^^^Do y'all ever look at his neck and think "wow that's a pretty neck" because I do all the time

This is like, mostly edited I think

"Oh Y/n," Namjoon says, voice soft. "Hey, it's okay." He scoots across the couch and hugs you awkwardly, patting your back with his huge hand.

"Why-why did I say that?" You sob. "I-I didn't even mean it. I ju- I just wanted him to leaf- leave me alone."

"It's okay," Namjoon says. "Everyone says things they don't mean sometimes."

"Ye-yeah but I hurt his feelings."

"He'll get over it, he knows you didn't mean it."

You gasp and sniffle and wipe your face countless times before managing to calm down, swallow, and sit up straight. Namjoon lets go of you and stands up. "I'll go get you some water."

You nod and continue to rub your face and blink your eyes until they clear. You aren't sobbing anymore, but you can't control the sniffles and the tiny gasps and the hiccups that bring more tears to your eyes.

Namjoon returns after a minute with a small cup of cold water and ice and hands it to you. You take it in your shaking hands and bring it to your lips, thankful to have something to quench your thirst.

After pulling it away from your mouth, you sniffle again and say, "thank you," in a quivery voice.

"Just keep drinking it," Namjoon says. "It'll help." He pats your head and sits down next to you, at least a few inches away to give you space.

You don't want space. You want Jimin. You want to say sorry and hug him and never say mean things again.

You set your cup on the side table next to the couch, stand up, and shake your head. "I'm gonna go say sorry to him," you say.

"Okay," Namjoon says. "I'm sure he'll forgive you."

Yeah. He's right. Jimin doesn't hold grudges over you. Maybe for other people like Gavin, but not you. Usually. Unless maybe something changed. What if he doesn't forgive you for saying what you said? You didn't mean it, but what if it really hurt his feelings?

You take another sip of water, shake away the anxious feelings, and walk out of the living room.

You walk down the dark hallway until about halfway where the room is that you share with Jimin.

Should I knock?

Uh. No, why would I knock?

What if he's changing?

No, we usually do that in the bathroom.

You twist the doorknob and push open the door. Peeking your head through, you see that Jimin is laying on the air mattress in the dark. Is he sleeping?

You slip through the door and shut it slowly behind you, careful to be as quiet as possible in case Jimin is asleep.

You tiptoe over the carpet to the air mattress. The faint light coming through the blinds is pale and dim, since the sun is setting, and makes everything in the room appear black and white, dark enough to have to look closely for details. You look at Jimin.

He's hugging a pillow, buried in the blankets, face hidden in the pillowcase. His arms are wrapped tightly around the pillow as if he thinks it will get up and run away. The duvet is pulled up all the way over his shoulder, head barely poking out, hair mussed atop his head.

You would actually be convinced that he is asleep if it wasn't for the way he is breathing. His shoulder rises and falls heavily, quickly, without a steady rhythm- as if he's panting. His lips are parted to allow a clear flow of air.

He's shivering.

He wasn't crying, was he? If you made him cry, you'll feel like the most evil person alive.

You carefully climb onto the air mattress, doing your best not to make it bounce and jostle Jimin in case he is asleep.

Which apparently doesn't need to be a concern, because he isn't sleeping. He lifts his head up and blinks his eyes open, sees you, and then lays his head back down.

"Y/n, meet pillow, my new significant other," he says. "Pillow doesn't say mean things. Pillow doesn't say anything."

You bite your lower lip. I didn't mean what I said.

"I'm sorry," you say, not meaning for your voice to sound so small.

"Namjoon knows everything that happened," Jimin mutters. "Does that mean you're not afraid to be vulnerable with him? You trust him more than me?"

He says it like it tastes bitter in his mouth, but not viciously, like he's trying to get back at you. He never speaks to you like he wants you to hurt. You sometimes wonder if he's ever actually been pissed at you- and not because of Gavin.

"No," you say. You sniffle and wipe your nose again. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I love-"

"You didn't mean it, but you still won't tell me anything."

You close your mouth.

Nothing fills the silence in the air for the next few moments except for the sounds of Jimin shifting in the blankets to turn around, back facing you now.

Ow.

You're not sure what to say.

But... it's pretty obvious what you have to say. You just need to be honest with him. Tell him something. Baby steps.

No, not baby steps. It really shouldn't be this hard for you. Nothing bad is going to happen to him, so why am I so scared that I'm gonna lose him again?

Just tell him.

"When..." you mumble, mustering up the little bits of courage left in you. "After it happened... after two weeks... of hoping..." you sniffle and wipe your nose again.

"After I lost all my hope... I didn't... do anything."

That doesn't even make sense. Be specific.

"Um... I mean, I didn't... talk to anyone? I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, and um... I didn't move away from my window unless it was to go back to the hospital."

Is that enough?

Jimin doesn't move.

Maybe it's not enough.

"Until you weren't there anymore. Then I didn't move. I blamed everyone, even me."

Why does your throat feel so tight? This is so... embarrassing to share.

"Mikey came to visit a lot. And he sat with me by the window for as long as he could. The only reason I got used to telling Namjoon things was because Mikey called him on my phone every day to update him. And then Namjoon sat on the phone with us if he had the time."

Nothing. Maybe he's just waiting for you to say you're done. Maybe he just doesn't want to interrupt. Or maybe he's ignoring you. What if he's ignoring you?

"I didn't talk to anyone until a couple weeks later when mom got me my therapist. We went through a few of em until she had to pick one herself because I wouldn't. And I wasn't sleeping, and I was very weak, so I often passed out at random times in random places."

More? Does he need more?

He probably wants to know what happened with Gavin. You don't want to talk about that yet though. You don't like to think about it.

Does it even matter anymore what you feel? You just need to tell him.

You won't. Not now. Not yet.

"I... didn't go back to school until the end of February. By then... everyone already knew what happened. Gavin told them. At first, no one believed him because it sounded crazy, but... then the teachers announced that you wouldn't be returning and didn't explain why... and that's when Gavin's explanation suddenly seemed believable."

You close your eyes for a moment to stop them from burning.

"For the first few days that I was back at school, everyone- all the people I didn't know, and didn't actually care- asked me if the rumors were true. And why I was gone for so long. And when you would be back. And why I let it happen if I knew all alo-"

You shudder uncontrollably and shut your eyes tight. You take a deep breath. It's all coming back now. You remember everything: how it felt to lose Jimin, the dread of returning to school, the anxiety of seeing other people, the sorrow and helplessness of waking up to the realization that he wouldn't be there.

Right now, with your eyes closed, and the memories leaking through your closely guarded mind prison, you almost feel as if it will all be back when you open your eyes again. You feel heavier, as if talking and thinking about it pushes you back in time to the first few months that Jimin was gone.

You force yourself to open your eyes.

He's here. He won't be going anywhere anytime soon, unless it's with you. You're not sure why your mind keeps tricking you into thinking he will be gone when you open your eyes.

Jimin turns his head and looks at you. Through the late afternoon light, you can see the shine of his eyes in the dark. His face is expressionless, urging you to continue speaking. You fix your eyes on the wall.

"That's um... that's when the panic attacks started happening. I couldn't handle all the pressure. Everyone was so weird toward me. Some pitied me because of what happened. Some were mad because I knew what was going on before it happened. Some stayed away from me because they just assumed I would start crying at any mention of you- actually, I think I did."

You clasp your hands together tightly to keep yourself from fidgeting uncomfortably. Your eyes are focused on anything that isn't Jimin's face. The ceiling. The blanket. The wall. The blinds covering the window.

"Uh... it was... it was bad. And it was all so... useless in the end. That's why..." you rub your lips together, eyebrows furrowed. "That why I... didn't tell you. Because I-I just... it was... it was embarrassing."

"Embarrassing? How so?"

You were talking all by yourself for so long that Jimin's voice almost startles you.

"I mean," Jimin says. "It's understandable why you were like that. How could that be embarrassing?"

Your mouth twitches.

"Because you weren't even dead. You were in a coma. That was it. Not dead. Still alive. And I just- I- I lost hope... so fast." Your hands begin to feel sweaty in your lap, so you separate them and rub them on your pants. "I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have lost it that quickly. So disappointing."

Jimin pushes himself up and sits crisscross in front of you. He moves his head in front of your line of sight, dipping his chin down and tilting his head to the side.

"Disappointing..." he repeats. "If you call that disappointing... Y/n, comas are rare- at least... comas that last ten months. Those don't just happen. Most people who are out that long don't wake up. It only makes sense that you lost hope. And with my parents having the power to pull the plug?"

You look down but Jimin lifts your chin up delicately with his fingers. You meet his eyes that hold nothing but sympathy and compassion. None of the pettiness and hurt from earlier.

"I dunno if this'll make you feel any better about it but if- god forbid- it was you instead of me... if you went down and I had to survive without you... I wouldn't have made it."

You shake your head. You don't like that.

"I think you could have," you say softly. "You're tough. You may not believe it but I do."

"No. I know for a fact I wouldn't have made it. It's not even in question."

Jimin looks down, but only to look for your hand. He takes it and laces your fingers with his, then meets your gaze once again with a small smile.

"But you're stronger than me, aren't you," he murmurs. "You made it. And you're right. None of it matters anymore. But that's a good thing, isn't it? It's all in the past and it can't come back to get you later."

You find yourself nodding and agreeing before you can even think deeply about what he said. The way he said it makes you feel better. You half-consciously move your head forward and press it against his.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I really didn't mean what I said. Earlier. It just... came out like that."

Jimin tilts his head and kisses you.

"I know," he murmurs. He wraps an arm around you and rubs his hand up and down your back, and kisses you again. "It's okay."

You sniffle and grab onto his shirt, scooting ever-so-closer to him. You're so relieved that he's not mad at you.

"I love you," Jimin says.

"I love you too."

"You better. I'd be very sad if you didn't."

You smile and kiss him again.

"It's not even debatable," you say. "Also, I feel it very important to inform you that pillow would not have been able to say that."

"Ugh, you're right," Jimin says. "I didn't like pillow that much anyway. Too much hugging and not enough talking."

"Lucky for you, I can do both."

"Of course you can. That's why I love you more than pillow." Jimin peppers kisses all over your face, making you giggle. You feel so happy and warm right now.

"In all seriousness," Jimin says, pulling away again to look you in the eye. "All I wanted was to know what happened while I was gone. You just need to say it all once, and then we never have to talk about it again, if that's what you want."

You nod. It sounds a little less daunting when put that way.

"Okay," you say. "Not now though. I don't want to ruin the mood again."

Jimin kisses you. "Of course," he says. "Take your time- but not too much time. I'm still really curious. And... a little... tiny bit jealous that Namjoon knows more than me."

"You're so cute."

"No I'm not. You are. That's your job."

"It takes too much work to be cute, for people like me. It should be your job, since you don't even need to try."

"What the heck are you talking about? You're very cute. Even when you think you aren't."

You scrunch your nose all funny in disagreement, and Jimin giggles and leans forward to nuzzle you.

"Okay then," Jimin says. "Don't believe me? That's fine. You don't spend all your time looking at yourself anyway, so you wouldn't know better." He kisses you again a few more times and then buries his face in your neck to kiss you there too, which tickles.

"Stop moving!" You giggle, coiling your fingers through his hair to hold him still. "It tickles!"

Jimin's the one giggling now, and he pulls his head away, holding your hand against it and moving forward to kiss your cheek just once this time.

"Okay," he says, settling down. "Alright, okay, serious now."

You can't stop beaming at him, so happy on the inside. So much better than you were ten minutes ago.

"I love you," Jimin says, looking at you with... with these eyes, in a way that makes you feel so special. They gleam with something so bright and shiny that his whole expression is changed to fit it. Calm and happy. Serene. Peaceful. Fond.

Those are his love eyes. For some odd reason, you find yourself feeling very satisfied and smug that he only ever looks at you like that.

"I love you too," you say. The look he's giving you makes you feel so warm on the inside. After a moment, you get flustered and bow your head to hide your face.

"We can't stay in here all day now," you say. "It's still afternoon. We should hang out with the others before we have to leave later."

"Who says we can't stay in here?" Jimin asks. He lets go of you and sinks back into bed, pulling the covers over himself once again. "I'd rather stay here. We can take a nap."

You let out a huff of amusement and shake your head.

"You slept in this morning as much as you could, slept on the car ride to the hospital, slept on my shoulder while we waited in the lobby, dozed off a couple of times on the way back, and now you want to sleep more?"

"Guess I'm just tired," Jimin says, grinning.

"You didn't even stay up that late last night. Because you were too tired to stay up. When was it that you went to bed- ten? Ten thirty?"

"Ah what can I say? Guess I have a passion for sleeping. It's my talent. Don't worry though. I'm not trying to break my ten month nap record."

You roll your eyes and lay down next to him to kiss him. "Whatever. Anyway, those are your friends out there. I can't be the one keeping you from them."

"Who says? You're my girlfriend. You take priority."

"Okay but we won't be here for much longer, and you won't be able to see them again until we figure out what we're gonna do. Besides, we haven't eaten anything since breakfast. Let's go get something to eat."

You sit up and get out of bed, then turn and watch as Jimin burrows himself further under the covers, eyes barely peeking over the top.

"What if I don't want to leave?" He asks. "I can just take a nap and then come and hang out with everyone."

"The last time you said that, you went to sleep and didn't wake up until the next morning. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were comatose again."

Jimin doesn't come out from under the covers. "I don't miss being in a coma," he says. "But I sure do miss having an excuse to sleep all day every day. Also it'll just be a little nap. I'm so sleepy."

"Oh come on, still?" You reach forward and grab his hand, then try to drag him toward the edge of the air mattress. "At least come have something to eat first. Then you can come back and sleep, if you still want to by then."

Jimin pouts, trying to pull his hand back. "Nooooo," he whines. "But nap time..."

You laugh and stop pulling him. "Such a baby," you tease. "Come get something to eat first. Look, you can even eat it in here- actually I don't know what Bongcha would think about that but- anyway, come on."

Jimin pulls his hand out of yours and buries himself in the covers again, head disappearing with the rest of his body this time.

"I'm not hungry," he says.

You freeze at that.

This is how he's been for a while now. He sleeps like a baby and takes a lot of naps, and he's still always tired. He doesn't eat that much food, yet he's never hungry. He doesn't want to leave this room often, even though his best friends are here and he won't have long to see them before the two of you have to leave.

Even when he does come out to hang out with everyone, he looks for excuses to retreat back to this room.

Jimin peeks his head out of the blankets and looks at you for a moment. Your face has gone slack, almost a frown, your eyebrows creased. You don't know what's going on with him and nothing is getting better.

Are you just supposed to be patient? Are you supposed to let him keep recovering the way he is and wait for him to get better on his own?

"Actually," Jimin says, examining your face. "I am a little hungry." He pushes the covers away and gets up. "Let's go."

That makes you feel a little bit better.

•••

Your worry for Jimin only grows as each minute passes for the rest of the day. You don't know what's wrong with him. He's happy. He's healing. He's free. But something is still terribly wrong and you can't figure out what that is.

When you and Jimin returned to the living room, Namjoon was still on the couch, and Taehyung was there talking to him. They told you that Bongcha and Minji were out running errands and would be back later.

For dinner, the four of you just put together leftovers in the fridge. You paid close attention to how much Jimin put on his plate- which as usual, wasn't much- and told him he should put more on. He said he wasn't that hungry and would eat more later.

You couldn't help when your mood deflated at that.

Still, you watched him subtly all throughout dinner. He seemed happy and content all the way through. He ate slower than the others, finished faster than them, and left early a few minutes ago so he could take a shower, with the promise that when he gets back, you all can talk about your plans to go back to Seoul.

You sit with your back hunched now, alone on one side of the table while Namjoon and Taehyung whisper about something across from you. You poke your food disdainfully with your fork, appetite now gone.

The two in front of you stop talking and Namjoon clears his throat to get your attention. When you look up, both him and Taehyung are staring at you.

You stare back for a second before lifting your eyebrows in question. "What?"

Namjoon looks at the table and sighs.

"I think you were right about something going on with Jimin."

You blink slowly. Your anxious feelings awaken and churn inside your stomach. Whatever it is Namjoon has to say, you know you're not gonna like it.

"Really?" You ask. Your voice comes out higher than you mean it to. "How so?"

"Well." Namjoon scoots forward in his seat. "Taehyung told me about the medicines he was prescribed."

You frown. "Jimin said that was just pain relief stuff."

"Most of it is," Namjoon says, shrugging. "But one of them is Prozac. He didn't... tell you, at least?"

No. No he didn't. Why is this not good?

"Prozac?"

"I don't know all of the details but it's usually used as an antidepressant."

You look at Taehyung. "Is that why the doctor needed to see you before the rest of us?" You ask, glancing at Namjoon for him to translate. After he does, Taehyung nods. Then he speaks back to you.

"The doctor said that he doesn't know what's going on with Jimin either," Namjoon says, watching Taehyung and listening as he explains more.

"And Jimin says he's doing fine, but he's clearly not. The doctor said he ran a bunch of tests and it's clear that he isn't taking very good care of himself- obviously, you already caught that. But it's difficult to tell what's wrong because Jimin claims everything is fine."

He does. Jimin seems happy and healthy mentally, even if something seems to be off. What does he need antidepressants for?

"The doctor also took a blood sample and we should get the results for that in a day or two," Namjoon says.

You drop your fork and dig your hands through your hair, propping your head up by your elbows on the table.

This isn't supposed to be happening. He's supposed to be okay now. He's supposed to be healthy- for the most part- and happy, and you can go back to having plans for a good life, and nothing is supposed to go wrong.

You close your eyes to stop the stinging, but it only makes your eyes burn hotter.

"So, what? He's depressed?" You ask. "We can get by that... What is the blood test supposed to determine?"

"Possible eating disorders."

Hearing that from another person's mouth makes you sink deeper into the pits of stress and dread.

You already thought about it, but shoved it to the back of your mind because you don't want to believe it. You don't want to think that Jimin has an eating disorder. That would imply that he isn't happy with himself and his image, which doesn't make sense. How can he not see that he needs food?

He's so skinny. There's no way he doesn't realize that.

You won't believe it. Not yet. Be wary of it? And hope that it isn't true? Yes.

A hot and sticky tear rolls down your cheek, and you open your eyes again. You pull your sleeve over your hand and dab the tear away.

Taehyung's face falls into a pout and he makes an, "aww," sound, then gets up and walks around the table to sit next to you and hug you.

"Iss okay," he says in his heavy accent. "Don't cry."

You pat his arm in acknowledgement and try your hardest to keep any more tears from escaping. If you cry, Jimin will be able to tell when he returns, and you don't want to have to explain what's making you so emotional.

"I-I'm okay," you say. You wipe your face with your sleeve, take a deep breath, and look up with your eyes to keep any more tears from coming. I will not cry again today.

Taehyung lets go of you but continues to rub your arm to let you know he's there and he understands, even though you guys can't communicate that well.

"Should we be done with dinner now?" Namjoon asks. "I can clean the dishes." He repeats his sentences in Korean.

You shake your head. "I can wash my own dish, you don't need to do that." You blink a couple more times. You feel better now. No more tears today. You're sick of crying.

"No, it's okay. You guys go sit on the couch and... I'll just finish up here."

You don't really want to do it yourself anyway, so you oblige and follow Taehyung to the couch.

Time after that passes quicker than before.

You got bored, so Taehyung turned on a game on the tv and you played together to fill the time. It was a two-player game, so when Namjoon came back, the three of you rotated the controllers between each other every ten minutes so you could all play.

Jimin got out of the shower like, fifty minutes later. When he returned, hair wet, hugging a blanket over himself, he seemed off. His nose was redder than before, the rest of him pale and covered in goosebumps. He plopped down on the couch next to you and huddled close, head on your shoulder, arms wrapped around you to bring you into the warmth of his blanket.

Instead of warming him up, he was so cold that it spread to you. The cold moisture in his hair seeped through your shirt, and his skin was like ice.

Of course, you checked his temperature again. And as usual, he showed no signs of being sick.

The other boys finished their round in the game and stopped playing, and the four of you discussed the plans for the rest of this trip.

You all will stay here at Minji and Bongcha's house for a two more days. Tomorrow you'll pack, and the day after will be a day to hang out with the girls and say goodbye before your return to Seoul.

The trip will be divided in two parts. You will go to Daegu first so Jimin can see Yoongi again. You'll stay there for a few hours to hang out a little, then take another train to get the rest of the way to Seoul.

You'll stay in Seoul for maybe another week before you have to fly back to America. There, you will get to meet the rest of Jimin's friends: Jungkook, Hoseok, and Seokjin. You'll also get to meet his little brother, who was sent to Seoul to live with his aunt and uncle a month and a half ago since obviously, he couldn't stay with his parents.

You're excited to meet them. You met Jungkook over the phone before coming here but now you'll get to see him in person, along with the other friends you didn't get to meet yet.

After that talk, the four of you stayed in the living room for a little while longer to keep playing games. Minji texted Taehyung to say that she and Bongcha were gonna be back late- none of you are quite sure why.

Jimin wanted to go back to bed, and you told him he could go take that nap if he wanted to, but he didn't want to be alone. You didn't want to leave because for one, you were having fun playing games with the others and two, if you stay out here, Jimin stays out here, meaning he stays with his friends for longer.

He falls asleep on your shoulder instead anyway.

And he doesn't wake up for the next three hours. For the first part of those hours, you and the boys manage to be quiet, but then get louder and louder, and it doesn't wake Jimin up anyway, so... it doesn't matter. That boy is dead asleep.

You even push him to lay on the armrest instead of you and he still doesn't wake up.

Now it's around nine at night, and you feel the need to get him to bed. He's been shifting uncomfortably and muttering in his sleep for the past thirty minutes, which he wasn't doing earlier.

So after this round of games, you hand your remote to Namjoon, then stand up and stretch your stiff muscles.

"Alright," you say mid-yawn. "I'm putting him to bed." You point to Jimin, still fast asleep on the arm rest of the couch. His knees are bunched up to his chest, arms sandwiched between them, head tucked low, wrapped so tightly in the blanket you'd think he was still freezing.

Which he probably is. He's been complaining about being cold a lot lately.

"Okay," Namjoon says. "Good night."

"Night," you say back. Taehyung waves his hand, gesturing you to go to him. You step over to his spot on the couch, and he reaches up and hugs you.

"Goonight," he says. You smile and pat his shoulder.

"Ninight."

Then you go back to Jimin and kneel on the floor in front of him.

"Chim," you murmur. You brush his hair out of his face. It's dry now, curly and tangly atop his head.

"Chimmyyy."

Jimin's eyebrows furrow and he buries his face farther down into the comfort of the couch. For a moment he stays still and quiet like that while you brush his hair behind his ear. Then he slowly opens his eyes and looks around.

"Hey sleepyhead," you say softly. You can't keep the smile off of your face. He's so pretty. "Time to go to bed. Come on."

Jimin groans and curls into a tighter ball, tucking his head down where you can't see his face.

Taehyung says something to your right, and Jimin lifts his head up immediately to shoot him a glare and speak back in a defensive tone. Taehyung laughs at him and leans across the empty couch space where you once sat to slap Jimin on the shoulder a couple times to wake him up more, talking more in the language you wish you could understand.

To his left, Namjoon is trying to hold back a wide grin. What is Taehyung saying?

Jimin moves out of his spot and slaps Taehyung's hand back a dozen times in retaliation, frustration evident on his face. He begins ranting in Korean, speaking faster than you've ever heard him speak before- without stuttering (at least you assume he's not stuttering), silencing his best friend.

At the end of it, Taehyung and Namjoon burst into giggles. Taehyung leans over the empty couch space again and gives Jimin a one-armed hug, which Jimin returns, frown softening.

And with that, Jimin gets off of the couch, says his goodnights to the others, and follows you back to the guest room.

"What was that about?" You ask, grinning. Jimin huffs indignantly in response and pulls his blanket tight around him like a cloak. You giggle a little and shake your head.

Inside the guest room, Jimin climbs onto the air mattress and collapses in the center of it, on top of the duvet, then curls into a ball again and closes his eyes.

You climb into bed next to him and stroke his hair.

"You've been so sleepy lately," you murmur. Jimin nods. You lean forward and kiss his head.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Jimin opens his eyes to look at you. He gives you a small smile and nods again, but in his eyes, there is only exhaustion. You purse your lips, wondering whether or not you should ask him about your concerns.

Of course you should. Duh. Why have you been so hesitant to talk to him about things? If there is anyone you can talk to, about anything, ever, it's him. Without a doubt. Because you trust him so much.

So why is it so hard to talk to him now?

"Are you alright?" Jimin whispers. "You look so sad."

You didn't realize how deep your frown went until now. You nod.

"Yeah I'm okay... I'm... I'm just worried."

"About what?" His eyes hold everything in them. You could look into them for forever. "About the trip? We'll be okay."

"About you."

Jimin's eyebrows raise, as if he didn't see that coming.

Only silence passes between you while you stare at each other, a million words hidden behind your lips that you're not sure if you should share.

What if there is something wrong? And he's trying to hide it from you. If you ask him about it now and he denies it, he'll only hide it better from now on. He'll put his guard up and keep you from figuring it out.

This is the exact same train of thought you had when you first discovered Sharon was abusing him in America.

The only difference between then and now is that you don't have as much evidence of your suspicions now as you did then. That and... you're certain Jimin will deny anything you suspect now. Back then, he didn't do that. He told you the truth.

You've only gotten closer since then but now, it feels like the two of you aren't transparent with each other anymore.

Is that going to get worse? Is it gonna lead anywhere bad for both of you?

Jimin's voice stops your train of thought.

"Why?" He asks. "I feel fine. I'm healing so fast now."

You shake your head.

"I'm... I'm overthinking things."

Jimin brushes your hair away from your face and kisses your forehead.

"What are you thinking about?"

You. Us. How things used to be.

"Nothing. Can we move over there? I wanna get under the covers."

"Mmmmm," Jimin groans and closes his eyes in refusal. He doesn't want to get up.

"Oh come on I'm chilly. I need a blanket."

Jimin looks at you again, then climbs on top of you, trapping you in his little blanket cave. With the soft blanket and his body heat above you, you instantly feel warmer, until his hands wrap around your waist. His hands are very cold. You shudder under his touch.

Jimin leans down and kisses your lips, his cold hands massaging circles into your waist.

"I love you," he murmurs. You nod.

"I love you too." You fit your lips to his for another kiss. A longer one. You reach your fingers into his hair to hold his head. His hair is cool and soft, longer now than it was when you saw him for the first time almost a whole month ago. When he combs it down over his face, it reaches just past his eyebrows.

Jimin breaks the kiss to make a slow trail up your jaw to your ear.

"I'm so tired right now," he whispers into your ear. "But I really can't resist."

You close your eyes as he kisses your earlobe, then pulls it between his teeth. "You're so beautiful," he murmurs, tickling your ear. "I can never resist."

You're not sure how to respond, but you don't want him to stop.

Jimin's kisses lead back down over your jaw to your neck.

"Back then, we had school, and we didn't have as much time as we do now." Jimin nibbles at your throat a little bit, then begins to suck on your skin.

"Yeah?" You say, feeling so hot all of a sudden. "What are you getting at?"

"We have all the time in the world now," Jimin says. "And that makes it so... so much harder to just... stop."

"Then don't stop."

Jimin lifts his head up so he can look at you. You meet his gaze with your own and try not to blush.

"I'm saying..." you mumble, feeling shyer now that he's looking directly at you. "I'm saying there's no reason to hold back now. So don't."

Jimin stares at you with calculating eyes for a moment more. Then he shakes his head.

"I don't think you want that," he murmurs. He rubs his forehead softly against yours, a more endearing approach to the situation.

"Why not?" You ask.

"Because you're not ready for that."

"How would you know?"

Jimin lifts his head and looks into your eyes again, one eyebrow raised. You know why. He seems to say. You look back with the same look, a sort of challenge.

"Trust me," Jimin says. "The things I want from you..." he trails off, eyes ever so slowly raking down your face to your neck and jumping back up to your eyes again. "I don't even want you to imagine. I don't want you to think about that just yet."

You know what he's thinking about. He wants to push the limits further. But he knows you're scared of doing things like that. You can't even talk about stuff like that, usually.

"Because I'm scared?" You ask. Jimin nods.

"How long do you think you can wait for me?"

"Don't even worry about it." Jimin kisses you softly, sweetly. "I can wait for as long as the sun's lifespan, if I need to."

"I'm sorry," you mumble. "I'm... sorry I can't be like normal people."

"Shh don't be sorry. You're worth everything. I'm not here because of... those things. I'm here because I love you." He brings one of his hands up to your face and strokes your hair. His eyes are filled with that... that thing again. The same eyes he gave you earlier. His love eyes. He can communicate so much with those eyes.

"Even if you were ready for things like that..." Jimin murmurs. He looks away from your eyes and the effect is devastating. You're filled with longing to see them again. You feel so valuable when he looks at you that when he looks away, you're not sure what to do.

"I'm not ready," Jimin finishes. Your insides fill with joy when his gaze returns to yours. "So don't feel bad. I like where we're at right now."

You will literally do anything for this boy.

Almost anything.

You pull his head back down for another kiss.

This one is not as heavy as the last one. This one isn't setting the mood for more. This one is sweet. Tender.

You feel absolute bliss. It's moments like these that you feel so incredibly lucky that he woke up from his coma. You feel so certain that Jimin is who you're meant to be with. Nothing else feels quite like this.

Jimin pulls away once again and gets off of you, taking the blanket with him. You whine at the break in contact and tilt your head back to watch him move to sit at the edge of the bed where the wall is, moving pillows aside and setting his blanket down.

"Oh don't whine," Jimin says amusedly. "Come here. We're not done yet."

You sit up and scoot over to sit next to him, but he shakes his head.

"Uh-uh." He pats his lap. "C'mere."

You swing a leg over his lap and straddle his waist. Immediately, you are pulled in for another kiss. Jimin's cool hands cup your cheeks and hold you in place for this kiss, which is just as gentle as the last kiss.

When the kiss ends again, Jimin leans his head back against the wall and lets go of your face to hold your hands instead.

"Talk to me," he says. He brings your hands up to his shoulders and then holds onto your waist. "Something is on your mind. Tell me about it."

You shrug in response and reposition your hands so they're resting at the part of his shoulders that slope up to his neck. One hand reaches farther back and traces a line up and down on the back of his neck.

"There's nothing on my mind," you say. "Not at the moment."

"Oh but I know you better than that. You seem more and more stressed every day."

Yeah. Because of you. If you would just eat more...

"Guess I miss home." You shrug again. "Never been apart from my momma for this long. Actually, I've never been away from anyone this long, 'cept for you."

"I've never been homesick before," Jimin says. "Because obviously, I won't ever miss my parents. But I think I kinda get it. I miss your house too. And your mom. And Lily."

You nod. "I miss going to my room after school and taking naps together."

"I miss having family meals with you guys. That always felt so nice."

"Mhm. I miss the car rides with Mikey."

"I miss going on dates."

"I miss seeing you every morning at school. You made it so much easier to want to go."

"Mmm I don't miss that," Jimin says. "Because now instead of waiting to see you there, I get to wake up next to you."

You feel your cheeks flush red, so you hide your face in the crook of his neck, unable to contain your smile.

"You have a point," you murmur. "I do like that better. It feels different now though. Then, it felt like coming home. I dunno, that's cheesy. I just felt so giddy all the time because I missed you and I was gonna see you again."

"I know what you mean," Jimin says, kissing your head. "I miss that too." You lift your head up and peck him on the lips.

"I miss FaceTiming at night," you say. "My friends would never have stayed up to talk to me, and they would have hung up eventually, but you stayed on the phone with me if I asked you to, even if we were both sleeping."

Jimin smiles and nuzzles your nose. "That's a good memory. We're talking more about good memories now than just things we miss."

"Mhm. Your turn."

Jimin looks up at the ceiling in thought. "Hmmm... I miss..." He is quiet for a moment, running through all of his memories to find one to talk about. His eyes drop back down to yours.

"The night that I ran away and stayed at your house," he says finally. "I know that's not really a good memory because that was one of the worst nights ever, but when I got to your house... I just... felt so safe. I'm not really sure how to explain how I felt that night but then you told me you were in love with me and it easily became one of the best nights of my life."

You can't help but display your biggest smile. That memory is bittersweet. That was the last good memory you two shared before everything happened.

You unleashed every little feeling you had for him to show him how much you loved him. You placed your entire heart into his hands only for him to take it with him as he went back to Sharon's and almost got killed. He kept it while he was gone. Now you're together again and you feel just as complete as you did when you first said the words.

"I'm in love with you," you say again. It feels better saying it now than it did then. Then, he was crying. Now, he is not.

Jimin closes his eyes peacefully and pulls you back in for another kiss.

"I'm in love with you too," he says, after he pulls away. "Your turn."

What is another good memory you have with him? There are many to run through. The day you met. The first date. That time you went to the mall with Autumn and Gavin- although, thinking back on it, it's not the same. Because Autumn and Gavin turned out to be assholes.

"Our first kiss," you say. Jimin's eyes light up as he remembers it.

"You know, I really have to thank you for planning a clever way to do it," you say. "Instead of just randomly wanting to kiss me at some point like most people do. Now I can tell people how cool my very first kiss was- and I have picture proof!"

"I had been thinking about it for the longest time," Jimin admits. "Because it was my first kiss too. So it had to be special. You have no idea how nervous I was."

"Well the timing was perfect," you say. "I was so shocked that I stopped working for a minute. And then all I wanted to do after that was kiss you more. I was afraid to do that though, since I didn't know how much was acceptable."

Jimin kisses you again. This one is so sweet and gentle, and lasts a long moment. You like kisses like this. You like the feeling it creates in you and you like the moments afterward where you get to savor it.

When Jimin pulls away, his eyes seem alight with happy thoughts. "Now you can kiss me when ever you want," he murmurs.

You kiss him again- just a peck- and then back away a little to see his whole face again. "Your turn."

For the rest of the night, you talk with Jimin about your happiest memories. Stargazing at the park (first date), getting up early on the weekends to see each other, laser tag, the pool day- you especially remember that one because that was the most Jimin ever smiled. Like, his wide, toothy smile that made his eyes disappear and his whole face seemed so bright and happy.

Jimin keeps nodding off, but refuses to sleep because he likes talking to you like this. You do too, but after a while you decide not to keep him awake any longer, so the both of you lay down, hold each other close, and fall asleep.

I honestly forgot he was supposed to have a brother oops🤭🤭

Have a good day/night!<3

-L