A few weeks had passed, and I had grown used to Draco's absence again. But that didn't mean I didn't think about him all the time.

I cursed myself every time I did, though that didn't help anything, either. So I just decided to live with it. It worked out quite well this way.

The problem with it was that the first thing I'd do when I walked into a room, or along a corridor was look for him. I'd be able to make him out in any crowd. It's not even a conscious action anymore.

In the beginning, I stopped myself whenever I noticed looking for his grey eyes, his blond hair, though, after a while, I just let it be.

Which is why, now, while I was walking towards the Great Hall for dinner, the first thing I saw when I turned the corner was him. And how he was hurrying away from the hall and towards the staircases leading upstairs.

He was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice me. He looked awful. Worse than usual, even.

Skin pale, cheeks hollow; I had grown used to him like that by now. But almost trembling, breathing as heavy as he was and his eyes red; that sure was something I'd never seen before.

Something that worried me from deep within, even if I might not have liked that it did. And it made me turn on my heels and follow him to wherever he was headed.

Apparently where he was headed was all the way up on the sixth floor, and I felt my pulse picking up quickly while I tried to follow him up the stairs as quietly as I could. Though, right now was not the time to complain about that.

I hesitated when I watched him disappear into the boy's bathroom, feeling uncomfortable with the thought of following him in there. And I stood in front of the door for what must have been a minute before convincing myself this seemed more important.

I didn't expect the sight I was met with when I pushed the door open, and my brows furrowed slightly.

He was standing with his back to the door, both hands clutching the sink on either side, and his head hanging low. He was breathing heavily, his upper body rising and falling irregularly.

"Draco?" I said, my voice so soft I almost didn't recognise it. He startled, anyway, and turned around to face me immediately. When he saw me, he shook his head slowly, almost in an amused manner if it wasn't for the obviously pained expression on his face.

He let his head fall back, a loud sigh escaping his mouth as he mumbled something I couldn't understand.

When I attempted to come closer, his head snapped back into my direction, his eyes piercing into my own as if he was trying to figure out what I was doing here.

"Don't," He tried to say sternly, though his voice was shaky as the words left his mouth. I looked at him, my head tilting in confusion though I kept walking towards him as slowly as I could. "Don't come any closer," He continued, his breath growing even heavier; almost panting by now.

"What is it?" I wondered out loud, my facial features just as soft as my voice was when I came to a halt just a few feet away from him. He didn't move.

"I told you to stay away, Y/n," He snapped, his brows furrowing in annoyance and anger as he raised his voice, too. "Can't you listen to me just this one fucking time?"

No.

"What's wrong, Draco?" I insisted, ignoring his previous inquiry as best as possible as a bad feeling formed in my stomach. I couldn't quite place it, though I knew something wasn't right with him.

"Nothing is wrong, Merlin, just leave. me. alone," He seethed through gritted teeth, though the way he looked, spoke, and acted told me that was the last thing I should do right now.

"Just fucking tell me!" The calm tone in my voice was suddenly gone; instead, my voice sounded stern and definite.

I didn't want to wait any longer. I didn't think I could. I wanted to know what was going on; I wanted him to tell me what was going on instead of trying to puzzle all the little pieces together in hopes I'd come to the right conclusion.

"There's nothing to tell!" He assured, his eyes narrowing. "Just forget about this, please. Just forget about me." After the words left his mouth, his hands flew over his face, rubbing his eyes looking as stressed as ever as he began pacing in circles.

"I can help you. I want to-"

He cut me off, his voice suddenly weak as his normally tall, proud figure caved in on itself.

"-Nobody can help me." He said, leaning against the sink, his hands grabbing it on either side once more.

"I-"

"You wouldn't understand!" He hissed, his back still turned towards me.

"Try me."

At that, he turned around again, fury in his eyes and written all over his face when he stormed towards me, closing the distance between us quickly.

"You never shut the fuck up, do you?" He snapped, glaring down at me. "Merlin, you're so naive. You think you would understand? You think you can help me, yeah?" He continued, furious and clearly not in his right mind anymore as anger took over.

Suddenly, I felt so small as his tall frame hovered over me, the look in his eyes so intimidating, it was hard for me not to cave, not to look away. It felt like minutes passing as I looked into his stormy eyes, though it was probably not more than a few seconds before he continued, his right hand reaching for his left sleeve.

"Now what?!" He grunted, his hand fiddling with the sleeve, making my eyes snap in the direction.

And I froze at the sight.

Right there, on his left arm; the black skull with the snake emerging from its mouth, laughing at me mockingly as if to say 'Surprised?'. Big and black, covering the entirety of his forearm. When his gaze lowered, looking at it as well, he immediately covered it again, his breath hitching as if he was surprised to see it, too.

My eyes stayed on his arm, even though the mark was hidden underneath the fabric again, I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from it. I was staring for so long, it seemed as if I could see it through the shirt.

And at that moment, my head was empty. I wasn't scolding myself because I should've known, I wasn't surprised, because, in the back of my head, I did know. I simply stared at his arm, though my vision seemed to become blurry the longer I did.

But then, he moved. Turning back around to hold himself up on the sink for a third time today, the sounds suddenly coming from him seemingly shattering my heart into a million pieces.

It was a muffled whimper followed by a single loud sob that filled the bathroom.

The sight, and the sound, seemed to draw me back into reality again; the nonexistent thoughts turning into panic, worry, confusion, as I stood there watching Draco Malfoy trying his best not to cry in front of me.

A croaked "Why-" was all I managed to say, still processing the image of Draco's arm in my mind.

During this whole time, I hoped and prayed he didn't go as far as this. He could've done Voldemort's bidding without the mark. But like this; he was one of them. Officially, and one hundred percent, one of them. Associated with them though the mark forever.

Draco Malfoy, a death eater.

"Because I fucking love you, alright?!" He snapped, reaching his breaking point right as the words left his mouth. "Because I can't let Him- I can't just watch you- fuck." His whole body was shaking, the sobs now uncontrollably escaping his mouth, accompanied by gasps and curse words as he tried to get himself to stop.

And the sight was too heartbreaking for me to be mad at him. Sure, I might have been just that. Maybe even disappointed and annoyed. Though, right now, the only thing I could concentrate on was the way his sobs sounded after he told me he loved me.

Almost automatically, I moved up behind him, grabbing his arm as if I was in a trance, to make him look at me. He did, spinning around before I even touched him.

His breath was heavy, his eyes red and puffy, and locked with mine. I closed my eyes before I moved my arms to wrap around his torso; my head against his chest making it easy to hear his heartbeat threatening to jump out of his chest.

And then he wrapped his arms around me, too. His sobs subsiding, though I knew he was silently crying into my hair as he pulled me into his body as tightly as he could.

His arms locking behind my neck as if I'd disappear forever if he let go.

"I'm sorry," He said, the deep breath following just as shaky as his words were. "Just when I wanted to be better, for you, I couldn't be." He whispered.

"You don't have to try to be better for me, Draco-" I began, tears rolling down my cheek just like they were rolling down his.

Though, my sentence was interrupted by Harry's voice, and my head snapped in the direction it was coming from.

A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've been waiting for!

Thoughts? Pls? lol

I'm uploading tomorrow's chapter on my Patreon NOW! <3 (Link in bio, second tier and up)