Sometimes you listen to a piece of music and the lyrics really resonate with you. It's as if the song has been written specifically for you; its sole purpose is to teach you a lesson, or wrap you up in a warm comforting hug.

And then there are the tracks you don't identify with at all. For example, there's a song that came out earlier this year: "Red Flags" by Mimi Webb. She details the various things her boyfriend does that immediately flag up crimson. But then in the chorus she's sings "I see the signs but I still come back."

And I remember listening to it frequently during my break from Declan (it was on the radio all the time) thinking "this girl is an idiot if she keeps putting up with this shite."

Oh, irony, you are not my friend.

Because I myself missed so many red flags when it came to Declan. And it's only now, as I lie on my bed, dehydrated from crying, and still a bit devastated over what happened with Ric, that I'm finally starting to see the relationship clearly for what it was.

I had thought everything between us was pretty much perfect. Apart from that weird blip just before Christmas, of course.

But it wasn't really good at all.

I close my swollen eyes and the inside of my eyelids becomes a projector of sorts, replaying memories as if I'm watching them on a big screen, in surround sound. Just give me a tub of popcorn (heavy on the butter, please!) and a massive cup of Coke and I'm ready for the full cinematic experience.

This is it, folks!

I'm finally going to watch The Story of Declan and Abby. The uncut version, without the heart eyes filter in place.

Oh, look, first up, we have that highly anticipated first date after our meet cute. We went to an Italian restaurant in the west end, and I was pretty sure Declan was flirting with the beautiful waitress the whole time. I barely knew him at that point though - maybe he was just being friendly? And my Bullshit Detector was fully disarmed at that point. (I think it needed new batteries, and I'd bought the wrong ones as usual.)

Plus, when we left the restaurant, he made me feel like the only girl in the world. I forgot completely about the waitress as he took me to a cocktail bar, and fully charmed me, without any distractions. And then, of course, we'd ended up spending our first night together.

The waitress incident had apparently been edited out of my memory until now. Instead I'd remembered the compliments he gave me, the sexy smiles, the sweet kisses, and - of course - the incredibly gooey mozzarella sticks that particular restaurant offered as a starter.

Freeze-frame on those mozzarella sticks. Let's watch that cheese-pull in slow-mo. Cue drool.

Up next, we have a bit of a montage, showcasing the frequent times Declan would just go AWOL. It was never for long, one or two days at most, but he'd simply drop off my radar completely, and ignore any calls or messages. I don't think he was doing anything dodgy; he'd usually reappear and apologise, with the excuse that inspiration had struck. And he had usually written approximately five new songs while he was stuck in that impenetrable black hole. "Ferry Girl" was one such track.

Actually, did he ever apologise for the radio silence? Rewinding the film in my brain, I realise I hadn't heard a "sorry" once. Usually there was just a shrug and a sentence along the lines of "when the creative bug hits me I just need to go with it". Y'know, something suitably pretentious and wanky. I guess the apology had been implied; or he genuinely just didn't think he owed me one.

He was always careful to make sure he gave me enough attention to keep me keen though. And to make me think he was keen too. He was the one who wanted to go on holiday just a matter of months into our relationship, after all.

In my mind's eye, I watch him cannonball into that crystal blue Ibizan pool. Watch the water arching into the air before it soaks me. Him laughing without any remorse, before repeating the same action again. My very own love metaphor in live action.

Oh, and I know you all think I was being a bit needy about the whole moving in together thing, but in actuality he'd been the one who used to talk about it all the time. He'd put the idea in my head, I remember now. After the mystery that was December, he didn't mention it again, but he'd been talking about it for several months beforehand so I had no real reason to think he wouldn't still be into it.

Had something been going on with Carrie since December? I wonder now. I have a feeling nothing physically happened until our break, but I now recall him being a bit weird about his phone between his stint working in my office and the suggestion of our break. Had they been exchanging messages, him giving her the old "my girlfriend doesn't understand me" shtick?

I wouldn't actually be surprised - I now re-play the segments of our story where he told me about exes of his and how they had been unable to deal with his "creative process". I was "so chill" in comparison, he informed me warmly.

I realise now this served a double purpose - for one thing, it made me feel a bit smug because I, Abigail Watson, was "not like the others". (Eyeroll.) But it also made me determined not to fall into that trap - I couldn't tell him if I was upset by any of his actions because I'd no longer be the cool, chilled girlfriend.

How very sociopathic of him.

Red flags are raining down on me now, as the credits roll on my mental film. I feel suffocated with their weight. How did I not see it?

I'm such an idiot.

Wiping my teary eyes with the back of my hand, I grab the phone from my bag and switch it on. As I wait for it to load, I realise half the contents of my bag are missing as I left them scattered over Ric's floor in my haste to leave.

Great. I wince, my eyes re-filling with tears as I remember tonight's rejection all over again.  It felt so similar to The Night of the Handcuffs - except there were thankfully no handcuffs, and at least I got an orgasm this time, I suppose. But somehow the hurt is worse, and that's how I know that I already had more faith in Ric than I ever thought I had in Declan.

There's a text message from Declan, sent after I cancelled that last call. I hesitate about even opening it. I know I should have blocked his number weeks ago.

Why does he keep calling anyway? Why won't he just leave me alone?

I'm starting to actively hate him.

Hey Abs. I just realised today would have been the one year anniversary of our first date, and it made me really want to talk to you. I miss you. Happy anniversary! Dec xxx

I blink. Re-read the message. Ice cold fury rushes through me. Fiery Dragon is back, ready and raring to fight alongside me.

Did he really just wish me a happy one year anniversary . . .  On a long-dead relationship that he killed?

Did he really ruin the lovely night I was having with this . . . pot of selfish shite?

Yeah. I'm fucking furious now. My fingers fly across my phone.

It's time for me to bury the body.

It's NOT our anniversary, Declan. We're not a couple. You don't have any right to contact me anymore. Leave me alone. A.

I hover over the send button, but realise I have one more thing I need to add.

P.S. Today wouldn't even have been our anniversary anyway. It would have been last week. You can't even get THAT right.

I hit send, then before I can think any further on it, I block his number. Something I should have done a long time ago, but it seems I wasn't ready until tonight.

I'll just have to do my best to avoid him at the wedding. Hopefully he'll have gotten the hint now.

At the thought of the wedding, dread looms as I remember once again the events of tonight. Is Ric still going to be my date? Will he let me down? Maybe it would actually be for the best if he did. I fall asleep with too many thoughts, memories and regrets still running through my head.

This has been one hell of a night . . .

Wow. There's a lot to unpack here. But Abby is finally out of the Declan tunnel, once and for all. To be honest, she escaped it a while ago, in my opinion . . . But she can seal it up now. Hopefully with him inside. Preferably with a limited amount of oxygen. Too harsh? 😉

Also, "Red Flags" is a good song. 🥰