I AM STANDING ON wickery bridge, the chilly night air blowing against my bare arms. The street's empty with no sign of anything, lights flicker above me and the trees whoosh.

"What am I doing here?" I ask myself, looking at my surroundings.

A sound of a car passing by is heard and I look behind me to see a familiar car driving down the street. I held out my hand to stop it but it continued driving.

I watched as suddenly the car tipped over the edge of the bridge and fell down onto the water below. I looked over the edge as the car fell into the water with a splash.

I turn to suddenly see Stefan jumping over the edge and falling into the water.

It then hit me.

This is how my adoptive parents died.

"How does it feel?"

I turn to see Damon standing beside me, his elbows on the bridges edge.

"How does it feel to see your parents die?" he asks, looking at me.

"You're in my head." I mumble, "Why are you in my head?"

"To bring you back." he said, "To make you feel something."

"Get out of my head, Salvatore."

"Not yet." he shakes his head, "Watch."

I watch as Stefan pulls out a almost looking lifeless Elena onto the shore below us.

I growl, "Get out of my head."

I sit up with a gasp. I look around and I'm sitting on Damon's bead, my hands bound by ropes to the headboard. Damon sits beside me while Stefan sits behind him on a chair.

"Kinky," I smirk, "I like it."

"Of course you do." Damon smiles, "How did it feel like seeing the car accident?"

I shrugged, "It was okay. Disappointed there wasn't any blood."

I chuckle, "So you guys are on a roll today, huh? Big day ahead of you."

"Sure is," Damon replies, "it'll be hard to break you."

"So why try?" I ask, "Just stop. I like how I am, shouldn't that matter?"

"That's the problem, Emilia." Stefan sits forward, "You don't know how to feel about yourself now because you can't feel."

"But that's the beauty of it all." I tell them, "Why have emotions when you can't? I really should've turned them off from the beginning."

Damon sighs, "Let's try again. You're starting to get annoying."

—

I'm on a small hill in the woods. It's dark and cold. The full moon is shining down at me and the stars shining.

I grunt, "What now?"

I look over the hill and see three fire circles in the woods. Elena stands in one, I stand in one, and third fire circle is empty.

The hybrid sacrifice.

I watch as Klaus shoves a stake into Jenna's heart. Elena sobs in her circle as she crumbles to the ground. I, on the other hand, stood there with a blanked face as I watched the whole ordeal.

I looked empty.

I watched as Klaus then grabbed Elena out of the circle and it's like I snapped back to reality. I ran to the edge of the circle as I begged and begged Klaus to take Katherine instead of Elena.

I was sobbing on my knees as I watched Klaus drink from Elena.

"You know, Damon, this is more entertaining." I said out loud.

"Your Aunt died that night, Emilia." Damon said, "Do you remember that day? Jenna was turned into a vampire and she was killed during the sacrifice so that Klaus could become a hybrid. Remember?"

He continues, "Do you remember watching Elena fall on the floor after Klaus had finished drinking from her? Do you remember how we interfered before anything could happen to you?"

He says quietly, "How does it feel, Emilia? How does it feel to know that your aunt and your sister suffered that night while you walked away without a scratch on you?"

He whispered in my ear, "How does it feel?"

"It feels good." I whisper back.

—

I stood on the school's empty field. It was night as well, the moon and the stars illuminating the sky. The night was chilly and cold, small gusts of wind blowing.

A maniac like laugh could be heard and I turned to look at myself where I sat on the bleachers, laughing at practically nothing with a whiskey bottle in my hands. The whiskey bottle fell and it rolled down the bleachers till it continued its way down the grass.

"No!" I had yelled before I practically jumped down the bleacher after the whiskey bottle. "Wiskey! Don't leave me! Please, I need you!"

I chase the bottle down the field on the grass till it finally came to a stop. I fell on my knees in front of it and cradled the bottle.

I walked slower to watch my past self sob at a whiskey bottle.

How insane was I?

"Don't leave me!" I had whispered, a sob unintentionally breaking out of me.

Tears had started slipping past my eyes and I closed my eyes, pulling the now empty bottle to my chest.

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" my past self says, my voice cracking as rippled sobs escape me. "I won't do it again. Please."

I gripped the bottle against my chests so hard that it had shattered beneath my hands. The pieces of glass had cut through my hand and I hissed in pain. I had unclench my hands and looked down, staring at the blooding oozing out of the cuts.

My eyes move to the large glass pieces on the grass and I break out sobbing, hurrying to pick up the pieces off the floor.

"I'm so sorry!" I had sobbed, holding the pieces to my chest. "I'm sorry!" I had weeped, throwing my head back as I clench the pieces to me, not caring how it ripped through my skin.

Damon had appeared beside me as he looked down at my messy state with concern.

"Emilia?"

"Damon." I had whimpered, "I broke it." I showed him the glass pieces that were carried by my hand. "I'm sorry I broke it."

"Put the pieces down, Angel, you're hurting yourself." he had whispered, sitting down slowly as he grabbed my hands.

I had stared at him with tears streaming down my face as he cleaned my hands, his brows furrowed in worry.

"What's wrong?" I had asked quietly.

Damon sighed and looked up at me, "Klaus is dead."

"Oh."

"Alaric's dead too." he continued, his voice low and regretful.

"What?" I had asked, my head snapped to look at him. "But that means — " a ripped sob broke out.

I had started shaking my head as I fell into another fit of sobs, tears streaming down my face like niagara falls.

"I'm so sorry." Damon whispered, cupping my face. "I'm so sorry, baby." he said, pulling me to his chest bawl on his chest, my body shaking with sobs.

Suddenly, I was in the hospital. I stood in the dark hall with only faded lights illuminating the place. I turned to see my past self sitting on the hospital chairs while Damon sat beside me, holding me to his chest as I continued sobbing.

Suddenly, my face went empty and emotionless. Like I died.

Then the next second, I was sobbing once again and clenching my fists on Damon's already wrinkled jacket as he whispered comforting things.

"Damon, I can't!" I sobbed, nuzzling my face in his chest. "I can't do it! It hurts so much!"

"I know, baby, I know." he said softly, pecking my forehead softly.

I slowly sat down on a chair behind me and continued watching the night where everything changed unfold.

"I can't handle the pain! I want it to stop!" I sniffled, hiccuping as my eyes clench shut.

"I know." he whispered, "Everything will be okay."

My heart lightly clenched as I watched myself sob and break down in Damon's comforting hands. I remember how that night felt, despite everything happening I was wrapped up in his safe arms.

"No. It won't." I exclaimed, pulling away from him. "It won't be okay! My sister is dead, Damon, and I just wanna die! Kill me, Damon!"

I remember wanting to rip my own heart out that night.

"Emilia, baby, no." he said softly, cupping my face.

"Ok then, I will kill myself!" I sobbed, standing up and walking away.

Damon clasped my wrist and twisted me around, pulling me to him and wrapping his arms around me. "I love you and don't ever think about taking your own life away." he whispered in my ear.

But I couldn't leave him.

"But it hurts too much." I whispered, pulling back to look at him. "I hate the pain. I want it to stop."

Damon brought his hand up and caressed my cheek, pursing his lips. "You have to live with the pain, Emilia. It will get better."

"No it won't!" I exclaimed, pushing at his chest. "Stop saying that Damon!" I sobbed, my knees giving out and I fell to my knees. "I want it to stop! I want everything to stop!"

Damon fell down on his knees in front of me and he pulled me in his arms. "Take deep breaths." he said softly.

I listened to him and I take multiple deep forced breaths, none of them making me feel better. "It doesn't work Damon." I told him, looking up at him.

"Just keep doing it, baby." he whispered, smiling sadly at me.

"I need fresh air." I croaked, my voice cracking as I slowly stood up on my feet.

"Okay." Damon said, standing up with a nod.

"I want to be alone for a minute." I told him, pulling my jacket closer to my body.

Damon nodded and I turned around, walking and heading over to the hospital's exit.

I watched as Damon sat back on the hospital chairs, running his hands down his face as a tear trickled down his cheeks.

I stood up and followed myself out of the door, pushing open the hospital doors and walking out into the night. I walk to the parking lot and stop when I spot myself on the floor against a car, sobbing with my face hidden in my lap.

I walked closer and stood adjacent myself, sitting on the floor against the car opposite her.

It felt like I was looking in the mirror yet different positions. That me was sobbing her heart out and wanted to end her own life. That me turned her emotions off.

This me just sat and watched myself cry. This me was starting to feel emotions. Pity, sadness, anger, and confusion.

My past self looked in front of her, like she was looking straight at me. She was crying as wheels turned in her head, thinking about what to do. She ran her fingers through her hair as more tears ran down her face, her face conflicting emotional pain and sadness.

Her hands fell to her sides and she bit her lips, so many emotions brushing past her face. My heart clenched when her face fell, the last few tears sliding down her cheeks.

She stopped crying.

I started crying.

It was like a truck full of emotions hit me in the head. I felt it all. All. Every single emotion I felt rushing through my veins and exploding in my body. It itched me and demanded to be expressed.

Tears of sorrow ran down my cheeks, one after another and I couldn't stop them. I didn't know what to feel, how to control my frenzy emotions.

This was it.

This was the moment I had ruined my own life, no one else. If I had just waited a few moments before Elena came back to life, none of this would have happened.

Watching myself cry and turning off my own emotions pushed me over the edge. Because I knew why I was crying, I knew what I was leaving when I made my decision.

I knew it all yet I had done it.

I was leaving everyone I have ever loved because of my stupid irrational decision. I was selfish. I wasn't the only one dealing with pain yet when I had made my decision, I caused them more pain.

I was supposed to be a friend. A sister.

Jeremy.

I growled and gripped the roots of my hair. I moved to my knees and punched the floor, scratching my knuckles in the process but I didn't care.

I had lost Jeremy and I hadn't cared. I hadn't cared about anyone.

I was suddenly in Damon's room once again. I was still tied to the headboard as tears of fury colored my cheeks. I was sweaty and drained of blood, not having anything to drink.

Stefan jumped to untie one of my hands while Damon undid the other one.

I didn't care about the pain in my wrists. I instantly grabbed a pillow and hurled it across the room in anger. My body shook with fury as I threw the lamp on the bedside table across the room before it crashed against the wall and fell down.

"Emilia." Damon moved to sit in front of me as he grabbed my hands. "Emilia, it's okay. You're fine."

I crumble in his arms, my body shaking with loud sobs as I grasped his shirt.

"I-I don't deserve this." I hiccup, pulling away from Damon.

"Emilia," he whispers, "let me help you. I need to help you."

I don't say anything as he grabs me into his chest once again, rubbing my back and pecking my forehead multiple times as I continued breaking down in his arms.

"You're fine, I promise." he whispers, pecking the top of my head. "I'm not letting you go tonight."

Stefan walks back into the room with a blood bag in his hands. Damon grabs it and he hands it over to me. After a couple seconds of watching the blood bag, I grab it out of his hand.

Damon pushes my hair from my sweaty forehead as I sip on the blood, fueling my desires. He caresses my cheeks as I drink from the blood bag.

"You're okay." he whispers, "You're okay."

It was more like he was saying it to himself.

After finishing the blood bag, he takes it from my hands.

"Want another one?" he asks.

I shake my head. He nods and moves closer to me, grabbing my hands in his.

"What do you feel right now, Emilia?" he asks.

"I feel everything." my voice croaks like I had just used it for the first time. "I feel furious, sad, pathetic, useless, and selfish. But it feels good to feel like this because I deserve it. I deserve to feel like shit and so much more."

"Don't say that." he whispers, "You're not a real vampire unless you turn your emotions off. So congratulations, Emilia, you're an official vampire."

"How can you be around me after everything I've done?" I ask, quietly.

"Because I've done way worse, Emilia." he said, "And even I haven't, you were in a vulnerable state."

Tears start running down my cheeks, "J-Jeremy."

I hug my knees, "He's gone, Damon. Jeremy's gone and the last thing he remember of me is being like that."

"Of course not." he shakes his head, "He won't remember that. He'll remember his sister. His funny, loving, smart sister. The one who babysits him and protects him. The one who used to make him laugh and let him get drunk when he's not supposed to."

I chuckle through my tears.

"How could he not remember that?" Damon smiles, "How could anyone not remember that?"

I sniffle and smile at him, "Thank you, Damon."

He only nods and smiles at me, his thumb grazing my palm as he stares at me.

"Anything for you." he whispers.

This chapter changes everything.

Emilia's finally back!! Bitch Emilia was fun to write but it was also tiring and I needed the old Emilia to come back asap.

I hope you guys liked this chapter and if you did please don't forget to comment, vote, and share!!

Thank you all so much xx