too," Taehyung says. "She's trying to help you. She's more worried about you than anyone."

"Do you know how she figured it out?"

"No. But back in Busan, after you got your blood test done, we started talking about it- with Namjoon of course- and she didn't want to believe it then, but I think she already knew."

Jimin purses his lips. Busan was weeks ago. Has she really been carrying this for that long? She said she began to suspect it while Jimin was still hospitalized. Almost a month ago.

"Why do you do it?" Taehyung asks suddenly. "Jimin, why do you hurt yourself like this? You have Y/n, you have me; you have six other people here that are desperate to help you. Why do you do it?"

Jimin doesn't know how to express himself. Tears rise to his eyes again, and he does everything he can to fight them back.

"I do it because I can't stop," Jimin confesses. His voice quivers, and that's all it takes for the tears to come spilling out. Goddammit, he can't keep crying like this.

"I do it because I can't stop," he says again. "I can't stop. I've woken up after ten goddamn months, and everyone suffered worrying about me that entire time, and you all probably thought everything would be okay when I finally woke up, and we'd all be happy again, but I can't. I don't- I don't feel happy. I'm so, so freaking guilty for everything I've done that has set everyone back, and I'm leeching off of all of you because I'm so dependent on everyone, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself so much, so fucking much it hurts, but I can't stop. I can't stop hating everything I see in the mirror. I can't stop loathing myself every time I look at food. I can't stop pretending I can take everything when in reality, I'm so goddam useless- I'm a waste of everyone's time. Such a waste. I can't stop."

"Jimin, I-" Taehyung has started tearing up himself, and his eyes hold some mixture of shock and sympathy- or maybe pity, and Jimin doesn't like it.

"You're not a waste," Taehyung says. "You're not setting us back. You're not useless."

"See, that would be so helpful if it meant anything to me," Jimin says frustratedly. "But nothing anyone says is going to make it stop. I can't make it stop."

"Maybe we can't make it stop, but we can at least help you shoulder the burden," Taehyung says. "You can't just carry this all alone."

"I don't want to be weak."

"That doesn't make you weak. Jimin, maybe what you need is perspective."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I know it sounds cliche, but put yourself in my shoes- no, put yourself in Y/n's shoes." Taehyung reaches for Jimin's shoulder, but Jimin backs away. He doesn't want to be comforted. He doesn't deserve it.

"Imagine if the roles were reversed. Imagine she's the one starving herself and throwing up. Imagine she was terribly abused since she was a child and just lost ten months of her life. Imagine she hates herself, and won't open up to anyone about it."

"I don't want to," Jimin breathes. He doesn't like thinking about that.

"Just picture it," Taehyung says. "How would you feel if you had to sit around and watch that happen?"

Jimin would do everything he could to help her.

"And imagine that she's refusing all of your help because she thinks she's a burden to you."

Jimin stares at the floor.

"See, you understand. I know you do," Taehyung says, noticing the change in Jimin's expression. "How do you think she feels? Probably really anxious, right?"

"How does this help me?"

"Think about that every time you want to throw up. Or even when you look in the mirror, if that helps. Don't think about the guilt, or the hatred, think about how this affects her."

Jimin doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to give Taehyung the satisfaction of being right about this, but he is. It might actually help a little, and while it won't fix Jimin's problems, it's a start.

Taehyung offers Jimin a weak smile and opens his arms. "Would a hug make you feel better?"

Yes. It would.

Jimin accepts the hug, and it fills him with warmth and comfort he doesn't think he deserves.

And suddenly he longs for Y/n. He wants to apologize to her. Will she see him? Or will she ignore him? Surely she can't be so pissed off she'll refuse to see him.

"Let's go back," Taehyung says. "And have fun."

Jimin shakes his head. "Just a few more minutes. I don't want to look like I've been crying."

"Okay. But when we get back, I want you to forget about everything and just enjoy yourself, okay? Promise?" Taehyung sticks out his pinky.

Jimin smiles and links it with his own.

"Promise."

•••

When Taehyung and Jimin return to the apartment, Jungkook is there, and Y/n has finally come out of her room. Her eyes lift to his, and her smile disappears, but she doesn't look disappointed or angry. Taehyung nudges Jimin forward.

"You should talk."

Jimin strides across the room toward Y/n and stops before her. The other boys in the room stop for a second, but when Jimin shoots them all a look, they go back to what they were doing before and pretend they aren't paying attention to Jimin and Y/n.

Y/n stares at him expectantly. Jimin purses his lips, wondering what he should say- or how he should start anyway. Instead, he holds out his hand, hoping she'll take it.

To his relief, she does.

Jimin leads her back to the guest room to talk behind a closed door. As soon as it clicks shut, Jimin has to resist the urge to throw his arms around Y/n and hold her close. She's still mad at him.

But the look she gives him isn't angry. She doesn't look mad.

"I'm sorry," Jimin mumbles.

"Sorry for what, exactly?" Y/n asks. "Throwing up? Refusing to eat? Hiding it away? Lying to me?"

Oh she is mad.

"Or-or maybe this." She picks up Jimin's bandaged hand holds it up between them, noticing the red spots over his palm. "What did you do to your hand?"

Jimin stares at the floor.

"I... I smashed the bowl... I don't... I didn't mean to- to..."

"To what, hurt yourself? You've been doing that for too long now."

Jimin can't look her in the eye.

"All of it," he murmurs. "I'm sorry for all of it."

"Sorry isn't going to make it better," Y/n says. Her voice quivers, and when Jimin finally looks at her face, he sees the tears she's trying so hard to fight back.

"I want to help you," Y/n says. She drops his injured hand and it falls to his side. "I already knew it would be hard to wake up after so many months, but I didn't- I didn't think things would get this bad. Why... why do you do it?"

Jimin doesn't know how to answer that. His silence seems to frustrate her more than anything, though, so he quickly opens his mouth and says, "I don't know."

Which is is mistake, because that answer is worse than saying nothing.

"You don't know," Y/n repeats. "You don't- you don't know?" She runs a hand through her hair in distress. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? You're hurting yourself, Jimin, and you don't have a solid reason to do it? You don't know."

"I-I didn't mean it like that- I don't... I don't know how to... how to explain why."

"Well you better come up with something, because if you don't have a single reason for doing what you do, I swear to god, Jimin, I'll shackle you to this bed and force feed you until you get better."

Jimin opens his mouth to argue, then closes it. How does he argue with her without...arguing with her?

"That... that came out more aggressively than I meant it," Y/n mumbles. "I wouldn't really do that. But I won't lie and say I'm not honestly tempted."

"It's because..." does Jimin want to admit that he loathes himself? In front of Y/n? Does he really want to see the look on her face when he says that?

No. It would break her.

But what other explanation does he have? If it isn't because he hates his body, then why else would he make himself throw up? Because he likes it? That's a shitty excuse.

"It's because..." Y/n repeats, urging him on.

Jimin doesn't want to make things worse than they are. He isn't ready to admit to Y/n what goes through his mind.

"Are you... are you okay with secrets?"

The words remind Jimin of the time Y/n asked him what was going on with Sharon in America. He wasn't ready to tell her she was beating him. He wasn't ready for her to find out. At the time, Y/n said she didn't mind, and told him she would believe him if he said everything was okay.

Somehow Jimin doesn't think that's the case now.

He regrets the words almost as soon as they leave his lips, because the look on Y/n's face morphs into hurt, and it makes Jimin's heart sink.

"I-I'll tell you when the time is right, but-"

"It's fine," Y/n says bitterly. "Keep your secrets."

"Y/n, I-"

"I get it," Y/n says. "You don't want to tell me. It's fine."

Not with that tone of voice it's not.

"It's not like you don't also keep secrets," Jimin says defensively. Y/n whips her head back up and glares at him.

"Like what?"

Now he has offended her.

"You still haven't told me much of what happened while I was in a coma."

"That's different!"

"How is it different!? I worry about you just as much as you worry about me!"

"It's different because you're hurting yourself by keeping your secret! I'm over what happened while you were gone, and it doesn't affect me anymore!"

"Doesn't affect you? Didn't you literally have panic attacks almost nightly while we were still in Busan? You still shut down when I ask about it. You still avoid the topic when you can. You avoid mirrors like they're the bane of your existence. You don't tell me anything, but you went and talked to Namjoon about your problems like it was nothing!"

"You're still upset about that? I told you everything I told him!"

"Yeah, after I overheard you! What if I didn't? Were you going to tell me anyway?

"Stop making this about me, Jimin, there's nothing left to do about it. This is about you."

"And I don't want to tell you more than I already have! You weren't supposed to know about the rest of it! If you can keep secrets, so can I."

Y/n looks as if she was slapped across the face. She glares at Jimin, and he doesn't like the way it makes him feel.

"Then maybe you should have hid it better," she says. "If you wanted to keep me away from all of that, you should have tried harder."

"I didn't think I'd have to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I thought you would be more patient, like before."

"Like before- Jimin, I was more okay with secrets back then because we didn't know each other that well yet. It has been a long time since then- months, since then."

"For you it has," Jimin says exasperatedly. "For me it's only been five months since we met. I was in a coma, Y/n, I wasn't conscious for the rest of that time."

Y/n seems startled by this, and then hurt all over again. Everything coming out of Jimin's mouth right now is all wrong. Why can't he say things without hurting her feelings?

"You mean more to me than anything," Y/n mumbles. "But... I don't mean as much to you, do I?"

"That's not what I meant." Jimin tries to explain, but Y/n won't listen.

"It's what you said."

"Listen, you mean more to me than anything too," Jimin says. "But I'm still stuck in the beginning where secrets were still okay between you and me. I can't tell you because I-" Jimin sighs frustratedly.

"Because you what."

"Because I- I'm... I'm afraid that admitting my reason will only make things worse."

"How would it make things worse?" Y/n asks exasperatedly. "I'm trying to understand why you do this to yourself so that I can help you get over it!"

"Because I don't want to upset you more!"

"You already have!" Y/n's nose twitches and turns red, and her eyes glaze over. No no no please don't cry. "Please, Jimin, I feel helpless! I'm literally begging you to let me in!"

"I feel helpless too, don't you see?" Jimin says, ignoring the quiver in his own voice. "You've done too much for me and I feel helpless because there's nothing I can offer you except my own pain, and I don't want to do that to you."

"Do you think it makes any difference?" Y/n asks. "Whether you tell me or not doesn't matter. I can see it plain as day on your face and in your attitude. That alone is painful enough."

"I don't want to make it worse!"

"You're only making it worse for yourself by not saying anything!"

"Please, Y/n, please. I can't. I can't... I'm not ready."

"Not ready to tell me or not ready to make an effort to get better?"

Jimin frowns.

"Both," he says sourly. "But by all means, tie me to the bed and force feed me. I won't fight you."

Y/n glares at Jimin for a moment longer, her cheeks turning red, her lower lip wobbling uncontrollably, and she can't seem to hold it in anymore. She bursts into tears and when Jimin softens and reaches for her, she turns away from him.

"I'm not-" she hiccups. "I'm not crying."

Jimin feels guiltier now than he was before. Softly, he places his hands on her shoulders and turns her around, and gently, he pulls her close. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his chest and cries all her tears out.

They stand there like that for a long time before she stops crying, and her shoulders stop shaking, and she stops hiccuping. When she's confident enough to stop hiding her face, she pushes away from Jimin and wipes her eyes.

"Go away," she mutters.

Jimin has never felt so hurt. He doesn't want to leave, but he does anyway, because she asked him to. He leaves, whispering, "I'm sorry," one more time at the door.

He doesn't want to go back to his friends in the living room, and he doesn't know where else to go, so he locks himself in the bathroom and drops to the floor to be alone for the rest of the night.

Wow I'm sorry but you're gonna have to wait for the next chapter

I've been so busy lately so I'm sorry it's taken me this long.

Have a great day/night!<3

-L