As I heard the front door slam shut over the sound of the shower, I felt the tears begin to stream down my face.

Was I projecting my guilt? Yes. But I couldn't tell him why I was so angry. I couldn't tell him I was mad that he had hidden this job offer all week and that he had been hiding his feelings about uni. Because I couldn't tell him that what I was hiding was much worse.

If Cory found out that I had been pretending our relationship didn't exist... he would never forgive me.

I wasn't ready to confront my actions. I wasn't ready to question why I was doing what I was doing. So it was better... easier... to be mad at him.

Memories of the afternoon began to replay in my head as I stood under the stream of water.

***

My thoughts were elsewhere as I headed down the stairs in the library towards the carpark. I was fifteen weeks pregnant. We still hadn't opened the gender envelope. The morphology scan was a few weeks ago.

Cory kept asking when we would open the envelope or start thinking of names or start buying things... but I couldn't bring myself to hope for these babies until we at least past that ultrasound. If I got hopeful now and something was wrong with our babies... I couldn't handle that crushing hope again.

I had made my way to the final floor, heading towards the door as I slipped through the oncoming crowd.

"Hey, Lily!" someone said, causing me to stop in my tracks.

Turning around, my eyes landed on a familiar face, causing a smile to spread across my face. "Tyler. Hi."

He said something to his friends that I couldn't hear, then walked over to me, his friends leaving.

I looked at the retreating crowd, eyebrows furrowed. "I'm on my way out... you should catch up with them."

He placed his hands in his pockets—a somewhat awkward maneuver—as he bit his bottom lip.

Is he... is he nervous?

"Can't spare a moment for me?" he asked.

"I suppose I can?"

He looked away from me, at the surroundings, as though he was looking for something but also nothing, before he looked back at me. "Can I take you to dinner?"

"Dinner?"

He chuckled. "You know... food?"

My heart beat sped up slightly. "Um... did you have another study question?"

"It's not uni related."

I pursed my lips.

"Maybe more like... friends... getting dinner?"

I smiled. Friends. I like that. "Sure. Let's get food." As we walked towards the carpark, I forgot what I had been thinking about so hard before. Starting towards my car, his hand slipped onto the small of my back, guiding me away.

"Let's take one car. I promise I'll drop you back off later."

"Okay..."

Tyler paid for my food, which began to stir an unsettled feeling in my stomach. I wasn't sure if it was aftershocks of morning sickness—though first trimester was over—or if I disliked the suggestion that him buying a meal for me meant. Or worse... if I liked what it meant.

It wasn't anything fancy. We had merely driven over to the nearby cluster of fast food shops off campus and he had gotten me a meal combo from Maccas. Nonetheless, I still felt weird about the situation.

"Dig in!" he said as he set my food out in front of me.

"Thanks," I replied, taking a bite.

"No worries." We took a few awkward bites in silence when he decided to speak once more. "I may have an ulterior motive for asking you out to dinner..." he started.

My heart rate sped up again as my burger hovered mid air. It can't have been an attractive sight and I began to feel self-conscious about it, but before he could speak further and before I could unpack my physical response to him further, my phone began to buzz.

Pulling it out, I noticed Cory's name lit up. And I noticed Tyler saw it too.

"Sorry, I have to take this," I said, putting my food down. The phone kept buzzing as I quickly ran out of the store and picked it up.

"Hey, Cory. Can I call you back later, I'm really busy," I said, feeling a little breathless from running outside so quickly. As I turned around towards the fast food restaurant, I noticed Tyler looking at me, head cocked to the side, eyebrows turned down sadly.

"Where are you?" he asked, sounding a little bitter.

"In the library," I lied. "I have a study project with a peer of mine."

"When are you coming home?" he continued to pester.

"Not until late." Tyler pulled out his phone, scrolling through something on the screen and smiling slightly as he typed. What was he smiling about? Did a girl message him?

"Did you get my note this morning?"

"Note?" I responded, slightly confused. Note... What note was he talking about? My eyes widened as I remembered his note this morning about needing to talk tonight. "Ah shit! I'm so sorry. Um, I can be there in an hour?" That would be enough time to eat our food and talk with Tyler without seeming rude for ditching him so suddenly...

"Okay," he replied quietly.

"Talk soon." I pulled the phone from my ear and went to hang up.

Just before I pushed the button, I heard him say, "I love you." But I was too late to respond as my finger hit the red button.

"Shit," I whispered, half considering sending him a text. But as I looked back over at Tyler, he smiled again, typing away on his phone.

I walked back in, sitting down. Cory and I could deal with whatever it was later... it was rude of me to be standing outside here while Tyler was in there alone. "Sorry about that," I said.

He shook his head and put his phone away. His eyes drifted over me slowly, then a small smile slipped onto his face. "So... who is Cory?"

I knew I should have outright told him, but I couldn't. "Just someone."

"Your boyfriend?" Something about his expression, the eagerness in his eyes and his slow patience as he awaited my response, had me wanting to not be honest. Had me curious... My whole teenage years until Cory had been pretty non-eventful. Not one guy had looked at me, then, in a short period, I had been with Cory and Jake. A part of me was wondering, slightly hoping, that Tyler was into me. I knew it was wrong to wish that. And I didn't want anything from him... I thought. But I was curious. Hopeful. Hopeful that, despite the fact my stomach was about to get huge and my life was going to change so much, that I was evidently going to be a mother-to-be, that someone, anyone, could still find me attractive. That someone could still be able to fall for me, just Lily.

Laughing, I replied, "What does that matter?"

He took a deep breath suddenly, then said, "It matters to me."

I paused, a chip halfway to my mouth. "Why?" Popping the chip into my mouth, my eyes studied him as his hands fidgeted and he did his best to avoid my eye contact.

"Because I like you."

I had swallowed the moment he said it, but the words, so suddenly out there, surprised me, causing me to breathe in at the same time. Meaning the food definitely went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough suddenly.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked, eyes wide as he awkwardly leaned across, not sure what to do.

I banged a fist on my chest as I caught my breath, washing down the discomfort with my drink. "I'm fine," I croaked. "You um... took me by surprise there." He liked me... I knew it was wrong to feel giddy. And it was odd that I was still surprised. I had totally not expected my assumptions to be right. I was almost sure I was misreading the signs. "When you say like..." I said, not wanting to overreact without being too sure.

"I mean... I think you're really pretty. And smart. And I have a crush on you."

My heartbeat sped up once more and heat overcame my face. I looked away. Shit... how do I respond to this... "Tyler... I'm flattered."

"But you don't feel the same," he replied, dejected.

I looked back up at him. His gaze had turned down now, smile long gone from his face. "Not necessarily but..."

His eyes snapped to mine, hopeful. Eager.

Shut this down now, Lily, my conscience suddenly screamed at me. "I don't mean to mislead you though..."

"Do you like me?"

"I... um..."

He reached across the table, placing a hand on mine.

The warmth of his touch made my heart race even faster. How was it possible for it to beat this quickly? I glanced around and slowly withdrew my hand from his. "It doesn't matter how I feel," I said. It would have been right to tell him I didn't like him. But the truth was, even though I love Cory, I did like Tyler. I did. I wasn't going to do anything about it, but I couldn't lie.

"It does matter."

I shook my head. Shut this down! "Regardless of what you feel and what I feel... we can't ever be more than friends."

"Why?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Tell him.

I took a deep breath, looking into his awaiting eyes.

Tell him now, Lily. Tell him about Cory. Tell him you're in a committed relationship and you're pregnant.

But I couldn't do it. Not fully. I couldn't bear to see him so sad. I couldn't bear to have him suddenly so distant from me. So I told as close to the truth as I could. "I'm pregnant," I said.

He blinked a couple of times, then cocked his head to the side. "Sorry. Did you say you're—"

"Pregnant. Yes. With twins. Just finished my first trimester."

Ever so slowly, he let go of the breath he had been holding, eyes going back down to the table as his brows turned downwards. "So rather than a boyfriend... you're married?"

I know I'm an absolute idiot. I know I'm detestable. I know I should have completely corrected him then, but unfortunately all that came out of my mouth was, "I'm not married."

His eyes met mine once more. "But you have a partner?"

"Tyler..."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant," I said again, expecting that to do the trick. Expecting him to pack up his food and go.

"I heard you."

I shook my head. "Shouldn't you drop this conversation at that?"

"Why?"

"Because I have someone else's child in me?"

"That doesn't mean I don't or can't like you. Just because a woman is pregnant or has kids doesn't mean she's not still herself first."

His words were music to my restless heart who longed to still be just Lily.

"Do you like me, Lily?" he tried when I didn't respond.

I couldn't meet his eyes anymore. Instead, I bit my lip and nodded. I didn't want to let him down.

"Then that's that."

Eyes closed, my heart was crushed. This wasn't right. I shouldn't have told him. I shouldn't have felt this. I should have ended our friendship then and there and went back home to Cory. But again, the full truth was caught in my throat. I packed up my food, unable to finish it. Pulling out my wallet, I pushed my money at him across the table.

"What's this for?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I can't accept you paying for this."

"Why? It's just a date."

"No. It's not a date."

"I don't understand, Lily. I like you. You like me. Why can't we date? You're not suddenly undateable just because you're pregnant. Yes, it's not exactly the most ideal start to anything but... I want to try."

"You and I will never be a thing, Tyler," I said as firmly as I could.

"Why?" he asked again.

I pushed away from the table. "I need to go home."

He looked up at me, taking a couple of deep breaths, an indescribable emotion spreading across his face as he stared at me. Yet rather than pushing me again, he got up, took our food to the bin, and walked out of the restaurant, leading the way back to his car.

We didn't speak on the way back. But as he pulled into the carpark and I unbuckled my seatbelt, I whispered, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head in response, but didn't say anything.

"Does this mean we can't be friends?"

His eyes met mine finally, sadness swirling in the brown depths. "I'm still your friend, Lily. Don't worry about that."

I nodded, then gave him a small smile. "I'm really sorry."

"I just wish you would tell me why."

"I can't..."

"Can't? Why not?"

"I don't want to tell you."

His eyes searched my face. I don't know what he found there, but he seemed to find some resolve because suddenly his extended his hand across the space of the car, brushing a lock behind my ear. I wanted to lean into his hand, but instead I moved away. "It's okay, Lily. You don't need to explain yourself."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Have a good evening."

"You too." With that, I climbed out of the car, got into mine, then headed home.

***

Turning the shower off, I stepped out, wrapped myself in the towel, then headed to the bedroom. I laid in bed for a while, staring at the roof, when finally I heard the front door gently open and close.

I kept my ear out, listening to Cory put his keys down and have a shower. After some time passed, he entered the bedroom, walking the length until he sat down on the bed next to me.

"We should talk," he said.