he felt completely miserable.

not that it changed much from usually, but this time he really felt like the most miserable man on this planet.

these were words that jeno kept repeating in his mind over and over again as he was standing on the porch of donghyuck's house, debating whether he should ring the doorbell or just leave and lock himself in his endless sorrow again.

jeno didn't even know why he was standing there, feeling the urge to speak to someone about what he was feeling. the poor boy didn't have close friends, and he would usually talk to renjun or jaemin, but the two boys were currently the reason of his misery, so talking to them was unconceivable – plus, he had no idea where they could be. this place had been the only thing to flash in his mind when he had decreed that he would need to have a talk with someone. why? he had accompanied jaemin there a few times so that the boy could spend some nice time with mark, and he recalls that jaemin had mentioned that the cat hybrid lived at donghyuck's house.

so, long story short, donghyuck's had been the only place jeno could think of to find someone to talk with. plus, donghyuck was aware of his feelings, so he wouldn't need to explain everything over again and to hurt himself while thinking about it.

"are you going to knock or...?"

the korean male jumped slightly as a voice startled him, causing him to flush beet red and turn around, revealing donghyuck, his house keys in hand and his eyebrow raised.

"h-hey, i-i... h-huh..." jeno stuttered, completely losing the ability to form words because of his nervousness.

"if you're looking for jaemin, i just dropped him and mark at taeyong and doyoung's. so, it's on their porch that you should be debating whether to knock or not." donghyuck sassed, walking to jeno's side and entering the keys in the lock to enter his house.

"i-i, h-huh... i-i was acutally h-hoping to t-talk to y-you..." jeno admitted, fidgeting with his fingers as he looked at his feet.

"with me?" donghyuck sounded surprised. "yeah, okay sure. come in, then."

jeno hummed before following donghyuck inside and taking a seat on the sofa when donghyuck invited him to do so.

"so." donghyuck plopped himself on the armchair facing him. "what do you want to talk to me about?"

"h-huh... m-mostly jaemin... a-and f-fellings..."

donghyuck let out an airy chuckle. "yeah, i can imagine that you're not here to tell me about your erection problems."

jeno's faced turned a deep shade of red at donghyuck's words, his eyes widening in surprise. "i-i-i... i-i d-don't h-have e-erection p-problems...!" the poor boy stammered hard, making donghyuck laugh lightly.

"i was just joking, jeno." donghyuck explained. "relax, you're all tense."

"y-yeah..." jeno hummed, still shy because of what donghyuck said seconds before.

there was a short silence during which donghyuck studied jeno's behaviour carefully, chuckling again as the boy appeared to be shyer than ever.

"you sure don't act the same with me than when you're around jaemin." donghyuck pointed out.

"r-really?" jeno blinked.

"yeah. with me, you're all stuttery and nervous, as if you weren't confident enough, and as if you were scared i could hurt you." donghyuck explained slowly. "but when jaemin's around, you look nothing like that. you appear very confident and protective of the boy."

"t-that's because i c-care for him." jeno explained. "a-and if i-i'm not treating him t-that way, w-who will?"

donghyuck smiled at that. "stop me if i'm wrong, but you're not acting like that around your boyfriend, aren't you? but you do care about him as well."

jeno felt a. pinch to his heart at the word 'boyfriend'. "e-ex-boyfriend..." he specified. "a-and no, i-i d-didn't act like that a-around him, even though i c-care about him too."

"i'm sorry that you guys broke up. jaemin told me bits of what happened, but we didn't have the whole story. it pained him too much to speak about it so soon." donghyuck explained, looking at jeno with compassion in his eyes as the other male shrugged despite being a complete wreck on the inside.

donghyuck waited a few seconds before asking his next question, knowing that the subject was hard to talk about for jeno.

"have you sorted out your feelings?" he asked, carefully studying jeno's reaction to make sure he wasn't going to far with his curiosity.

"m-my feelings?" jeno stuttered after swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat at the unpleasant memories that these words brought back to him.

"your feelings for renjun. and those for jaemin." donghyuck specified.

"w-well..." jeno sighed. "it's been more than two weeks a-and... i still l-love renjun... and m-my feelings for jaemin are still t-there too, p-perhaps stronger than before..."

donghyuck hummed. this was expectable. you couldn't get rid of feelings this easily, and ever since jeno had told him about his plan to make renjun break up with him and distance himself from jaemin, donghyuck had known that this wouldn't be a success. instead, the lack of love and presence he would receive from the two boys he loved would deprive him from his happiness and cause him to realise how bad he needed them, surely to the point it would only strengthen his feelings for them.

and donghyuck wasn't seeing wrong on this point, because it seemed like jeno's plan had only made him realise how much he loved the two boys and how bad he needed them in his life.

"just so you know, jaemin is as broken by this situation as you are." the human explained, making jeno raise his head expectantly.

"h-he is?"

"yes." donghyuck nodded. "he's been living with mark and i ever since, and it's very hard for him. he's barely eating, he can't sleep at night... he constantly looks depressed."

jeno's head lowered in shame as he blamed himself hard for making the hybrid go through this much. if only he hadn't fucked everything up in the first place, none of this would have happened and jaemin would still be as happy as he deserved to be.

"i can hear you overthinking and blaming yourself, jeno. and you shouldn't do that." donghyuck wanred.

"i-it's all my fault..." jeno sighed, biting on his quivering bottom lip to hold himself from starting to cry over the same thing over and over again. "n-nothing w-would have h-happened if i w-wasn't powerless in the f-first place..."

"but, jeno." donghyuck spoke loud and clear. "you are not powerless. at least not anymore."

the boy huffed. "i-i can't deal with m-my problems... i-i lack confidence... i-i can't defend myself... i-i am powerless."

donghyuck heaved out another sigh, standing up from the armchair to sit on the couch by jeno's side so that he could wrap a comforting arm around the boy.

"i remember a very brave jeno standing up for jaemin in the bar when he was getting bothered by the bartender." donghyuck explained, smirking at the older boy.

jeno stayed silent, recalling as well how nice he had felt at this exact moment, after defending jaemin in front of everyone. the wave of self-confidence and joy that had taken over his body as he had realised that he was able to defend someone he cared for, that he had the power to do that.

donghyuck smiled as he saw jeno's face brightening even though the boy stayed silent and didn't comment on donghyuck's words.

"you're not powerless anymore, jeno. you know when to be and when not to be. and this is what i call being powerful." donghyuck explained, patting jeno's shoulder comfortingly as he helped the boy realising that he was wrong and too harsh on himself. "and you being powerful means that you are able to face your fears and confront renjun and jaemin about what happened to arrange things between the three of them."

jeno faced donghyuck immediately, looking at the younger male with widened eyes and a heart full of hope.

"y-you think so?" jeno questioned, slightly unsure.

"i know so, jeno." donghyuck nodded. "you may have something to do in everything that happened, but you're certainly not responsible for everything. the three of you have things to reproach the others."he added, knowing enough of the story to understand that mistakes had been made by the three of them.

"s-so... you're saying t-that i can arrange t-things...?" jeno tilted his head to the side.

"i'm saying that you can try showing both renjun and jaemin how powerful you are, wanting to solve something that seems unsolvable."

jeno nodded silently, his thoughts running wild inside his mind as a wave of self-confidence hit him, pushed by his dearest needs; being close to renjun and to jaemin again.

"i-i need to talk to renjun and jaemin." jeno declared after a while, making a proud smile appear on donghyuck's face.

"that's right." donghyuck nodded. "jaemin is living here, as i told you. pass by whenever you feel ready, and you guys will be able to have a talk."

"c-can i wait for him to come back?" jeno asked. "i want to arrange things now. i can't bear the situation that we are in anymore."

donghyuck chuckled, feeling happy seeing jeno being so motivated to arrange things between them. this necessarily meant that the boy had gained the self-confidence that he had lacked for years. and all of that because donghyuck had found the right words.

"i wouldn't mind that, and i think this is very nice of you wanting to do that, but..." jeno unconsciously started to pout as donghyuck spoke again, surely to reject his request. "...but i believe it would be better for you to solve things with renjun first. it's with him that you spent years in a relationship, and it's with him that you have the more to lose if things don't go well."

jeno's confidence which had started going down again as he imagined donghyuck would reject him immediately skyrocketed again as jeno realised how sensible donghyuck's words were.

of course, how stupid of him, the priority was renjun, and once both of them would have explained themselves, it would be easier to talk with jaemin.

"hey, jeno?" donghyuck called, waking jeno up from his daze.

"huh?" the older boy hummed, looking up at jaemin's human friend.

"be confident, it suits you better. and never forget how powerful you can be."

⊗

when he had first gotten to donghyuck's house, jeno believed it would be to voice out his feelings, his worries, his troubles, and that the other male would be mad at himself for everything that had happened to his friend. he certainly didn't expect the younger male to reassure him and give him such a boost of self-confidence.

and yet, here jeno was, standing around the corner of the street on which the convenience store renjun worked at was, ready to face his ex-boyfriend and hopefully arrange things between them.

he wasn't entirely sure that this was the best thing to do right now, in the middle of a random afternoon after a quick conversation with one of jaemin's friends, but he didn't really care. he felt the urge to arrange things as soon as possible with the two boys, and he knew that the boost of confidence he was having right now thanks to donghyuck's words wouldn't last forever. so, if he wanted to make a real impact, he would need to act the quickest possible.

taking a few deep breaths, jeno approached the convenience store, stopping a few times in the twenty-meter-journey that separated him from renjun's workplace.

the scene was oddly familiar. he recalled that time him and jaemin had organised his and renjun's first meeting, when jaemin was hesitant to get inside and when he was stressed to mess things up.

jeno sighed sadly at the remembrance of this conversation they had had. in the end, he had been the one to mess things up on that point by suggesting that jaemin should befriend renjun in his human form.

hesitating to get inside for the nth time in a matter of minutes, jeno's senses got alerted by loud voices coming from the inside of the convenience store, indicating that people were surely arguing.

jeno wasn't the kind of guy to be curious and to poke his nose whenever there was some drama, but maybe donghyuck's words had messed with his mind so much that he was starting to mind other people's business? or maybe was it that he was worried renjun could be involved in this?

anyway, the korean male didn't hesitate to enter the convenience store, the automatic door sliding open and allowing him inside where the voices were much louder than before – well, voice actually, because it seemed more like one person was scolding another very loudly.

"give me my damn phone, i know you stole it!"

"look, i'm sorry, but i never stole your phone."

jeno froze on his spot at he recognised the second voice – which was much calmer and lower that the first one – to be renjun's.

it was so weird hearing renjun speaking after more than two weeks of ignoring each other, and jeno couldn't believe how bad he had missed the boy's voice. hearing him again was so pleasant and so heart whelming, as if jeno had finally gotten back home after a long and tiring day.

"liar!" the other person yelled. "you collided with me when pretending to order the stuff in the alleys! i know you stole it at this moment, i couldn't find it after that!"

the korean male approached the two boys slowly, a lump forming in his throat in apprehension at the idea of seeing renjun again.

when the chinese male that he loved so much came into view, jeno couldn't help but stop breathing for a while, as if his whole body was malfunctioning because of his presence. it felt so good to see renjun, again. jeno just wanted to run into his arms and let himself be cradled in the smaller boy's embrace forever. but at the same time, he just wanted to run away and avoid the nerve-wracking conversation that he was supposed to have with his ex-boyfriend. but he couldn't back away. not now, when he was so close to him, and so confident. who knew when would be the next time he'll be able to feel like that?

"i didn't... i'm just really tired, i didn't sleep much... i didn't collide with you on purpose..." renjun explained slowly, his voice souding so low compared to the other boy.

and his face didn't look much better. he had prominent eye-bags, his lids seemed very heavy, and his whole face was pale, conveying nothing but exhaustion.

"yeah, sure. and how do you explain that i can't find my phone anymore, then?!"

renjun tiredly voiced out an answer that jeno didn't pay much attention to as he noticed a black object lying on the floor, slightly hidden under the lowest shelf of the alley he was standing close to.

the korean male grabbed the object from the floor, revealing a phone. he knew renjun would never steal anything – except for his heart – and so, this had to be the other boy's phone. he switched the device on, making the lock screen appear and revealing a girl looking lovingly at a boy that looked awfully like the guy that was scolding renjun.

"give me back my damn phone before i report you to the police!"

jeno saw red when he heard those words and realised after facing the two boys that the guy was gripping onto renjun's collar, almost strangling him while threatening him.

every ounce of fear and apprehension that was held within jeno's body because of the potential conversation him and renjun would have disappeared as he saw the other boy touching his ex-boyfriend who looked completely defenceless and in no shape to fight back because of tiredness.

and so, jeno didn't wait a second to rush to renjun's side, harshly pushing the other man away and making him let go of renjun as he stood between the two of them.

"don't you dare touching him." he growled, his eyes sending daggers to the angry male that had tried hurting his ex-boyfriend.

"mind your own business, asshole, this is between him and i." the boy assed, trying to push jeno away, but thank god jeno had a muscular body that he trained a lot, because he was able to push him again, further away from renjun.

"now open your damn eyes before accusing innocent people." jeno declared, venom laced through his voice as he showed the device to the boy. "it had slid under the bottom shelf."

the other male stayed frozen on his spot, his brows still furrowed and his face contorted with anger and frustration as jeno threw him the device that he caught effortlessly.

"i'm sure you're doing that to cover him. but i know this fucker did steal- "

jeno didn't let him finish his sentence as he took an angry step towards the male and gripped his collar harshly, creating wrinkles on the previously smooth fabric.

"listen here, you punk. don't you dare thinking about insulting him." jeno muttered, his voice so low that it sent shivers to the boy's spine. "actually, don't even dare showing up to this convenience store ever again. otherwise i'll make it my personal affair." jeno continued, tightening his grip on the boy's shirt, causing the other boy's eyes to widen in both surprise and fear. "understood?"

the guy hummed, and so, jeno let him go, slightly pushing him again in the process before staring at him leaving the convenience store while insulting both him and renjun.

jeno's anger slowly dissipated as the boy turned around, and it was completely gone when he found himself standing facing his ex-boyfriend and chenle – who had surely arrived for his shift during the argument – who were looking at him with their eyes as wide as saucers and their mouths open in shock.

and at this exact moment, jeno's self-confidence plumed down, wondering if he had done the right thing or if maybe he should have done nothing or something less violent maybe?

the tall boy became the shy mess that he had always been around renjun, not knowing how to act in this very situation, and stressing more and more with each second passing by because of the thought of speaking with renjun.

"j-jeno... y-you..." renjun stuttered out, his face conveying nothing but pure shock and surprise.

"y-you defended him..." chenle finished renjun's sentence.

jeno processed these words, a wave of shock hitting him the same way it had hit the two other boys as donghyuck's previous words rand through his ears on loop.

you are not powerless. at least not anymore.

i remember a very brave jeno standing up for jaemin in the bar when he was getting bothered by the bartender.

be confident it suits you better.

and never forget how powerful you can be.

could donghyuck be right? could that mean that jeno was capable of being powerful?

jeno had no idea, but one thing was sure, he liked it a lot, because that feeling was amazing...

the feeling of not being powerless anymore.