When I walked onto campus the next day after our fight, Cory's necklace heavy against my chest, I knew what I would have to do if Tyler tried speaking to me again. Yet regardless, I was sure he wouldn't. What guy in his right mind would still pursue a woman who was pregnant with another person's child? What young guy, with his whole life ahead of him, would still crush on a girl whose attention would never be his alone? With a chance to think about it overnight, surely he knew to put distance between us.

So when I walked into biology that morning, heading to my spot at the back of the lecture theatre, I was sure I'd have the lesson alone.

But then he walked in, eyes finding mine, the dangerous smile slipping onto his face, and he walked up the stairs, taking the seat next to me.

"Morning," he said, a little breathless from the climb as he pulled out his book. "I almost thought I wouldn't make it on time. The carpark was packed."

Nodding, I repositioned in my seat, angled away from him and towards the board.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, pausing in his motions.

But thankfully the lecturer walked in at that moment, meaning conversation ceased.

I knew he kept glancing at me during the whole hour of class, but I kept my eyes on the lecturer and my laptop, ensuring I didn't look his way. And the moment the class wrapped up, I threw my things in my bag ready to take off.

"Want to get lunch?" he asked me when I stood up.

"Sorry, I cant."

His brows furrowed. "Why not?"

"I just can't." And I took off down the stairs, outside of the lecture theatre. Yet it was wishful thinking to assume that would be the end of the conversation, because he was bounding right after me.

"Lily, wait!" he called, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop.

As I turned to look at him, he dropped his grip from me and looked down to the ground.

"What did I do wrong? I don't understand. I thought we were at least going to be friends."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

His eyes met mine, hurt echoing in their depth as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "Why? Just tell me why already."

I shook my head, biting my lip and not responding.

"I'm sorry I told you I like you, okay. But you like me too. I don't get it. You said you don't have a partner. The fact that you're pregnant has nothing to do with... we can be friends. I'm happy to say let's just forget I said anything and go back to how we were."

"But we can't take it back now, Tyler. I didn't know before how I felt and now that I do... this needs to stop."

"Wait... you only realised you liked me when I told you?"

I looked away, avoiding his eyes.

"Lily. Please tell me why we can't even be friends."

"It's Cory."

I heard him heave a deep breath, causing me to turn to look at him. "What did he do to you? I imagine he's the father. Did he hurt you?"

My brows turned down in shock... he thought that this pregnancy was... I shook my head. "No. Cory is... Yes he's the father. But he is also... my boyfriend."

He looked at me in disbelief, his mouth opening a couple of times to speak, yet nothing came out. Then finally he said, "You mean... when I asked if you had a boyfriend... you lied?"

"I didn't lie. I just asked what the difference was."

"You're so caught up on your pregnancy being the deterrent that you don't think maybe the relationship part is what I'd be concerned with?"

I looked down at my shoes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged.

"Are you... are you happy with him?"

His question was unexpected, hitting me deep. I took a couple of deep breaths as the sting came to my eyes. Then ever so slowly I looked up at Tyler. "I don't know anymore."

Picking Cory up from the police station was the last thing I wanted to do when I got home, but hearing he was there for beating up a child was another thing. He didn't say anything on the way home as my knuckles went white as I gripped the steering wheel. Yet once the door to our home closed, the screaming match was on.

The whole time I shouted, he looked down at his lap. He knew it was wrong. It was clear the moment I arrived at the station that he had already regretted his actions. But I had to unleash my steam. Was it healthy to shout at him? To not have an open conversation? Probably not. But Cory and I have never known how to talk to each other.

The past weeks have felt like one problem occurring after the next. I was struggling to separate which reactions were an inflation of my hormones making me more mad than usual about something versus what was Cory's actual fuck up. It was almost like he wanted me to hate him.

Or maybe that was my own fault. Maybe a part of me was growing to resent him because...

I shook the thought before it had time to flourish. Feeling like I got our all of my accusations, I took a sigh and sat down on the couch next to Cory. He had enough of my lecture and I knew he was aware of the gravity of his actions. "Wish I got to do it though," I said, imagining Mikey's tears after Cory hit him. Jojo was such a lovely girl, I couldn't believe someone could walk away from her... could possibly break her heart.

But as Cory smiled at me and said, "You wish you punched Mikey?" I saw his innocence shine through. The guy I had fallen in love with back in high school. The guy I felt I was growing further apart from as he changed from who he was. A small part of me was actually happy he punched Mikey... because it reminded me of the Cory I used to know. The one so vibrant and reckless. The guy I never felt like I could tame or get.

In some ways, I think I liked the game of getting him than actually having him. And that thought made me feel sick for thinking it. I shook that one away too, telling myself it was just the hormones. I love this guy. I have to.

"Oh how I'd like to teach him a lesson..." I said.

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist, whispered in my ear, "I love you, Lily."

But those three words didn't have the same effect on me anymore. In fact, my stomach churned once more. I smiled at him, and raised an eyebrow. "I know."

"You know?"

"Mhmm."

"Not going to say it back?"

"Nope. Not until you earn it."

"And how might I do that?" I knew what he was suggesting. I knew he wanted to make amends and also was trying to flirt with me. But the guilt within me was festering and rotting. How could I possibly hold him close? How could I possibly look him in the eyes and tell him I love him?

If I wanted things with Cory to turn back to normal, I had to overcome this crush on Tyler. But how could I possibly do that?

Avoiding him apparently wasn't the way to go. I had hidden myself in a discreet corner of the library, yet he found me still. And rather than being disappointed at the sight of him, my heart jumped eagerly the moment he waved at me, the grin slipping onto his face.

All of this would be easier if he just left me alone. If he hated me or was grossed out by me. But he didn't care that I was pregnant. He didn't care I had a boyfriend. And I couldn't bring myself to lie to him by saying I didn't like him and that I was desperately in love with Cory. Because how could I force such untrue words out of my mouth?

"What's wrong?" he asked me as he sat down opposite me.

"You ask that a lot lately," I mumbled, pretending to be very interested in my screen.

"You seem down a lot lately."

I shrugged. "Life is complicated."

"That is true... Did you two fight again?"

Warily, I met his gaze. After confessing to him that my feelings for Cory were on the fringe at the moment, he seemed to think it was his opening. Evidently, he hadn't had a long-term relationship before or known the commitments necessary when there's children involved. All Tyler was thinking about was his heart. Yet if only that was a path for me. From now on, my children would always have to come first...

"What about this time?"

I shook my head and continued to read the journal article on my screen.

"You can talk to me Lily."

"This isn't right, Tyler. I can't be talking to you."

"You need to get it off your chest. You said you don't talk to your best friend anymore. That you can't talk to your boyfriend. That this is why you're trapped in all your feelings. Get it off your chest and talk to me."

"No."

"Why not? Give me one good reason."

"Because," I looked around, realising my voice had been a little too loud and dropping it an octave. "Because if I rely on you, these feelings I have for you may not go away. And I need them to."

That obviously slashed him deep as he looked away from me immediately, hands clenching into fists on his knees.

Tyler was a kind person, I knew that. But my judgement on guys had been wrong in the past. A part of me was scared that if I was too honest about my feelings with him, maybe he'd get aggressive like Jake did. Though I knew Jake was an exception...

"I promise to just be your friend, Lily. No strings. No ifs or buts. I just want to be there for you."

"Because you like me?"

He shrugged. "What's so wrong with that?"

I closed my laptop and put it into my bag. "Because this is wrong. Hanging out with you is wrong."

"We haven't even done anything!"

"But I've betrayed him with my heart..."

Tyler didn't say anything. He just stared at me, sadness swirling in his gaze.

"I need my relationship to work with Cory, okay? You and me? It will never happen. I have two children coming and I am not letting them come into a broken home."

"Wouldn't the home be more broken if you two can't even stand each other?"

"I'm the one drifting from him, not him for me. This is my problem. Cory is a great and caring person and I'm the one messing it up. So please, just stay away from me."

"Why don't you stay away from me?" he challenged.

"That's why I sat here!"

"But I see the look in your eyes when I'm near you."

"Tyler," I groaned, getting to my feet. "Please don't make this complicated."

"Don't stay in a relationship you don't want to be in."

I shook my head. "You don't know anything about us. Just go find some other girl, okay? Get over me. I'm no good anyway."

With that, I walked away from him, feeling the tears in my eyes again. I felt like I was close to crying too frequently these days... And I hoped it was just the hormones.