"Y/n..."

You groan and pull the blankets over your head.

"Y/n, it's me. Wake up."

You push the covers down and look up at Lily, who is sitting on the end of your bed. She wears a look of pity and worry. You frown.

"Yes?" You mutter.

"Y/n, I thought you were getting better," Lily says. You sit up. Your old phone falls from on top of your chest and onto your mattress, pulling the earbuds with them.

"I am," you say. "Much better than before."

"Y/n, you're wearing his hoodie again. You've been watching old videos again. You've been crying."

You shake your head. "I-I'm fine."

"No you're not," Lily sighs. She purses her lips. "You should text Namjoon. When was the last time you talked to him?"

You pick up your phone and wrap the earbuds around it neatly, then set it aside and pull the sleeves of Jimin's old hoodie over your hands. "Last week," you say. "And I'm telling you I'm fine. Just... let me be."

"Y/n, you keep saying that. And for the past week, none of your friends have come over, you haven't been eating much, you've been spending a lot of time in here alone, and now this? I think it's safe to say you're not fine."

You are about to protest when Lily's gaze falls to your desk, where your open sketchbook is. She steps into your room, closes the door behind her, and walks over to your desk. "You... you drew him," she mutters. "It's beautiful. Really."

You let your posture sink. Your back arches and your shoulders cave inward and your head bows. "Thanks," you mumble. "Mrs. Walker told me that it would help. If I drew him like... like that."

"I get it. When did you do this?"

"Two days ago."

Lily closes the sketchbook and comes to sit on your bed. "Also in the past week. Are you gonna need to talk to Walker again?"

You shake your head. "N-no I'm fine. I really am. I'm not... I'm not falling back I just... yesterday was... when we met. And everything is so different now. It hurts."

Lily looks at the floor for a moment before inhaling deeply and meeting your eyes.

"Y/n, it's... it's been almost ten months," she says slowly, nervously, as if trying to approach a bear. "Maybe... maybe you should take more steps to move on."

Your eyebrows furrow into a deep frown. "Lily, don't-"

"Hey I'm only suggesting it. You were doing good before and now you're getting bad again. Maybe you should do something that'll help you get over what happened. I think... I think Keith can help you with that."

"No." You glare at Lily. "There will be no 'moving on' or 'getting over it' Lily, because he's not dead. He is still alive. There is still hope. I will not just forget about him. And don't you dare bring Keith into this. He doesn't know anything about it and he doesn't need to. End of story."

Lily purses her lips and looks away from you. You glare at your blanket instead.

"I'm sorry," Lily says. "I'll just... I'll leave you alone."

•••

"Hot chocolate for... Kayleigh?"

A girl comes up and takes her drink from you. "Thank you," she mumbles. You give her a smile. "Have a great day!"

The girl leaves and you head to the back room for your lunch break. Cassandra doesn't come today, and neither does Nathan.

"Done with your shift yet?"

You shake your head. "Nope," you say. "I'm working all day today, Kieth."

Kieth is a tall boy with dirty blonde hair. His legs are super long and muscular from running track all through high school.

"Again?" Kieth asks. "You know you don't have to overwork yourself right? You've been doing that a lot recently."

You shrug. "Just need to stay out and work. It's just a distraction for now. It'll pass."

"Is something going on?" Kieth asks. "Cause I'm more than willing to help you get past it."

You plop down in the chair across from him. "I'm fine," you say, then grin at him. "But if you really wanna make me feel happy, you should buy me food."

Keith leans across the table and looks at you, matching grin on his face. "Will you let me come over and try some of your mom's famous cookies again?"

"Deal," you say. Kieth perks up excitedly and drums his hands on the table. "Yay!" He says. "Let's go find food then."

The two of you leave the shop and roam around the mall. Kieth settles for buying you tacos and you take the food back to the break room at Starbucks, since you can't sit at the tables in the mall quite yet.

"You eat so fast," Kieth says.

"I'm starving," you reply, smiling. "Didn't eat much yesterday." Or this week.

You went through a long period of time after he went into a coma where you wouldn't eat, sleep, or socialize with anyone. Except for Mikey, who visited consistently, and Namjoon, who called often. You didn't talk much to them either though. They would sit there, next to you or on the phone, just to be with you.

You're better now. You sleep when you can, but still go through some rough weeks where he is all you can think about, and you stop eating because you just can't bring yourself to do it.

Kieth is the only one who can get you to eat. He just doesn't know it. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't even know about... about him.

"Loser," Kieth says. "Hurry up, we have more time after this to go do something if you finish."

You kick Kieth's shin under the table and shove the last of your taco into your mouth. "Like what?" You ask, muffled.

"Ouch!" Kieth kicks you back, just not as hard. "I-I dunno. Just something."

You get up, swallowing your food, and take your garbage to the trash next to the microwave. Kieth follows close behind you.

"Let's just walk around till we have to go back to work," Kieth says. "And, I dunno, talk."

"Okay."

You and Kieth walk side by side away from the food court.

"How's your mom?" Kieth asks. "Last time I came over, she seemed a little stressed."

Probably because of me. "She's doing better now," you say. "At least, I'd think so."

"Must be you," Kieth jokes. "You're such a handful."

Right on the money. You force a giggle.

"What about your sister? I remember you saying you missed her living in your house."

Lily moved out to live with her boyfriend Tristan, and then they broke up, so Lily came home again until she saved up enough money to rent an apartment closer to school. She moved out a couple of weeks ago. The house feels empty again without her. 

"She visited me this morning. I might see her again later tonight, if I'm lucky," you say. "She's busy lately. Cleaning the new apartment and stuff."

"Ooh, Y/n!" Kieth points to something to your left. "We should get photos."

You follow his finger to a photo booth.

The photo booth where you had your first kiss.

"Um, yeah that sounds like fun but," you laugh nervously. "COVID?"

Kieth asks, walks toward the booth. "No one is around to tell us no. And it's not turned off anyway. I think that means we're allowed to use it."

You purse your lips. You won't take another step toward that photo booth. "Okay then... can-can we go to a different booth?"

"Why?" Kieth asks. "This one gives you cards. That's cooler."

You look around for something to excuse yourself from the scene. Instead of finding one, you see the movie theatre and the empty area in front of it where you and-

"We should go back," you say, pulling your phone out. "Next shift starts in a few minutes."

"We're not busy," Kieth says. "We could get photos real quick and then go back. There shouldn't be anyone at the shop yet."

"Kieth I don't wanna be around here anymore can we please just go?"

Kieth looks at you, stunned by the sydddn change in your voice. And then he notices how uncomfortable you look and nods. "Okay."

•••

"Oh Kieth! Welcome back! Y/n texted me and I made cookies ahead of time."

Kieth scratches the back of his head embarrassedly and chuckles. "Eheh, I hope it wasn't any trouble."

"Of course not! It's been a while since she's brought a boy home."

You freeze and shoot mom a look. Kieth blinks in surprise. "Wait, you've had a boyfriend?"

"Let's just um... let's go uh... to the kitchen." You lead the way out of the room, past your mother, who gives you an apologetic look.

Kieth doesn't forget it though. When you reach the kitchen where mom's cookies are, he asks about it again.

"Wait, who was the first boy you brought here? Do I know him?" He takes a cookie and leans against the counter. To him it's just a simple question for conversation. He really isn't trying open old wounds.

"Um. I-I- he was just- that was a while ago."

"Hm," Kieth hums, shrugging. He takes a bite out of his cookie and lets out a moan. "Oh my god," he says. "These are fresh. Your mom is a magician in the kitchen- hey that rhymed!"

You giggle, glad for the change in subject. "What do you wanna do?" You ask. Kieth looks at you.

"Wait you actually wanna do something?"

"I mean, you came all the way over here, and I'm not gonna make you go home now. We should do something."

"It's just that you usually don't want to go out."

You've turned Kieth down so many times, even though he was just trying to be a nice friend.

"Well," you say. "I do now, so let's go."

These first few chapters are probably a lil messy but that's okay. They'll pass by quicker. I'm in a very good mood to update lately so I'll be doing that a lot I hope also thanks for reading.

Have a good day/night!<3

-L