✧

Ever since Declan visited the cafe, I still haven't been the same. Why do I have to ruin everything for myself by being so damn insecure? I wish I could push all my thoughts and feelings away so I don't ruin this.

Declan loves me. He loves me.

Those three words have been running around my head for a couple of days. He's acting as if nothing has changed but for me it has. Everything will be different now. He even said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... how can he already know that?

He's the sort of man that you settle down with because he is the ultimate caregiver, he goes above and beyond for anyone that he cares about and that's obvious with Elodie and Nick, even my mother.

I'm sitting around a circle table with Alex, River, Demi and Troy as we meet up for our monthly dinners that never happen monthly because we're all too busy. Lately we've all been having a lot of life shit going on–I haven't even seen Alex in a long time.

I find myself staring down at my drink, dragging my straw through the liquid as their voices float through the restaurant. Today just doesn't feel like my day but I forced myself to make the effort to see my friends because it's been a while and I know I would have regretted not coming.

"Luca?" Demi's voice is quiet because I'm drowning everything out. "Luca?"

My eyes snap to hers to find everyone staring at me. I open my lips but end up swallowing my dry throat instead. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Concern flashes across her face. She's always been animated with her expressions but it's obvious that she's worried about me. I wish I could stay invisible because I don't really want to talk about anything right now.

"Is everything okay? You're being very quiet."

"Mmm," I nod. "Yeah, sorry. Long day."

Demi purses her lips and I make the mistake of glancing at Alex because he's not believing my bullshit for a second. I flash him a fake smile which only adds to my cause because he tilts his head.

"You sure?" Alex quirks a brow.

I chew on the inside of my mouth. "Just things with the cafe. It's been chaotic."

"Like what?" Demi sits up.

She hasn't been to the cafe recently, not since we hired Aris and she has decided to start looking at other stable jobs. She's always been a lifesaver for us and my mother will adore her forever. We owe her a lot.

"The mortgage lenders came for us again," I draw back, crossing my arms over my chest. "Basically said we had to pay the rest of the mortgage off in a lump sum or they'd take everything away from us."

Troy's brows scrunch up as River's mouth opens, "Why? Are they even allowed to do that? It sounds illegal."

I nod slowly. "I thought so too but it's not like we have the money to hire a decent lawyer to help us out. Instead Declan paid it off for us and the last few weeks have just been busy. It's been a lot to deal with and trying to keep positive around my mother."

Demi's lips fall. "Luca," she starts softly. "You should have said something. We would have been there for you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Luca." River leans on his elbows. "Work has been stupid busy and I haven't been coming over to the cafe much recently."

I shrug gently. "We all have our own lives. It's fine. I could say the same for all of you, I've been too focused on my own shit to not be catching up with you guys."

"Then let's make a promise to make more of an effort," Demi says, glancing around at all of us.

Alex nods immediately. "Yeah. I miss you guys. We need to do more fun things, like the camping trip we did. Something where we can fully just relax, offload to one another."

"Yeah," River smiles, cupping Alex's hand next to him. "Agreed. That was fun."

My eyes flick to the action and I instantly miss Declan. For a few moments we talk about everything that's been going on since we last saw each other and it's nice to hear everything in detail.

After we eat and say goodbye to each other, Alex grabs me at the door. His grey eyes search mine and he offers me a small smile. "Something is wrong." He states as River waits for him at the entrance of the restaurant.

"No," I shake my head but it's unconvincing.

"Don't lie to me," he says with a small pout. "Tell me please."

River flicks his eyes between the pair of us. "If you want me to go I can, I'll see you at home, Alex."

Alex nods instantly. "Yeah, actually. Is that okay? I think we should have some time with just the two of us."

"Of course," River says and gives me a hug. "If you're struggling, don't struggle alone. Open up, Alex is the best listener there is."

My lip curls slowly. "I know."

We head down the road where we pop into a bar even though neither of us want an alcoholic drink, we order soft ones instead. "Tell me what's going on," Alex says as we sit on stools at the high bar.

I press my head into my hand. God, where do I even start?

"Is it about Declan?" His voice drops.

My teeth dig into my bottom lip as I glance up at him. "I guess, yeah."

"You guess?"

"He hasn't done anything wrong," I shake my head for clarification. "It's me. It's how I deal with things without freaking out and ruining everything."

Alex studies me for a long few moments. "Please don't give me the 'it's me, not you' bullshit about the man you've been dreaming about forever!"

When he says it like that, I suppose it does sound a little pathetic.

He scoots closer when my eyes lower to the countertop. "Talk to me, Luca. Just tell me what it is."

I open my mouth and I take my time telling him about Declan telling me that he loves me, especially during sex when we were being deeply intimate. About how it triggered me, it lit up all those insecurities again because I don't know how to deal with that feeling. How anyone could truly love me. I know it's something I need to figure out myself but it's making my head feel scrambled.

Alex sits back and doesn't say anything for a few moments. "Luca..." he trails off. "Let me just be real with you for a moment.

I need that. I do. Even if it's tough to hear.

"You shouldn't be holding back with Declan because he is everything you have ever wanted. He's kind, he's caring, he's stupidly good looking and he's damn obsessed with you! You can't let your fear of the unknown win." He speaks gently but every word has purpose behind it.

"I know," I admit. "But it's hard."

Alex takes a sip of his drink. "Do you love him?"

My eyes water at the question. I can't speak, instead I nod. I do. Fuck. I love him so much.

"Then what is the problem, Luca? Did you expect him to never fall in love with you?"

"I never expected anyone to fall in love with me!" I exclaim. "I've lived my entire life of rejections and embarrassment. I didn't realise someone could love me that much. Not the way he does, it all just hit me at once. I was being oblivious before."

Alex grabs my shoulders. "Don't throw this away because your mind is giving you silly thoughts. Declan loves you because you're amazing. I love you because you're amazing. We all do."

My eyes burn. Fuck sake. I didn't want to cry today.

"Go to him," he urges. "Stop giving him distance. Go to his house right now and tell him how you feel too. Stop self-sabotaging. You deserve happiness and I know how happy he makes you."

I lower my gaze again. My hands are now shaking.

"Don't miss out on these golden moments, Luca. You're never going to get them back. He told you he loved you, now go and tell him you love him too. You need to let go because you can't keep living like this. Please, if there is one thing you do. Go to him. You need him right now. Don't make yourself feel worse when this can be solved a lot easier than you think."

The thought sinks like a rock in my stomach. He's right and I need that courage.

"Maybe I need a drink after all," I comment.

Alex smiles at me. "No, you don't. Be bold, Luca. Go and do this and make yourself proud. I know you can do it. He wants to be with you, stop thinking about anything else."

I nod. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," I rasp. "You're right. I'm hiding because I'm afraid of the future."

"Then go!" Alex points to the door with a light chuckle.

"Thank you," I say before leaning over and giving him a massive hug.

He clutches onto me. "That's what best friends are for."

I leave the bar a few moments later and get a cab to Declan's house. I presume he'll be at home but I currently have so much adrenaline pumping around my body that it's now or never.

As soon as the car pulls up outside his house, I jog up to his door and ring the doorbell. I don't even know what the time is but I pray he's here, I pray that he doesn't think I'm immature for my stupid insecurities. I just needed time to think about everything.

The door swings open and I melt at the sight of Declan standing there in a plain white t-shirt and grey tracksuit bottoms. "Luca?" He steps forward, seeming alarmed. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm sorry," I murmur pathetically.

His dark brows press together. "For what?"

Two thick tears roll down my cheeks and his eyes flare at my distress. "For not telling you that I love you too," I whisper through my blurry gaze.

"Luca," he clutches my face between his hands, wiping my damp cheeks with his thumbs.

"I'm just terrified of everything, of losing you. You're right the word love does trigger me but I need to tell you that I love you too. I've been so overwhelmed with everything lately, pushing away my feelings felt like the best thing to do. But it was the worst. It's going to take time for me to actually come to terms with my insecurities but I want you, I've always wanted you." I say, my voice cracking.

He offers me a delicate smile. "I want you too, Luca. I've wanted you from the moment I set my eyes on you. I might not have known it at the time but I always have."

I sniffle, more tears escaping me. "Oh my God," I choke. "I'm a mess."

"No," he shakes his head. "You're human."

My head moves forward and I press it to the centre of his chest. I close my eyes and take in this soft moment, the way he holds me and remind myself of all the words of encouragement and affection that he's said in the past.

"Promise me one thing," Declan's voice draws my attention back to him as I peek up, my lashes damp. "Promise me that you'll let me love you forever, no matter what."

My lips quiver. "Only if that's what you want?"

His arm dips and wraps its way around my waist, tugging me flush against his chest. "It is everything I want. You're stuck with me, Luca Chessman."

"Being stuck with you will make me forever happy." I admit, allowing myself to let go of the negative thoughts for the first time in a long time.

✧

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Author's Note

UGH BRB CRYING MY EYES OUT😭

So glad Alex could talk some sense into him!!! I've missed them lot

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