"jaemin, you haven't eaten anything in two days... please eat something now..."

"i'm not hungry..." the hybrid answered simply, keeping his arms crossed and his head hanging low as his friend worried about him.

"you are going to be sick if you don't eat. it is not good for you."

"and what if i get sick?" jaemin huffed, his puffy red eyes meeting donghyuck's saddened ones.

the human sighed, toying with the food in his plate as he avoided looking into jaemin's eyes. "renjun and jeno wouldn't want that. i can assure you."

as soon as those words left donghyuck's mouth, both mark and jaemin's hybrid ears shot up, the two of them looking up at donghyuck at the same time.

mark's eyes were wide open, glancing successively at his friend and his boyfriend, not knowing what to do as he could sense jaemin getting a mix of madder and sadder with each second passing.

"i-i... h-huh... b-bathroom!" he stuttered before jumping off his chair and morphing into a black cat to run away from this tricky conversation.

"renjun and jeno hate me now." jaemin muttered, giving a disgusted look at the food inside his plate.

"i'm sure they don't."

"i am the reason the broke up. and i lied to both of them." jaemin specified. "of course, they hate me now."

"feelings don't disappear like that, jaem." donghyuck assured. "and it doesn't change with a small lie."

jaemin snorted as tears welled up in his eyes once again. he was surprised his vision got blurry; because of how much had had cried over jeno, renjun, and all the mess he had created for the past two days, he thought his eyes wouldn't be able to produce any more tears.

"a small lie?" jaemin frowned. "this was not a small lie. these were not small lies."

donghyuck sighed once again. "jaemin, you're underestimating the power of love..."

there was a small silence between the two boys as jaemin sulked on his seat, his bunny ears hanging by the sides of his head, conveying the boy's despair.

"and let's pretend that these lies don't make them change their minds." jaemin stated after a while. "this would mean that i still have renjun, because he likes me, alright... but this would also mean that i lost jeno, because in his case, a lie would make him change his mind since he doesn't like me back."jaemin continued, speaking fast and distinctively. "and obviously, they wouldn't have each other anymore either. so, in the end, even if love overpasses my lies, things won't get better between the three of us."

donghyuck listened carefully to jaemin's words, waiting for a few seconds after his speech to answer. he knew things that jaemin wasn't aware of; he had jeno's version of the story. but let's be real, he couldn't explicitly voice the boy's feelings out, not after everything that had happened between the three of them. jaemin would need to discover about those on his own.

"i wouldn't be so sure about that, jaem." donghyuck explained.

"and why?" the hybrid asked, gathering the tiniest bits of confidence that we left in him.

"there is always a way to find a solution that benefits all..."

⊗

chenle sighed loudly as he glanced at his chinese friend who was busying himself by making sure every single product in the aisle was perfectly aligned with the others.

renjun had been acting weirdly for one week, doing his work slower than usual, and keeping himself busy with the most meaningless and stupidest tasks he could find. the younger chinese male understood exactly why renjun was doing that, and he wouldn't be able to give him better advice than to keep himself busy to make abstraction of his problems, but right now, after sever long days of seeing renjun helplessly rearranging the shelves like a maniac, chenle couldn't help but pity the boy.

he couldn't imagine what renjun must be feeling at the moment, one week after breaking up with jeno and uncovering hidden lies. chenle had been made aware of everything that had been happening between renjun and jaemin a few days prior, when renjun was at his lowest. at first, he had been quite mad at his dear friend for keeping this a secret from him, but when renjun explained that he didn't want to talk about it not to make it appear real, the young chinese male couldn't help but nod as he understood that renjun was as troubled as he was by the revelations.

and so, days later, with chenle aware of everything that had happened on renjun's side, the chinese male was meant to be there for his depressed friend who seemed like he wouldn't be able to survive this obstacle.

"jun?" chenle questioned, approaching renjun as the male was readjusting a bottle of vinegar on a shelf so that it was facing him perfectly, his hands slightly shaky because of how careful and precise he was.

"hmm?"

"can we talk?"

the older chinese male flashed a small smile when the bottle of vinegar was in the right position before turning to look at his friend.

"talk?" he frowned. "i'm sorry chenle, i don't have the time. i have so many things to do." he added, turning around to adjust the bottles of oil which were next to the vinegar ones.

"you look tired, you should rest a bit, jun." chenle sighed, following renjun with his eyes.

"i can't. i need to work hard and a lot." renjun answered, his tone almost robotic, as if he had been programmed to say those words without him actually believing them.

"renjun, it's obvious that you haven't been getting the sleep you needed for the past days, and that you are overworking yourself." chenle explained calmly. "you need to stop..."

"no, i don't." renjun said firmly, facing his dear friend. "because if i don't work late, i get to this fucking hotel room early and i spend my evening thinking about what the hell went wrong for me to end up living in a shitty hotel when i used to have a boyfriend and a perfect life."

there was a long and slightly awkward silence during which chenle debated whether he should comfort or confront renjun. sure, friends are supposed to be there for comfort, but sometimes, they are the only ones who are able to make a person face their problems and realise what is going wrong. and in renjun's case, as much as chenle doesn't want to hurt him, he knows that things won't get better without him confronting himself to the problem.

"h-how are you feeling?" chenle stuttered slightly as the words he dreaded to speak out left his mouth.

there was another small silence as renjun tried to find the right words to express what he was truly feeling. but obviously, despite the immensity of their language's vocabulary, no words could explain perfectly what his heart and his mind were going through these days.

"like shit... obviously." he replied simply with a light chuckle as a first tear rolled down his cheek.

"do you still... have feelings for them?" chenle tried, not completely sure that this question was the best to ask despite him wanting to get a clear answer from the boy.

"for whom?" renjun raised a brow while wiping his cheeks with his sleeve.

"for jeno." chenle replied. "and for jaemin."

another endless silence.

this time, chenle cursed at himself for going too far. his chinese friend was crying silently, his sleeves too soaked to wipe off any tears left. he looked miserable, his lips quivering and his eyes puffy red as you could see he tried to hold himself back from breaking down completely in the middle of this grocery store.

"sorry renjun, i- "

"i-i do." renjun spoke loud and clear, no ounce of hesitation in his voice as he cut chenle's apology.

the younger chinese male blinked a few times in surprise, definitely not expecting an answer from renjun when he was in this state. "you do?"

"yes. i still have feelings for them." renjun nodded. "i like jaemin. more than i should." he explained. "and god, i love jeno so much... even if they both lied to me and played me..."

chenle sighed as renjun's previously silent tears morphed into more desperate and broken sobs. the young chinese male took a few steps forward, opening his arms and pulling renjun in his tight embrace.

"i-is it normal...?" renjun sobbed, wetting chenle's shirt as the younger rubbed his back soothingly. "i-is it normal that i still love them after they stabbed me in the back? is it normal that my heart still wants them? both of them..."

for the nth time that day, chenle heaved out a sigh, tightening his embrace around his broken friend and making sure that he couldn't shatter in any more pieces.

"it is normal, renjun." chenle whispered in the boy's ear. "your heart always knows what's best for you."

⊗

just like every single day for the past two weeks, jeno pushed open the door of his apartment to find that everything was dark and that there was no trace of life inside.

actually, he didn't understand what bothered it so much with this sight. he always used to go back home to a lifeless environment, because renjun worked late, and jaemin hadn't always been in their life. but somehow, for the past two weeks, the sight of a dead house when he came back home made his heart ache more than anything; the place didn't feel like a home to him anymore.

these past fourteen days were close to what jeno believed hell was like.

fourteen days of solitude, remorse and relentlessness thinking about what could have happened if he hadn't been so powerless in the beginning.

no one around to reassure him, to protect him, to make him feel safe, to make him happy.

it was only him and his dark thoughts, those demons that haunted him to the point he was scared of falling asleep at night, and frightened to face the wild outside world at the same time.

jeno was locked in his traumas, his mind and his heart lost somewhere in-between his fears, his feelings and his needs.

he realised how paradoxical he was these days, feeling the urge to run into renjun's arms when his ex-boyfriend was the reason why he was in this state in the first place. he also wondered why his whole body wanted to see jaemin again and pull him in a warm embrace to take care of him like the precious boy he was. he couldn't help but feel mad at himself when he recalled how he had scolded the hybrid because of his selfishness.

jeno was dying to see the two boys again, to be reassured by renjun and to reassure jaemin. he couldn't help it. after two weeks of being separated from them by what seemed to be a choice, he was realising that he missed them, that he needed them.

at first, when he had decided breaking up with renjun and distancing himself from jaemin because of how awful he was for developing feelings for someone else than his boyfriend, he imagined that with time, his feelings would die down. he believed that by pushing them away, by rejecting them, he would force his heart out of the pure bliss that was love.

but oh boy, how wrong was he... because right now, two long weeks after the fight that had occurred and that declared the beginning of a new era – an era of solitude during which jeno, renjun and jaemin would build their own future and choose their own pathsb independently – jeno realised that he hadn't seen things right in the first place.

after fourteen days, he was still mourning over his past loving relationship and over what could have happened with the hybrid, barely eating, crying himself to sleep, and letting his mind being clouded by the darkest thoughts.

because, yes, fourteen days after the until truth got uncovered was when he realised that he still loved renjun and jaemin, and that he was ready to anything not to have everything coming to an end between the three of them.

but how could this be possible when the two other males probably hated him and each other now?

⊗

"room service!"

the chinese male hopped off the hotel bed to head to the bedroom's door, pulling it open to reveal a male holding a few bottles of soju.

"good evening sir, did you order bottles of soju?" the man asked with a smile.

"yeah." renjun nodded. "you can just drop them here." he continued approaching a small table on which were piled lessy clothes that he pushed to the floor to give space for the hotel boy to put the bottles of alcohol on.

the man placed the bottles on the table before staring at renjun.

the chinese male was pale, and looked completely miserable. the bags under his eyes told off how bad of a sleep he had had these past days, and the mess in the room highlighted the bad mental state that the boy had to be in.

"please, drink reasonably, sir." the hotel boy voiced out as he headed back to the door.

"i'll try." renjun mumbled, knowing perfectly that he wouldn't be able to. not when his thoughts were completely fucked by the presence of a certain human and a certain hybrid that he couldn't help but miss more than anything.

"we are here to help if you ever need, okay? it's always better than drinking on your own until you're wasted." the man continued, flashing renjun a small comforting smile, hoping that this could persuade the chinese male not to drink.

"i never get completely wasted, don't worry, thank you." renjun said simply, flashing the boy a last excuse of a smile before closing the door and heading directly to the table to pop a bottle of soju open and take a big gulp out of it.

"tsk... i never get completely wasted..." renjun rolled his eyes at his own words, knowing how false they were. he could still remember that night at the bar after jeno and him broke up – well, actually, he couldn't remember perfectly, but he still had some memories of the night and he recalled perfectly how painful the next morning was. "thank god chenle's boyfriend was there that night... otherwise i would have ended in an ethylic coma..." he muttered, speaking to himself while taking sips from the bottle of alcohol he was holding. "jisung is such a sweet boy... chenle's lucky to have him." he continued his monologue, letting flashes of that night take over his mind.

renjun stayed silent for a while, simply recalling what him and jisung had talked about and smiling sadly as he realised once again how similar jisung was to jaemin in his actions and his words. the chinese male couldn't help but remember how he had poured all of his heart out to jisung, explaining what had happened between him, jaemin and jeno in the smallest details.

the boy gulped down another good amount of soju as his heart ached at the remembrance of all the mess him, jeno and jaemin were involved in.

as much as he had tried not to fall for jaemin, and then as much as he had tired to make jeno break up with him, he couldn't help but come to the realisation that neither of them were conceivable solutions for his heart. and they still weren't to that day.

yes, renjun still loved jeno dearly, and renjun still had stong feelings for jaemin – and it seemed like they were stronger than before. but he was reaching a dead end, because how could there be a solution to this mess. he couldn't leave his ex-boyfriend for the hybrid. and he couldn't abandon the hybrid to stay with his ex-boyfriend.

it seemed like he was facing a wall that blocked his way. and overpassing it meant that he had to let go of one of the boys he loved the most. and this wasn't conceivable.

"how fucked up is this..." but then, as renjun took a nth sip of alcohol in an attempt to drink his sorrow away and erase those hurtful thoughts from his mind, his brain decided to remind him of what jisung had suggested at the bar two weeks prior. "...shit...?"

the younger boy's words were loud and clear in his mind, resonating so much in his brain that it started deafening the boy.

"try polyamory. and you'll see."

polyamory...

renjun could recall how sure of himself jisung was when he had voiced out those words.

how hadn't renjun recalled them earlier. if jisung had seen right, maybe this would help renjun, jeno and jaemin find an arrangement. anyway, renjun hoped it would.

the chinese male put the bottle of soju back on the table next to the other full bottles before he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the internet app.

with trembling fingers, renjun typed 'polyamory' in the search bar, hesitating a few seconds before he pressed the search button, waiting eagerly for answers to pop up on his screen.

and let's say that the first words that appeared under his eyes made his heart beat stop and his breath run short.

'polyamory is the practice of, or the desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time.'

the boy blinked a few times before rubbing his eyes and re-reading that sentence again, being as shocked the second time as he had been the first time.

curiosity took over him as renjun clicked on the first link, reading more in detail what it was about, and how polyamory worked. once done with the first website, renjun jumped to a second one, and a third one, and soon he was watching videos of people sharing their experiences and explaining how happy they were in a multiple-people relationship.

renjun couldn't believe what he was seeing.

a romantic relationship? involving more than two people? with the consent of every party?

how come had he never heard that before?

and so, this research kept renjun awake until the break of dawn, the bottles of soju long forgotten on the table as he drank all of the heart whelming words he could find about polyamory on the internet.

and it is only hours later, when the boy finally found the courage to put his phone away and enjoy a few instants of sleep, that renjun realised he was completely drunk.

but this time, he wasn't drunk on soju. of course, not.

this time, he was drunk in hope that they could finally find a solution to this mess.