jeno winced as he was met with a wave of cold air, leaving the warm atmosphere of the bathroom in which he had taken a burning hot shower. the boy made a beeline to his and renjun's room before he jumped on their shared bed and caused renjun – who was already lying under the sheets – to groan as he was shaken up by the sudden action.

"sorry, it's cold outside." jeno giggled, his eye-smile showing as he snuggled under the warm blanket, sighing in pleasure as he was once again engulfed in a comfortable warmth, and even better, next to another person who would be able to warm him up in less than a second.

"your feet are cold."

jeno could have replied 'just like your tone' at his boyfriend's words, but he decided against it as he scooted closer to his boyfriend, keeping his feet against renjun's shins.

"yeah, it's freezing outside..." jeno replied. "but it could maybe get hotter if we..."

jeno left the sentence unfinished as his hand slowly slid from his boyfriend's shoulder to his chest, his stomach and stopping just at the waistband of his pyjamas. renjun usually reacted really quick to such advances, and most of the time, he was the one to initiate such skinship. but it seemed like tonight wasn't like other nights.

"i'm not in the mood, sorry." renjun informed, his voice ice-cold as he grabbed jeno's wrist and placed it on the boy's stomach.

"o-oh..." jeno let out a saddened sigh, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "w-why...?" he added, his voice slightly trembling after being rejected by his boyfriend for the first time in years of a perfect relationship.

there was a long silence, making jeno think that renjun had fallen asleep, but thankfully, the chinese male broke it.

"migraine." he said simply before turning around in the bed, his back facing jeno. "goodnight, jeno."

the younger male swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "g-goodnight..."

and that was it. no more words exchanged for the night.

jeno started overthinking, wondering why renjun wasn't in the mood, why he didn't seem to be in pain, and why he hadn't called him with a nickname like always but had used his full name. all of that until he felt asleep from exhaustion.

and at the same time, on his side of the bed renjun was overthinking as well, trying to understand what was wrong with him, and to figure out who he really liked. and sadly, exhaustion for him didn't come as quick as it did for jeno.

⊗

"why the hell did i act like a bitch to him?"

"why the hell did i reject him?"

"why the hell did i lie to him?"

"why the hell did i let him sleep without hugging him?"

"why the hell did i let him leave this morning without comforting him?"

"and why the fucking hell am i like that?!"

a long silence took over the bathroom in which renjun had locked himself as jeno had left to go to class. the chinese male was sititng on the floor, his back leaning against the cabinet and his arms around his legs to hold them in place.

"and you aren't going to give me any help, are you?!" he tsked, glaring at the white bunny which he had placed on his knees, hoping that looking into his deep eyes would help him coming up with a decent solution to whatever was happening to him. "of course not... you're a rabbit..." renjun sighed, leaning his head back against the cabinet, hitting it quite hard and causing a few things to fall inside the piece of furniture.

"all of that for a fucking crush... a fucking crush on a boy i met two weeks ago..." renjun huffed. "can you believe that?"

renjun stayed silent as the bunny blinked, his eyes staring right at his but no sound coming out of his mouth. but well, nana was an animal, he didn't talk, so what was renjun even expecting at that point?

he knew that he needed to get things off his chest and there was no better way than speaking for that. but who could he speak to? jeno? never ever. chenle? he was too busy with his jisung to care about whatever renjun was going through. anyone else? right, there was no one that could understand. so, this is how renjun had ended up locking himself with the rabbit and telling him all of his life, in hope of his heart to feel lighter once everything would have been said.

"how awful am i...?" renjun groaned loudly. "i have the most perfect boyfriend i could ever get! and then, i fuck things up by finding interest in another male. but i don't want anyone else than jeno! i shouldn't want someone else! so why the hell am i attracted by this jaemin boy whom i have met only twice?!"

the rabbit flinched slightly as renjun's voice got louder and louder and as he slammed his hand on the bathroom floor.

seeing the sudden move from the animal, renjun patted the animal's head. "sorry, i scared you."

another silence tool over the room as renjun's hand left jaemin's body to go back on the floor and support his body weight, the position he was in starting to hurt his bones and muscles after so long.

"i'm such an asshole... i don't deserve him..." renjun let out. "he could be having a wonderful boyfriend who sees him and only him, and instead he found himself a jerk who's falling in love with someone else at first sight... i'm the worst..." a nth sligh slipped past renjun's lips as his eyes became watery because of the heart-breaking solution he had come up with. "we should stop being together..."

the bunny's eyes widened at those words, but renjun's eyes were getting so teary that he didn't even notice it.

"but i can't break his heart and break up with him... it should come from him... he should be the one to decide to end things..." renjun sniffled, using one of his hands to wipe his tears.

seeing the distress in renjun's whole persona, jaemin decided that it was best for him to give the boy some support. since he couldn't get into his human form and fuck things up completely, he could at least try to give renjun some love.

jaemin hopped off renjun's knees, getting directly on his chest and rubbing his furry head against the boy's neck. a first sob escaped renjun as he placed his hand over the bunny's back, holding it close and even caressing his fur gently.

"i'll have to make him dislike me... day after day... and then maybe he'll break up with me, and i'll have all i deserve..."

⊗

"j-jeno?"

the so-called male lifted his head, staring at the hybrid as he hummed.

"i-is... i-is everything alright?" jaemin asked. "you look sad..."

"yeah..." jeno shrugged, his mind running back to the memories of his and renjun's conversation in the bed a few days ago, when his boyfriend had for the first time rejected sex advances.

"a-are you still sad because h-he didn't want to have sex t-that day?" jaemin asked, very aware of the situation since jeno had explained everything to him the next day. he may not have shown it to renjun, but this small rejection had hurt him deep to his core, and since then, he seemed to have only this on his mind and to overthink constantly about what renjun was thinking.

"it's not only that..." jeno explained, sighing loudly as he gulped, forcing himself not to cry again. it seemed like he was all he did these days, crying. "w-what if he doesn't like me anymore?"

jaemin's eyes widened slightly, not expecting such a question.

"t-this is not possible." the hybrid explained, shutting up the part of him which screamed at him to be honest and tell him the truth about renjun's growing feelings for jaemin and the explanation of his cold actions. "r-renjun loves you..."

"i'm not so sure anymore..." jeno's shoulders dropped as the first tears in a whle started rolling down his cheeks.

it had been four days since renjun had been so cold to jeno. and things hadn't gotten much better for them.

renjun had stopped using petnames for jeno. he had stopped showing him much affection. they hadn't had sex in the past days, and neither had they shared a nice and cozy moment snuggled together on the couch watching tv.

no, now everything seemed to be cold and distant.

jeno received two kisses a day, maybe three if he was lucky, and he got to bed with renjun's back facing him.

something had obviously changed between the both of them, and jeno couldn't pinpoint what.

and the worst part of it was that jeno and jaemin had their little plan still going on. not only did they still have the objective of making renjun appreciate jaemin more, but they were also trying to find out what was wrong with renjun. for that, jeno pushed jaemin to go and meet with renjun even more, telling himself that if renjun and jaemin got close enough, maybe renjun would end up explaining to jaemin what was wrong with his boyfriend. and jeno wanted answer – he needed them.

in this big mess, jaemin felt worse than the two lovers, and he had no fucking idea what to do either.

he had kept comforting jeno's these past days, trying to give him the presence and love that renjun had stopped giving jeno, but at the same time, he had kept seeing renjun and seeing the chinese male getting closer to him. and he was in the deep shit... why? because of his selfishness.

jaemin knew very well that none of this was viable.

he knew that renjun was acting like a bitch for jeno to break up with him.

he knew that renjun was falling in love with him behind jeno's back.

he knew that jeno was not telling the truth to renjun about him.

he knew that jeno was in pain because of what renjun made him live.

but he couldn't help but enjoy the situation he was in himself.

the hybrid had developed feelings – hell, perhaps even fallen in love – for the two perfect lovers. and by keeping the lie about his identity to renjun and keeping the lie about renjun's true feelings from jeno, jaemin was spending twice more time in the arms of the boys he loved.

he was getting and giving jeno hugs and spending afternoons snuggled with him while watching tv, like an old couple would. and at the same time, he was meeting up with renjun and experiencing the giddiness of the shy interactions between new lovers.

and it felt so good... but it was so fucking wrong...

jaemin was aware of all of this. he was aware that for the first time of his life, he was loved and desired, and for the first time he loved and desired himself. and he was painfully aware that it was his happiness or jeno and jaemin's.

but how could he sacrifice his own happiness when he had suffered from a lack of it until the past months? how could he find himself able to give in and grant happiness for people who had been happy all of their life?

the decision was hard, and jaemin wasn't someone bad. he knew what the right solution was, and he knew very well that the path he was taking was the wrong one. and he intended to change that. but not today, not when he was finally happy.

he'll simply enjoy this a few more days, he promised himself. and after that, he'll tell them the whole truth, and he'll offer them back their oh-so-perfect life. and of course, he'll go back to being rejected, undesired and unloved. but would it be that hard considering it had always been like that for him anyway?