The contents of my stomach found their way up my oesophagus, out of my mouth, and into the bathroom sink. Casey pulled my hair back, away from my face.

"That doesn't look good," she mumbled.

"Doesn't taste to great either..." I replied when the nausea briefly died down.

"What did you eat?"

"A wrap."

"That's not bad--" but I cut her off with another load of vomit.

"A wrap with avocado, sardines, peanut butter, and pickles..." I continued once I had stopped.

"That sounds disgusting. What on earth were you thinking?"

"I had the oddest craving..."

"I'll say. Probably the weirdest one anyone has ever had."

"No... some people eat dirt... some eat bricks."

"Bricks? As in, the bricks you make a house out of?"

"The very ones."

"Pregnancy is strange..."

"Indeed."

"I don't think I ever want a child."

"If only your will was enough... one day your motherly instincts will kick in."

"I doubt it. Babies hate me."

"One day--" and chunks flew again.

When the vomiting died down, I rinsed my mouth, quickly brushed my teeth, and headed back out to the living room to collapse on the couch.

"Thanks Casey. You're a saviour."

"No problem. So you're really going to have the child?"

I shrugged. "I'm conflicted."

"Talk it out with me. What are your pros and cons?"

"Pros: I get to bring life into this world, start a family with the man I love, have a little adorable chubby baby who loves me and I will love dearly, and so on so forth; I will have the blessings of motherhood."

"Cons?"

"I'm just not sure if Cory and I are at a stage where we can handle that."

"Because of not being together that long?"

"I mean, it's been a year. It's not that bad considering how quickly some have kids. But I feel we've finally grown strong as a couple and got through that... trauma. We're at a stage where we work."

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if the memories of our last child haunt us through this one? What if he doesn't want it?"

"He totally wants it... he was leaping for joy when you told Tristan and me."

"That's true."

"Is that the only reason?"

"We aren't financially prepared. We're students, for crying out loud."

"You have parents who love you and I'm sure they'd support you. Besides, the government helps by providing funds to those who don't have much money raising a child. You'd have income support."

"But then there is also my degree."

"That's the big one."

"I've worked my butt off all year to get my grades and, if I do well during these tests, I really think I'll have a shot at transferring."

"What's the process?"

"Well, I have to talk to the head of the department and have a brief interview."

"Can you possibly ask about taking a gap?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. It's medicine, so I'm not sure how lenient they are."

"They'd have to be accommodating in some way. Plenty of older women with families attend uni, so they'd have to have option."

"Perhaps..."

"That can't be the biggest thing scaring you. What is it?"

"Well... what if the trauma from the last baby affects me during the pregnancy and causes the child to die? What if my body can't carry it? I can't lose another child... It would break me." Tears came to my eyes. "Do you know how horrible it is when they do an ultrasound on your stomach to check the child and there is no heart beat? Do you know how horrible it is to be induced into labour and birth a stillborn? To hold my dead baby in my arms and know they will never be able to look back at me? Never take its first steps, never walk, never run, never learn, never fall in love and have their own children... I can't handle another. I just can't."

"But that wasn't your fault, Lily. Your stomach was harmed."

"Because I was an idiot who made foolish decisions such as dating someone like him."

"You couldn't have known what he'd do, Lily. Besides, this time you're with Cory. He would never hurt you. What does he want? Have you asked?"

I nodded. "Of course he wants to keep it."

"What about his studies?"

"He's can take up to two years off within his degree, so he's planning on taking a gap next year to raise funds and then another year after that.

"Make him study at least another semester. Get him further through that degree so he doesn't just quit when the baby is born..."

"You're right."

"When do you need to make a decision?"

"Well, I'm about a month in. So I don't have long. Recovering from an abortion is much more traumatic and painful the longer you wait."

"If you need me to come, just say the word. But, Lily... I really think this is a great chance. I have a feeling about this."

I smiled at her. "Thanks, Case."

***

The room was dark and nearly silent aside from the faint hum of the air-conditioner. I couldn't tell if Cory was asleep yet. I extended my hand, searching for his. When I did, he gave me a gentle squeeze.

"Are you still up?"

"Mmm. Can't sleep."

"Why? Are you okay?" I shifted into a sitting position.

He rolled over to face me. I could just make out that his eyes were open. "Just worried about you," he stated.

"Worried? Why?"

"You've had a constant crease between your eyes lately. You're all in your head and not vocal. I just hope you're not struggling through any thoughts on your own."

I leaned down and planted a kiss on his head. "I love you, you know?"

A brief laugh escaped him. "I love you too."

"I'm just not sure..." I couldn't complete my sentence, but Cory knew exactly what I was going to say.

"I think we should."

"Why?"

"We weren't actively trying for a child... You're on the pill. But by some lovely coincidence, you got diarrhoea that day--

"I don't need the reminder," I cut him off.

He chuckled. "You had that thing and we conceived a child again, accidentally."

"I was hoping we would plan our next child."

"We can try for the next one. But it's like fate. We may have not been successful the first time, but it's like life repeated its course for us just so that we can get it right this time. A second chance."

"But... I'm scared."

"Of course you are. But you were also scared the first time. You know this time around though what to expect with the pregnancy ordeal. Unfortunately, you also know the pains of labour. We have a better chance to know what we are dealing with and a better chance to limit any mishaps."

I was quiet for a while. Cory knew how to make a good argument. Nevertheless, a suppressed thought that hadn't surfaced for a long while popped into my head. "What if we break up?"

"We won't."

"But say we do. That's not right for the child."

"Children deal with their parents separating all the time and turn out okay. Look at Jojo. I'd say look at me but... I haven't been completely right in the head at times, as we both know."

"But, we could get sick of each other. We're still young. We won't get to be young. You might regret settling with me."

"And you might get bored of me."

"Never."

"But you could."

I sighed.

Cory shifted up into a sitting position and pulled me into his arms. "If that happens, then it won't happen for a long time because I love you, I loved our baby, and I love this baby." He put his hand on my stomach. "If we no longer work together, we will work it out then. But I'm sure we will be level-headed enough to discuss what's best for our child. It will be our responsibility as parents to not hurt them. In saying that, I have no plan to leave you or let you leave me. I want you to be stuck with me until we've popped out our third... fifth, maybe twentieth child."

"No... not twenty. That's too much."

"How about nineteen?"

"I'll think about it."

We cuddled for a brief period, enjoying the silence. He had a knack these days for making me feel better, which was surprising considering he drove me up the wall the first time.

"I hate the idea of our child being a mistake."

"It's not a mistake. We may have not planned the pregnancy, but they are, by all means, welcomed to this world by our hearts and we will do what it takes to make sure they're brought into a good home. You know that."

And I did. As we laid back down and got comfortable, I knew this man holding me in his arms was going to make this time right. It wouldn't be like the last time. We wouldn't be fighting. I wouldn't be facing this alone. Sure, we have situations that don't accommodate a child, but we have nine months to figure that all out... well, eight now. With Cory by my side, what could go wrong?

So I decided we'd keep it.