I stare at the envelope in my hands, not as thicker as the others and before I open it I do a mental check of all the letters I have. The one in this envelope is the ninth letter, which means that wherever I go to now I'll receive the last letter. What comes is my last stop before meeting H and that makes my hand tremble for a very different reason. I mean, my hands always are shaking but now I know it's because I'm nervous, because I'm getting closer and closer and that sends jolts to my stomach and makes me feel all tingly inside.

It's hard to believe the day is almost over, that I've been to so many places and now in just one stop away from my stranger who doesn't feel like a stranger at all anymore. I really feel like I have butterflies in my stomach and I never felt something like this before. I always read about it and the descriptions were so real I almost felt like the characters, but this time it's different. It is me feeling this tingly sensation in my guts, as if there were something inside and it makes me want to giggle but I fight it. I'm nervous but excited, eager and anxious.

So close.

I'm so close to finally put a face to the boy who's made me smile for the past five months, who's helped me to crawl back to the surface from the black pit of my depression when I fall too deep, who's giving me encouraging words day after day, who's done so much for me and changed my whole world in one day. 

I finally open the envelope and take the later. As I suspected it is not as longer as the previous ones but it still has many words scribbled on the page.

Dear Maca,

I hope you had fun with the kids. They are very special and every time in go with Grace there I feel hopeful again, I see their smiles and I know for sure there's good in this world. I like seeing the good in everything around me, but sometimes I doubt, sometimes it's hard to believe there's good in a world that is so corrupted. But I just need to see these kids to remember that there is indeed good out there. There's hope.

I wanted you to meet this kids, and my sister of course, because I know you're pessimistic and have a hard time seeing the good in you. These kids see the good in others, they feel the good hearts and I'm sure they'll agree with me on that fact that you have a beautiful heart, Maca. I wanted you to see that these kids who'll have a very difficult life in the future, with people judging, discriminating them because of some mutation in one chromosome… these kids can still smile with their hearts, they still fight and try their best at everything. They face life with a smile on their faces no matter what, and that's so admirable. I don't think pitying them for their condition is appropriate, no matter how many hardships they have to go through, I think you can only admire how resilient they are, how strong, how beautiful. Don’t you agree?

I always tell you to smile, like these kids, always smile no matter what comes next. A smile will give you strength. An honest smile is that push you'll need when you feel nothing else can help you. Just one good thing, remember one good thing and smile for that and I promise you that you'll make it through another day. Think of smiles as crutches: just tools to help you walk when your legs can't work like before, when these fail you.

Smile like these kids, Maca. Feel inspired by them and let's try to be a bit more like them, shall we? That's what Grace always tells me and I think she's very wise for that.

Don't tell her I said that, though!

By the way, I hope she hasn't said anything bad or humiliating about me, if she did I'll seek vengeance!

Anyhow, I want to remind you that you're almost here. I'm still waiting, eagerly, but you still have one more stop. I want us to share something at the same time but without being together yet. Wanna try? Ask Grace to give you and MP3 player with a playlist I've created with some of my favourite songs and listen to it as you head to the next stop. Once you get to the main square go right to the centre, to the fountain and sit on the side. Keep listening to the playlist and someone will approach you with the last envelope that will take you here. You can tell me later if you liked my selection (;

When you start listening to the playlist, Grace will send me a text and I'll start listening to it, too. So with every song think of how I'm also listening to it on my own here as I wait for you.

It's something quiet and intimate so I hope you're okay with it. I guess it's a way for you to take a break from all the places I've taken you, and if the dogs were there too then you’re surely exhausted!

I'll see you soon, Maca. I'm waiting for you here and please come with a smile. I really want to see you with a smile on your lips for the first time. Please, do that for me.

(:

PS: the penultimate letter is A

I finish reading the letter with a smile on my lips, an honest one, the kind he wants to see and that he'll see. I'm so happy he's brought me here because it's true, I feel inspired by these kids, by the purity and honesty in their eyes, the happiness and hope in their smiles. As they have Down's syndrome, I have endogenous depression and even if our conditions are very different, they are our burden and if they can smile like this and see the bright side of life despite all the hardships they'll encounter, then I can try my best to keep fighting.

I put the letter in the envelope and then in my journal before I rise to my feet and go inside, looking for Grace. I find them in a playroom, all of them drinking hot chocolate that smells delicious. Grace sees me and approaches with a steaming mug and a plate with cookies.

"You're here. My brother told me you're vegetarian so no marshmallows, but here have some cookies instead. Get warm before you have to leave," she tells me and I appreciate her gesture and that she's kind enough to know we vegetarian don't eat marshmallows.

She guides me to the table she and Bert, the guy with the dogs and boyfriend, are using. Before I sit, though, I ask her: "can I use the toilet? I've been all day out and I would like to wash my face and do my makeup again, you know?"

"Oh right! And you were practically engulfed by the dogs!" she exclaims and when I look at my clothes I see dog hair everywhere. Oddie will be so angry when I get home. "Why don't you let me lend you some clothes so you can take a shower if you want. I bet you're exhausted by now and it'll help you a lot."

"Oh, that… that would be great. Thank you, Grace!"

So that's hat we do, even before we drink our hot chocolate. She says we’ll reheat it later, but first getting rid of the dog smell. So she guides me to the toilet where I can take a shower and hands me some of her extra clothes she always keeps around. It's a black dress with small, almost unnoticeable grey dots. It's a long sleeved dress and of a thick fabric, a winter dress that reaches my mid thigh. She also lends me some new purple tights she had bought recently. I try to tell her I can’t use something she hasn't even worn before but she refuses and ends up giving them to me.

"A present for my little brother's special friend," she says with a grin and I blush. I end up accepting the tights.

I shower quickly and get in the new clothes that actually fit me. Even if Grace’s taller and would look a hundred times better in the dress, this is also my size and my black boots match the new outfit. My black coat also will match it and I quite like how I look. Before I get out of the toilet I do my makeup and fix my red hair, looking at the girl in the reflection. The sempiternal black bags under my eyes are not that noticeable and my pale face looks brighter, I look more alive. The smile on my lips reaches my brown eyes that always seemed so dull to me but that today sparkle with life and excitement. The girl on the mirror looks so different from the girl I saw this morning and I can't believe they are the same. It's been so long since I saw myself smiling honestly.

I get out and meet Grace, Bert and the kids again. She's waiting for me with the reheated chocolate and the cookies and she smiles when se seems me. "Even lovelier! And without dog hair," she laughs and I do the same, accepting the mug and taking a sip. Its warmth reaches every part of my body and I feel so comfortable. "You can leave your clothes here and get then back when you come visit again," Grace proposes and I nod. "That way I make sure you come back sooner," she winks and I giggle.

"Even without that excuse I would've come back pretty soon," I tell her and her smile is so bright and happy.

"And now that you look so pretty, shall we take the picture?" she asks and I nod as I take another sip of my hot chocolate and eat a cookie.

She allows me to finish my hot chocolate and the cookies before we take the picture and as we are so many, Bert sacrifices himself and takes the picture for us. Grace and I at the back and the kids in front, all of us smiling widely. And once that one is taken we manage to squeeze as tight as we can and take a picture of all of us. Finally, I go back outside and ask Grace to take a picture of the dogs and I. I can't resist, I need a picture with happiness in fourty legs.

I put all those pictures inside my journal and Grace notices that.

"Can I see them?" she asks and I hand her the whole journal. She notices all the post-its and smiles at me with one of those knowing smiles, her dimples showing off. Then she looks at the pictures I’ve taken today and I'm surprised that she knows everyone in them. Everyone. Even Mr McDean, the Shakespeare professor.

"You know all his friends. That's impressive," I comment and she smiles, closing the journal and giving it back to me.

"My brother and I are close, we've always been. He likes taking me to his activities and sharing what he likes. Probably that's why he also insisted that I had to meet you today, too. I told him it wasn't fair that I got to know you before him," she tells me and I nod. Many of his friends, his best mate included, have met me first which is kind of weird. "You know what he told me?"

"What?"

"'But I already know her, I just haven't seen her face,'" she quotes before giggling. "That idiot, he always surprises me."

I only blink, processing the words. A smile creeps to my lips when they sink and I realise I agree with him. I've met his friends and sister, but none of them know me as H does.

Grace hands me the journal back before she stands up and goes for something. When she's back I notice a small gadget in her hands and purple headphones.

"Here's the MP3 player. Hit play the moment the door closes, okay?" she instructs and I nod, remembering exactly what H wrote in the letter. "Are you ready to go? If not you can totally hang it here," she jokes and I shake my head.

"I'm ready. In fact, I think I'll take my leave now. Thank you for everything, Grace. I'll see you soon," I promise giving her a hug that she replies. Then I say goodbye to the kids, also promising them that I'll come back to visit and play. Then it's goodbye to Bert and I get my things back: purse, camera and coat before I head outside. Grace walks me to the door, her mobile in her head with a text ready to be sent.

"Have fun," she says when we are at the door. "It was really great meeting you, Maca. I'm happy you found my brother's post-it."

"I'm the happiest about it," I reply and she only smiles. We hug one last time before I turn on my heels and she closes the door. I put on the headphones and I hit play.

The smile comes back to my lips when Magic by Coldplay starts playing and with that song playing I head to the main square of the city, very aware that right now H is also listening to the same song, the smile never leaving my lips.

-:-:-

Hehehe surprise! Second update of the week :D And we are getting closer and closer to finally meeting H! Are you excited? So far, what's been your favourite stop?

This dedication goes to @SummerCo. It was hard to decide to whom give this dedication considering almost all comments were spectacular! Thank you all so much, you made me really happy.

Bel, xx

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