keeping his forehead against the dirty counter, the heartbroken chinese male lifted his arm drunkenly.

"one more!" he exclaimed not very clearly, earning disgusted stares from a few people around.

a few seconds later, a glass filled with a clear liquid was placed by the side of renjun's head, making the chinese male sit up immediately gulp down the entire containing of the glass.

however, the boy frowned at the awful taste of what had been served to him.

"ew! this is water! bring me something stronger!" renjun exclaimed, pushing the empty glass towards the end of the counter.

"i-i don't think you should be drinking anything else than water..."

the chinese male – who had laid his head back on the counter – looked up, meeting eyes with an oddly familiar figure, but not really being able to identify who it was. was it the alcohol in his system that made everything blurry? or were the tears in his eyes to blame?

honestly, a bit of both.

"huh... do i know you...?" the boy groggily asked.

"i-i'm jisung." the bartender said. "i... we met at the c-convenience store you work at a few times."

renjun's brain was slow to process the stutter boy's words, but after a few seconds, he started recalling this boy that chenle had around often.

"oh, god, yes!" renjun nodded drunkenly, his clumsy head motions almost making him fall from the stool he was sitting on. "you're chenle's boyfriend! i remember now..."

the boy behind the bar flushed red, his eyes widening slightly. "o-oh, h-huh... h-hopefully, y-yeah..." he stuttered, his heart beating faster in his chest at the thought of becoming chenle's boyfriend.

sure, the two of them texted a lot and met more often than before, but they hadn't reached the 'boyfriends' stage yet. hopefully soon, though.

"so!" renjun let out, holding his arm out and grabbing one of the bottles that were to his reach behind the bar before pouring himself some of the green coloured liquid in his empty glass. "what are you doing in a bar this late?" he asked, his drunken state causing his words to be slurred.

"w-well, i'm working." jisung replied simply, helping renjun putting back the bottle behind the bar without breaking everything.

"yeah, i see." renjun nodded before bringing the glass of green liquid to his lips under jisung's amused stare.

the chinese male gulped the liquid down quickly, slamming the glass back on the counter before he finished drinking everything to cough loudly in attempt to get rid of the awful taste.

"crap, this is not get 27!" he exclaimed. "this was pure mint syrup..."

"y-yeah..." jisung replied, chuckling at renjun's goofiness.

the chinese male let out a groan before he let his head fall on the counter again, deciding against drinking after the two bad experiences he had had the past minutes.

"s-so... what are you doing here?" jisung asked after a few seconds, somehow worried for his friend who didn't seem to be in his best state.

"i'm... drinking... and crying... and drinking too... and thinking about my messy life... and drinking... wait, not much anymore, because nothing tastes good. but, yeah..."

jisung took a step closer to the counter, offering himself a renjun a bit more of privacy.

"a-and... what has you d-drinking like that?" jisung asked curiously, hoping he would be able to lift the boy's mood up a bit.

"just life, you know?" renjun replied shrugging and chuckling a few times.

jisung winced as he noticed renjun's last chuckles sounded more like sobs.

"h-hey, renjun..." jisung immediately placed a comforting hand on renjun's shoulder, hoping the boy wouldn't start crying loudly and miserably in the middle of the bar.

"life is fucking shit, jisung... it really is..." renjun stated, lifting his head up and looking into jisung's eyes as he wiped his own.

the younger male let out a sigh as he realised that renjun wasn't crying, at least for now. in fact, with how red his eyes were, it seemed like the boy had been crying long before jisung arrived.

"d-do you want to... tell me what is bothering you?" jisung inquired, intending nothing but to help the boy.

"it's... it's a lot to digest, i guess..." renjun explained. "would you like to know?"

"sure. i-if i can help you..." jisung nodded.

"okay, so..." renjun thought for a few seconds. "so, there's my boyfriend, jeno. been together for years, he's amazing, cute, adorable, perfect, the best in bed like, oh god- "

"h-he's your boyfriend and you love him! i-i g-get it." jisung interrupted renjun's words, his cheeks burning red in shyness at what he just said.

"yeah, i love him... so much... like, you cannot love someone more than i love jeno." renjun continued. "and he's got those... huh... insecurities."

"which insecurities?" jisung asked.

"he feels like he's powerless." renjun explained. "as if he couldn't defend himself or others. which isn't false, but he has me, and i'm making sure he's safe... but yeah... he has those insecurities and he wanted me to help him become more, huh... powerful."

jisung nodded. "okay, i see."

"and so... we got him a rabbit so that he could take care of it. the rabbit was weird, i could feel it, you know? but anyway, i let him have his rabbit and take care of it however he wanted." renjun kept telling his story, the words sounding weird and the rhythm in his sentences not being the best, but jisung blamed it on the alcohol. "and then, there's this other boy... jaemin..."

jisung noticed the smile that appeared on renjun's face at the mention of this name. "jaemin, you say?"

"yeah... jaemin..." renjun nodded. "we met at the convenience store, just like chenle and you. a jar of pickles had fallen on his nose and made him faint..."

"o-oh, chenle told me about that!" jisung cut renjun's words with a small smile as he recalled his conversation with chenle about that.

"mmh... so after his accident we started seeing each other more, and meeting a few times... and yeah, in fact, jaemin is such a sweetheart... he's so cute and adorable, and yeah... i grew feelings for him..."

"for jaemin?!" jisung's eyes widened.

"yeah, for jaemin... i mean, how could i not? he's just... woah..." renjun said, looking around dreamily before looking back at jaemin with a frown. "but this doesn't change anything about jeno. i still love him more than anything. don't doubt that."

"so... you have feeling for... for b-both?" jisung tried understanding what jeno was telling him.

"pretty much!" renjun nodded energetically, almost losing his balance if it was not for jisung plaging a hand on his shoulder to steady him. "but then, i obviously couldn't have both and- "

"why not?" jisung frowned.

"why not what?" renjun asked, not understanding what was unclear in his words.

"w-why can't you have both?" jisung clarified.

renjun stayed silent for a few seconds thinking about renjun's words.

why couldn't he have both? this is true. this was a genius idea that would solve every problem! having two boyfriends... oh god, why hadn't he thought about this before.

"you're right, i should have had both..." renjun let out.

"n-no, that's not what i'm saying." jisung shook his head. "but like maybe this is a solution you could think about."

"well, it's too late now, anyway..." renjun sighed, placing his head on the counter for the nth time and wincing as his forehead hurt against the dirty surface. "because i thought i couldn't have both and that i was a bad boyfriend for liking someone else as well, i decided to make jeno break up with me by being a bitch to him. and today, we argued, and jaemin ended up breaking us apart, and i realised that jaemin was a hybrid, and that he was jeno's rabbit since the beginning."

"oh..." jisung let out, surprised by the revelations.

"yeah... and i learned that jeno knew it, and that they had planned our meeting and that it was all a stupid plan..." renjun concluded, opening his arms as if doing an ending pose.

jisung kept his mouth shut for a while, trying to process everything that had just been said. when he had seen renjun drinking heavily a while ago, he was far from imagining everything that was happening in the boy's life. he had imagined a simple heart break, maybe getting cheated on, or being forced to break up because the other had a terminal disease... actually, he had imagined lots of things, but this... this was all much messier than he could have imagined. and at that point, jisung found renjun in a pretty good state for someone who had gone through this much.

"w-wow, i-i..." jisung stuttered completely bewildered by the situation. "i-i don't k-know w-what to s-say..."

it was crazy what could happen to people who didn't have a full knowledge of the love spectrum. renjun probably had no idea of what polyamory was, and this ignorance had caused him to believe what happened to him was wrong, and then push him to break up with his boyfriend. but he could have tried another path: the path of twice more love. this didn't mean that it would work, it didn't always, but it was worth a try.

renjun lifted his head, looking intensely at jisung before he stretched his arm forward, gently using the back of his palm to caress jisung's cheek.

"you remind me a lot of jaemin..." renjun spoke fondly. "he's as stuttery as you... and as fragile... he would always be scared to bother me, but at the same time, he would try to make me do what was best for me..."

but then, the boy paused, stopping in his motion and lowering his head.

"but was all of this even real... or was he just playing all along...?"

renjun let his arm fall on the counter, not caring if the action hurt him. it didn't seem like he could be more hurt at that point.

"p-people don't play when they care about someone..." jisung voice out.

"but did he care?"

"well, d-did he make it seem like he didn't at some point?"

renjun thought for a while letting his mind revive all of the happy memories that him and jaemin had shared. all those times they had spent together, talking and laughing.

jemin was way too sweet. he had never made renjun feel rejected once, and he had always wanted renjun to be comfortable and happy. and the chinese male could think of nothing which could translate the fact that jaemin didn't care for him...

and so, if jisung was right, this would mean that jaemin cared for him... for real...

"park! people are waiting for their drinks!" a voice broke renjun and jisung's silent moment, making the younger lift his head up and nod immediately.

"c-coming!" he exclaimed before facing renjun again and clearing his throat "listen, renjun." jisung spoke again, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible not to stutter. "i think that this is all a big misunderstanding. but maybe in the end, jaemin, jeno and you will be able to find an arrangement."

"i doubt it."

jisung sighed, glancing at his boss who was looking at him with his arms crossed. "try polyamory. and you'll see." he finished before rushing to his boss and leaving renjun alone in his misery.

"polyamory..."

⊗

on his side, jeno wasn't much better.

sure, he wasn't drunk or drinking, but he seemed like he had been because of his messy steps in the dark alleys of the big city he lived in.

the feelings of anger and betrayal tasted bitter in his mouth, and he wanted nothing more than to make them fade. in the end, he had obtained what he wanted – renjun had broken up with him and jaemin surely didn't like him anymore – but this didn't relieve him like he expected it would.

no, instead of being relieved and happy that renjun would be able to live his lefe and find himself a boyfriend who didn't have eyes for another boy, he felt sad, devastated but mostly angry.

things had escalated too quickly, and they had taken proportions that jeno never wanted to see appearing. he wondered why jaemin had intervened, why he had transformed, revealing to renjun who he really was, why he hadn't stayed silent and let things happen naturally.

but no, he had had to act, reveal his identity to renjun, make jeno and renjun break up and make the truth come up.

and speaking of this truth, jeno still couldn't imagine what he had learnt...

renjun had developed feelings for jaemin.

the burning jealousy that had ignited inside of his body when he had heard that was incomparable. he couldn't believe that his loving boyfriend, the man of his life also had eyes for someone else.

was he not enough? did jaemin have something more? what was wrong with him for renjun to fall for someone else?

jeno was furious at himself at that point, and so for a very simple reason.

he was slowly realising that he blamed renjun for falling for someone else – that he felt betrayed by his boyfriend – when in fact, the same thing had happened to him.

he had developed feelings for jaemin too. and this didn't mean that renjun had something less than the other boy or that he wasn't enough. it had just happened, renjun and jaemin were two people completely different who completed jeno so perfectly.

and so, he was mad at himself for blaming renjun. he certainly did not have the right to do that, mostly when he himself had fallen for someone else – accessorily, the same boy as renjun had fallen for. and this made things even more complicated if they weren't complicated enough.

he was angry, mad, furious, enraged... but he somehow couldn't blame neither renjun nor jaemin. they had done nothing wrong but being them, but jeno was the one at fault for everything, he was painfully aware of it.

and now, the boy couldn't help but be mad at himself as well for the reactions he had had facing renjun and jaemin as the truth was untold. he spoke so harshly to both of them, neglecting their feelings and their stories to privilege his own. he had been selfish and seen his feelings only when he was not alone in this.

they were three, all as involved in this mess as the others. but no, jeno had closed his eyes on the two other's problems and considered his own only, as if it was the most important.

not once had he paused to imagine how hard it must have been for renjun to meet a boy a fall for him while going back home to a loving boyfriend... not once had he dared to imagine how hard it must have been for jaemin to be hated by renjun on the one hand and then to be loved by him on the other hand, all of this while hiding the boy's feeling from his boyfriend...

jeno had acted selfish, and he blamed himself for that.

at that point of the night, as he stumbled across the town with a heavy heart, he regrated everything he had done and everything he hadn't done, all of that while repeating over and over again in his head the same sentences.

once again, he had messed everything up.

once again, it was all his fault.

once again, he hadn't been able to protect himself or the ones he loved.

and once again, this meant nothing had changed.

he was still powerless.