Also not edited, but hey you get two chapters in a day

In the morning, Jimin isn't there. Panic begins to course through your veins, wondering if he is alone again and doing something terrible.

You get out of bed quickly and stumble across the room to go look for Jimin.

Which isn't very hard, because you can hear him throwing up as soon as you open the door.

You hurry to the bathroom and knock on the door frantically. "Jim-" the door pushes open on its own- guess he didn't close it all the way- and you hurry in. You drop to your knees next to Jimin, who is hunched over the toilet bowl retching up everything in him.

You decide not to say anything until he's done. Instead you wrap an arm over his shoulders and stroke his hair.

It isn't long before he finishes and flushes it all down, then pulls the lid closed and leans back against the wall, panting.

He doesn't say a word.

"I'll be back with water," you say quietly.

When you return, Jimin hasn't moved an inch. He still hasn't caught his breath, and he looks miserable. His hair is damp- from what, you don't know- and his skin is pale and covered in a sheen of sweat, but you don't think he's sick. His scars from last night cover his cheeks in angry red lines protruding from his skin.

You hand him his glass of water, and he takes it and heads over to the sink where he can swish the water around in his mouth and spit it out again. Then he starts brushing his teeth. It seems very routine for him, as if he's used to this. You're not sure what to say. He doesn't seem to want to talk.

Did you just catch him throwing up on purpose? You've been trying to for a while now but you didn't expect to actually succeed. It doesn't feel as if you have.

When Jimin finishes, he washes his toothbrush slowly, almost completely ignoring your presence. You sigh.

"Listen, Jimin-"

"I am never drinking again."

Jimin finally turns to look at you, his expression unreadable.

Is that it? That's what he's gonna say to you? Give you a cover story and pretend you haven't caught him?

"You think this was the alcohol?"

"Yeah," Jimin says, as if it's obvious. "What did you think it was?"

What should you say? What if it really was the alcohol? No. It couldn't have been. He'd have thrown up last night instead of a few minutes ago. This was on purpose. But why?

You decide to pretend that you still don't know, because you want him to tell you himself.

You just don't know how long you can keep it up.

You brush Jimin's bangs back and place your hand on his forehead.

"I dunno. I thought you might be sick again." You pull your hand away after confirming that his temperature is, in fact, normal. "That was some alcohol though," you say, doing your best to keep the incredulity from your voice. "To throw up the next day."

"I know," Jimin says. "I feel better though. Not sick at all. A little tired though."

"Then let's go back to sleep for a little bit. Did you take your pills yet?"

Jimin nods. "Yeah."

Well that's good. If he's telling the truth. You don't think he'd lie to you, but he has before, so it isn't impossible. Speaking of which...

"Has the doctor still not called?" You ask. "Did you ask Taehyung about it last night?"

"Ugh, I forgot," Jimin sighs, looking disappointed. You know it isn't genuine. "No, I didn't ask him."

"He didn't say anything?"

"No. I'm sure he would have though, if he got the call. Or maybe he did and Taehyungie wasn't able to answer."

"The doctor has your email right? Maybe he would have emailed you."

Jimin nods. "Maybe."

"It's been like, two weeks. Are you sure he hasn't called yet?"

Jimin takes a step toward you and pulls you close.

"Listen, I know you're worried," he says. "But these things take time. It'll be okay. I'm sure he'll call soon. Don't worry about me okay?"

He really thinks you believe that.

Anger flares up inside your chest, but you quell it as best you can.

He's still lying to you.

And by the way he does it, you don't think he plans to confess soon.

You were so certain that he couldn't keep it from you for long- especially if you pushed it- and yet here he is, making it look easy. The least he could do is look like he regrets it.

You purse your lips, unsure of what else to say. You could tell him that you know. You could confront him, right here, right now. You could get it done and over with and keep him from taking it much farther than he already has.

"I liked the idea of going back to bed," Jimin says. He gently nudges you back out the door. "I'm cold and I'm tired."

You notice how he doesn't even mention last night.

"Jimin..."

Jimin stops in the middle of the hallway, shoulders tense. He plasters a smile on his face for you. He's barely holding himself together. Do you really want to confront him now?

"Yes?"

Should you? The sooner you hash it out with him, the sooner he gets better.

"I think..." I think you've been lying to me. "I just think you..." you can't do it. You're not sure why, but it doesn't feel like the right time.

"I think you might need medicine." You place your hand on his forehead again, as if you just don't remember what he felt like minutes ago. "It's been too long since you left the hospital. You shouldn't still be getting sick."

Jimin shrugs. "I don't feel sick. It's the alcohol, really."

"Are you absolutely sure?" You ask. "Completely positive?"

Jimin nods. "I'm okay." He takes your hands and pulls you into the guest room. "Just tired."

You nudge the door closed behind you with your heel and let Jimin drag you back into bed. He lays on top of you and pulls the covers over the both of you, drowning you in darkness once again. He buries his face into your neck and kisses your throat, arms caging your head. You let out a laugh and wrap your arms around him.

"Thought you said you were tired," you say.

"Not that tired," Jimin says. "Actually, I changed my mind. I'm not tired at all."

"Too bad." You shove Jimin off of you and trap him underneath your arm. "I don't care if it was the alcohol. You threw up. Now you get to sleep it off."

Jimin pouts. "I don't want to sleep it off." He leans closer and kisses your cheek, then your jaw, then your neck...

You push him away again, eliciting a whine from his throat.

"We should find you something to eat. Something small anyway. Might make you feel better."

"I already ate."

You stop short.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I was really hungry- side effect of the alcohol, I guess- but I didn't want to wake you up this early. I know how much you like sleeping."

Not any more than you like seeing him eat. He needs it.

That's why he was throwing up. To get rid of whatever he ate for breakfast. He ate to satisfy his post-alcohol craving and then... threw it up to satisfy his stupid self-loathing mindset.

Jimin leans closer to you again and presses his forehead to yours, but you're not in the mood for this. You don't have the patience to sit here and pretend you don't know what Jimin is doing to himself when he thinks you're not paying attention.

You shove him- perhaps a bit too hard- and get out of bed.

"What- Y/n!"

You ignore Jimin and storm out of the room. You don't really know what you're doing until you find yourself in the kitchen, pouring a bowl of cereal.

Jimin appears out of the hallway, looking a little shocked and hurt. "Are you angry?"

You angrily uncap the milk and pour it into the cereal before shoving the carton back into the fridge and unceremoniously dropping a spoon into the bowl.

"Yes, I'm mad," you say, seething. You pick up the bowl of cereal and carry it with you out of the kitchen.

"Over breakfast?" Jimin asks.

"No!" You exclaim, voice a little higher than before.

"Then what are you-" Jimin stops when you set the bowl down on the counter aggressively, milk sloshing over the side. You fold your arms and stare at him expectantly.

He glances at the bowl, then back at you, uncomprehending.

"What-"

"Eat it."

Jimin raises his eyebrows, startled- albeit a little fearful, what with the way you're glaring at him.

"I'm not following."

"You don't have to. Just sit down and eat it."

"I'm not hungry," Jimin says. "I told you I ate earlier."

"Yeah, really?" You ask. "Or are you just saying that to make me feel better?"

"I'm not- Y/n, what is this about?"

"Just eat it."

"I can't- I literally just got done throwing up."

"I know!" Your voice is louder now, probably enough to wake Namjoon up, but you don't care. "I know, Jimin, what you've been doing to yourself! And you need to stop!"

Jimin goes still. His expression changes from confusion and worry to nothing. No emotions. His face is placid and unfeeling.

"Just.. sit down," you say quietly, trying to calm yourself. "And eat something. Please."

Jimin stares at the chair nearest to him for a moment, contemplating, then slowly, quietly, sits down.

Yes. You think, watching intently. Now pick up the spoon and eat.

Jimin's voice comes out low and quiet.

"How do you know?"

You don't think he genuinely wants to know your answer. You think he's stalling.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out," you say shortly. "Just eat."

"How long have you been suspecting it anyway?"

"Since we left the hospital in Busan," you murmur. "But I didn't want to believe it until I had sufficient proof."

"So, the whole time then," Jimin mutters. "And did you find your proof?"

"I don't need it anymore. I've had enough of this."

Jimin continues to stare at the bowl of cereal, making no move to eat it.

"You know, I'm doing just fine, Y/n, really."

"You call this fine?"

"I'm just watching my weight, that's all," Jimin says calmly. "It's harmless."

You let out a laugh, finally driven to hysterics, but as soon as the laugh escapes your lips, you begin to cry.

"Harmless? What the hell kind of 'harmless' diet calls for you to throw up everything you eat? You're not doing fine. I can count every single one of your ribs if I wanted to, you're so skinny." You sniffle and try to keep the quiver out of your voice, but it's no use. "I know about the call, Jimin."

At that he whips around to look at you.

"I know your doctor called, and I know you got your results, and I know they're bad enough that you don't want us to know about them, and I know you've been lying to me about it."

For a second, Jimin looks stunned. But then he folds his arms and frowns at you, suddenly defensive.

"I was going to tell you, Y/n, did you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you!" You say, equally as defensive. "But at the rate you were going, I don't think you were going to tell me."

"What if I wasn't ready?" Jimin asks, just as angry as you now. "What if I was only holding out because I wasn't ready to face the facts myself!?"

"So you thought lying about it was a better option?"

"What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't ready."

"It doesn't matter! I thought about that too and I can understand why you wouldn't say anything about it but you don't get to hold out on things like that when your health is on the line the way it is! I wasn't about to sit around and wait for you to finally gather the stomach to tell me your results were bad while you went on happily throwing up and starving yourself!"

This only seems to piss Jimin off more.

"Do you think it's easy?" He asks. "You think it didn't hurt every time I had to tell you everything was fine? I feel like shit for lying but that doesn't mean it wasn't for a good reason!"

"It wasn't! Listen, why on earth would you think it isn't acceptable to not be okay? Did you just think I'd love you less if you admitted you're struggling? Did you think I'd judge you for it?"

"No, I-"

"Then why the hell did you think it was a good idea to withhold-"

"Because I don't deserve you!"

You stop short.

Jimin turns back toward the cereal and stares at the counter.

"Why-why..." by now you've stopped trying to keep your voice steady, and it shakes almost as bad as your hands.

"You think you don't..." You can't gather your thoughts. You don't know what to say.

Jimin has been suffering and withholding information and pretending to be somewhat okay all for you because... because he thinks he doesn't deserve you?

"Why?" Is all you can come up with.

Jimin doesn't answer. You take the seat next to him, so you can see his face, but he turns away. He hides himself. He won't let you see his pain.

"Jimin," you touch his shoulder, but he jerks away from you again.

What can you say?

"There's no one I can love as much as I love you."

"You're wrong."

"You really think..." you trail off, completely stunned. You never thought he would begin to doubt your relationship like this.

And for now, there's no changing his mind.

You bury your face in your hands and stifle a sigh.

"At least..." you murmur, not sure what to do. "At least eat. Please."

"I'm not hungry."

Right.

Fine.

You get up and leave. You don't want to leave Jimin alone again, but Namjoon peeks his head through his door nervously and you know he won't leave Jimin alone either. So you walk back to the guest room, and the last thing you hear before you close and lock the door is the sound of glass shattering in the kitchen.

Namjoon's distressed voice echoes throughout the apartment and through the walls (probably upset about whatever Jimin broke), but you can't hear what he's saying. Jimin is fine. You're not going back out there. You get back in bed and curl up in the blankets, and you want to cry, but no tears come out.

You look at your phone. You've got another notification from the random number from last night.

*** *** ****

I haven't heard from you all day, darling, are you okay? I'm going to bed soon, but I hope to see your reply by morning. I miss you, good night.

You don't have the energy to text back, and if you did, you'd probably write something bitchy anyway. So you ignore the text and set your phone back on the nightstand.

For now, you'll sleep this off. And when you wake up, and you're feeling better, you and Jimin can talk.

You can fix everything. It will be okay.

But for now you need time to think.

Have a good day/night.<3

-L